I am such an idiot

professional crybaby - I write sometimes - unfortunate Blitzø kinny

[half-gobbled-piece-of-toast]

“I ain’t reading all that” your brain is rotting and shrinking

[spiralboundd]

shane hollander nosebleed blood all over his face and in his teeth too ok. ok?

[fairycosmos]

apparently youre supposed to perform. they love it when you perform. but it has to be authentic. they hate it when it's not authentic. but you have to perform.

[russianblush]

#ilya baby get behind me

[enabuns]

Taking a break from comms and good omens art to bring you this exclusive first look at The Pitt Season 3 opener🤠

[groupthinker]

something to consider

[promptcalender]

Immortals and Museums 🏛️

seeing their former possessions now hung up for all to stare at and either appreciating it or being annoyed

telling the true story about historic events they witnessed to their mortal partner while looking at paintings of it

taking pictures in front of their old portraits and going semi-viral when the pictures get uploaded and the striking similarities are noted

having qualifications as a historian and going to assist archeologists, being very amused by their theories but sadly unable to provide proof for any claims they could make to clear it up

[Prompt Calender: May 18th, International Museum Day]

[promptcalender]

Nurse x Hospital Security 🏥🩺

“Have you had dinner yet?”      “Do I look like I've had dinner?”      “… Is that a trick question?”

“Maybe I should start dragging you along by a leash and use you as a human shield so I can get through a shift without being hit.”      “Wouldn't even need a leash for me to follow you.”      “But it'd enhance the experience, wouldn't it?” 

“Hold on, you got an umbrella? It's raining.”      “No, I don't… I'll be fine, I just want to get home.”      “Hold on. Here, take mine. You can give it back tomorrow.”

“Sit, that cut looks nasty. What happened?”      “Hell if I know. I was just standing there, then your lovely headnurse was chasing down some guy hopping on one leg. He took me down with him against a gurney.”      “Aw, poor thing.”

“You okay?”      “Room 312 didn't make it.”      “The kid? Shit. Come here.”

“Did you just steal from the vending machine?”      “Neither of us get paid enough to care about that, do we?”

“Maybe you should just transfer to a quieter department.”      “And leave you behind? I think not.”

[Prompt Calender: May 12th, International Nurses Day]

[promptcalender]

Small Town Romance Dialogue

“Did you just steal cherries out of that garden?”      “Ah, the guy who lives there steals our apples. It's a mutual understanding.”

“Truck broke down, eh? Wanna hop in? There ain't a gas station anywhere within the next 10 miles or so.”      “Don't hold it over my head later.”      “Oh, I absolutely will.”

“I'd get out of there if I was you.”      “Why? It's just cows.”      “Sure. But their bull just spotted you from over there, and he does not look happy.”      “Oh, shit.”

“Seriously? I make out in my truck once and it gets in the town paper?”      “Last month they had an article about a branch that fell. Trust me, we are currently the talk of the town.”

“Heard your ex showed up at the diner during your shift.”      “I didn't realise you were part of the grapevine now.”      “My neighbor makes very good cherry pie and she is very well connected… You good though?”      “Yeah. Thanks for checking up on me.”

“What do you think you're doing? If you try to chop wood that way, you'll end up with an axe in your knee before you got enough to even light a fire. Come on, I'll show you.”

“Oh my god, what are you doing here?”      “Oh, I was just on a nice walk in the storm. I came to check on you when the power went out, dummie. I know you don't like the dark.”

“Did you hear the news? John Smith's little one was seen running around with that delinquent that vandalized the town hall building!”      “No! But that was always such a sweetheart!”      “Well, you know what they say about apples and trees. Have you heard about what their mother did during the prom of ‘86?”      “Why don’t you come in? I just put coffee on.”

[Prompt Calender: May 17th, Rural Life Sunday]

[hamabee]

The Moon and Her Ocean

[pmamtraveller]

The statue of Lucifer inside Holy Trinity Church, Marylebone, London.

[promptcalender]

Fantasy Drinks for your Story 🍸🍋‍🟩

Starlight Elixir: dark blue drink with a silver shimmer to it, made from nocturnal flowers that gives a deep and rich taste and acts soothing to the soul

Bog Water: depending on the region it might be a sweet, chocolate-y drink or a literal water from a bog 

Phoenix Ember Wine: a deep red wine that warms the body intensely and is also used to alleviate pain

Feywild Fizz: bright green and effervescent drink that changes flavor with every sip and is known to induce spontaneous laughter or mild hallucinations

Bleeding Frog: a hallucinogenic cocktail served in a wide and low glass, the colors a gradient from green to red

Queen’s Bloom: a delicate pink drink with edible petals suspended inside and sweetly fresh undernotes. helps with nausea and neutralizes a variety of toxins in small quantity

Sunfire Imperial: brilliant gold with a radiant glow and a smoky taste, rumored to be brewed from the blood of a phoenix

Frost Giant's Kiss: an icy blue drink served at such a low temperature that it leaves frost on the lips

Basilisk’s Gaze: a strong, dark green cocktail brewed from berries that numbs muscles and can lead to temporary paralysis if overconsumed

Sailor’s Tempest: deep blue topped by a swirling white foam, with a salty taste. said to induce the inexplicable urge to sing terribly

[Prompt Calender: May 13th, World Cocktail Day]

[gumy-shark]

i feel like we’re all a little bit too used to living in a world where elephants exist. what do you MEAN they do all that shit with their nose

[gumy-shark]

eating? just use your nose to grab the food. drinking? suck up water in your nose and spray it in your mouth. holding things? good thing you have a nose. overheating? dont worry just splash some water or mud on yourself using-guess what its the fucking nose again. no one else does this

[gumy-shark]

im saying this with a healthy love and respect for elephants, of course. definitely not just clarifying bc they might attack me with their nose

[grungixfungi]

[mapleejay]

does anyone else think about how brave all their friends are and get really emotional about it

[mapleejay]

I'm glad everyone is alive rn

[pisces-core]

[malykotek]

Me coming onto tumblr dot com ready to make another post nobody cares about

[fairycosmos]

thinking about everything that has been stolen from me