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Sorry in advance for complaining because I fully acknowledge things could be much worse right now. But we are in a tough season where a bunch of things are all feeling hard at once. Rose's fussiness turned into a legit fever and she spent all yesterday miserable and needed to be held nonstop. I've been to the pediatrician for sick visits for 3/3 kids in the last month which feels crazy. My husband's work had some kind of crisis while we were on vacation so he's been super stressed and working nonstop. Eden has a zillion end of school things going on. I asked my husband to chaperone her field trip today to a zoo at a big nearby city because I was feeling really guilty the baby kept me from chaperoning anything all year. He agreed and the trip is today but he's miserable missing almost a full day of work when he's already stressed and I feel guilty that it's my fault and sad for Eden and annoyed what could have been a fun memory for them is now ruined by him being miserable. Also we've been living in this house for ten years now and I guess everything is getting worn out because all of a sudden we have a bunch of house stuff going wrong at once. Our toilet is leaking and the tub drain isn't working and the kitchen floor is losing chunks from nail pops (?!) and literally as I was writing this the recessed lights in the playroom started all flickering at once ?!?!? Eden told me they had been doing that and I thought she was just pranking me and flipping the switch over and over again. We are barely managing the bare minimum of child and house care right now so I have zero idea how we will find the time and energy to tackle all of those issues. Not to mention the fact that everything costs so much more than it used to. I'm feeling really overwhelmed.

#could be worse could be worse could be worse

I have been trying to get the baby to sleep since 10:30 and it is currently 1:30 🫠. I tried Tylenol in case her tooth was bothering her but it didn't make a difference at all. I've tried walking her outside, bouncing her on the exercise ball, reading, singing, letting her fuss in her crib. She's been nursing literally all day and I had to cut her off because her using me as a pacifier with her sharp little tooth was too much after multiple hours. That was at 12 and she has screamed for the entire hour since I instituted the nursing break so out of desperation I tried to defrost some freezer milk and give her her first bottle since she was a newborn. Of course she hated it and acted like I was trying to poison her. Idk what else to do!

#im worried that she is the most stubborn child in the world #also I spilled milk all over my sheets and pillow because the bottle lid wasn't scdewed on well enough #did you know birds chirped at 1:30 am because I didht #but when we were out on the porch there was a regular choir going

Poor baby Rose has been having a rough time. She's so so fussy and doesn't want to be put down for a second and even being held she stays happy for ten minutes max before she gets upset. I checked and yup she just entered her next leap. She's also getting her first tooth so idk if that's making things worse. It feels like we are back to newborn neediness but with a much heavier and less sleepy baby. My arm is killing me from lugging her around everywhere. I have so much to do (still haven't unpacked all the suitcases from our trip 🫠) but it's impossible to get things done when she's awake and she has only been napping for short spurts. I know it's just a short phase and will get better soon but oof.

This week is so busy. Eden has piano today, then tomorrow she has a class play we have to go watch. Then Friday she has a zoo field trip my husband is chaperoning. I need to finish unpacking and wash all of the bed linens and see my dad at some point and pick up the dogs medicine and find time to weed the backyard because i was just out there and the weeds are literally towering above my head ....

I'm actually kind of relieved Eden's camp week moved. It's not until July now and that will give her a nice long break (and us a break from lunch packing and chauffeuring her around). I need to start to think about my plans for this summer but I think I'll give it a week or two to see how it goes and what areas need improvement. Hopefully I'll be able to take three kids to the pool on my own and we can do that a bunch. I want to sign Elliot up for swim lessons. Eden is taking a break from her piano teacher and I'm hoping after a month or so off I can sign her up for some trial lessons with a different teacher to see if it's a better fit. I want to drive us to all the semi near by library branches so we can check them out, maybe one a week coordinated with times when that library has an activity or story time the kids would like. I want to have realistically low expectations for myself because this is the first summer with Rose and it's going to be challenging balancing her schedule while still letting the big kids get out of the house to do fun things.

😭 the lady was so nice and switched her to a different camp week. She won't get to be with her friends but at least I didn't waste the money. Phew!

...... I am the biggest idiot on the planet. I registered Eden for this super expensive drama camp that she did last year and loved. I registered her back January and chose the same week her friends signed up for. Well I didn't check the calander and the non refundable camp overlaps her last week of school 💀💀💀💀. Like camp starts the 8 and Eden's last day of school is the 10th. So she is going to miss 3/5 days or miss the last few days of her school. I have such a pit in my stomach. I was three months postpartum at the time but I would have been able to cancel if I had checked the dates anytime before this week so I can't even excuse myself. Eden is going to be so sad.

#it's a disgusting amount of money and I just threw it down the drain

I'm feeling so emotional about how I'm walking the same familiar route I walked all last summer but instead of a baby in my belly I'm pushing her in her stroller. She used to get so quiet during my walks because it would rock her to sleep in the womb and now it's the same thing but I can watch her little sleeping face. We've done this so many times together 🥺.

#what's the word for desperately missing a time even though you're still currently living in that time #I'm going to miss this so so much when she's too big for stroller naps #I think this might be one of the happiest times of my life and I don't want it to end

Thank goodness Elliot is doing better and the doctor said it's just wry neck and will get better in a day or so.

I got 4 hours of sleep between being up with Elliot and Rose so I have gotten zero done today and feel like I am in some kind of dream state. It's bad timing because today was going to be my day to be super productive and I was going to tackle the final post vacation chores that have been looming over me.

The silver lining is that since I didn't have energy for chores I spent a lot of nice quality time with the kids just lying around together.

#I need to go to Costco later for dog arthritis medicine and I'm going to buy so much junk food

Elliot woke up inconsolably crying at 2am saying his neck hurt. We were going to take him to the ED because he was screaming every time we moved him at all. I have zero idea what happened , he doesn't have a fever, hasn't hurt himself at all that I know of. He calmed down as he woke up and we put him in bed with us with some Motrin and he started chattering like normal so we ended up just waiting and calling his pediatrician this morning. I think he probably just slept funny and has a sore neck and has never experienced that before so doesn't know how to handle it? But it's still kind of scary. He won't sit up or turn his head at all still. My little baby boy 🥺.

#we've been really lucky with the kids health so far but I've had 3/3 at the pediatrician for sick appointments this month #also my anxiety can't handle middle of the night criseses like that #I kept ping ponging back and forth worrying about meningitis vs giant tumor

Bleh we have plans to go to my husband's friend's house for a casual hang and I don't want to 💀. The house is still a mess and I'm so sleepy and the kids are being post vacation monsters. But my husband always comes to my family/friend things with me without complaining so I am going to do the same for him.

One thing I'm learning about myself as I get older is I have a tendency to wildly overcomplicate things. I wanted to bring something to the party to be a good guest. I had my husband ask his friend what would be most helpful and he said oh anything is fine so then I spent a solid 24 hours waffling. I was going to do a veggie tray and homemade cookies and then decided maybe brownies and then decided maybe fresh fruit or maybe homemade guacamole and then thought well no maybe I'll just buy something from the farmers market to bring since we have so much going on but then I went to the farmers market and got so overwhelmed I left without getting anything and now I'm back to just bringing a veggie tray with some store bought dips 🫠. Like any one of those things would have been fine, I don't understand why I need to waste so much time and energy trying to find the absolute perfect thing. Just pick something and stick to it and stop overthinking !!

I do the same thing with cooking/trying new recipes/planning a vacation or even just planning a day out. I overthink all the options and then get overwhelmed and can't make a decision and then end up either not doing anything or waffling for so long that I make myself miserable. I don't know exactly what to do to correct the problem but hopefully recognizing it is the first step.

#what if I bring a veggie tray and they already have a veggie tray and then I feel super dumb

We got home late last night and the baby woke me up at 6 am and I'm so exhausted!

I have like six different things I want to talk about but my brain is fried and idk where to start.

Vacation was mostly good. It was our first trip with 3 kids and it was significantly harder than the same trip last year with 2 kids, especially the packing and the lack of sleep. Rose really liked being on the actual beach and I think she liked seeing so many new places and things. The rental wasn't very easy to childproof and she hates being in her play pen alone so it was a little rough not being able to put her down all week. Nap schedule and sleeping in general wasn't great but it could have been a lot worse.

When we got home last night she was so thrilled to be able to crawl around on her own and I think she seemed happy to be back in a familiar place. She's gotten fast! Something about being gone for a week and then coming back and seeing her in our house again really highlighted how much she's changed in just a few days. She's started pulling up to stand all on her own and she can speed crawl all around the house now and she's getting her first tooth! (Omg I can't remember if all baby teeth are initially this sharp or if this one is extra. It feels like one of those fish needle teeth).

My feet are so sore. I've gotten 16-17k steps the past two days and yesterday I didn't even intentionally go on a walk, it was just from all the packing we had to so. We stayed in a condo so I went up and down so so many flights of stairs.

I'm really hoping today will be a chill day. I have mountains of laundry to do and there are eight million bags downstairs that need unpacked and we have no food in the house and Rose is down to her last few diapers. But honestly I just want to sit quietly and stare into space for a good long while. Vacation as an adult with young kids is seriously so much work.

#the floors in the beach house were so dirty #I brought my steam mop and did four rounds of mopping and the pads were still dirtier than my weekly home mop #I never used to care about stuff like that but now that my kids play on the floor all the time it freaks me out to not know it's clean #like playing outside in the dirt seems fine but strangers mystery inside dirt I don't like

We just had the most magical beach walk and I never want to forget it. I looked for sea glass and Rose watched the ocean and hummed herself to sleep. It was so peaceful listening to the waves and feeling my baby warm and snug against me as she got more and more relaxed.

#then when she woke up I dipped her toes in the ocean and she made such happy noises!!#it was maybe the happiest I've ever seen her

I found so much sea glass!!!!

#my grandma used to collect snail shells #and when I was a kid they were everywhere on this beach #but now they're hard to find and whenever I see one I think it's her saying hello

We are having fun on vacation but the big kids are sharing a bedroom and omg it's such a disaster. They wind each other up at night and don't end up sleeping until past ten and then they wind each other up first thing in the morning so we have been starting our days way too early. Everyone is so grumpy 🫠

#we've tried staggering bedtimes so one of them falls asleep first but it has t worked!!

lol my mom woke my finally sleeping baby up by loudly putting our dog in our bedroom but now that we are all downstairs she's spent the past hour fussing at my children nonstop for being "too loud" when they talk at normal volume/walk around normally because she doesn't want them to wake up my brother's girlfriend who is sleeping 🙃

#I'm so mad lol #and my husband is being so annoying because he's tired and can't function on less than 8 hours of sleep

Eden woke up with the stomach bug 🫠. Two years ago we all got it on this same beach trip. Why are we cursed?!?

#literally the first time ever I packed our suitcases the day before #jinxed it

I need a fun beach read rec! I have three parenting books from the library I'm trying to slog my way through but I want something light and easy to read when I'm stuck inside.

#the problem with me as a reader though is I can't handle anything sad or scary !!#I mostly read historical romances but I am in a rut!

......

I'm stressed out and there's a million things to do and Rose was awake from 4-6am. Against my better judgment I decided to make waffles for lunch because even though I am pressed for time we dont have a lot of food options currently since I'm trying to use everything up before we leave. I made the stupid batter and went to get out the waffle iron.... and inside the waffle iron was a smelly decomposing waffle!! From the batch I made literally weeks ago! And it somehow got put away inside the waffle iron and it was so gooey and stinky and gross. And now I still have a whole bowl of batter I need to cook but I can't get the smell out of the waffle iron!!!! So on a day when I already don't have enough time to get everything done I'm going to be making eight thousand mini waffles with our tiny single serving dash waffle maker 🫠🫠🫠.

#it was a healthy vegan recipe so idk if that contributed to the goo?#like I would have thought it would just have gotten stale and would be no big deal but no some kind of goo chemistry was happening

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