Ladies, listen up. We all like to go out and have a good time. Live while your young, amirite??
But, whether you're "going up" on a Tuesday, or getting crazy at Freshman night, there are some essential things you need to remember to survive.
Follow our survival guide and you will master your schools jungle scene.
Our unnamed University's watering hole is called the Jug, so please roll with the constant references to that.Â
1. Traveling. NEVER attempt to cross the dance floor without the hand of a friend. You may think "I see Carly right over there, I can make it alone!!". Next thing you know Carly is GONE. Â The sheer panic that washes over you when you realize you're standing alone in the middle of the Jug is like nothing else. AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS.
2. Bathroom. Going to the bathroom is a necessary evil. Do not be alarmed when you notice there are two toilets in the single room. Do not make eye contact with the girl on the toilet across from you, but attempt to keep a light conversation going. Trust us on this.
3. Benches. You may forget yourself for a moment while jamming out to Taylor Swifts latest hit, and find yourself looking for the nearest elevated surface to dance on, to reign above the peasants around you. But HALT YOURSELF. Before you know it the flashlight will be out and you will be booed. Control your natural instinct for seeking higher ground, the Jug is not time nor the place.
4. Michelle (or your school's resident club owner). Michelle can either be your best friend, or your worst frenemy. Freshman, accept your place at the bottom of the totem pole and have your $10 ready on weekend nights.  Unless you're a Lax boy, no amount of negotiation will help you. Whatever you do, DO NOT try and sneak in. Michelle is not afraid to get physical and she will call for backup.
5. Jug Coats. Remember those sailor knots you learned at summer camp? They are now your lifeline. No matter how good your hiding spot is, no one is safe from jug thieves. According to anon bestie- Local legend has it that the bartenders take students' coats and hide them just to watch them struggle. When putting together your post in your class Facebook group the next morning, revealing that you have been stripped of your one source of warmth at night, remember to sound calm and casual yet direct and assertive.Â
5. Drinks- to pay or not to pay? When you go out to bars, you're faced with a moral dilemma, save my money for online shopping, or get white girl wasted? A clear conflict of our two main interests. Generally, we bring $5 to the jug and once thats gone, you're a girl on the prowl. Mission (Kim)possible: find a guy to buy you a drink. Find yourself a boy to dance with. At the EARLIEST break in a song, ask boy in question if he wants to go get a drink. He should offer to buy you one, if he's a doucheface and does not cut and run ASAP Rocky.Â
Until next time homebiddies,
blakekathryn
baratheonpilled
izzy806
