baby berry

Chrissy! Mum. Fiancé. Tattooed. 20 Archie David Berry 18/03/15

[babyberry15]

Postnatal Depression!

After weeks of wondering whether I should, I finally booked an appointment to see a doctor on Thursday to discuss my concerns over whether I may have PND or not. Right now I'm currently in one of my low moods. I have good days when I feel fine but I can't say I've been overly happy in weeks/months. I love my little boy so much and love spending all day with him but I find myself miserable when I'm not focusing everything I have on him. I'm currently dealing with so much though: Tom is still waiting on an appointment with the specialist about his stomach. He's had a ridiculous amount of time off work so we have no money this month. And you know, it's coming up to Christmas so everyone wants to go out for meals and planning big surprises for family members so I'm pretty stressed trying to afford it all, whilst maxing out my credit card. Last week my 17 year old sister was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Logically, I know it makes sense that I'm not feeling great but I thought I'd ask for help before it gets worse.

[babyberry15]

It's been a while so I thought I'd give you all done smiley pictures from the last few weeks 😊 👶🏻

[babyberry15]

It's been a while so I thought I'd give you all done smiley pictures from the last few weeks 😊 👶🏻

[babyberry15]

Being with someone will a chronic illness/pain

In the last few months Tom has been in and out of hospital, having good days and bad days. This last week he's been diagnosed with Gastroparesis, to put it simply his stomach works incredibly slowly so he doesn't digest food. He throws up. A lot. And he gets constipated because the food isn't moving through properly to push it all through making him more ill. But worst of all he is in incredible pain. His stomach aches from all the heaving and he has lost a lot of weight. He spends most of his days in bed. Get up to go to the bathroom. Barely making it because he's so weak. Occasionally being able to eat something because the anti sickness tablets are working for once. Worst of all though he doesn't even have the strength to hold our beautiful 6 month old baby. The most time they've had together the last week is the time where Archies sat next to Tom and they've read a story together. And I've put Archie on the bed with Tom whilst I have a shower and Toms held his hand. Tom is the most playful person I know and it kills him to not be able to enjoy this part of Archies life. Chronic illness doesn't just affect the person suffering from it, and even then not just in the way you'd expect. He's in pain but he's being mentally tortures by the way he can't play with our son, or bath him, or even feed him. He can't be close to me, when we try and cuddle he's in too much pain and can't get close enough and even when he can I almost always fall asleep instantly because I'm exhausted from the strain of raising our baby and looking after him. There's not enough awareness about conditions like this. And whilst Toms pain isn't always visible it is there!

[babyberry15]

Projectile vomit at 4am and days spent moaning about being tired but refusing to sleep aside, I am completely in love with my little boy. I may have spent the day wishing I didn't have to go home to clean my bed sheets and wishing that he would fall asleep and stay asleep for more than 3 minutes (im not even exaggerating), but listening to him snore and talk to himself in his sleep over the baby monitor now just melts me.

[babyberry15]

He loves the grass!!

[babyberry15]

Strawberries and new clothes were not a good idea!

[babyberry15]

Such a poorly boy at the moment but he still smiles through it!

[babyberry15]

This little face makes it all worthwhile ❤️👪

[babyberry15]

Ever have those days where you just can't put up with it all anymore? I'm sat here at 11.30 at night waiting for the bottles to sterilise so we have enough for the night and tomorrow because we're going out early and will be out all day, whilst Toms laying in bed. I wanted 5 minutes to myself in the bath and he ruined that by coming in and taking the piss out of the way I wash my hair. And God forbid he changes another dirty nappy before he goes back to work 10 hours a day for the next week and I have to do them all. Good news is, my washing machine is fixed after two weeks!

[babyberry15]

Always playing!!

[babyberry15]

Update!!

Toms out of hospital!! He's got a stomach condition 😔 but we're dealing with it and waiting to see a specialist! Archie is now sitting all by himself! And wanting to eat everything. If it goes in my mouth, he'll scream until he gets some of ive eaten it all.

[babyberry15]

Single mums!

You guys deserve way more praise than you get! I'm not a single mum but with Tom in hospital in going it all pretty much alone and it's hard. Being a parent is hard all together but doing it alone is 10x harder!

[babyberry15]

Toms back in the hospital again! Fed up of this. There must be a reason he throws up every single day!! Still got month until his appointment to have a camera in his stomach! Might as well live at the hospital, if he's not admitted because of sickness he's got appointments to have cameras put in him, or casts put on on/off his foot or have shoes fitted or his eyes checked! Constantly one thing after another at the moment!

[babyberry15]

He loves his sleep!!

[babyberry15]

So happy!!

Maternity leave is a bitch. So lucky I live in the UK where we get paid maternity leave. However, statutory maternity pay is £118 a week. So as you can imagine, going from £1000 a month to £480 is quite stressful especially with a baby! And my half of the house bills alone are £490 a month, that's without gym, phones, credit card payments, and food!! But I've just managed to cut my electricity bill down by £50 a month, get £500 refund because we've been paying too much and I'm gunna use that to pay off my old phone bill saving us £40 a month! Things are finally starting to look up! :D

[babyberry15]

Find it so weird that you can be around someone all day and yet feel so alone.