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15 ugw: 50kg discord & space hey: b4by000 spacehey group: https://groups.spacehey.com/ana

[b4by000]

wiat

cw: 62.9

brekkie: strawberry yogurt + granola (277), black coffee

lunch: flatbread + cheese + tomato sauce (346)

dinner: nothing

snacks: granola + almond milk (like a small bit, 64), choc chip muffin (135), crackers (166), monster (15)

total: 1003

my stomach hurts so bad when i eat carbs and i get really bad indigestion plus ive been binging badly so im trying to get the carbs i consume down

[b4by000]

recently ive talked to him on a group chat me and a few other girls made for a bake sale coming up.

hes funny, like actually. but everytime i talk to him in person its small snippets and its all my friends actually talking to him. and its like 4 girls, one guy, and im confused cause i have bad hearing. im also towering over them, and i just feel so awkward. every one of my friends get shipped with him, not me, even though they all think hes ugly. my friends apparently catch him looking at me but i doubt it. being tall he might just have a fetish for that, or even me being black. but i hope not. i really do like him.

[crazyunicornsparkles]

[b4by000]

Wiat

cw: 64.00

brekkie: coffee (0), orange juice (105), donut (162)

lunch: spinach flatbread + melted cheese (232)

dinner: nothing

snacks: two zero redbulls (10), half a cheese crossaint (167)

total: 766

steps: 11,216

did ok, started a fast after lunch

[b4by000]

▫️wiat▫️

cw: 62.5

brekkie: nothing

lunch: strawberry dreams monster $10

dinner: strawberry boba $129, vitamin gummies

snacks: gum $18

total: $159

fasting so its okish. got forced to drink the boba

[b4by000]

walked by a guy i hadnt seen for like 4 yrs at the mall and i heard him say 'wow shes so skinny now'. thats my reason why.

[b4by000]

eating makes me feel dirty

[b4by000]

finally back down to 62kg after a day of fasting, but i have a hiking excursion early today so i might have to break it while with my mum. luckily we r packibv our own lunches so i can stay under my cal limit if i have to.

[b4by000]

idk how to explain it but when i fast or stay under my cal limit and i see my calorie intake i keep thinking ive logged it wrong and i mustve eaten something even when i know i havent. like subconscious doubt.

[b4by000]

i finally saw my crush today, at some extra classes. I wasnt prepared, and i tend to be very quiet and shy outside of school and in public and in general i have a bad habit of thinking everyones watching me. i get in the cramped elevator, hes in there and im spooked. i get in the class, im told im in the wrong class and i took it yesterday but i was too shy to ask so i got told. the door was jammed so i had to wait a good 30 minutes at the door, till other teachers came in from the outside, in front of him. i get out, i hear him answering questions amazingly, better than me who kept getting interrupted by teachers and no one even heard my answer.

i go to my actual class, after a good hour, do great in that and now im scared he thinks im stalking him.

we both want to pursue the same field, i dont know if he knows i do though, and it was a very specific class. I only saw him in the elevator, and i never wear my glasses so i dont know if he saw me before hand. he doesnt have any beef with me but he does with my friend group and is generally a rule-follower. add on that he wants his sister to stop hanging around my friends cause one of them vape, and his sister leaked all the nicknames we had for the guys, including him and i talked about him all the time not to her but near her, and there really close so i dont know if she figured it out and told him. im scared cause i really do like him but im fat and taller than him by a few centimetres and i just feel i dont deserve to like him and a creep cause he's so freaking sweet and nice the times ive talked to him. my friends caught him staring at me once or twice but it was after he found out his nickname and possibly my crush on him.

[kissmebeforecourt]

[b4by000]

wiat

brekkie: cookies n cream yogurt $ 94, 5x lolly snakes $143, mini vanilla crown $143, mini cinnamon roll $156, strawberry $4

lunch: nothing

dinner: 5x pizza cheese slices $1370 (purged)

snacks: no sugar mother energy $14

aghh

[b4by000]

i have been binging really badly lately. im seeing my crush in a week and i haveny gotten close to 60kg yet. i recently also changed my gw to 45kg, which would make me bmi 14. im currently bmi 19.6. i will be trying to be more consistent in logging my daily intake, and im stzrting a two-day fast. if i do eat max. 800 cals. my maintenance is about 2k so if i stick to the plan i will be skinny.

[b4by000]

cant put sugar in my tea or coffee but will tear down a whole baguette with ketchup + vegan cheese. cant eat meat but will eat a whole bag of gummies cause on the back it says 95 cal per serving (the bag is 8 servings). cant drink milk but can eat half a tub of full dairy ice cream.

I am no longer disgusted by food lately as much as I try.

[b4by000]

lately i have been a size s, which is nice but it subconsciously made me think i dont need to loose weight. i recently bought a size s t-shirt from a shop with notoriously small sizing, and it didnt fit. it gave me a reality check. im not skinny just because i fit into an s.

[b4by000]

im starting a two day fast, i need to hit the 50's now.

[b4by000]

i almost always wear mascara, because i have very flat lashes and i feel like a man when i dont wear it. its like the only makeup i can wear without feeling itchy or uncomfortable, and i feel really confident wearing it. i recently have been binging a lot, eating up to 2k a day, after hitting my lw of 60.95kg. so im taking away the mascara, or any other type of makeup, till i hit my gw. my lashes will thank me anyway. ive still got 11 kg to go, and i will be seeing my crush mid-school holidays at a program so i need to be pretty.