-> Setting boundaries can be difficult, especially when you’re taking care of a teeny. This is a list of common issues I hear from caregivers, with advice on where to start!
• “I think I need a break from caregiving for a bit, but I’m scared they’ll be hurt or upset.”
Reflect on what’s causing you to need this break. Are there other things going in your life that’s taking a toll? Are you overwhelmed by your little’s needs? Once you find the root cause, it’s easier to navigate.
Come to your little one honestly. Don’t try and “soften the blow”. Downsizing your needs will only damage your relationship in the long run. State what you need calmly and directly. Ex: “Work is getting really stressful, and I need to unwind after. You’ve done nothing wrong, but I need to pause and take care of myself for a bit.”
• “I’m not comfortable doing xyz, but they say it’s important to them.”
You deserve comfort and safety, full stop. Your little’s needs are not somehow above your own. Be firm and clear in what you are and aren’t willing to do—and if you’re experiencing pressure to ignore that, that’s an issue. Ex: “I’m not comfortable with baby talking to you. Please do not ask me to do that again.”
• “I want to regress too, but I feel like my regression is being ignored.”
This is a very common issue I hear from flips who are with another flip. They’re stuck caregiving very frequently, but suppressing their own regression to be there for their little one. This is not okay: your regression is equally as important, along with your need to be taken care of.
Explain your regression needs to your little one. What does your regression look like for you? How often do you wish you could regress? Ex: “I’ve been caregiving for you every night now, but that’s the only time I have to regress. I want to work out a plan so we’re both getting the care we need.”
• “I’m feeling overwhelmed by the emotional weight it requires for me to be there. I don’t want to dismiss them, but it’s taking a toll.”
Always remember that you are not a bad person or a bad caregiver for needing to take a step back. Carrying another person’s emotions on top of your own isn’t feasible, and it’s okay to say that. Ex: “I want to be here for you, but I feel like our time together has just turned into you venting. I need you to reach out for other support too—I can’t be the only person helping you.”
Think about what’s making it feel so overwhelming. Is it the way they’re communicating? Is it that the conversation topics are triggering/too heavy? Are you juggling your own mental health? From there, you can work out what boundary you need to set.
sometimes age regression is pouting and wanting to scream and cry because all you want to do is sit outside in the sun and play with toys and color with your paci but you can't because you are in an adults body so doing that would be unsafe and that feels extremely unfair.
baby who soothes their mama's / papa's anxiety :( teaching their caregiver it's okay to open up whenever the world demands get too much, being there for them in a way their momma / daddy never gotten to experience 💭