bonjour @bacyardigans - Tumblr Blog

happy new year

Goodbye ?

I'm tired of waking up like "damn I just woke up again" and lately it feels like happiness doesn't exist. Im tired of these shitty jobs that pay trash money. Im just tired of everything. I feel empty. I have this constant void I can't feel. First time I can say I'm truly depressed. Conteplating suicide everyday. Feeling alone even when around so many people. Now I understand fully why people kill themselves. They only truly love you when you die. And I know when I do there will be so many saying "Man I should have been there". I use to be such a happy person and at one. I'm not lost. I'm dead inside. I feel like as time goes on gods going to make my life worse and so many ways. I was born with bilateral club feet which causes me not to be able to work a stand up job and to be on my feet for long due to the pain in my feet, legs and back . So it's hard to make decent money at sit down jobs and my area and maintain financially as well keep my sanity from acknowledging my worth as a human. It's a blessing that I can still walk don't get me wrong but it's just been a fucked up adult life. I have slim to no true friends besides people I can smoke with and do drugs with it. I don't have friends that want to have deep conversations and be creative and start some type of platform. As a kid I've been into music and art and have had out of this world visions that I know could change the youth and culture and a postive way but over the years being around close minded people and people that don't want better for themselves and just having ideas and visions that I never got to use due to messed up situations has caused me to drift slowly away from everything. And that's what gets me the most ... I love music so much it's the only thing that makes sense to me. Only thing I can grasp and enjoy. I've been making music since I was 8 on the computer. It's not a dream of mine it's a passion. But sadly I have no urge to do anything anymore. I'm grown now so I can't really talk to my mom about stuff and my dad never was around ever. So it's just been me and these 4 walls just asking the constant question "Why am I here". It's come to a boiling point. Where I feel like nobody understands or can help. Me thinking like this isn't out of selfishness, being ungrateful or anything I just understand life from a wayy different perspective. I just look at life and where its going and I've been just learning about the system and the goverment and the way they have it set up. And ... It's just like why would I want to continue to live on this evil earth. It is hell on earth and you gotta go thru this hell to get to heaven.

Again I'm not writing this for publicity or attention I just had to write this somewhere and I can't write it on facebook because people think im crazy and that I need to go to the hospital and what not because that's how the goverment has trained people to respond to peoples dark times. All in all I send many blessings to all. I love you all. I hope I make it to see another year. I hope :(

just--space

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3 Playlists To Help Make Moving Away Easier

It’s scary to say goodbye to the familiar. Saying goodbye to your old friends and parents will bring tears to a person’s eyes. But know that making this move will be the start to a whole new life.

A new adventure awaits to make lifelong memories with you. So consider moving away a good thing. Actually it’s a great. You can start fresh, be whoever you want to be, and become the person everyone knew you’d become.

Life is Calling from alexforgood7 on 8tracks Radio.

Take Me Away from karlitaboheme on 8tracks Radio.

for when it’s time to go from ilyanav on 8tracks Radio.

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