I wanna hop in onto you hopping in to say that they are also very very similar on the way their quest ends, if you believe The Emperor's feelings for you to be genuine in some sort of way
Astarion doesn't believe that goodness can exist in the world after the trauma he endured under Cazador. He even explicitly tells you - regardless if you've romanced him or just been really friendly - that you're the only one he truly thinks is good at heart and the whole world is bad. It is only after dealing with Cazador and getting the Spawn Ending that he sees there can be goodness out there... and that he can be a part of it. That's why he becomes an adventurer in the end... I mean... well... that and also because it is a free source of blood if he gets to kill somebody in his quests but a man gotta feed somehow!
On the other hand, The Emperor has intense trust issues and who can blame him? He was rescued by his friend/lover Ansur and humored him in looking for a cure, he was sincerely sad to see Ansur sad like that and pleaded for him to go... only for Ansur to end up wanting to mercy kill him.
He then later worked with Stelmane, and I know he has "the truth" scene but I believe he tells us what he thinks we wanna hear to confirm we are the "monster" we see him as in that route, because I've seen one or two texts in the game that corroborates that - at LEAST - they started as business partners like he mentioned before. The game it ambiguous enough that it's hard to know if he enthralled her from the get-go or if they had a falling out later in their partnership.
The point is that later he gets betrayed again, but this time by Gortash, throwing him back into the Absolute's arms. This is less of a "a friend I know betrayed me" and more like "non-illithids keep ruining my life" kinda betrayal.
And for the duration of his quest I sincerely believe that a friendly Tav/Durge sloooowly gets his trust for real. But, understandably, he never fully 100% trusts you... you can romance him and then talk to Raphael and he will still be nervous enough to try to mindread you. The moment where he fully 100% trusts you is when you choose him over Orpheus.
You - a non-illithid - chose an illithid's life over someone's else's. You showed him that a non-illithid CAN be worthy of trusting with his life, you vindicated his choice of trusting you from the very beginning. And he shows it by telling you he'll miss you and even going through the effort of writing letters to you in the epilogue, regardless of which of the 4 possible Emperor endings you got (Non-Illithid, Lonely Illithid, Knights of the Shield Partnership, Conquering The World Partnership Shenanigans).
And it also makes sense why you can *only* stay with him if you've became a squid yourself... you being trustworthy isn't gonna undo how people have treated him in the past. He trusts you as a friend, he'll write letters to you, he will miss your presence, but at the same time he has to keep you at an arm's distance because you're still non-illithid and... the poor squid needs therapy. But hey, according to the letter you're still free to visit him! So by the epilogue he at least entertains the idea of visits, he's improving.
However, you can live as a squid with him because that's someone who will know how he feels and has less reasons to ever betray him. Case in point, he's so vulnerable and trusting of you in the end that you can as an Evil Durge kill him to take over the world by surprise, or eat his brains as a squid because he didn't expect that from you.
Sorry, I know I spent more time talking about The Emperor than Astarion in this comparison about both, but people have a hard time putting themselves on his shoes and I felt like I had to spend the extra time rationalizing my thoughts about him. If Reddit taught me one thing, is that he was 100% justified in hiding he was a Mind Flayer and some people would/will murder him on the spot for what he is regardless of what he's done for you and the Tadpole Squad™️.
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