Trying out a new diet right now. I’m generally terrible with sticking to diets. The whole stoner lifestyle and its sweet tooth implications is a tough thing to shake. However, I’m definitely more self disciplined than I’ve ever been, so I’m hopeful I can stick to it. I’ve been cooking a ton over the last two months, which is something I absolutely love. Sometimes I wake up and I feel like my body has had a great deal of helium pumped into it. I am light and happy on these days. And then, on other days, my body feels like lead. Dense and weighty. Today I’m somewhere in between. Recently my heart has been aching a bit, but I know it’s simply the pangs of the transitional period that I’m in. I’ve tried to become more socially inclined recently. But it’s hard when the city where you live isn’t one that you wish to be an aspect of. I think with my forthcoming move that cultivating a more socially curious attitude will be much easier. I’ve decided to pull the trigger on ordering another workstation. If I’m going to freelance for a living I ultimately need to be spending less time on waiting for projects to render. Additionally, I want to be able to crank out some truly awe inspiring effects and simulations. Which, I can do now, but the render times are prohibitive. I’m not stoked about the cost of a new machine, but am trying to remind myself that the work I do will pay for these expense in no time at all.
Sometimes, very, very late at night, when I’m having a hard time going to sleep, I’ll lay in bed and talk to myself for a while. I’ve been doing this for years, not usually exclusively during times of sleeplessness. It helps me, in some hard to articulate way. Whenever I’m anxious or depressed or upset with some aspect of my life, I’ll have a conversation with myself. It’s always amazing to me how readily the issues that plague me come to the forefront of my awareness. Being able to identify the causers of stress in my life makes the weight of such a feeling diminish almost instantly. When I get to talking to myself I always wonder if anyone else does this, too.
It takes a lot of energy willing yourself to be productive and content with your life. I’m so tired of working at my restaurant job. I mean, I guess that’s super to be expected since I’ve been there for over 6 years. Knowing that I’ve got 6 months left makes going to work a lot easier now. I did the math the other day and I’ve got about 83 shifts left there. Maybe a bit more, or less. But having some sort of workable countdown number is helping a lot with my general desire wanting to go to work, and to not dwell on how much I hate it the entire time.
I’ve never been so desperate for a change in my life as I am now. I really hope that Dev ends up moving up to NY as well. I’d be fine moving alone, but knowing that one of my best friends isn’t confined to a lonely life without much in the way of a friend group would make my own transition a bit easier. Anyway, I guess that’s all I wanted to say today. Bye bye.
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