Love is the most powerful frequency in the Universe. It is more powerful than hate, and judgment. The feeling of being in love with someone is powerful, and I believe we can't choose who we fall in love with and I am sorry that some book you read told you otherwise. I loved this guy. He was my best friend, he was something like a paradox of time, when I was with him it would almost feel as if nothing else in the world mattered. I mean this boy.......He made time stop in a blink of an eye, it would be the most pointless event, the most wasteful scenario of time, yet with him... nothing ever mattered. I would sit there and I would stare at him when he wasn't looking at me I'd pretend to be more upset about something than I really was simply to gain his attention. I would literally lower the tone of my voice, somewhat like a female to raise his stimulation. He liked it. I could tell that he did. I fed his ego, crumb by crumb He fed mine. So hungry, I was... Slowly but surely things began to get comfortable as I made it daily routine to speak with him. I'd start to stare at him when he was looking, sometimes I'd bite my lip, other days I'd roll my eyes backwards..he liked those days best. You know..... there's truly nothing like a chase. Constantly feeling love and the need to be loved It's such an addictive touch. I started to study him, somewhat like my muse. The way he would respond, his method of communication, often of times I would just fall for the way he walked. I was beginning to fall in love I began to share my feeling with him, although I had fear of losing him. I told him that my feelings were real, and it was one of the hardest things I had ever done.. Some days he'd entertain this boy friend role by giving into my moments, while other times he'd use my vulnerability as his tool for manipulation. He began to take advantage of my feelings towards him. I didn't quite understand what was going on, I was just so happy that he stayed my friend, our friendship got so much more comfortable after I told him how I felt I didn't understand why I began to feel so negative about the situation How could one person you enjoy being with you and ever try and manipulate you.... I didn't realize for awhile that what he was doing was using me to explore his sexuality. He would deny that he had any feelings, and yet, my feelings would grow stronger everyday. I'd remove myself and attempt to go days without him, but he wouldn't stay away. Our friendship was addictive and my love was somewhat like a drug to him. I fed off of it, I would feed him as so, giving him every ounce of love I could harness, hoping that one day it may return back to me. As time prolonged, our relationship began to feel dull, almost as if something was missing, as if he had little to no power over me and i began to lose intrest. This didn't last for long, he hated not having control and couldn't go too long without staying in contact. He began to make small advances(all of which he denied of course) Nothing like a kiss, something more like a purposeful touch. These advances were minuscule to those in which we witness in Porn, nonetheless, his advances were never scheduled, he made his moves when he felt that my affection had gone missing. It was then i began to notice, the real signs. We began to get into small petty arguments about how I wasn't listening to him, and how he wasn't communicating with me. One would say we began to bicker like a couple, one with real issues and love for one another. But still, something felt odd, my gut began to tell me that something was terribly wrong. I then began to unravel the truth of my re occurring situations with him He didn't express himself, he didn't want too. He felt that expression lead to vulnerability, one of which would completely drag him out of the facade he has so longly painted. He would attempt to avoid conversations in regards to his "advances" towards me, constantly leaving me to feel like a psycho path with mental illness. He would deny everything I saw, and felt from within. Just to do it all again, in hopes that I be his friend. There was a lesson in him He will try to use you to figure out his own sexual identity. It's abusive, it's extremely abusive. Some days you'll go wondering if you were good enough, other days you might feel like your own a cloud He can shift your spirit because you love him. He can cause you uncertainty, because he is uncertain Gay is not the sin, but HE is.
amandla
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
germansingergirl
