#cdop

[trinethramnews]

Awareness Seminar : అంగన్వాడి టీచర్లకు చట్టాలపై అవగాహన సదస్సు

Awareness Seminar : అంగన్వాడి టీచర్లకు చట్టాలపై అవగాహన సదస్సు

వికారాబాద్ జిల్లా ప్రతినిధి త్రినేత్రం న్యూస్: వికారాబాద్

[diarynianning]

042919

“the day you left”

I’m scared, not because of how small my world turned out, but how lonely it would get to have you outside of it. Come back to me, quick.

What is a place, without a person who gives meaning to it? Today, I will be far from home. Only, I’m not going anywhere.

[philaxonnai]

Once Again

"Once again, I think upon your sacrifice, you became nothing, poured out till death. Many times, I wondered at your gift of life, and I'm in that place once again, I'm in that place once again. 

Once again, I look upon the cross where you died. I'm humbled by Your mercy and I'm broken inside. Once again I thank You, once again I pour out my life."

Pioneering a church plant is so hard. And Lord, I'm honestly very tired, tired about the lack of willing servant hearts in the church, tired of warring and praying for God to raise His worship team and to bring in musicians. Tired that there is just this busyness among our church leaders that is so pandemic. Tired of being that one man guitarist and worship leader. I'm almost on duty every Friday and Sunday, either as a guitarist or a worship leader and I'm tired of last minute notices from the worship leaders. I'm tired of last minute worship practices. I'm tired of worship leaders not being able to make it the last minute and not having a backup worship leader with songs, then requesting for me, right before the service to be coming up with a repertoire. I long, O Lord, long so so so much, to have a full worship band for the church, with electric guitars, acoustic guitars, drummers, bassists, keyboardist. Talented musicians with the right posture and attitude for God, a heart of servitude.

But even as I typed what I just typed, there was a voice in my head that asked, "Why? Why would you want a full band, with sound systems, with talented musicians an all? Why?" And I realised with all honesty, that it was because I wanted to "improve" my abilities and I wanted that rush of euphoria in playing in a band. I think that playing in a band will make me in the "cool" crowd. There, you see? The focus becomes on myself. How wretched are my thoughts. I don't want a full band to glorify God and His church, no, I wanted a full band to glorify myself, to bring me pleasure. How sinful are my thoughts and motivations! Yesterday while worshipping at Wesley for CDOP, even as I watched the talented musicians play away at their instruments worshipping God with their voices, fingers and hands, I held this jealousy. Thoughts like, why are they so blessed with such talent and why are they blessed with such equipment, why are they so blessed to be able to serve God in a band such as this, why could they have such a worship community present for them but not me. I thought about wanting to be able to be part of the band too, to sing, so that they could hear how lovely my voice is, how wonderful I can harmonise. And there was all these jealous and self-seeking whispers that came into my mind and it made it hard to even focus on God during worship. I knew Jesus had to be at the center when we are worshipping for us to be able to have communion with the holy spirit, when Jesus is not the centre it becomes self-glorification at best. And that is what I am- shallow, self-glorifying, selfish, jealous. So extremely prideful. Thinking that the world should revolve around me, self-pitying myself, wallowing in my own self-righteousness. It's interesting because, I'm always so self-aware and I know which thoughts of me are wrong and I'm heightened in my senses to these which should make it easier to reject such thoughts right? But no, you're wrong, it's so damn hard to. These thoughts almost creep into my self-consciouness spontaneously and flood my very being like cocaine. They flood my consciousness and overcome me. And I know with this shackle, that I won't be able to be raised to be God's warrior, to be God's worship leader because I am not fit to, because my lips do not bring Him praise but bring me praise. So Lord, I ask, that you help your pitiful, wretched, prideful servant. That I long to rid myself of all these vain conceit and pride, all this self-glorifying thoughts, this desire for acknowledgement and popularity from the world. Lord help me, to only want to seek your approval, and let me break free from self-pity in Jesus name. Because I am made glorious and beautiful in your sight, with talents that can glorify you in my own capacity. That I do not have to compare myself to define my self-worth because my self-worth stems from you and you alone. Lord, help me to love you more than I love myself. Help me to surrender myself from my life on the throne so that you may reign in me. I ask all these, humbly in Your Name and Your will, that it be done in my life. Amen