The concept of time was completely lost on you. Maybe the sun was rising. Maybe that was just your imagination running wild with the reflection of the street lights off the wet pavement. But whatever time it was became irrelevant the second you stepped foot through the front door of your little townhouse.
The first floor was dead quiet, only the sound of your heavy footsteps creaking the old hardwood echoed through the space. There was no cat to greet you—meaning it must be earlier than four o'clock. And there was certainly no girlfriend to scoop you into her arms upon arrival, so it had to be later than two.
You stumbled up the stairs. If Seonghwa saw your wobbly steps she would've chastised you for even trying to make it up the stairs. Not that you would've minded. You always liked when she was a little mean to you. Or bossy.
You made it to the top of the stairs only barely, tossing your bag down on the floor for no more apparent reason than simply not carrying it anymore. Your heels came off soon after. She'd yell at you for that, too. You couldn't wait.
The old wooden door to your bedroom creaked open when you pushed it. You cringed at the noise. A soft meow came from the bed, and you watched as the shadow of your kitty stretched out her little limbs. "Shh," you whispered, sloppily petting her head.
Seonghwa didn't stir as you entered the room. She was curled up in your bed, her long, freshly dyed platinum hair sprawled out across all of your pillows. She was wearing one of your loose sleeps shirts again, the ones that couldn't quite hold her boobs behind the fabric. You slid your miniskirt down your legs, stepping out of it and simultaneously pulling your top over your head. You covered yourself with an oversized tee, furiously rubbing at your face with a slightly dried out makeup wipe before falling into the bed.
A small grumble came from beside you, and you cringed. "I'm sorry," you whispered softly, turning to curl into her side.
Her eyes fluttered open, lashes moving in quick movements on her cheeks, "mmh, it's okay." She rolled toward you, opening up her arms just like you had prayed she would.
You immediately buried your face between her boobs, the soft skin warm against your cheeks. She ran a hand over your head, nails scratching down the back of your neck. With legs tangled together, wrapped up in each other, you hummed contentedly into her chest.
A small laugh vibrated in her chest, "did you have a good night?"
You nodded, "mhmm. Wooyounggie said you should've come. She misses you." Your words were all spoken into her skin.
"Aww," she yawned, "tell her she can come over anytime."
Her lips pressed against your forehead, causing you to giggle quietly. You wiggled further into her embrace.
"Oh you're drunk," she laughed tiredly. "Was getting home okay?"
You nodded, looking up at her, past the boobs blocking your face, "Yunho brought me home." You giggled, "you should've seen it. He was trying to flirt with that bartender again, but he's so awkward 'bout it. 'S like he's never talked to a man before."
"Aw I wish I had been there," she grabs the blanket from her side of the bed and throws it over the both of you. It was as if it held you closer to her. Completely encased in her warmth and her scent.
Your baby. Your everything. You squeezed her waist again. "I love you," you pressed a sloppy kiss to the closest peice of skin to your mouth—her sternum.
pairing ⋆₊˚⊹⋆˙⟡ sim jaeyun x f!reader ── .✦ angst, exes with benefits, exes to friends to ???, smut (none in this preview!) , ft. friend group!enha, jake has one sided beef w jungwon wc ꩜⊹✎ᝰ.ᐟ 3k (preview wc!)
synopsis ₊˚⊹⋆˙⟡ sim jaeyun broke up with the love of his life eight months ago. sim jaeyun is doing just fine. or at least, he's gotten very good at saying he is. unfortunately, the truth is a little more complicated when the person you're trying to get over still exists in your everyday life, still shares the same friends, still shows up to game night, still laughs at your jokes, and somehow still feels like your best friend. so when one reckless night becomes another, then another, then another, jake finds himself caught between the future he thought he wanted and the person he can't seem to stop choosing. because some people don't just leave your life. some become the place you're always trying to get back to.
₊˚⊹⋆˙⟡ hiii everybody ok,,,posting this preview so i can force myself to finish this soon & post it officially hehe but literally last week i was at 3k words and rn it's sitting at 25k and counting...so she's gonna be a hefty one but i'm also really excited for this one and also just kinda love jake in this ugh,,,been in my emotions lately for no reason whatsoever im just a #girl so this one is gonna be for my angst lovers & guys & gals with attachment issues bc me too. anyways! im in ireland rn and still whipping her up so she should be done soon lemme know if u wanna be tagged when she's out...mwah <3
the party is loud in the way parties stop being fun after twenty two and start being endurance tests—bass vibrating too hard through the floorboards, red cups everywhere, that specific smell of cheap vodka and someone's cologne that was trying too hard. jake doesn't even fully remember how you all ended up here, it was something along the lines of all five of you lazily sprawled across jay's living room with a movie no one was watching playing in the background until jay mentioned something about knowing a guy who knows a guy who was throwing a house warming party even though he moved in over six months ago and now here we are.
jake had been doing alright the first hour, he'd taken two shots with sunghoon and heeseung just to feel something, let jay rope him into some dumb drinking game that mostly involved shouting and losing, and nodded easily when you told the group you were going to go say hi to some people you recognized. he didn't think about it too much, which was a good habit he found himself trying to get better at more recently—not overthinking every little thing you did, not letting his eyes follow you across rooms like they still had the right to.
but then everything and anything he learned about good habits was thrown right out the window the second he looks over and searches for you, solely only because he's being a good friend, he tells himself. just making sure you were okay, just checking, nothing more. the lie sits easy on his tongue even as his eyes scan across the crowded room, past the clusters of people and the haze of spilled drinks and cigarette smoke drifting in from the balcony. he finds you near the kitchen island, leaning against the counter in that comfortable, familiar way, talking to yang jungwon.
now, yang jungwon was the kind of guy who just kind of existed to jake, a friend, but the kind that never really orbited in his life. he was younger, a little removed from the group, the kind of person whose life didn't collide with jake's enough for a solid, everyday friendship to form. to jake, he was always kind of like background noise, someone he used to nod at across campus, someone he sees at parties and gives a quick 'hey' to before moving on and that's it. never someone significant enough to warrant a second thought in jake's head.
until jake looks over and finds you looking at jungwon. and then what occurs in jake's head isn't only a second thought, but a third, a fourth and maybe the beginning of a fifth. all of which are circling the same stupid, irrational thing: jake hates yang jungwon.
because now here he is, watching the way jungwon leans in a little closer when he speaks, the way your hand brushes against his arm when you make a point. the way you look relaxed in a way jake hasn't seen in a while, shoulders soft, smile easy, the kind of open that used to be reserved for early nights and late mornings when it was just the two of you and the rest of the world felt far away.
and the worst part is that jake couldn't even be mad at jungwon. jungwon, who was all bright smiles and sweet and a little shy and looked at you like he was trying not to look too hard. jungwon, the kind of person who probably remembered birthdays without being reminded and asked follow up questions about people's days. jungwon, the kind of person who probably returned rogue shopping carts in the grocery store's parking lot. jungwon, who didn't know that the last time you laughed like that was because jake said something stupid on purpose just to watch your eyes crinkle at the corners in that way that always made his chest feel too full.
that's the funny thing about perspective. because here's the thing. jake had been looking at the breakup entirely from one side of it, his side. the side where he lost you. which, objectively speaking, was terrible enough on its own. but still, loss is a strangely selfish thing. because when someone loses something, they almost center themselves around the surrounding artifacts of what is no longer theirs. for jake, it was the calls he didn't get anymore, or the newly cold and empty space beside him in bed. or like how he still pauses in grocery aisles in front of snacks he didn't even like because buying them for you became so automatic that not buying them felt stranger. he spent so long mourning the absence of you that he never really stopped to consider what came after.
because yes, you're now his ex-girlfriend. yes, the relationship was over. yes, he had been the one to end it. all of those were true. but there was another truth too, the one that he unfortunately believes in more than the former—that the two of you had loved each other for three and a half years. and that doesn't just disappear. there were entire pieces of one another that would always belong to that relationship, memories nobody else would understand, inside jokes nobody else would find funny. versions of yourselves that only existed because the other person had been there to witness them. it was something sacred, in a way. sacred and special and it belonged to you and him and him and you and some small, selfish part of jake maybe took comfort in that. because even after everything, it still felt like yours and his. like nobody else could ever touch it, understand it, or even come near to it.
but then jake looks across the room and sees you laughing and suddenly, a realization hits him hard enough to make his stomach drop. that you weren't just something he lost. you were someone who would keep going, someone who would keep living. someone who would keep collecting new memories and new experiences and new people. and someone who would eventually fall in love again and be loved. because, of course. why wouldn't you be? you were beautifully soft, kind, impossibly easy to love.
the thought sat heavy in his chest like a bruise that he couldn't stop pressing. jake was all at once suddenly and painfully aware that not only did he take you out of his future, but he had given you back to the rest of the world. that the version of you he still carried in his head wouldn't just be his anymore. that one day it would belong to someone else. someone who would look at you for five minutes and immediately understand why jake had loved you for three and a half years. someone like jungwon, who was sweet and safe and looking at you like he already knew exactly how lucky that would make him.
jake's fingers tightened around his cup until the plastic creaked. and jake usually believes in being the bigger person, he genuinely does. to be mature, to stay put right where he is and let the group have a normal night, to let you have a normal night without making it about the fact that he still notices every little thing about you.
jake takes a long sip from his drink. then another. then another. as if enough of whatever concoction this is in his cup might somehow make him stop thinking. and obviously, because we all know how this goes, it doesn't. if anything, it makes the spiral worse, because now he's really watching. and once jake starts watching you, he's kind of screwed.
he watches the way you're smiling, real and unguarded, the way you lightly shove jungwon's shoulder after something he says, the way he grins, the way you grin back. and suddenly jake is very aware that he hates this. which is ridiculous because, really, nothing is happening. because jungwon is jungwon. because you're allowed to talk to whoever you want. because jake is twenty-three years old, not twelve. because he broke up with you. because he broke up with you. because he—
the thought doesn't get to finish itself. jake is already moving. already halfway across the room before his brain catches up. because apparently all that maturity he spent the last eight months building could be taken out behind a shed and shot the second he saw you smiling at somebody else.
and before he knows it, before he could let himself think about what he's doing for even a second, he's right there against you, his arm sliding around your waist before either of you could react, fingers spreading possessive and familiar over the curve of your hip like they had every right to be there. the warmth of your body against his side hits him like a memory he didn't realize he wasn't ready for. and for the first time in eight months, for one stupid, selfish second, jake felt like he was home again.
"there you are," he says, low enough that only you could hear the small crack in his voice. he then presses a quick, deliberate kiss to your temple, the kind of small, possessive thing that used to make you roll your eyes and smile at the same time. the kind of thing that he's done a thousand times before that used to mean absolutely nothing but now means entirely too much.
everything in your body immediately goes still and jake feels it. he feels the way you freeze beneath his arm, the sharp inhale you try to hide. he feels jungwon's eyes snap to him. then yours. but jake's committed now. or perhaps more accurately, he's already ruined his own life.
"been looking everywhere for you."
there's a horrifying two seconds of silence where nobody says anything.
jungwon then blinks, his eyes flicking between the two of you with that polite confusion that says he's realizing in real time that he's stepping into something he didn't really have the full context for.
"oh—shit, sorry, i didn't know you guys got back—"
"yeah, yeah we did," jake cut in smoothly, smiling like he had everything totally under control and didn't just lie right through his teeth with ease. your head whips towards him. jake pointedly does not look at you. instead, his thumb strokes once, slow and instinctive against your hip under the hem of your top before he could stop it. "right, baby?"
you don't answer right away. the music pulses around you, the lights catch your eyes, and for a second jake recognizes that look and that's when he realizes he's absolutely done for, that he pretty much dug his own grave and is actively getting in it.
jungwon then backs up slightly, mumbling something polite about catching up later before he finally turns and disappears into the crowd. the second he's out of sight, you spin in jake's hold, shoving his chest with both hands, and the look on your face is the one he had been waiting for and dreading in equal measure.
"what the fuck, jake?"
jake blinks at you slowly, like his brain was still catching up to what his body had done. like he's only just realizing that he crossed an invisible line that he laid down himself and then proceeded to sprint fifty feet past it.
"i thought we were good," you say, your voice tight as you look up at him, eyes wide and filled with the familiar mix of frustration and hurt that he knows all too well.
jake's jaw flexes, like he was trying hard to hold back every single, selfish, ugly emotion he'd been suffering with ever since you walked out of those apartment doors eight months ago and took half of him with you.
"we are good." the words come out too fast, too defensive. he heard it and hated it.
you let out a short, disbelieving laugh, "right. yeah. because that was totally normal."
he hesitates for a moment, the small distance forcing his eyes to flick down to your mouth for half a second before he forced them back up.
"c'mon, i mean…you—" the words stopped. for a second he just stands there, just looking at you, accepting that this is the closest he's been to you ever since eight months ago and this could very well be the last time he ever will be. just looking at you and the way your lips press together like you were holding back something much bigger than anger. and then at the very, very obvious fact that even now, even when upset at him, you still haven't stepped back. neither of you have. eight months of carefully curated distance and here you were again, letting him hold you like this in the middle of a crowded room.
"jungwon," he says finally, quieter. "really?"
you quirk a brow, and jake can't tell if it was pure annoyance or that infuriating mix of annoyance and amusement you always got when he was being ridiculous. your hands still stay fisted in the front of his shirt, not pushing anymore but definitely not letting go either. at this point the space was pretty much near nonexistent, his arm still curved around your waist, your knees almost brushing, the heat of him bleeding onto you like it used to when you'd stand in his kitchen at two in the morning.
"and what's wrong with jungwon," you ask, voice deceptively calm. and this is when jake realizes right then and there that eight months must've meant absolutely nothing because just the way your voice sounds, just the way you're looking at him, is already unraveling him in ways in ways he tried really hard to unlearn.
his thumb moves without permission, a quick stroke against your hip, restless and desperate. "he's a kid."
"he's like a year younger than me," you shot back, tilting your head, the movement bringing your faces a fraction even closer.
jake's jaw tightens. "he's still in school."
you stare at him for a long second, something dangerous and challenging sparkling behind your eyes. then the corner of your mouth twitches, not quite a smile, but close enough to make his stomach flip.
"i'm gonna pretend you didn't just say that," you say, voice laced with that teasing edge that always used to get under his skin in the best way. "since when did you become such a possessive old man, jaeyun?"
jake closes his eyes at the sound of his name rolling off your tongue, trying his hardest to pretend it didn't hit him the way it always did whenever you called him that. he sighs, the sound quiet and exhausted, in that defeated kind of way that tells you this isn't coming from completely out of no where.
"c'mon, y/n," his voice is softer now, almost pleading. "i know you."
"right," you scoff, but your stance falters slightly. "so you know what's best for me, right? for the both of us?"
and that lands somewhere. somewhere deep and hard and admittedly more vulnerably raw than he wishes it had. his fingers tighten slightly around you, his breath hitching for a moment before he catches himself.
"c'mon..don't be like that," he murmurs, eyes searching yours like he was looking for an exit he already knew didn't exist. his hand slides a little higher against you, his palm now flat against the warm skin of your lower back. "you know i'm not trying to—"
"i'm not being anything," you cut in, voice quieter now but still edged with that defensive frustration, "you're the one who decided to make it weird. you're the one who came over here and—" your voice breaks off with a shaky laugh that sounded dangerously close to a sob. you shake your head then, eyes now shining. "you know what, this is stupid. whatever."
a beat of silence stretches again between you, jake still unmoving, holding you right there against him. your bodies were nearly flush now in the cramped room, your knee slotted between his thighs, every point of contact painfully impossible to ignore.
then, soft and almost reluctant, you whisper, "let go of me, yun."
he swallows hard, voice low and defeated when he finally answers, the words slipping out before he could stop them.
"i kinda really don't want to."
the confession hangs there in the small space between your bodies, the truth heavy and honest in a way that solved absolutely nothing and somehow made everything worse. you let out another small scoff, but despite yourself you still don't pull away. you don't push him. you just stay right there, letting him hold you, neither of you making any real effort to create distance.
then, your eyes meet his in the dim party light, dark and shining and full of the same messy, desperate thing he was feeling. you break the silence first.
"how drunk are you?" you ask, voice barely above a whisper.
"not at all."
you pause, studying him. your gaze traces his face like you were memorizing it, like you were actively aware you were making a mistake but couldn't bring yourself to stop. then, slowly, hesitantly, one of your hands slid up from his shirt, fingers trailing along his collarbone before curving around the back of his neck, finding the ends of his hair automatically, mindlessly playing with the strands in that familiar way that always used to make his breath catch.
your eyes then meet his again and something flashed between you, something tired and hurt and full of everything you weren't supposed to feel anymore.
"sober enough to drive me home?" you ask after a moment.
"yes ma'am."
and for another agonizingly long second you just watch him again, eyes searching like you were waiting for one of you to be smart enough to stop this. to choose self-preservation over whatever this still was between you.
"liar."
jake's breath hitches. a small, low chuckle escapes him.
"would i lie to you?"
and when jake and you leave the party and end up at his car parked a few blocks away, what happens next is, what jake would later say, probably not his brightest idea.
like semi petplay (seonghwa is kinda degrading lol) | fem!sh x fem!reader x yunho
“good boy,” you whisper, lips hovering over his forehead. he’s looking up at you with those big eyes again. the ones that beg you to do something. anything. a low whine escapes the back of his throat. you tussle his hair, the dusty blond strands scattering across the top of his head. they stick out right above his temple, nearly in that perfect shape, “what a good puppy.”
seonghwa laughs behind you, her arm hooked around your waist. she’s been in bed with you all morning, but she’s finally woken up. yunho presses his face into your chest, but his legs tangle with both of yours—long limbs doing whatever they can for contact. “yeah?” she teases. she reaches around you to play with his hair, but, unlike you gentle pets, she yanks on a fistful, tugging at his scalp. “what a good little mutt you are.”
a desperate moan comes from him. “god, you’re so pathetic.” he buries his face further into your chest, but you can both see the way his ears burn red. “if i called him a little bitch enough times, do you think he’d come?” she asks against the back of your neck.
you cradle his head gently, “hwa, be nice to him.” your long nails scratch along his scalp, “he’s being so good.”
“you’re too nice to him,” she kisses down the side of your neck, “he never has to work for anything. you just give it to him.” her hand sneaks around your front, slipping past the waistband of your underwear, “make him wait a little bit longer.”
her finger slowly circles your clit, and you feel her smile against the back of your neck when you moan softly. yunho’s looking up at you again, but this time he’s not begging. he’s simply waiting. he wants to watch you come. when she sinks a finger in you, knuckle deep, you moan out her name.
it feels so sweet. gentle. the mixed scent of them both. the warmth of their bodies pressed up against yours. seonghwa’s domineering aura. the way you both submit to her. even if it feels like yunho’s under your control, he’s not. you’re both left completely up to her whims. at her mercy. the only difference is that you always come first. and she’s never afraid to punish him when he’s bad.
you come when she tells you to come. her voice soft and warm but never lacking in authority. you unravel around her, shuddering in her arms. yunho whimpers again, painfully hard in his sweatpants. you both notice the wet spot immediately.
you cup it. he’s already hard again. “puppy got a little excited,” you giggle, kissing his forehead.
seonghwa scoffs, “so fucking predictable. i bet we could leave him untouched all day, and he’d still find a way to make a mess.”
a little light goes off in your head, “actually, hwa? can we try something?”
“of course, baby,” she kisses your shoulder, “we can try anything.”
PAIRING: F.Reader x ot13
PACK MEMBER FOCUS: Seungcheol
PACK MEETING: You're having a hard time adjusting to your new pack. Good thing your head alpha knows exactly how to help you adapt.
REQUESTED BY: @peaspeas
REQUEST: Idek if this qualifies because I'm talking like, maybe pré-rules or before they were finalised formally but I want Seungcheol finding reader whenever she's eating and sitting with her and she has no idea why. If he shows up and she's already eating, he's like oh shit, panic to make up a reason that he needs to as well etc. Almost a sort of farcical comedy vibe? Both idiots ofc
WC: 5,135
RATING: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging in and reading this content. It may contain explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately.
PACK WARNINGS: Very mild angst like wouldn't even call it that, reader has some anxiety adjusting to a new pack, she's a little in her head, Seungcheol is a little shit, some vague references to hormones and adjusting to being near others, reader being lonely and feeling a little on the outside, both of them are kind of stupid lmfaooo but in a good way, some playful arguing at the end.
A/N: Moni this is not as cracky as it was supposed to be and didn't really notice to the end I'm saur sorry lmfaoooo. Also this is not beta read we die like men guys.
HOUSE RULES M. LIST | MAIN M. LIST | ASK
THE KITCHEN IS PAINTED IN SHADES OF BLUE AT 5:47 IN THE MORNING. As the only resident of said kitchen this early in the morning the past two weeks, you've learned that the pre-dawn light that spills through the wide windows above the sink turns everything soft and cool in the morning. The white subway tile back splash starts off a muted grey before the sun finally melts away the blue and turns it bright white each morning.
This morning, the honey-colored cabinets look muted, nearly colorless as the sun hides beyond the horizon. You take another bite of cereal, listening to the old house settle around you. The house has taken getting used to - not because it's ancient, but because it's old enough to feel lived in and have its own quirks of floorboards that squeak, doors that click shut because the hinges are a little loose, pipes that groan when one of the thirteen people upstairs showers late at night.
It's a big house. It has to be, to fit the pack of thirteen - fourteen now, including you. Six alphas, seven betas, and you. A single omega, new and a little out of your comfort zone as you try to figure the ins and outs of a pack who have been together so long, they don't even have to think about how to navigate one another. They just do, planets who have been in rotation of one another for so long that it's as easy as breathing.
Where they've had years together, you've only had two weeks. It still feels like you're learning an entire new language - not because any of them are difficult or unkind, but rather because there's a difference between being welcomed into a pack and belonging, and you're somewhere in the strange gap between the two.
Unfortunately, the omega part of your brain doesn't really understand the distinction between the two, even though you do. You get that it'll take time to integrate yourself fully and to fit in as intimately as the others do with one another, but your instincts don't have that nuance. All your omega knows is that you should be surrounded by a pack, that you should be scented and claimed and constantly near people who want you.
Instead, you're sitting by yourself in a kitchen that feels too big and your instincts are ramming against you to go knock on a door and ask for company. You can't, though. Not that they wouldn't let you in - they would. You know they would. But the small fraction of the what if keeps you rooted to your seat. What if they end up not liking you? What if this doesn't work out? What if they decide they don't need an omega after all?
You stare at the cereal in your bowl, now soggy. It's something honey-flavored and generic that you took out of the pack pantry without looking. Mingyu swore you could take anything out of the pantry and fridge - anything in the house. What’s theirs is yours until you start filling the house with your favorite things, but like the anxiety of asking one of them to spend time with you, you can't seem to figure out how to ask for cinnamon sugar cereal or sweet cream coffee creamer.
Another bite confirms your cereal is as soggy as it looks. You ignore it, watching the kitchen in the morning stillness. It still smells like cinnamon and brown sugar from something Mingyu baked yesterday. Dishes pile in the sink and you know Seungcheol is going to have a field day when he sees it, adamant about dishes being done each night.
Under the layers of the smell of the kitchen is them. You're still trying to pick out the strands of scents that belong to each member, but thirteen scents layered over the top of one another is dizzying and hard to get used to, each one blending into something that you recognize as almost pack. Pack but not.
There are a few you can pick out individually, at least. You know Seungcheol's cedar and smoke, the head alpha easier to scent than the others. Jeonghan's citrus and something that you can't put your finger on. Mingyu's clean laundry smell with a hint of something soft and woody. The others remain a bit of a mess, but you're determined to try, hoping that maybe untangling each scent will lead you to untangling them and finding a sense of belonging that you'd hoped to find here and that they said they'd wanted you to find.
You try not to think about what happens if you don't find a place here. Though it's actually entirely normal not to, you don't know if you could survive that kind of embarrassment. You had already been a bit wary of using omega placement services as it was, desperate to find a pack after years of living on your own and unwilling to go back to living with your all-beta family in your tiny town where nothing much ever happened.
Thirteen pack members is a lot after coming from something small, something lonely. You'd been thrilled at the idea, realizing that you'd never be alone again, that you'd always have someone to lean on. Now you're here, in a house full of thirteen people who are supposed to be your pack, and you're still eating breakfast alone. Still sitting on the outside of their easy familiarity. Still trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between being new and being home.
Creaking stairs catch your attention. You perk up, freezing as you listen to the soft steps of someone coming down the stairs and toward the kitchen. You smell the cedar and smoke before you see him, your brain getting a little foggy before Seungcheol ever steps into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
He pulls up short when he sees you. He's surprised, and you realize he hadn't smelled you before he walked in, unused to having an omega or an outsider in his house. He looks devastating this morning in sweatpants slung low on his hips and a t-shirt that's tight enough to show off the width of him and strength in his chest. An alpha not only built strong mentally but physically, someone who feels and looks dependable, someone who looks entirely too soft and swollen and pretty in the dawn light.
He blinks at you. His eyes are dark and a little unfocused, still soft with sleep, but there's something sharp underneath. It makes you sit up straighter, you body thrumming as he flicks on the light. You squint, but when your eyes adjust, he's still looking at you with an expression he doesn't understand.
"Why are you sitting in the dark?" He asks, voice rough with sleep. "Are you alright?"
"What? Oh." You lower your spoon to the bowl, hyperaware of him. "Sorry, I'm an early riser in new places. I can go if you need the kitchen, sorry-"
"No, stay."
It's not a command, but his voice is firm enough that you nod instantly, relaxing a little. He moves further into the room, carrying the heavy presence of a head alpha with him. You can feel it in the way he moves, the way he takes up space and the gravity around him that has nothing to do with physical mass and everything to do with him.
You grip the edge of the counter, trying to stay composed as your omega instincts kick in. The last thing you want is for him to think you're awkward or needy. You don't want him to know how much you're struggling with this transition more than you should be. You're supposed to be settling in and comfortable by now, but you're not.
It scares you.
"Coffee?" he asks, already turning it on.
"No, I'm okay."
He hums, opening the cabinet next to the coffee maker. You watch him scan the mugs until he finds a specific one and selects it. You wonder if they have assigned mugs, if there's a hierarchy in the cabinet beyond your understanding like so many other things here.
Silence hangs between you as he makes his coffee, turning to lean backward against the counter with the mug tucked between his hands. His gaze drifts back to you and he gives you a soft smile that you tentatively return. The attention makes you feel exposed, like he's looking at you and sees right through the core of you despite only having been in the same room for a few minutes.
"Couldn't sleep?" You ask, desperately trying to fill the silence.
"Something like that." He gestures toward you. "What about you? Do you do this a lot? Waking up early and sitting alone in the dark, I mean."
"I guess, yeah. I have a hard time sleeping in new places and I don't like to just lay there."
"Mmm." There's a pause, and you can feel him still watching you. Still assessing. "You eat breakfast alone a lot too?"
You glance down at the bowl. "Sometimes, I guess? I'm usually up before anyone else."
"How long have you been up?"
"Maybe an hour?"
"And you've just been sitting here by yourself."
It's not quite a question, but it feels like one. You glance up at him, trying to figure out where this is going, but his expression is unreadable. His scent shifts and you realize what it is. Protectiveness. He doesn't like that you're sitting here by yourself, and the realization makes something warm unfurl in your chest.
"I don't mind," you murmur, looking down again to hide the sudden flush you feel.
He hums. "I'm hungry." You look up, confused at the statement. He points to your bowl. "What are you having?"
"Cereal. I think it's honey? I didn't want to wake anyone up by cooking."
"Cereal sounds good. Honey is Chan's. Good choice."
He moves with purpose then, crossing to the cabinets to pull down a bowl. Your eyes catch on the line of his shoulders and the way his muscles shift under the cotton tee, the way it rides up just slightly as he reaches for the milk in the fridge, revealing a tiny strip of skin at his lower back that makes your mouth go dry. You look away quickly, back down at your soggy cereal, and try to get your breathing under control.
You watch as he fixes himself a bowl of cereal and strides over to you, dragging a stool up next to you. You blink in surprise. You expected him to sit across from you, but instead he plops down next to you close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off his skin and close enough that the cedar and smoke of him makes your eyes flutter. His knee brushes yours as he adjusts and you have to physically stop yourself from leaning into him, your nervous system lighting up at the proximity.
"So," he says, pulling you from the static of your thoughts. "Tell me about yourself."
You blink at him. "Like what?"
"Anything." He takes another bite of cereal like this is completely normal. Like he wakes up at five in the morning to eat with strangers all the time. "Where are you from again?"
"Small town." You stir your cereal. The milk swirls. "Really small. Everyone-knows-everyone small."
"And you left."
"For college. I came back for a few years after but it didn't feel like I fit in anymore so I moved to the city, got an apartment by myself. Thought I wanted independence and freedom to figure things out on my own terms." You take a bite of cereal just to have something to do with your hands. "Turns out being alone and being independent aren't the same thing. I was just lonely. Really lonely. Didn't even realize how bad it was until I started looking into pack placement programs and well… now I’m here trying it out, I guess."
Seungcheol goes quiet. When you glance over, his expression is soft. "How long were you alone?"
"Three years."
"That's a long time for anyone, not specifically an omega."
"Yeah." You swallow. "I didn't know what I was missing. I'm still trying to figure it out, I think and how I… fit in."
"You're doing fine," he says.
"I eat breakfast alone every morning."
"Not this morning, though."
The words are simple and direct. When you look up at him, he's watching you with something warm in his expression. Something that makes your chest tight.
"No," you say quietly. "Not this morning."
He gives you a small smile that transforms his face. Suddenly, he's not the intimidating pack alpha - he's soft and warm, more like a person than someone you have to impress or earn the trust of. You relax a little, stirring your milk aimlessly.
"What about you?" you ask. "What made you want to lead a pack this big?"
He huffs a quiet laugh. "Honestly? I didn't set out to. It just kind of happened. We all met in college, started spending time together, and it felt right. Natural. Then more people joined and suddenly I was the one everyone looked to when decisions needed to be made. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing it right. If I'm taking care of everyone the way I should be."
"I think you're doing a good job," you say. "Everyone seems happy. Settled."
He looks at you and gives you a look, one brow raised. "Everyone except you."
His words make you wince. Not because they're accusatory, but because you didn't think he noticed. You realize it's a bit of an insult for you to have doubted him - Seungcheol's entire role as the head alpha is to understand his pack, to balance the personalities, to lead. That includes you, despite not feeling like it, and you realize that he's taken notice and doesn't intend to let it go.
"We don't eat alone unless we want to in my pack," he says simply.
My pack. The possessiveness in those two words makes something flutter in your chest and you bite the inside of your cheek, trying to stop yourself from grinning, to stop yourself from getting too hopeful.
"I didn't want to be a burden," you admit.
"You're not," he promises. "You're a part of our pack which means you're never a burden. We want you here. We wouldn't have gone through the trouble of the agency and placement if we didn't think there was something missing. You were missing and we're happy to gave you, even if it's a little awkward at first."
You can feel your heart beating too fast, the warmth of him making you dizzy. Seungcheol doesn't lean closer, but you feel him closer, the smell of him overwhelming and comforting. You realize he's doing it on purpose, pheromones comforting you like he should. You glance up and he has a knowing look on his face, a little smug and a little endeared and you find yourself smiling.
"Thank you," you manage. "For noticing."
"Always," he murmurs.
You finish your cereal together as the sky outside continues to lighten. For the first time since you moved into this house, you don't feel quite so alone.
-
It's Tuesday in the middle of the day when Seungcheol interrupts your next meal. You look up as he walks onto the back porch, the apple covered in peanut butter in your hand pausing as he sits down next to you at the table. He's got a full plate with him, rice, chicken and vegetables piled high as he sighs and settles in comfortably.
"Hey," he says casually, cracking open the can of soda he's brought along.
"Hi," you say slowly, eyeing him.
"I am starving. Wanted something sweet."
You look at his plate. Then back at him. Then back at the plate.
"Seungcheol, that is not sweet."
"What?"
"You said you wanted something sweet. That's chicken."
He blinks and looks down like he's just now noticing what's on it. You press your lips together as he scratches the side of his neck, nodding. "Right. I meant I wanted something sweet after this. You like ice cream?"
"I do."
"Great." He leans over, peering at your apple slices as his shoulders brush yours, sending a spark through you. "What are you having?"
"Apple and peanut butter."
"Hmmm. Classic." He starts cutting into his chicken as you watch him, eyes narrowed. "How's your day?"
You're still processing the fact that he claimed to be starving for something sweet while holding a savory meal, but you answer anyway, amused.
"Good. I've been reading."
"Yeah? What are you reading?"
Taking another bite of your apple, you tell him. Seungcheol is an engaged listener, nodding and asking follow up questions as he devours his plate. Somehow, time passes easily. Even after he's cleared his plate, he leans back into his chair, foot up on the seat as he tells you about one of his favorite books growing up, dimples appearing every time he smiles.
You love his dimples, watching them as he ducks his head and laughs, long hair falling in his eyes. You smile too, unable to help it around him. He's infectious like that, easily shifting the mood from something tense to warm or lonely to comfortable, like an alpha should.
Eventually, he sighs heavily, stretching. You try not to notice the way his shirt peels up, revealing the barest hint of soft stomach before he drops his arms back down and grins at you.
"I have to get back to work," he says. "But this was nice. We should do it again."
"That would be nice."
He smiles and gets up, clearing his plate and reaching to grab your empty one without much preamble. You watch him go inside, shaking your head when you realize that he never wanted something sweet in the first place.
-
You've been awake for three hours.
It's not insomnia, exactly. It's more like your brain won't shut off and you keep laying in bed replaying conversations, analyzing the way Seungcheol looked at you on Wednesday, wondering if you're reading too much into the fact that Mingyu sat close enough to scent you yesterday but didn't, if any of this means anything or if you're just desperate enough to convince yourself it does. As usual, your brain is doing laps, restless and unsettled, and the quiet of the house at midnight isn't helping. It's making you hyper-aware of how alone you are in your room, how easy it would be to just stay here without anyone noticing and how good you've gotten at it.
So you give up on sleep. Again.
The kitchen is dark when you pad downstairs in your pajamas, the hum of the refrigerator going as you open it up, squinting against the light. You don't bother to turn the overhead lights on, the moon filtering in through the big windows over the sink enough to get by. You steal the honey cereal - Chan's - again from the pantry, and fix a bowl before sitting at the counter, sighing as you take a bite.
Your phone buzzes on the counter, startling you. You flip it over, squinting in the dark as you frown when you read it.
SEUNGCHEOL [12:15 AM]: What are you doing?
Your stomach does something complicated.
YOU [12:15 AM]: Eating cereal… why?
SEUNGCHEOL [12:16 AM] Be right there
You set your phone down slowly, your heart doing something erratic in your chest. He heard you come downstairs. His room is above the kitchen - you know this now - and realize that he must have heard you snooping around down here like he did that first morning he found you eating in the kitchen at five in the morning.
A minute later, he appears in the kitchen doorway and your brain short circuits a little. He's in soft cotton pajama pants and a t-shirt that's clearly old and pulled tight across his chest. His hair is completely disheveled, sticking up in about fifteen different directions, and he's rumpled and sleepy enough to tell you that he absolutely was asleep until he heard you.
"Hey," he croaks.
"I didn't mean to wake you."
"You didn't," he lies.
"You didn't have to come down, Seungcheol."
"I did. And you can call me Cheol, you know. Seungcheol makes it sound like I'm in trouble."
He moves to the cabinet, and grabs a bowl, making himself a matching snack before he sits down close enough that his thigh brushes yours. You shiver and if he notices, he has the decency not to point it out.
"Maybe you are in trouble," you mutter, taking a bite.
"Yeah? What for?"
"Being a liar who lies. You heard me and came down."
He grins and takes a bite of cereal. He chews thoughtfully for a few seconds, ignoring your stare. "So what if I did? I wanted to join you, so I did. Anyway, trouble sleeping again?"
"Kind of." You push cereal around your bowl, not quite meeting his eyes. "My brain won't shut off."
"Yeah?" He shifts slightly, and you're hyperaware of every point where his body is close to yours. "What's it doing?"
"Thinking."
"Pack stuff?"
"Maybe." You finally look at him. His eyes are soft in the moonlight. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Are you doing this on purpose?"
He doesn't ask what you mean. Doesn't pretend to be confused. Just smiles into his cereal, and the smile is so knowing that your face goes hot.
"Yep."
"Why?" Your voice is barely a whisper. "Why are you doing this?"
He sets his spoon down. Turns to face you fully, and there's something serious in his expression now, something that makes you sit up and pay attention to him.
"I told you already," he says softly. "We don't eat alone unless we want to. Do you want to?" You hesitate only a moment before shaking your head. "Exaclty. So until you feel confidence to ask someone - you can ask any of us, by the way - I'll make sure you're not eating alone."
It's something so simple and yet it devastates you to hear him say it. It isn't the words themselves exactly, but rather the way he says it, like it's a promise, like he's already decided that this doesn't require permission or gratitude or even for you to ask. It's just a fact that he's going to do this, no negotiation, no need to think about it.
You think about the last three years of your life of eating in your apartment along, of making meals for one, of not having to consider anyone else's schedule or preferences. Three years of being fine with it because fine was easier than admitting you were lonely. And now you have a pack you don't know what to do with, but this alpha - this head of a thirteen-person pack - is keen enough to pick up on what you need and come down to the kitchen at midnight to make sure you have what you need.
It's wonderful and terrifying all at once.
"Okay," you murmur, nodding.
You watch him in the moonlight filtering through the kitchen window. His hair is still a mess and his face is puffy with sleep, but he's soft. Warm. You notice a small scar on his collarbone you've never been close enough to notice before, and wonder where he got it from.
When he finishes his bowl of cereal, he looks at yours, raising his brows. "You finishing that?"
You shake your head and he grins, reaching over and brushing against you deliberately to steal your bowl. The contact is electric as his arm grazes your shoulder, his chest brushing your back for just a second, and your entire nervous system short-circuits. You nearly go catatonic at the contact, omega melting even when he pulls away, leaving you dizzy and touch starved and hungry for something not food. Your skin tingles where he touched you.
Seungcheol notices. This time, you see the way he grins, smug and content at your reaction. It hits you that he planned that, that he wanted you to feel it. The realization makes your chest tight in a way that's half panic, half something else entirely.
You can feel the heat crawling up your neck, your face, and it pisses you off - not at him, but at yourself for being so transparent, so easy to read. You huff and cross your arms over your chest, turning to him, temper flaring a little. You're not mad at all, but your omega instincts bristle in a way that feels playful and fun, something entirely unfamiliar to you. It's like your body knows something your brain hasn't caught up to yet.
"Well that's not fair," you huff. "You can't just do that."
"Do what?"
"Brush up against me and use your… alpha ways."
He laughs, full bellied and loud, echoing off the kitchen walls. "My alpha ways?"
"Yes!"
"That's how it works."
"Well!" You stomp your foot against the footrest on the stool. "I would like to file a complaint. Wait, who do I file a complaint with? You're head alpha."
Even as you say it, you know how ridiculous you sound. You're literally complaining to the person you're complaining about. It's absurd. But there's also a part of you that likes this game, this playful banter.
"You're cute when you panic."
The word lands like a punch. Cute. You're not cute. You're competent and sarcastic and you've survived three years alone in a city that didn't care about you. You're not cute. Except the way he says it makes you feel small in a way that isn't entirely bad. You like it, even.
"I'm not panicking," you say, which is a lie and you both know it.
"Sure."
"And for the record, I'm not cute. I am a very strong, very assertive omega." You stand up, trying to reclaim some dignity, trying to put distance between yourself and the way his presence makes your skin feel too tight. "I've even lived on my own. Very independent."
"Absolutely," he agrees, not sounding convinced at all.
Seungcheol stands with you and puts the bowls in the sink, leaving them unwashed for once. He grins at you and gestures to the door and you listen, because apparently you do that now. Your body just obeys him, no thought required, no decision made. You just move when he moves, follow when he leads. It should feel wrong, but it doesn't. It feels familiar in a way you've been craving and you finally have it.
He follows you up the stairs and you're hyperaware of him behind you, footsteps quiet and measured. . You can feel the warmth of him in the space between your bodies, close enough that you could lean back and touch him. Your omega is purring at his proximity, at the simple fact of him being there, and you hate how easy it's becoming to just accept it. To want it.
The hallway is dark except for the moonlight filtering through the window at the end, letting in enough light for you to walk to your room, third door to the left. When you reach it, you pause, your hand on the doorknob, suddenly unsure of the protocol. Do you just say goodnight? Do you invite him in? The uncertainty makes your stomach knot uncomfortably, panic spiking.
You turn to look at him and he's closer than you expected. Close enough that you have to tilt your head back slightly to meet his eyes. He's still soft from sleep, and he's looking at you like he looks at the other members of his pack, warm and soft and so gentle that it makes your omega nearly scream.
Seungcheol grins and leans down, pressing a kiss briefly to your head, soft and warm and over before you even know it's happening. Your throat tightens immediately, thoughts turning to static as he takes a step back, winking at you.
"Sleep, he murmurs. "Wake me up when you want breakfast. I mean it."
He dismisses himself then and you watch him walk back down the hallway, his silhouette disappearing into the darkness, and you don't move until you hear his door close softly upstairs.
Only then do you slip into your room and lean against the door, your heart still racing, your forehead still burning with the ghost of his kiss. You touch your fingers to the spot where he kissed you, like you can hold onto it somehow.
Crawling into bed, you do exactly what Seungcheol has asked and you sleep.
-
The next morning when you wake up, you don’t have to wake Seungcheol. You hear the noise downstairs, confusion drawing you down the steps and into the kitchen where breakfast is being made in full. You stand in the doorway, confused as you watch Mingyu and Joshua argue at the stove, the sound of eggs sizzling and the smell of bacon wafting toward you.
Seungkwan is at the coffee machine, staring lifelessly into the open air as his coffee brews while Chan stands on his tip toes to reach more coffee mugs out of the cabinet behind him. Seokmin is sitting on the counter swinging his legs, laughing animatedly at whatever Soonyoung and Jihoon are arguing about near the sink while Jeonghan lays across the counter, head in Seokmin’s lap as he dozes.
Seungcheol walks in behind you, not missing at beat as he steers you by the waist toward the counter. Jeonghan peeks an eye open and grins, lifting himself from Seokmin’s lap to make room for you just as Seungcheol grip you by the waist and halls you up to sit on the counter next to Jeonghan, the citrus and jasmine smell of him placating your immediate irritation at being lifted.
“Why is everyone in the kitchen?” You demand, turning to Jeonghan because Seungcheol is already leaving you and heading for the fridge. “The sun isn’t even up yet.”
“Rule number one,” Jeonghan yawns, scooting closer so that he’s pressed up against you. You hesitate for only a second before you let yourself relax and tentatively lean toward him. “The omega is never allowed to eat alone unless she asks to.”
Seokmin peers around him. “Do you want to?”
His question hangs in the air among the noise and chaos of the kitchen, scents hitting you from every angle, the sound of Minghao complaining about burnt bacon and Mingyu hollering as oil pops and burns his wrist.
You grin, ducking your head a little as Seungcheol catches your eyes from across the kitchen and winks.
synopsis. heeseung loves omegas, but he doesn’t believe in mates—especially fated ones. that kind of destiny is reserved for people like riki and jay. but then he meets you. and the first thing you ask him to do is scent-mark you: an intimate activity shared only between mates. a spin-off from love me (k)not!
warnings. slightly suggestive, fated mates-coded, power imbalance, unjust system and society, harassment against omegas (not by heeseung), &team cameo but they're assholes here sorry! i love them though dw, mating mark, scent-marking, heeseung is a dominant alpha, and a bigger asshole i fear, reader is a cheerleader, alpha!jay being our target again (sorry), alpha!riki, alpha!sunghoon, beta!ahn yujin, omega!rei, sunoo is bi, heeseung is also bi, this omegaverse is partly made up by me! but it’s just a tiny portion of it just to keep the plot going, denial, rejection, angst, not beta read we die like injang, please let me know if i missed anything!
word count. 21,280 words
note. please read this before proceeding 🤎 everything here is purely fictional and it has nothing to do with the members as a person outside of this fanfiction 🤎 also idk how cheerleading works so pls bear with me...
In a private booth of a nightclub, a group of long-legged, broad-shouldered alphas huddle around the table, drinks in hands. The air is layered with pheromones and adrenaline, occasionally flashing with neon lights and blurred with thin smoke.
In the middle of the couch, Heeseung sits leisurely, manspreading with ease. On either side of him, Jay and Riki lean back in a similar posture, each of them engaged in the conversation bouncing between the team.
The team has just won a friendly match against their long-sworn rival, a university from the east, after a frustrating streak of loss for two consecutive tournaments. It wasn’t really a landslide win, considering their competitive skills, but a win is a win. A satisfied smirk curls around Heeseung’s bow-shaped lips, his alpha purring with pride.
Friendly or not, the whiskey surely tastes extra sweet tonight.
“Did you see K’s face just now?” Riki pipes up from his left, still buzzing with adrenaline. Being the last man to score and secure the win for them, it’s obviously hard for Riki to contain his enthusiasm. He’s beaming wide. “I did that. I wiped that smirk off his face, gentlemen!”
The rest of the team roars in reply, infected by Riki’s contagious excitement. Heeseung and Jay wear a fond smile on their lips, clearly delighted to see the younger alpha’s happiness. Glasses clink again as they toast to their win, and to their future wins, and to the sexy, beautiful cheerleading omegas that played a part in keeping their spirits up just now—to which Jay grimaces and Riki rolls his eyes at. Heeseung snorts.
He forgets that he’s friends with a prude and a loyal, claimed alpha.
“Speaking of omegas,” Heeseung tilts his head at Riki when the chatters break into small groups of conversations among the team, leaving him to talk to two of his closest friends. “It’s a surprise to see you here, Ki. Like seeing a four-leaf clover.”
Jay joins in, his signature lopsided grin on display. “I half-expected you to run home to your girlfriend. It’s hard to see you hang out with us at the club now, pup.”
Riki crosses his arms with a dramatic huff. His bottom lip juts out in a pout. In this light, when Riki shows this side of him, free from fake nonchalance and his cool persona, Heeseung sees him ten years younger than his actual age. Riki is so cute.
“I fully expected to run home to her too, hyung. But she forced me to come here. Said something like I should celebrate my win with y’all,” Riki sighs, messing with his newly-dyed hair and tipping his head back. “So here I am. Drinking with you idiots when I could’ve cuddled with my sweet, sweet omega at home.”
Jay feigns offence while Heeseung laughs. The both of them know too well of Riki’s devotion to his girlfriend. Maybe it’s the alpha-omega bond, or just the fact that they’ve known each other practically their whole lives, but Riki is never at ease whenever she’s not around.
But tonight, the alpha seems more relaxed than usual. He’s not playing with his fingers or toying with the hem of his shirt like he always did when his girlfriend is absent. Heeseung wonders why the sudden change until he catches a glimpse of something at the back of Riki’s neck.
His brows furrow. His movement falters mid-air.
“Riki? Is that…” Heeseung squints his eyes, trying to see better while the tips of Riki’s ears slowly redden. From his right, Heeseung can hear a soft gasp from Jay.
“Holy shit. Is that your mating mark, Ki?”
It is. It is a mating mark, Heeseung realises, when a purple neon light flashes on Riki’s wounded skin. The alpha is rubbing his neck sheepishly now, heat sweeping across his cheeks. Despite his sudden shy demeanour, Heeseung can smell the pride in his sandalwood scent, and in that moment he finally notices the subtle layer of sweet vanilla—Riki’s girlfriend’s scent—in Riki’s pheromones.
“Yeah,” Riki confirms, still red like a tomato. “I mated with her last night.”
“Wow,” Jay breathes out in amazement, eyes sparkling in the dim light. “About time, man! You’re finally mated!”
Jay’s exclamation attracts attention and soon, the whole group is congratulating Riki on the milestone. The said alpha is red down to his neck now, clearly not expecting the sudden shift of focus on him but still relishing in the pride of having his mating mark, if the musky lilt to his pheromones is anything to go by.
Heeseung remains a quiet observer, watching as Riki pulls down the collar of his shirt to proudly show the mark. Two other alphas join him as they speak fondly of their omegas, relishing in their identical mating mark on their napes. Beside him, Jay listens with an adoring smile. There’s a certain longing in his gaze when he stares at the mated alphas that doesn’t go unnoticed by Heeseung.
Heeseung averts his eyes away, trying to forget that familiar look on Jay’s face. He almost scoffs at the image.
He knows that look like the back of his hand.
Jay, too, yearns for a mate. Like Riki. Unlike Heeseung.
Mate. It’s the word that is so common in omegaverse but so foreign in Heeseung’s little world.
If Jay is a walking green flag that effortlessly attracts omegas with his gentleman charms, Heeseung is a running red flag that chases after willing omegas. If Jay stays away from wild sex life, Heeseung lives by it. If Jay dates to marry, Heeseung fucks to breathe. He’s everything Jay’s not that Riki was so bewildered when the two first met him.
Don’t get him wrong—he’s not the creepy kind of chaser. Rather, he likes to call himself the sexy one. It’s not hard for him to pull; just a few flirty comments here and a couple of filthy whispers there and the next hour he’ll have an omega to bring home and under him.
He doesn’t know if he’s the only one wired this way, but where territorial instincts stream in his alpha blood, his sexual desires run even harder and faster. It’s like an itch that just won’t get away if he doesn’t scratch at it. He’s an attractive alpha with a high sex drive, he admits it, but is he really wrong to accept any omegas with his long, eager arms?
He thinks not.
Plus, they’re omegas. Heeseung tries not to objectify them, but gosh, the scent wafting from them is always so sweet and inviting. They’re curved softly, meant to hold and love the right, physical way that he’s known how to. He’s a weak man, and an even weaker alpha; Heeseung can’t resist a good fuck between two consenting adults and he always, always consents to being sucked off dry and scratched to bleed.
Fuck, just thinking about it is already making him excited.
Heeseung’s eyes wander, tuning out the conversation about mate as he scans for any attractive omega. It’s starting to bore him—the talk about mate and having a mate and being mated—so he’s entertaining himself with the exposed skin and swaying hips of dancing omegas on the dance floor.
For someone like him that gets off on having sex with omegas and being drunk on their sweet pheromones, mating culture is a big no for him. The idea of being tied to only one omega makes him laugh; it sounds ridiculous to him. He’s an alpha capable of giving and his knot is not limited to only one hole, so why should he settle?
Only hopeless-romantic alphas believe in the belief of fated mates. And unfortunately, two of his friends do. Heeseung mentally rolls his eyes.
He decides that he’s had enough when the mated alphas start talking about having pups; another commitment that makes goosebumps rise in his skin. Wordlessly, he places his shot glass on the table, having sipped only half of it throughout the night.
“Leaving already?” Jay asks, craning his neck when Heeseung stands. The latter only cocks his head to the dance floor with a knowing look. The corner of his mouth curves into a playful smirk when Jay makes a face.
“The usual.”
Jay shakes his head. “Whatever. Just don’t do it raw.”
“I’m always clean and safe, Jongseong.” Heeseung retorts, already taking his leave. “Call me when you’re leaving.”
Whatever Jay replies is muffled by the loud bass and Heeseung couldn’t care less to know what the alpha has said. Probably throwing him insults for using him as his personal chauffeur again. Heeseung only shrugs. Jay’s not his concern tonight. He has a bigger fish, or rather, a pretty wolf, to catch.
His eyes sweep across the space. From where he’s standing, his nose can pick up different scents of alphas and omegas. Even the faint scent of betas are visible, usually amplified by alcohol and adrenaline. He’s still deciding between two male omegas throwing asses back on the dance floor and a group of female omegas giggling at a table not far from him when a spiked scent stabs at his senses.
His nose instantly scrunches, frowning as he tries to detect that smell. An omega in distress. It’s faint, coming from the direction of the exit door, but he can’t see anyone crying or visibly uncomfortable in his line of sight.
Heeseung looks around, momentarily distracted from his initial mission. Nobody seems to notice the scent, however, and Heeseung blames his dominant traits for this. He sometimes forgets that he’s a dominant alpha. Unlike Jay and Riki, his senses are more sensitive and developed, which is a blessing when he’s looking for a hookup and a curse when he’s inside the locker room after a game when the air is drenched in his teammates’ pheromones. Heeseung shudders at the memories. He’s always the first to shower and leave the room because only Riki smells good when sweating.
His thoughts are brought back when the scent intensifies. Heeseung keeps sniffing and blindly follows the trail of wilting daisies and burnt honey, his shoulders braced and jaw tense. He doesn’t know why, but the scent has awakened his senses to a new degree. His alpha is on full alert now.
He passes by dancing bodies and tables to get to the exit door but he’s stopped by a hand on his arm. Heeseung looks down.
A soft, seductive voice reaches his ears. “Heeseung-ssi?”
Heeseung blinks at the smiling omega. After a second of stunned silence, he finally recognises the logo on her varsity jacket and the makeup on her face. Realisation dawns upon him.
She’s part of his college’s cheerleader squad.
The omega is running a hand up and down his arm now, arching her back to flaunt the soft swell of her chest. Behind her, her fellow cheerleaders watch closely, hiding eager smiles behind their palms. Heeseung looks down at her hand, gulping despite himself.
“Spare me a few minutes, will you, my precious, capable alpha?”
Her voice is so enticing, dripping with the kind of allure Heeseung’s so much familiar with. There is a strong wave of her sweet scent—bubblegum and cotton candy, Heeseung notes—coming from her in full force. She’s fluttering her lashes now, hoping he’ll get the message.
Heeseung does; oh does he get the message so well. He knows what she’s hinting on and on any other nights he’ll succumb to the temptation without putting any efforts to think, melting into a puddle of juices at the slightest touch of seductive omegas. It’s a no-brainer decision for him, usually, because he’s always ready to fuck and he always brings a pack of condom with him for this sole reason.
But tonight his wolf is restless. And the reason is none other than the bitter scent still clinging to his nose.
Heeseung gives a polite smile that doesn’t reach his eyes and removes her hand from his arm. The omega frowns, brows almost uniting at the center when the alpha takes a step back.
“Next time, yeah?”
Without waiting for her reply, Heeseung slips away from the crowd, ignoring the sour turn of her pheromones. He can feel their eyes boring into his back, but that’s not his concern now. Following the haunting scent and the sudden flaring instincts to get closer to the owner of it, Heeseung lets his legs bring him closer to the exit door.
Heeseung hates to admit it, but right now, his wolf is thrashing at the bitter scent and his chest feels like caving in. He can feel the itch in his nails; his claws are threatening to sharpen. He frowns.
He’s never reacted this way to any omegas in distress. So why now? Why this particular scent?
When he reaches the door, Heeseung doesn’t waste a second to push it open and steps outside. As he does so, a weight suddenly crashes into his chest, pushing him slightly backwards from the force.
“Oof—”
Heeseung reaches up to steady the figure by the arms. At this sudden proximity, the scent is thicker, the wilting daisies are more prominent it's making his heart constrict. Heeseung lets out a deep exhale and looks down to the person practically in his arms.
A female omega. Clearly in distress, judging by the unshed tears and the tremble in her lips. A familiar varsity jacket drapes across her frame and Heeseung feels his breath stop when he recognises that face.
It’s you. One of the cheerleaders. Heeseung knows many cheerleaders, having been in bed with most of them; but even the most forgetful alpha will remember an omega like you.
A sweet face with a sweeter scent to match, but you are always detached from alphas and their advances. You’re the shy cheerleader his teammates always talk about. The untouchable one. The politely-smile-and-then-reject omega. Heeseung remembers you too well, being one of those rejected alphas himself.
He still remembers how disappointed his wolf was, whining and pouting when a pretty omega he had his eyes on rejected him. But Heeseung is a respectful alpha. He’ll take a no as a no. And you were also so kind when doing so that he moved on from it pretty fast and well.
That was one year ago.
Now you’re crying in his arms, for whatever reasons he doesn’t know and is determined to find out. He can feel your hold on his arms tighten, the spike in your scent when you recognise him, and the hitch in your breath that follows. The bitter scent is definitely coming from you.
“H-Heeseung?” Your voice is so small, like you’re not sure if you can call his name. It’s shaky and breathless. “Please help me.”
Behind you, Heeseung can see three shadows entering the alleyway. Even from the distance, his nose immediately picks up the pheromones of aroused alphas; thick and unpleasant. Your scent lingers amidst the stench, wavering in fear, so heavy he can practically taste it on his tongue. Heeseung instinctively pulls you closer.
“Are they bothering you?”
You nod frantically, the tears now spilling freely down your cheeks. When you speak, your voice is wet from tears and fear.
Nothing can ever prepare Heeseung for the words that are about to leave your mouth.
“P-Please…Please scent me.” You sob, clutching the sleeves of his T-shirt tighter. Heeseung’s breath stutters. “Please, Heeseung.”
Scent-mark. A low rumble sounds from his chest.
You’re asking him to mark you. To…claim you. It’s basically you asking him to bond with you, to shower you with his pheromones and make you smell like him. Smell like you’re his.
This is not what Heeseung’s looking forward to tonight. The fantasy of saving an omega in distress and scent-marking belongs to Jay, an alpha that was even willing to help an omega in heat out of the goodness of his heart. But not Heeseung. That’s never Heeseung. Heeseung doesn’t play the hero; he’s the one stealing the female lead from them.
Scent-marking is way…too intimate to share between two complete strangers with no interaction—that is, if you consider being rejected to having sex together as zero interaction.
Heeseung looks between you and the shadows closing in, then licks his lips. “I can’t,” he tries, and the broken look on your face damn near makes his heart take the same fate. Heeseung schools his expression, forcing himself to push you slightly away from him.
“I—This is not right. You don’t want this.”
He can’t take advantage of you. This is just your scared omega speaking. Outside of this situation, he’s damn sure you’d refuse any kind of bonds with him. Heeseung might be a sex addict, but he’s not an asshole.
But you pull him with you, shaking your head as you keep taking a glance at the approaching alphas. “I do! Please,” you choke, failing to keep your voice steady as you plead at the alpha in front of you. Heeseung forces restraint to his instincts. “Please just scent-mark me, Heeseung. I-I can’t—They will—” You heave a deep breath, your scent taking a sourer lilt at his refusal.
“They won’t back down unless it’s another alpha.”
Something sharp stabs at his chest, rendering him speechless and frozen for a moment. Heeseung stares at your trembling figure, at your shrinking body as if to make yourself disappear, and it suddenly hits him how disgusting the whole situation is.
They won’t back down unless it’s another alpha.
Alphas only take a no when it comes from another alpha.
Heeseung feels nauseous. His throat closes in and there’s a quiet ringing in his ears. In that heavy, stilled silence, everything is muffled to his senses. Only the echoes of your words ripple in his mind.
Unless it’s another alpha.
It’s a hard pill to swallow; one that Heeseung finds it bitter to believe—because it’s so, so easy to walk away from omegas than force yourself on them. It’s so, so easy to shoot your pride down than dwell on it and go feral over a rejection. It’s so, so easy to respect an omega, even for a fuckboy like him, so why is it hard for other alphas to do so?
And the result of this harsh world, of this fucked up power imbalance is sobbing in his arms, shaking and forcing herself to be okay with an unwanted bond just to save herself. Heeseung’s heart breaks for you, for the fate that follows a beautiful being like you just because of secondary genders and because the world says so.
“Please, I-I don’t—”
“Shh, it’s okay,” Heeseung whispers, rubbing a soothing circle on your arms. Your crying subsides a fraction. “I’ll scent you if that makes you feel better. Is that…okay?”
You blink at him tearily, streaks of salty tears tainting your unblemished cheeks. Even with a swollen face, you still look as pretty as he remembers.
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he nods, taking a hold of your wrist when he senses those alphas getting near. “Or we can just get inside and call the cops on them if you change your mind. You can find—”
“No,” you grip him tighter, your previously-calmed scent spiking again. “Cops are useless. T-They won’t—please, Heeseung. You know how they are.”
You know how unfair the system is.
Heeseung swallows hard before he nods, the burnt honey in your pheromones starting to get really thick and sticky. He rubs the inside of your wrists, slow and deliberate, before bringing the scent gland to his nose. It’s the most appropriate point to scent, less intimate than scenting at your neck, which he guesses the last thing you want from him right now.
The tip of his nose caresses the delicate skin tentatively, testing and tasting before he takes a deep inhale. Immediately, the scent of daisies and honey fill up his senses and Heeseung’s eyes flutter shut at the feeling. There is a rush of energy bursting through his veins, his senses tingling and his wolf purring at the sweet combination of your pheromones. Heeseung feels his wolf hum, almost singing and sighing, like his muscles are unknotting in a hot spring.
It’s strange. It’s new. But Heeseung pushes the thoughts aside.
He runs his nose over your wrist over and over again, blanketing you in his pheromones and starting to feel you relax in his arms.
The tension in your shoulders visibly disappears as you let yourself melt into Heeseung. You sigh. Heeseung’s pheromones are just like him; warm spice of cinnamon carried by cool air of sea breeze. It symbolises his fierce persona on the court and his calm demeanour when he’s out of his jersey perfectly. You lean into him further, your squirming wolf unknowingly calms down when being washed by his pheromones.
If Heeseung notices the change in your demeanour, he doesn’t say anything about it, shoving the thought to the back of his mind. His singular focus is entirely on your pulse, nosing at your wrist and pumping out his calming pheromones. When he opens his eyes, they mirror the look in yours: dazed and slightly glassy. The air is now loaded with daisies and cinnamon, intertwining with each other in a perfect, balanced mix of scent.
Heeseung tries to ignore the loud pounding of his heart, but it’s all he can hear. He tries to ignore the stars in your eyes, but it’s all he can see. He tries to ignore how perfectly balanced the mix of your scent is with his. His grip on your wrist tightens, breath caught in his throat. His wolf refuses to let you go, wanting to keep you here, tucked safely in his embrace for as long as he can.
And that thought is so foreign and scary. He really hopes that’s just his wolf and not him.
“Hey, little bunny.” A sick, twisted voice interrupts.
Oh, right.
Those fucking, disgusting alphas.
Heeseung is always slouching, making him appear shorter than he actually is. But in that moment, he’s standing so tall, dominating the space around him like the air is making room for him itself.
He instinctively pulls you behind him, shielding you from the hungry eyes of the approaching alphas. His shoulders are braced like they’re ready for an impact and Heeseung has to force a snarl down his throat when his eyes land on the wolves.
When the shadows step under the light, it takes less than a second for Heeseung to see the jerseys clinging to their bodies before he realises who he’s looking at.
They’re the players from the opposing team that his team just beat tonight.
K, EJ, and Nicholas.
Heeseung grinds his jaw so hard he might pop a vessel.
“If it’s not the mighty Lee Heeseung,” K taunts, wearing a smug smirk like a badge at the sight in front of him. He cocks his head, trying to see you over Heeseung’s shoulders. You cower. “Mind sharing your pretty little cheerleader? She’s exactly my type, shy but slutty.”
Shame spreads across your skin and you screw your eyes shut. Shy and slutty, you bite your lips. You’re nothing but a kinky fantasy for alphas like them.
As if sensing your turmoil, Heeseung stands taller, his eyes narrowing thin.
“Get lost.” Heeseung tries to hold back, but the rage he feels seeps through anyway. “And cover your gland, for fuck’s sake. You stink.”
K’s eyebrows shoot up, his grin turning cheshire. “Come on, man. Are you gatekeeping your cheerleaders?” K tries to take a peek at you, but Heeseung moves and covers you with his whole body. His frown deepens. “You had fucked her already. Don’t be greedy, captain.”
His alpha minions laugh, and Heeseung is now seeing red. Something hot spreads in his chest, burning in his vein like wildfire at the insult. Was it a hit to his ego and his shameless sexual routine? Definitely, but Heeseung never takes it to heart. Rather, it’s the way you gasp and sob into his back, shaken by the disgusting assumption of your dignity and your virginity. The storm of the ocean spikes in the air, taking his pheromones to a dangerous peak, gathering a tide to a new height.
Heeseung doesn’t think he’s ever released pheromones this bad. But something about seeing the same pattern of omegas falling victim to empty-headed alphas makes his blood boil.
Behind him, you whimper, your omega reacting to the agitated alpha in front of you. But Heeseung is now relentless. He holds out an arm around your waist, protecting you from their sight in a tight, almost-possessive grip.
“Watch your fucking mouth. Don’t you get it?” Heeseung seethes, pupils thinning as the laughter dies down. “She doesn’t want you. In what fucking language must she say no for your stupid brain to understand? She’s—”
Mine. She’s mine, his wolf howls. My omega.
Heeseung grits his teeth.
No, she’s not. Get a fucking grip, Lee Heeseung. You don’t have a mate.
“...not a toy.”
The sea-salt bite of his pheromones thickens in the alley. K scoffs, stepping forward in offense but is stopped by Nicholas. The latter has his arm shot out against K’s chest, preventing him from approaching the couple.
“No, K,” Nicholas murmurs, nose sniffing at the heavy pheromones in the air. Underneath the eye-watering spice of cinnamon and the raging storm of Heeseung’ sea breeze scent, there is a tangled sweetness of daisies and honey clinging to it. He visibly gulps. “They’re together. And Heeseung…”
Nicholas throws him a side eye, giving him a once-over briefly. He takes in the sharp glare directed his way, the downturned curl of his mouth, the tense shoulders ready to pounce. Nicholas shudders imperceptibly and shakes his head.
“…He’s a dominant alpha.”
His statement, though meant to deescalate the situation, only rages Heeseung on further. The alpha takes a menacing step forward, eyes narrowing thin at the trio. They falter back.
“Get this in your empty brains you freaks,” Heeseung grits, fuming beyond reason. Nicholas swears he sees something red flickering in his irises.
“When someone says no, you back the fuck off. Dominant alpha or not. Omega or not.” He spits out the word, the venom in his voice nearly poisons the air. “Do you fucking get it?”
His raging pheromones are turning physical, pressing on each pair of lungs like lead on a mattress. Nicholas fights the urge to cover his nose and pulls his two friends backwards with him.
“We get it. Sorry, captain.”
“Not me,” Heeseung hisses. A low growl rumbles in warning. “Her.”
Nicholas licks his lips and nods. He bows down quickly, forcing the other alphas to bend despite it hurting his pride. K reluctantly follows, though his eyes return the glare Heeseung gives him in a similar intensity.
“We’re sorry, omega. Shit, I don’t know your name, but—we’re sorry.”
In the next moment, the three alphas are already retreating. Nicholas aggressively whispers something among them while K visibly restrains himself from running back to Heeseung. He clearly doesn’t mind taking up a challenge with the dominant alpha and Heeseung finds himself not minding to dirty his hands too.
A beat of heavy silence falls upon you. You stay rooted in place, pulse racing in your ears. Heeseung is still facing away from you, ragged breathing slowing down. The air of dense pheromones is thinning out, leaving behind trails of spicy cinnamon and soft daisies.
You let out a breath and your knees buckle.
Heeseung is by your side in a flash, the same, now-familiar arms caging you against his tall frame. You put your hands on his chest, trying to steady the wobble in your legs.
“Hey, hey. You’re okay now. They’re gone.”
They really are. You cry. They’re actually gone.
An ugly sob racks through your chest and soon, the wilting daisies are back, staining the air with crumpled petals and sad flowers. Heeseung tightens his hold. He doesn’t like seeing people cry, but his alpha apparently despises it the most when he sees you in this state.
His calming pheromones pour out in waves, hands carding through your hair gently. “It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re safe now.”
You’re safe with me.
Your crying slows down. For a few seconds, you let yourself savour the warmth of Heeseung’s embrace. Closer, his pheromones, layered with a faint trail of his body wash, are stronger, filling up the almost-nonexistent space between the two of you. Strangely, the spice and the salt work wonders on calming you down.
Your wolf—previously anxious and distressed—is now quiet.
Heeseung adjusts his hold on you, and in that moment do you only realise in horror how long you’ve been shamelessly hugging him. Like a reflex, you pull away from his embrace, cheeks now flaming red when his shirt is now stained with two big spots of your tears.
“I’m sorry!” Your palms instinctively rub at the stains, as if they can dry out the tears out of the fabric. “I’ll buy you a new shirt.”
Heeseung looks down, silently watching the small of your palms against his broad chest. There’s a strange flutter that follows, quiet and unfamiliar. He hopes that you can’t feel it through the fabric.
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” Heeseung murmurs, eyes finding their ways back to your face. Red nose, swollen eyes, blotched cheeks. You really went through it, still sniffling as you still try to fix the stains on his shirt. A small part of him twists uncomfortably.
Heeseung catches your wrists, his thumbs moving almost instinctively against the soft skin.Your breath catches as you lift your gaze to look at him.
“Are you okay?” Heeseung asks, voice soft and gentle. You immediately nod, admittedly feeling better after being bathed in his calming pheromones.
“I’m okay. Just a bit thirsty.”
He searches your face, as if trying to detect any kind of discomfort or distress. But in the end, he ends up staring into your eyes, counting the lashes that guard your beautiful eyes.
It should end there. He really should just escort you back into the safety of your friend group and leave you be. Perhaps, he can go find the previous omega, seduce his way back and bring her home. The normal. The usual.
But something inside stirs in protest to that idea, and so instead he finds himself saying: “Let’s get you something to drink.”
The convenience store is bright under the dark sky, located just two blocks away from the nightclub. It’s already past one in the morning, but to the people of the night, it’s only the beginning of fun. From a distance, the queue line is only getting longer.
Beside you, Heeseung is walking on the edge of the pavement, looking out for cars despite the slow traffic. He’s been quiet since the alleyway, seemingly lost in thought. Occasionally, his hand will brush yours, a quiet graze that sends electricity in your system. You try not to react.
The convenience store is empty, save for a group of partygoers sobering up around the round table outside, leaving only a long bench beside the door empty. You stop when Heeseung does, his hand already tapping on the sensory handle.
“Wait here. I’ll buy you something to drink.”
You nod, obediently sitting down. Heeseung takes one last look at you before he enters the store, the harsh lights greeting his tired eyes. He grabs the coldest mineral water and stops in front of the necessities shelves.
Without thinking, his hand moves like it has a mind of its own, grabbing whatever his eyes land on—a heat pack, chocolate, a pack of wet tissues. It’s only when the cashier scans the items that he pauses, staring at the items with wide eyes.
Since when does he…do this?
“Anything to add, sir?”
Heeseung gulps, looks past the cashier’s head, and lands on the rows of pills behind him.
She cried too much, she might have a headache.
And so, as if on instinct, Heeseung adds paracetamol to his receipt.
Outside, the air is cooler, biting at exposed skin like a bug. Heeseung wordlessly sits beside you, placing the plastic bag on his lap. You curiously peek into the bag.
“That’s a lot. Are you hungry?”
Heeseung pauses, realisation dawns upon him. His instincts flare again. “No. Are you? Do you want ramyeon? Or packed rice? I can—”
“No! It’s fine, Heeseung,” you laugh softly, the sound like a melodious chime of a bell to his ears. “I had dinner.”
Heeseung visibly relaxes and nods. He hands you the bottle first, twisting the cap open before passing it over without a word. He watches you drink, takes the bottle from you, and gives you the heat pack next.
You blink at him. “It’s cold,” Heeseung shrugs, pulling your hand towards him and placing the heat pack on your palm. He closes your fingers over it. “This will warm you up a bit.”
For a second, you just stare at him. The warmth in your hand spreads from your fingers up to your chest, where your heart is thumping wildly at his gentle act.
You bring the heat pack to your neck, a gentle smile gracing your lips as you stare at him, cheeks blooming red. They put him in a trance, your eyes, as Heeseung finds himself unable to look away. His gaze then drops to your lips when they move, already clinging to every syllable without even knowing it.
“Thank you, Heeseung.”
The flutter comes back, now more frantic and aggressive than before, like a caged bird trying to escape. This time, Heeseung forces himself to look away, the plastic bag wrinkles under his tightening grip.
“Don’t mention it.”
“I mean it, though.” You counter back, gazing at the passing cars as you feel a gust of chilling wind breezing through. You scoot closer to the heat beside you. “It was really scary. Thank you for helping me out.”
There’s a bitter tone, faint and subtle, to your scent, as if you’re recalling the ugly incident that just happened almost half an hour ago. Heeseung clenches his jaw.
Before he can stop it, his pheromones spill out like soft waves, calming and comforting, cocooning you again like a safety blanket. His wolf hums in quiet satisfaction, watching the way your shoulders loosen, the tension melting off you bit by bit.
Heeseung doesn’t know when or how it happened, but there’s no gap between you now. But he doesn’t hate it like he thought he would. Here, you’re so close to him, your shoulder practically glued to his, seeking warmth from his body heat.
It’s a foreign feeling. A comfortable, foreign feeling.
You stay in that position, slowly getting drunk on his pheromones. Your eyes droop, fighting sleep, but the exhaustion from running away from scary alphas has finally caught up to you. Before you know it, your head dips against his shoulder, breath evening out as your fingers lose their grip on the heat pack.
Heeseung swallows. He doesn’t dare move. From the proximity, he can smell your fruity hair wash, blending smoothly with your scent.
It’s so unfair. Every inch of you smells really good, whether it’s your natural scent or the products that you use. It’s like every inch of your skin decides that you only deserve to smell the best, and Heeseung himself can’t help but agree too. It’s so unfair.
Heeseung finds his hands hover awkwardly in the air, hesitating for a second before settling carefully on your head. His fingers thread through your hair, slower this time.
“Don’t feel scared anymore,” he mumbles, gently caressing the dark strands of your hair.
It’s me who should feel scared.
His fingers freeze in your hair.
Scared. He is scared.
This is not him. If Riki or Jay were to walk in to see him in this state, they’d drag him to the nearest police station and demand they find the real Heeseung. The normal Heeseung. The usual Heeseung.
The Heeseung that doesn’t stay, or spend his time watching people breathe in their sleep. The Heeseung who’s out the door before the sheets even cool down. The Heeseung that dislikes small touches like these; like caressing the hair of the girl he just saved, because the only physical touch he brands himself with is sex.
Not this. Not whatever this is.
He wants to move, but his body doesn’t listen—he stays despite himself. His wolf, like it’s found something it’s been looking for all along, settles deeper instead, quiet and satisfied. You nuzzle closer into his body and Heeseung feels his chest tighten.
Something uneasy creeps up his spine.
This should feel suffocating. It should itch under his skin, make him want to pull away, shake you off, leave.
But it doesn’t. It feels easy. Too easy, in fact.
And it scares the shit out of him.
When your senses return to you, the first thing that greets you is someone’s scent.
Warm, spicy cinnamon and calm, salty sea air.
The memory follows not long after; of angry frowns and disgusting smirks that make your skin crawl. Amidst it all, a familiar face flashes in your mind and you feel your heart stutter.
Heeseung.
The pulse in your wrist thuds violently, as if not letting you forget the owner of the pheromones now wrapped around you like a soft blanket. You faintly remember, in your subconscious, being carried to a car and your roommate, Yujin, hugging you in panic. Unconsciously, you pull your blanket closer to your chest.
Did Heeseung send you home? Did he really…scent-mark you to help you?
You bite your lips between your teeth. The clarity is palpable now that the haziness of pheromones and distress are no longer around. There’s no way an alpha—a dominant one, at that—is willing to scent-mark an omega he has no connections to. The implications are more than the action itself. Heeseung surely knows about that, right?
It feels like a dream. It has to be a dream.
What a capable alpha, your wolf preens. Shut up, you hiss.
Then, as if the universe was insistent to prove you wrong, your eyes land on a plastic bag placed neatly on top of your vanity, a damning evidence of last night’s incident.
No way.
Your brain swirls with possibilities and your own made-up theories that it has started to throb faintly. Before you could lose your sanity, thread by unraveling thread, you rush to the bathroom to, hopefully, get rid of his scent, even when your omega begs you not to.
Unfortunately for the human-you, the cinnamon trails after you even post-showers. It clings to your clothes when you change and it doesn’t let you go even as you sit for breakfast prepared by your doting roommate. It’s strange, really. No one’s scent ever clung to you so stubbornly like this, like a chewing gum latching on shoe soles. You always cuddle with Yujin and even her green tea pheromones never stay with you after washing up.
“It’s a bit odd, yes,” Yujin munches through a mouthful of her own signature pancake. “But it’s not totally out-of-this-world. His scent will fade by this evening, I promise.”
You chew painfully slowly, eyes going wide at another possibility. “You don’t think that I conjured some kind of bond with him, right?”
It’s common knowledge that a thin, fragile bond can be easily formed when an alpha and an omega scent each other, mated or not. After all, context and intention are greatly considered, whether it’s meant for familiarity, protection, or possessiveness—each one will determine how long it’ll last.
You pull at the sleeves of your cardigan, a telltale sign of your anxiousness. The same wilting daisies accent of your scent from the night before comes back, signalling your impending distress. Yujin drops her fork and reaches a hand to yours.
“Hey, hey. Calm down for a sec, Y/N.”
“It’s just,” you swallow harshly, your traitorous mind replaying the scene from last night. Your heart thumps at the base of your throat. “I don’t know—fuck. I forced him to do this. And—and despite the circumstances, he still helped me and now…now I think…”
Your eyes turn glassy, reminded of the wolf residing deep inside you.
“I think my omega might like him.”
Yujin is silent for a moment, assessing the right words to say. It’s obvious to everyone on campus of the nature of Lee Heeseung. He’s not exactly the alpha you’d seek for companionship or commitment; he seems to be allergic to those things.
And to get your wolf to like him…well, let’s say that you’re already set for thousand-words of angst and a life of yearning. Yujin isn’t exactly fond of the idea of dishing out what you already knew. You already seem restless enough with your own thoughts.
“Okay. That’s valid.” Yujin starts slowly, treading through every syllable like a mother to her kindergartener son. “He’s super attractive. It’s understandable. But you can, you know—unlike him.”
You perk up at that, though the doubt clouding your face is more prominent now. “How?”
“Find a better alpha,” Yujin shrugs, as if explaining the world’s simplest equation. “For the record, I do think Heeseung’s a good guy, just not in the romantic department. I don’t know why your wolf is picking a fuckboy out of all alphas, but taste is subjective.”
“It’s because he stepped up and protected me!” You deflect and pause, realising how defensive of him you have become. Yujin raises a brow and you sigh, defeated, slumping in your seat.
“Fuck. Now my omega hates you for badmouthing him.”
“Sucks to be you.”
“Just kill me.”
Yujin shoots you a small smile, pushing your now-cold plate closer to you. You reluctantly take a bite. “Why not someone else, though? You could ask literally any other alpha, like—” Yujin pauses and it takes her less than a second to pick a name. “Jay. Like Jay. He’s like, the safest option, the greenest flag. But why Heeseung? And don’t tell me it’s because he was the only one there—you could’ve just barged in and found someone else. It’s a freaking nightclub.”
You freeze, unmoving for a slow second. There is, of course, an answer to that. One that you admittedly avoid to admit, because admitting it will admit that there is something underneath that only you know, and you admit that it’s scary to admit that. Fuck this admission! Yujin wouldn’t make fun of you, right?
“I…” You trail off, second-guessing your decision. Should you really tell your roommate? Seeing the eager look on her face, with her sweet, cute dimples showing up, you decide that people with dimples should be banned from this world. Promptly, you’re reminded of your junior—an alpha with Jungwon or something as his name. The both of them possessed dimples that could make any alpha (or omega) drop down to their knees.
Alas, you force yourself to tell the truth.
“I smelled him for afar.” You watch carefully for Yujin’s reaction. “Like, from outside. While I was running from those scary alphas.”
Yujin contemplates. “Did you feel some kind of a pull towards him?”
You don’t even contemplate. “Yes.”
“Holy shit,” Yujin laughs, her grin turning giddy. “This shit is actually real?!”
“What is?!” You frown, not liking being kept in the dark. A playful punch lands on Yujin’s shoulder, who’s now throwing her head back in laughter. Unconsciously, a pout is formed on your lips.
“What is it? Tell me!”
“It’s just, there’s this joke going around,” Yujin hiccups between every inhale, “that an omega will eventually crave for his knot. I can’t believe it’s happening to you!”
The lines in your forehead deepen. You regard your roommate with a look of contempt, thinking of the best spot to hide a body.
“That’s not true. I don’t crave his knot, or whatever it is.” You sigh, bringing a hand to pinch the bridge of your nose. “You know what? I’m just gonna pretend last night didn’t happen.”
Resigned and defeated, you rise and bring your plate to the sink. Your class doesn’t start until the next three hours, and then the evening is reserved for your new routine practice for the upcoming tournament. The ninety-two unread messages from the group chat are still left unopened; you haven’t had time to review the routine video yet.
You put on your apron and reach for the cabinet. When in distress or deep thoughts, other than nesting in your bedroom, you often opt to stress-bake instead. The scent of baked goods always puts you at ease, and it blends sweetly with your daisies and honey pheromones. Everyone who knows you knows to empty their stomach and be ready for a mass sweet-feeding whenever you’re in your stressed baker mode.
Behind you, Yujin’s laughter dies in her throat. Then, a question that stops you in your tracks comes.
“Hey, you don’t think it’s because you and Heeseung are fated mates, right?”
Fated mates. The words settle like a heavy blanket, pressing you down with its weight and keeping you warm altogether.
It’s sacred. It’s ancient. It’s something that you never speak of lightly, afraid that a slip of a tongue would taint the purity of such a bond. Against all odds and critiques on the concept of fated mates, you’re part of the minority who believed in it, no matter how foolish or ridiculous it may sound.
You believe in fated mates. You believe in the name written in the stars, in the love that has been shaped and created just to cherish you. You believe in spending the rest of your life looking for a face that your heart would recognise in a heartbeat, feeling that inevitable pull like you’re each other’s missing half.
But after last night, do you think it’s because you and Heeseung are fated mates?
Heeseung, who’s always made it clear to everyone about his relationship with commitments?
Heeseung, who never shies away when the boys tease him about the girls he sleeps with?
You’re never one to judge someone’s sex life, but you might be a little too concerned about how they view a long-term, committed relationship. Because that’s what you’ve been looking for.
An alpha who’s not afraid to love you loudly. An alpha whose instincts are to love and protect you.
Sometimes, you really envy mated couples. You envy how loyal Riki is of his girlfriend, craving the same kind of devotion to be directed to you. You envy how proud Taesan is to show off his mating mark, like it’s a badge of honour and love that promises forever.
Eventually, your mind drifts to Heeseung. The captain of the basketball team. Someone who deceives people with how approachable he seems, but is actually the most detached.
Heeseung is a perfect and capable alpha. You’ve seen it.
He leads his team with the kind of leadership that becomes a glue, keeping the team together no matter what challenges they’re going through. You know that he’s from the music department, and there are a few songs with his name being credited as the producer, composer, lyricist—you name it. Heeseung is a dominant alpha and uses his authority well, and he knows how to fend for himself.
You admire him, you really do.
But will he devote himself to you? Will he look only for you in a crowd of beautiful omegas, and beautiful omegas who have spent the night with him? Does he share the same sentiment as you when it comes to fated mates?
The churn in your stomach provides an answer clearer than any of your exams had ever done.
You let Yujin’s question fade in the background, letting yourself lose in your element—baking and baking and baking until it feels like you could feed a whole team of athletes. Which is what Yujin has suggested before she leaves for her lab session, after saving a big jar of cookies for herself.
Fated mates.
What a scary thought.
For the first time in his life, Heeseung is actively avoiding omegas.
It’s not any omegas, though. It’s only you. But since it’s you, it’s actually a pretty big deal to him.
Heeseung doesn’t play favourites. He doesn’t believe in fated mates, remember? But last night left a lasting impact in the form of your scent still clinging to him this morning, even after showering. Not to mention how excited his wolf has been when realising that it’s you.
It’s you, for fuck’s sake! The one who rejected him one year ago, and, admittedly, one of the prettiest omegas on campus. You might as well be every alpha’s ideal type. Well, maybe not Riki, that man is proudly claimed and fiercely loyal to his mate. But it’s definitely the case for him and Jay.
Knowing his best friend, Heeseung’s sure you’re just Jay’s type. And his. No. He didn’t say that. He doesn’t have a type, remember?
As if to make it worse, you also have a scent that might just be his favourite one yet. The same scent that is currently invading his senses, dampening other pheromones in the court despite being on opposite ends from you. The same scent that his wolf decides to pick up and single out the moment he steps foot in the campus, recognising you before his eyes can even see you first. The same scent that still lingers in his lungs, mingling with his cinnamon and sea breeze notes like dancing partners.
Yeah, Heeseung is starting to think that he’s slowly going insane.
“Dude, stop staring. You’re scaring them.”
Heeseung blinks, Jay’s voice successfully snapping him out of whatever omega-spell that you have casted on him. Yeap, he nods. It’s definitely that. You’re actually a witch. There’s no other explanation to this other than that.
A blob of freshly-dyed blonde hair pops up beside Jay. “Hyung showed up smelling like daisies and honey and suddenly he’s staring at the cheerleaders like they owe him money.” Riki teases, then grins when he realises something. “Wait, that kinda rhymes—”
“I’m not staring!” Heeseung almost shouts, belatedly realising that he, indeed, has been staring at the group of cheerleaders stretching across the court. Or, to be more precise, he’s been staring at you. He glares at Riki.
“Okay. So why do you smell like one of them then? What’s her name again, Jay hyung?”
Heeseung grumbles. “It’s no one—”
“Y/N.”
“Yes, that one. The shy one.”
Heeseung groans. He kicks Riki’s shins and makes a show of turning his back facing the cheerleaders. But for some reasons he refuses to admit, as if he has eyes on the back of his head, he still can point where you’re standing just from his senses alone.
These stupid, useless alpha senses.
At least Jay takes pity on him. “Your Heeseung hyung saved her from perverts last night. He scented her to calm her down because she was reacting pretty badly.”
Heeseung mentally thanks Jay and continues warming up. He opts to just watch his teammates dribble and stretch just like him. The faint hum of scent neutraliser—a new, advanced one, thanks to that incident with Riki’s girlfriend—rumbles slowly. Somewhere behind him, he can hear you laugh and taste the sweet spike in your scent on his tongue. Heeseung grits his teeth.
What is wrong with his wolf? Please get your tail together.
Riki, on the other hand, is intrigued. “Really? Did it happen after I left? Who were those alphas?”
“Some idiots from that team we beat last night.”
Riki frowns, clearly displeased with the news he just heard. “Well, I’ll keep my eyes on them. How did Heeseung hyung find her?”
Jay shrugs and shoots him a look. Heeseung really hopes he can slap that annoying smirk off his face one day. “Dunno. Ask him. His alpha probably recognised her from miles away.”
Heeseung doesn’t like what that sentence implies. “Shut up. It’s just instinct. Normal alpha-omega reaction.”
“Keep lying to yourself. I can practically see your tail wagging when you smelled your pheromones on her just now.”
“I didn’t—” Heeseung closes his eyes, forcing himself to calm down despite the sudden flare of defensiveness exploding in his chest. He doesn’t know why he’s so reactive and not in his usual calm composure, but he’s pretty sure it has something to do with you. Jay and Riki snicker.
“The only people that believe in fated mates are you two idiots. Do you know that?”
“Yeah, I know,” Riki snorts and looks at him, amused. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean I have a fated mate. That shit is rare. It’s like finding my size in Calvin Klein.”
Jay frowns. “I don’t see the correlation.”
“There is. My dick is just too big, hyung. There’s no size for me—”
“I don’t need to know that!” Jay slaps at Riki’s shoulders while the younger alpha only lets out a full-body laugh. “Save that information for your girlfriend, Riki. I didn’t raise you like this.”
“She already knows that.”
“Nishimura Riki!”
Heeseung is back to zoning out, his energy is suddenly drained out of his soul. That’s usually the case when you have to deal with a Nishimura Riki and a Park Jongseong on a daily basis. His mind, choosing to move at the pace of a snail today, is replaying Riki’s words back like a broken loop.
The realisation hits him five seconds late. “Wait. Did you mean that you and your girlfriend are not…fated mates? I thought you were!”
Riki is trapping Jay in a headlock when he answers. “Nope. We only imprinted on each other from early on because we’re childhood friends.”
“So like…what’s the difference?” Heeseung pauses and hesitates for a moment. He glances at you and then thinks, fuck it. If curiosity didn’t kill the cat then it’ll definitely kill him. “Can you smell your girlfriend in a sea of people?”
Riki scrunches his nose, his hands busy play-fighting with Jay. Heeseung ignores them like it’s a daily occurrence to see them act this way. Which is probably not far from the truth. “Not really? If they’re too many people, like right now, with your stench and too many omega scents—it’s difficult to find her.” Jay tackles his side and Riki yelps. “B-But it’s getting better after the mating bite, though—Jay hyung! I just got my tattoo there!”
“So…you can’t like…” Heeseung licks his lips, his throat suddenly dry. He has a feeling that he’s not going to like the answer Riki’s going to give him once he finishes his sentence. Jay is now on the floor while Riki is pulling him by the legs and dragging him around like a used rug.
“You can’t single her out from her scent alone?”
There. He said it. His two idiotic friends will catch on it and grill him for the problem he partially caused. The other part is, no doubt, his wolf’s fault for deciding to like one single scent. You’re not at fault at all. Never. Wait, who said that?
Riki is breathless from the laughter and play-fight, but he still manages to listen and answer, thanks to his alpha senses. If he finds Heeseung’s questions strange, he only shares his suspicion through a knowing look with Jay.
“Sometimes. Like I said, it’s only when the crowd isn’t too big and when she’s in the same room as me.” Riki finally spares Heeseung a glance, tilting his head in a feigned curiosity. “Why are you asking, hyung? Did you smell Y/N from miles away or something?”
How the fuck did that idiot know?
Heeseung looks away from the teasing grin thrown his way. He really doesn’t like this. “No,” he grumbles. “I’m just afraid if I might be Jay’s fated mate because his pheromones are fucking everywhere.”
“Hey! What the fuck did I do to you?!”
Riki bursts out laughing and high-fives Heeseung with a cheeky smile. On the floor, Jay is already huffing and sulking, mumbling something about ‘always catching strays’ and ‘citrusy pheromones aren’t smelly’. Heeseung sighs quietly when the topic takes a turn into a debate about who has the best smelling pheromones, which is an easy win for Riki, if Heeseung’s going to be honest.
Don’t tell Jay though. Heeseung doesn’t want to lose his passenger princess privilege so soon.
Much to his relief, it’s already time for practice. Heeseung tries to ignore the prickle in his neck coming from your direction as you and your fellow cheerleaders leave the gym to go to your own practice room. He fights the urge to look back, to stride forward and ask you to stay—which is insane, by the way, what the fuck is wrong with him?
Before he slips into his captain mode, however, Jay approaches him with a more serious look on his face. “Calm your flat tits, Hee. It’s normal for her scent to linger; you kinda scented her aggressively to protect her last night.”
Heeseung weakly nods. Jay pats his shoulder. “A deep bond can’t be conjured just from scenting alone, unless you’re fated mates.”
This time, Heeseung doesn’t move, his tension visible in the rigid lines of his posture, the frantic movement of his Adam’s apple as he swallows.
“Yeah,” he croaks, his pulse louder than his own voice. “Hope not.”
Practice goes on for the next two hours. Heeseung eventually falls into routine, finding himself lost in adrenaline and competitiveness. The thoughts of you cease for a moment, replaced by his quick-thinking strategy and sharp reflexes. He keeps dribbling, scoring, and making passes, not even aware of the ticking clock or when the cheerleader squad comes back in to take a break.
The last whistle finally blows before the players dramatically fall in a heap of sweaty, breathless alphas. The practice was particularly grueling, which made his body ache and his shirt clung to his skin. The coach is on fire today, all because his wife has been giving him a silent treatment. Apparently, he forgot to buy diapers on his way home last night.
Source: Nishimura Nosy.
“I think I might die,” Jay huffs, claiming a bench all to himself. His chest rises and falls in a rapid motion. “But even as a ghost, I bet the coach would still unearth my grave to force me to practice.”
“I’ll be Ghost Number Two.” Heeseung deadpans, lying down on the bench next to Jay. The latter continues to talk about something else, which Heeseung would know and remember if he didn’t get distracted by daisies and honey.
Fuck. You’re in the court again.
The urge to corner you, to grab your wrist and ask if you were okay, crawls under his skin again—restless, unrelenting.
Heeseung isn’t stupid. He knows last night, ugly as it was, doesn’t just fade by morning. His alpha has been clawing at him since then, sharp and impatient, demanding he go to you.
But Heeseung doesn’t move.
For once, he’s a coward.
He shoves it down, buries it deep, treating his own wolf like a disease he refuses to catch.
Heeseung blinks at the ceiling in an active effort to not start looking for you and staring at you like a creep. This time, he wonders quietly why your scent smells stronger than before. Perhaps the adrenaline from your routine. But even so, you don’t only smell strong, but you also smell closer—
“Free cookies!”
Heeseung jolts in surprise and whips his head in the direction of that voice. Or, precisely, your voice. His heart, as if trying to shorten his life span, decides not to take a break from the session just now and continues beating even faster.
There, just a few paces away from him, is you, standing in the middle of the court with one of your cheerleader friends. In her hold, there’s a purple Tupperware, its lid nowhere to be found. You stand slightly behind your friend, shyly looking over her shoulders as she talks to his teammates.
“Oh my God, they brought us cookies?!” Jay is already standing up, stretching lazily like a cat. “C’mon, Hee. It’s free cookies.”
Heeseung’s quick to refuse, despite his wolf begging him to go. “Nah—”
But before he can spit out any excuses, Jay is already dragging him, his weeks spent in the gym working out with Riki are finally paying off. “Don’t be ridiculous. Take your portion and give it to me.”
Heeseung groans. He really should start joining their workout session. He can’t be manhandled by his two best friends easily like this.
Distracted, Heeseung fails to register the decreasing distance between you and him. It’s only when your scent spikes sweetly, which hits him in the face like a fucking tidal wave, does he catch your eyes and realises that, fuckfuckfuck she’s here ohmyGod—
“Hi, Jay. Hi, Heeseung.”
Wait hold on, why does his name sound even more beautiful coming from your voice?
He stands like a flag pole beside Jay, actively avoiding your eyes while being fully aware of that pretty pair staring at his face. The floor suddenly looks very interesting, with skid marks from their shoes and some sweat trails. Okay. Ew. That’s gross.
“Hey, pretty ladies.” Jay greets, flashing his attractive smile as he gestures at the container. “Heard there’s free cookies for the taking? Mind if we have some?”
Smooth as ever, Jay doesn’t even realise how easily he has charmed your friend with his simple greeting. Poor omega is already blinking rapidly, almost bouncing on her toes as she practically shoves the Tupperware into Jay’s chest.
“Yes! Yes, of course you can, Jay. There’s only little left! Take them all!”
Your eyes, fixated on Heeseung since he arrived, tries to search his face as you shyly interrupt, whispering into your friend’s ear.
“Offer some to Heeseung too…”
Heeseung doesn’t know whether to curse or thank the Goddess for his advanced dominant-alpha senses, because overhearing those words…it makes his chest feel warm and tight at the same time.
But your friend doesn’t pay you any mind, urging Jay to take the Tupperware from her. Jay, ever the gentleman but still a little shameless shit when it comes to food, takes it from her eager hands. He takes one bite and immediately lights up.
“This is so good! I love that it’s not too sweet.”
Like a mirror reflecting light, you beam widely, returning Jay’s enthusiasm. Heeseung tries to ignore the ugly twist in his chest. “Really? That’s…good to hear.”
“She made these, by the way!” Your friend proudly announces, which makes red blooms across your cheeks, ducking your head down slightly. You’re so shy, so pretty, Heeseung can’t stop staring.
And so good at baking. Such a perfect omega, his wolf continues. Shut the fuck up, Heeseung hisses.
“You’re really good at this, Y/N,” Jay interrupts his internal war, his voice sounding wrong in his ears. “Care to share the recipe?”
Now, is Jay flirting with you? Since when does his voice sound like that?
Heeseung tries to inhale, attempting to calm his fucking irrational wolf down, but all he can smell is the sugary scent of yours, tangling delicately and blending seamlessly with his spicy cinnamon and salty sea breeze. Somewhere in his chest, his heartstrings soften, drunk in the perfect mix of your pheromones, a ghost of a mark from last night.
Maybe that’s what possessed him to snatch the Tupperware from Jay.
Heeseung wastes no time and starts munching two cookies at once, ignoring the gasps from you and your friend and the bombastic side-eye from his fellow alpha friend. The flavour of buttery vanilla and sweet chocolate chips melt on his tongue and Heeseung almost purrs at the taste.
Outside, he makes an effort to look calm.
“These are good,” he comments coolly, trying to make it sound more like a statement than a compliment (he’s failing). This time, he dares himself to meet your eyes, and has to force down another purr when he sees the sparkles in your eyes. “Thank you, Y/N.”
There’s a strange satisfaction blooming in his chest when the blush in your cheeks deepen. You quickly look down to the floor, mumbling softly that could’ve been missed had it not been for his senses.
What kind of pull is this? Why is every sense of his attuned to you? Heeseung swears he can smell the subtle spike of your scent, the sound of your heartbeat and your soft breathing. It’s like his whole body has decided that it wants to worship you.
And Heeseung doesn’t worship. Fuck. This is terrifying.
“Thank you, Heeseung…”
There. Your voice again. Heeseung swallows. His grip on the Tupperware tightens. Seeing you under this light, flushed and softly smiling to the ground while sneaking glances at him—it undoes him in ways he never dared imagine.
The question is already at the tip of his tongue without his realisation. ‘Are you okay? Does what happened last night still bother you?’ The urge to comfort and soothe, now growing like a rolling snowball, threatening to spill from his mouth.
And the scary part is: Heeseung isn’t sure if that desire comes from his wolf or himself.
However, he never gets the chance to, because Jay with his perfect, universe-timing is already pulling him backwards. “Thank you for the cookies! We’ll eat them well!”
Heeseung reluctantly nods, the grip he has on the Tupperware turning knuckle-white.
“What the fuck was that?” Jay whisper-yells when they’re out of earshot, walking back to their previous spot. “And those are not only for you. Give them back to me!”
Heeseung dodges his grabby hand. “Why the fuck are you eating more?” He asks, failing to mask the bitterness in his voice.
“Didn’t they give all ten of them to us?”
“You’ve had two.”
“And you’ve had five!”
“I don’t care. These are mine.”
“You are being ridiculous.”
That’s what it takes for Heeseung to freeze in his tracks. Seeing an opening, Jay quickly snatches the Tupperware from his grasp and runs back to his spot on the bench, not forgetting to flip off the burgundy-haired alpha as he does so.
Heeseung is losing his fucking mind.
Sighing, Heeseung closes his eyes, a faint trail of daisies and honey still clinging to his senses. Even across the room, among the murmur of the gossiping cheerleaders, it’s your voice, the only one clear and crisp to his ears.
I’m being ridiculous.
This isn’t me.
Slowly, his human side starts taking over, all flowery images of you vanish within seconds.
Fuck, he curses. He wishes this scent-marking will be gone by tomorrow morning.
Three mornings later, much to his dismay, your scent still clings to him. On the bright side, it has been notably fading, now only the remnants of daisies and honey underneath cinnamon and sea air; like crunched petals along the shoreline, waiting to be washed away.
Against his own judgment, however, his wolf is fucking devastated.
He’s been whining like a kicked puppy ever since he walked to practice this morning and couldn’t smell his scent on you instantly. He still can spot you from two buildings away, which is still strange, but the lack of spice and salt in your scent is what does it. Heeseung has to fight the urge to march towards you and start scenting you.
His wolf has been restless. And, inevitably, it puts Heeseung in a terrible mood, too. He never knew his wolf was that desperate.
Practice ends late that night. With the tournament just around the corner, everyone is being a little shit at managing their emotions and competitiveness on the court—the downside of having an all-alpha team that people rarely talk about.
Heeseung is not excluded from the equation, though. He almost threw the ball to Taesan’s knot and made his omega pups-less and pregnancy-free when he accidentally made a bad pass. The court had smelled like tension and a barely held-together brotherhood when he left before a cheerleader came up to him to flirt and he wasted no time to drag her to an empty classroom.
Now, Heeseung finds himself making out with that omega, tongue licking up into her mouth while she breathlessly moans into his. It’s been five days since his last fuck, and while he usually can go on without sex for weeks (one month was his best record), he’s been at his wit’s end today. Add the confusion and silent wars he’s been having about you into the mix, and Heeseung is nothing more than a stressed body waiting to be relieved.
Weirdly enough, the frustration he hopes to get rid of stays as frustration. The old sparks he usually feels when having this intimate moment with an omega seems to disappear tonight. In the back of his mind, like a looming cloud carrying a storm, is a hazy image of teary eyes and red, trembling lips.
Something stirs uneasily in his chest.
His huge, veiny hands slip under her skirt and find purchase on her cunt, gathering the slick leaking from her arousal. Her scent spikes as she bucks up her hips and, to Heeseung’s own surprise, he recoils from the smell of it and breaks the kiss. The girl doesn’t stop her advances, switching to kiss down his long neck instead.
He subconsciously scrunches up his nose, his finger halting its movement for a second.
“What perfume are you wearing?” He asks, voice hoarse from the makeout session. He tilts his head back, allowing access and finding stimulation, but the usual thrill is a bit dull tonight.
“My pheromones,” she manages between kisses, “you like it?”
It’s quite the opposite, to be honest. Heeseung finds himself hating it. It’s too sweet. Too sharp. It sits wrong in his nose, burns at the back of his throat, like inhaling smoke for the first time. His eyes water.
There’s something wrong. He’s not enjoying this.
And to make things worse and more confusing, his chest hurts. It constricts, like his lungs decide to shrink into a ball of unexplained pain. Heeseung’s breath stutters, almost doubling over. His mind is a frantic buzz of noise, chanting something that he can’t seem to fully register yet.
Not my omega. Not daisies. Not honey.
Heeseung feels something twist in his gut.
The nameless omega—he forgot to ask for her name—doesn’t notice the shift yet, the way Heeseung is already a frozen statue of confusion and frustration in her embrace. She continues, trailing down hot, wet kisses along the prominent line of his collarbone and sucks the tender skin.
“Ow!” Heeseung yelps, instinctively pushing her away. The spot stings like a pulsing heartbeat, void of any pleasure that it usually would give. He staggers backwards once.
The girl frowns, clearly not happy being pushed like that. “What’s wrong? Is everything alright?”
“I—” Heeseung hisses, his shirt sitting wrong on his skin, her scent smelling wrong in his nose. He shakes his head. “Shit. I’m sorry, I—I have somewhere to be.”
The girl scoffs, disbelieving. “What?! Heeseung, you can’t just—”
But Heeseung can, and he already does. The alpha is out of the room in the next minute, deliberately the calls of his name and the strings of insults that come from behind him. He makes a run for it.
What the fuck did just happen? Heeseung is never one to refuse a good time with omega, but his wolf is quiet tonight. Too quiet, like it’s being silent on purpose in solidarity for something he’s yet to know—or yet to realise.
The hazy image comes back to his mind, slowly becoming sharp and clear. Heeseung thinks his lungs have turned into bricks when he realises that he’s been imagining you. That his head has been loud with the thoughts of you, even when he’s with someone else.
Why? Why is this happening? Why you?
Heeseung makes a turn to where the locker room is, planning to grab his duffel and leave, when he bumps into Riki and Jay, freshly out of the shower.
“Heeseung hyung?” A shirtless Riki calls his name, then raises a brow when he sees his condition. “Was wondering where you were. But those lipstick stains told me enough.”
Heeseung wipes his neck harshly. Wordlessly, he yanks his locker open and checks himself out in a mirror. He turns his face left and right, yanking down his under eyes, then sighs. Riki and Jay exchange looks. The air is slowly thickening with the pheromones of a distressed alpha, coming from none other than Heeseung.
“You good, mate?” Jay decides to ask him. Heeseung doesn’t know. He doesn’t think he’s as good as he wants himself to be. The alpha lets out another sigh and slams the door closed.
“I think something is definitely wrong with me.”
“Is it practice?” Jay softens his voice, already switching on his therapist-friend mode. “Hee, today’s just that day. Everybody was losing their shits, it’s not just you.”
Heeseung leans his back on the locker and tilts his head upwards. “It’s not that. I mean it biologically. Ever since—” Heeseung pauses, suddenly unsure if saying out loud would make things right. But Riki and Jay have already caught onto it.
“Ever since what?”
Heeseung chooses to deflect. “Look, I was trying to make out with this one pretty omega just now. But no matter how much kissing we did, I just couldn’t enjoy it.” Heeseung points to his sweatpants. Riki and Jay curiously follow with their eyes. “She was practically sucking my tongue and I’m not even bricked up, man!”
Riki furrows his eyebrows. “Not even a spark?”
Heeseung shakes his head. “I couldn’t feel anything. At all. Only,” he swallows harshly. “I only felt disgusted. By her.”
Silence hangs in the room at his revelation. Riki’s expression morphs into something akin to genuine surprise, while Jay only stares at him with a gaping mouth before he starts typing on his phone.
“This is dead serious. You can’t have sex without your dick. That's like a banana cake without bananas.”
Heeseung and Riki grimace. “Please don’t ever compare my dick to a banana again.”
“Or a banana cake.” Riki slaps his shoulder. “That’s my favourite, hyung. Don’t be gross.”
Jay waves a dismissive hand, eyes still glued on his phone. “Right, right. Anyway, I texted Sunoo.”
Heeseung’s eyes go wide like saucer plates at the name and groans. “Sunoo?! Jay, you know he’s still mad at me.”
“I know, but he’s the only one who probably knows the answer to this.” Jay smacks his lips when he reads a new text from Sunoo. “He’s staying back for a lab session. Let’s go to the medicine building.”
And that’s how Heeseung finds himself cramped into a tiny booth of a ramyeon stall, located by the road near the faculty of medicine. A pouty Sunoo is sitting across from him, shooting him his foxy side-eyes as he whines at Jay.
“Jay hyung, why did you bring this traitor with you?” Sunoo pulls at the sleeves of Jay’s hoodie, sulking away from Heeseung. It’s only the three of them since Riki had gone home with his girlfriend just now. “I thought the three of us would include you, me, and Riki.”
Jay sighs exasperatedly. “I had to, Sunoo. That traitor is having a critical dick malfunction and he needs your help.”
The waitress arrives with three bowls of steaming ramyeon. Jay and Sunoo pause their not-so-quiet argument and help her place the bowls on their table. She clears her throat awkwardly, and takes a quick glance at Heeseung before leaving. Heeseung groans internally.
Great. Now words about him and his dick problem will spread around the campus.
“Is STD finally catching up with you?”
Heeseung should know that it was never that easy to get Sunoo off his back. That boy is a professional pouty sulk-er, he’ll never let Heeseung go easily. Not after harassing him with his sass, at least. Heeseung holds back a sigh, already resigned and defeated.
With a grim voice, he apologises to the brown-haired alpha. For the fifth time.
“Sunoo, I am so sorry. I know it was my fault, but for the record, I didn’t know you were serious about pretending to be an omega. Why would you even do that, anyway?”
“Because I like the attention!” Sunoo is fast to defend himself, his pout only deepening. “And because alphas will only spoil me if I was their pretty little soft omega—which I am not! And you exposing my secondary gender to that alpha just ruined my chance to be with him. Who would even call their friend, ‘my cutie little fake omega’, anyway?!”
“I was drunk!”
“A drunk traitor is still a traitor!”
Heeseung turns to Jay, sending him signals to help him out. But his best friend deliberately ignores him, too engrossed in his own bowl, pretending to be a wall. Heeseung rolls his eyes and looks back at Sunoo.
It might not be that easy to console the sulky boy, but Heeseung is labelled a sweet talker for a reason.
“You’re already a pretty alpha, Sunoo. Prettier than any omega I know. Anyone would drop everything for you even if they knew you weren’t an omega.”
Like a switch being flipped, the frown on Sunoo’s melts away, replaced by a beam so wide it shows off his perfect teeth.
“Aw, Heeseungie hyung. You’re now forgiven. Now tell me about this dick problem of yours.”
Jay and Heeseung look at each other and relax into their chairs in relief. Heeseung sends him a look of, ‘That was easy,’ to which Jay raises his eyebrow, ‘Why hadn’t you done it sooner?’
Now, with Sunoo not threatening to kill the burgundy-haired alpha anymore, Heeseung can finally enjoy a few bites of his untouched ramyeon. It’s already a bit cold and soggy, but the broth makes up for it. He retells the story to Sunoo between bites, watching the ever expressive boy react to it with various expressions.
“It’s not uncommon, though. But since it’s you, it must have felt very concerning.” Sunoo hums in thought, tapping his full lips with the thinnest tips of his chopsticks. “Well, Heeseungie hyung, did you imprint on any omegas?”
Heeseung hesitates for a moment before he shakes his head, feeling Jay’s eyes on him.
“No.”
“Hm, okay. Even if it’s due to imprints, it has to come from both sides,” Sunoo rubs his chin, now looking every bit a live action of Detective Conan, minus the glasses. “Did you conjure a bond with anyone? Maybe accidentally?”
Heeseung’s lips part. “I…would’ve known, right?”
“Right.” Sunoo nods firmly, then tilts his head. “Did you scent one of your hookups, then?”
“An almost-hookup,” Jay cuts in, clearly enjoying this interrogation. Heeseung shoots him a look. Jay is always out to rat him out and he’s actually so close to disowning him.
He grunts. “Just…someone.”
Sunoo smiles in amusement. “So you did scent someone. Was it someone you like?”
“Define like.”
“Like them enough to want to kiss them. Like them enough to want to fuck them. Like them enough to even want to scent them to begin with.” Sunoo shrugs. “Pick one.”
Heeseung closes his eyes. Does he like you? Wanting to kiss and fuck someone don’t equal to liking them. Because if that was true, then there’s no other explanation to Heeseung ‘liking’ every omega he has fucked other than him having an insanely big heart—which he doesn’t. He liked the sex and their company; that was all there was to it.
Which leaves him option number three.
Heeseung’s never the guy to sit with his feelings—at least not the romantic kind. You’re an unfamiliar territory; something that he deliberately avoids his entire life, simply because he never sees settling down with a mate as a desirable goal or accomplishment. And, perfectly hidden under his fuckboy persona is also a thin layer of fear.
Fear of getting hurt by the thing that’s supposed to be love.
But does he like you?
Maybe he does. He’s always liked the way you laugh; you always cover your mouth with one hand when you do, like your smile is only visible in the privacy of those who really know you. He’s always noticed the way you touch the tip of your nose when people’s eyes are on you. He’s always thought the natural blush that you have when you’re shy is adorable.
In that one single minute, Heeseung realises that he’s been paying attention to you more than he thought he did.
Fuck. He does like you.
But does liking have to lead to being mated?
That responsibility is way taller and heavier than him and Heeseung is beyond freaked out.
“Earth to Heeseungie hyung?”
“Why does it even matter? What does it even have to do with me not getting a boner during a makeout session?” Heeseung demands, frustration bleeding into his voice. Is Sunoo punishing him for being the reason he fumbled that tall, hot alpha two weeks ago? Will Sunoo truly ever forgive him? He already apologised five times!
Sunoo, seeing enough of his hyung’s suffering, finally relents. “Geez, relax. I wasn’t playing with you. I asked because most of the time this happens,” he gestures at Heeseung and his crotch. Heeseung instinctively closes his long legs. “It’s because the wolf has already liked one omega. An omega they recognise as their mate. It’s the only explanation why you felt disgusted just now.”
Mate. That cursed word again. Beside Sunoo, Jay is whistling.
“Sorry. You mean my wolf, my alpha, likes one omega and decides I shouldn’t fuck around anymore?”
Sunoo nods. “Basically, yeah. But it usually isn’t that easy, hyung. A bond has to have been conjured between your wolf and their wolf by any kind of markings.”
“Like?”
“Like biting. Or scenting.”
Scenting. Heeseung didn’t just do scenting with you, he was scent-marking you.
“But that’s impossible,” Jay interrupts, confusion etching onto his handsome features. His leaning forward now, his empty bowl pushed to the center of the table, which reminds Heeseung of his own bowl. The alpha quickly finishes his noodles. “Scenting between unmated alpha and unmated omega will only conjure a temporary, fragile bond. It should’ve been gone by now—the scenting happened five days ago.”
“Are you sure about that? Because I can detect some floral scent in Heeseungie hyung’s pheromones.”
Heeseung almost chokes on his noodles. “You do?”
Sunoo leans forward, squinting his eyes at him like he’s some kind of lab specimen. “Yeah. It’s faint, but it’s there. Sweet. Floral. Clingy.” He tilts his head again. “It’s weird.”
Across from him, Heeseung is frozen. His grip on the chopsticks tightens. He swallows harshly.
Jay leans back, arms crossed. “But if it’s still there after five days—”
“It doesn’t automatically mean fated mates,” Sunoo cuts in quickly, tone sharper this time. He shoots Jay a look before turning back to Heeseung. “Don’t jump to that conclusion. That’s, like, extremely rare. And also very dramatic.”
Heeseung exhales, shoulders dropping just a little.
Right. Dramatic. His alpha begs to differ.
“It could just be a stronger-than-usual temporary bond,” Sunoo continues, more thoughtful now. “Maybe your alpha overdid it when you scented them. Or the omega was in a heightened emotional state, so the bond lasted longer.”
Jay hums, not entirely convinced.
“But the whole not getting turned on thing?” He gestures vaguely. “That still doesn’t explain it fully.”
Sunoo taps his chin again. “Mhm. That part’s interesting.” He levels Heeseung with a curious look. “Who is this girl, anyway? You seem pretty fucked over her.”
Heeseung groans, dragging a hand down his face. “Can you not say it like that? Like I’m some kind of a broken alpha?”
“You kinda are right now,” Sunoo says bluntly.
“Sunoo.”
“I’m serious!” He leans forward again, eyes lighting up. “Your body is rejecting other omegas. That’s not normal for you. Like, at all.”
Heeseung slumps deeper into his seat. As if it’s not already obvious enough, Sunoo just had to spell it out loud.
“I noticed,” he mutters, defeated.
Sunoo softens slightly at that, sighing as he rests his chin on his palm. “Okay. Look. Don’t panic yet.”
“I’m not panicking.”
“You’re literally here because your dick stopped working.”
“…Okay, I’m a little panicked.”
Sunoo waves his chopsticks dismissively. “It’s probably not fated mates. If it were, you’d be way worse right now.”
Heeseung stills. “Worse?”
“Yeah,” Sunoo shrugs. “You’d be obsessing. Unable to stay away. Your senses would go crazy. You’d feel everything they feel, more or less.”
Jay slowly turns to look at Heeseung. Heeseung immediately avoids his gaze. That fucker is always eager to catch his ‘Gotcha!’ moment, it irritates him to the core.
“That doesn’t sound like me,” he says a bit too quickly, the lie tasting acidic on his tongue.
Sunoo mustn't know about the knot of uneasiness in his chest. Sunoo mustn’t know about the face that comes to his mind when he’s kissing someone else. None of his friends must know that he’s obsessing right now, itching to flee and find you in the middle of the night.
“Exactly,” Sunoo nods, unaware of his friend’s turmoil. “So relax. I’ll look into it more, yeah? Might be some weird hormonal response or delayed imprint reaction.”
Heeseung lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding.
“Yeah,” he mutters. “Yeah, okay.”
“Or you can do a try-and-error,” Sunoo suggests, reaching over to pat Heeseung’s shoulder. “Just do what you always do—try hooking up with different omegas. Maybe the one you made out with tonight was just a bad compatibility for you.”
Heeseung perks up at that. Sunoo and Jay, not noticing the shift in the air, are already moving forward with a different topic, completely oblivious to the newly-lit determination now burning up his body.
Just do what you always do.
Right. Heeseung has a high body count for a reason. He decides, with a final resolution, that he should solve this his own way.
If Heeseung spends every night for the next two weeks trying to bed different omegas, Sunoo and Jay don’t have to know.
If Heeseung fails each time, unable to enjoy every kiss and friction, Sunoo and Jay don't have to know.
If the pain in his chest worsens every time he leaves the barely-warm beds, Sunoo and Jay don’t have to know.
If Heeseung avoids looking at you, avoids bumping into you, avoids speaking to you—he hopes you don’t know about it.
A quiet voice from his wolf whispers something that he refuses to acknowledge: He hopes you’ll forgive him for being unfaithful.
You’ve been sick for two weeks.
At first it was subtle, like a faint throb in your heart that makes you stop whatever you’re doing. The first time it happened, you were in the middle of a group discussion for an elective subject.
A quiet alpha, or a wolf hybrid named Sunghoon, to be exact, had noticed the way you winced from the pain. He didn’t say anything, but you guessed he told an omega about what he saw because right before you exited the library, one of the girls had passed you a free menstrual pad.
He thought you were experiencing period cramps. You wished it was just period cramps.
Then, it gradually grew to something worse. A sudden stabbing pain in your chest. A twist in your gut, like you were expecting something bad to happen. Sometimes it was random palpitations, where your heart was skipping huge beats, as if you were about to go down on a roller coaster.
Each time it happened, you only placed your palm over your heart, hoping it’d go away. You never understood why, but those pains only came at night, preventing you from getting any good sleep and rest. And each time you tried to close your eyes, there was only one face flashing behind your eyelids.
Heeseung.
Yujin had dragged you to the clinic, but the doctor came to a conclusion that you were just having pre-heat symptoms—which couldn’t be further from the truth, because you just had your cycle one month ago. You’re not supposed to go on your quarterly-cycle of torture for another two months.
“Oh my Goddess, you’re burning up.” Yujin’s palm is cold against your forehead. Her face is pulled into a tight expression. “Let’s just skip today’s classes, okay? I’ll stay with you.”
You weakly nod, barely registering Yujin’s movement around the room. Your body feels like a furnace, the heat simmering in your veins almost rivaling a volcano’s lava. You discard the blanket to get some sort of relief, only to shiver in the cold when the air touches your skin.
After a few minutes of exiting and entering your room, Yujin finally sits by your bed. She helps you with a glass of water and a dosage of paracetamol, careful to wipe any loose drops like a concerned mother. It doesn’t get better, but at least your throat doesn’t feel like it’s being scrubbed with sandpaper anymore.
“How’re you feeling now?”
“Dying, but a bit less dramatic.”
“Good. Wouldn’t want to give Suho from True Beauty a run for his money, would we?”
You chuckle softly, though it sounds more like a seal with a sore throat.
“But seriously, though. It’s been two weeks.” Yujin purses her lips, the worriness still marring her beautiful face. “I’m so worried, Y/N. What’s happening to you?”
You don’t answer right away. “It’s my omega.”
Yujin’s eyebrow jumps. “What about her?”
You also wonder the same thing. Swallowing, you finally let your friend in on the torturous days you have been going through. “One night, after our practice ran quite late two weeks ago, she went a bit hysteric. I couldn’t stop vomiting.” You recalled, eyes distant in memory. “She kept yelling something about a traitor, about rejection. I don’t know, really. But that’s how it started.”
“Two weeks ago, at night, you say?”
“Yeah. Why?”
Yujin is quiet for a few extended minutes, caressing her thumb over your knuckles. The motion puts you at ease, and slowly, you feel the pills begin working their chemicals.
“Did you, perhaps, hear about anything that happened that night?” You shake your head, unsure if your cheerleader squad had mentioned anything. Yujin hums. “Because I think I did.”
“What?”
“So I’m friends with this one omega named Sunoo from my faculty. A pretty boy and a petty gossiper.” Yujin starts, now treading her words slowly as if walking on eggshells. “He knows everyone on this campus. Especially the hot stuff, you know—student body, athletes, cheerleaders.” Yujin eyes you but not unkindly. “He knows you too. Just the basic stuff.”
“Like?”
“Your name, your major, your Instagram account.”
You let out a breath, a bit unsure where this is heading, but listen anyway. “Okay.”
“And because of his impeccable knowledge of gossip, I heard from him about a cheerleader breaking down in the group chat after a certain alpha left her mid-making out, all slicked and horny while he didn’t even pop a borner.”
You hold onto her every word, but for some reason, a dread has settled deep in your bones, like your body is already anticipating some bad news. Your heart, previously beating fast, is now sprinting like it might escape your rib now.
“And that alpha was Heeseung.”
It hits before you can even think.
A sharp, twisting pain lances through your chest, knocking the air out of your lungs like you’ve been struck. Your fingers curl into the sheets, clutching at nothing.
Your omega whines—hurt, betrayed. And suddenly, you understand why. The cries about betrayal. His face haunts you every night, like a painful reminder of the destiny you're subjected to.
You try to swallow once, then twice, before you find your voice back.
“Heeseung?” You try. His name now tastes bitter on your tongue.
Yujin, ever the empathetic, senses it, and tightens her hold on your hand. “Yeah,” she nods. She lets a moment of quiet pass, fidgeting and swallowing like you. Like the news has more stories that she’s yet to tell; an extended part to a nightmare that’s been keeping you up at night. You brace yourself.
“And two nights ago I saw him at Jake’s frat party with a girl. Doing sexy stuff. The usual.” Yujin can’t look at your face, choosing to stare at your intertwined hands instead. “The frat boys told me that he’s been at it almost every night. For two weeks.”
Is it possible to hurt someone this much in a span of five minutes? Getting shot multiple times would’ve hurt less than this.
There’s a heavy silence, then there’s your small, quiet voice, laced with unfiltered hurt.
“What does this have to do with me?”
“I’m saying, Y/N, that you might be facing bond rejection symptoms right now.” Yujin licks her lips. “I’m saying that you and Heeseung just might be fated mates. That night he scented you? You guys conjured a half-bond. And him fucking around with other omegas like this hurts your wolf because she knows—only this kind of bond can do that.”
Is having a fated mate supposed to hurt like this? Like your chest is caving in, collapsing under the torment of unwanted love. Can you even call it love? Whatever it is that you and Heeseung unknowingly have been sharing—Is it even love?
It’s not. It’s just…fate.
You shake your head. There’s hot pain behind your eyes, a sign of an impending doom. “This doesn’t make any sense.”
“It’s okay. It’s a lot to take in.”
A drop of tears rolls down your face and in the next blink, everything is already blurry. “I—I think I already knew it.” Your voice is wet from despair, the pain almost feels tangible. “He never meets my eyes anymore and—and every time I see him, I feel like I might die.”
A warm pair of arms pulls you close, and instantly the scent of green tea fills up your senses. Your roommate holds you tight, letting you rest your head in the crook of her neck as you sob into her chest.
Your wolf, the contradict that she is, hopes that it was Heeseung embracing you. Still hoping it was the alpha comforting you, soothing you with his voice and that calming pheromones of his. Still foolishly longing for him despite everything.
You feel pathetic.
Your crying subsides after a while, still curling up against Yujin like a hurt puppy. You’re already losing track of time, if it’s still proper to have breakfast or if it’s already time for lunch. It is Yujin who finally speaks first.
“Do you hate it?”
You let the question linger in the air, turning it over in your thoughts like what you’ve been doing the past hour since you woke up. “I don’t hate the bond. Nor him.”
You pause, gnawing at your lower lip. Then you exhale.
“I just hate that I was never given a chance to do this properly.”
Yujin pulls away and makes you face her. She wipes your tears using her sleeves, murmuring sweet words as you feel your chest slightly loosening at her kind gesture. “You might still have it. Go and talk to him, Y/N. If he’s avoiding you like this, he might’ve felt something too, right?”
“If he’s avoiding me like this, he might just not want anything to do with me.” A humourless chuckle escapes your lips. “And to think that I thought I had a chance.”
“Wait, I never asked you this. Do you like Heeseung? Both of you; your wolf and you.”
You don’t answer right away. The question sits between the two of you, heavy and fragile; like a mark refusing to be looked over.
Do you like Heeseung?
Your wolf stirs immediately. Yes, I like him.
The answer is quick. Certain. Definite.
But you purse your lips, forcing yourself to think harder, deeper. Forcing yourself to think about you, not her. You can only come to one conclusion.
“I don’t know,” you whisper, honest. It sounds weak even to your ears. Beside you, Yujin keeps rubbing small, grounding circles over your hand.
“I already know my omega likes him,” you admit softly. “She decided that the moment he stayed and took care of me that night.”
Oh, how pathetic is it to fall for someone for doing something as mundane as staying and taking care of you?
It’s laughable. But it makes your chest ache even more, like your heart was an empty can and fate was crushing it with its tight grip.
“But me…” you continue, voice quieter now, “I don’t even know him like that.”
You shake your head, frustration flickering through your expression.
“I don’t know what he’s like when he’s not surrounded by people, or when he’s not—” you gesture vaguely, like you can scoop up every rumour tied to his name. “That version of him everyone talks about.”
You stare at your hands. “But I wanted to.”
Yujin follows, voice soft. “Wanted to?”
“I wanted to get to know him,” you continue, voice trembling. “When I first found out how my wolf feels for him, I thought it could be like how I’ve always imagined having a fated mate would be: slowly falling in love with them. With him.”
A wistful smile graces your beautiful features, soft and vulnerable. “I wanted to know which game he remembers the most. I wanted to know if the number on his jersey means anything. Silly things like that. Not this.”
Your hand moves to your chest unconsciously, rubbing the surface softly.
“Not like this. Not when it hurts every time I—” you cut yourself off, breath shaking. “Not when it hurts every time I look at him.”
You still remember, after one grueling routine, when the pain was still kind enough to let you come to practice. The players had just finished their practice too, slicked with sweat and looking exhausted as ever. Among the tired alphas, your eyes locked onto Heeseung’s.
You had the instincts to go to him and pass him the cold mineral you’d unknowingly saved for him. But the look in his eyes—it was unreadable. Cold. An abyss that was enough to make you stay rooted in your place.
Then, without even a graze of a smile, he looked away, taking a bottle from Riki’s hand.
It had hurt more than you’d like to admit.
“I think…” you try again, more carefully this time. “If things were different, I would’ve liked him.”
Your throat tightens. This time, you’re reminded of that night before everything turned cruel like this. The warmth of his embrace that lingered. The spice of his scent that clung. The safety of his company that comforted you.
Was any of it real?
“And if things were the same…I think I would've still liked him anyway.”
That’s the truth. A quiet, terrifying truth that settles deep in your chest like an unshakeable ground. The kind of truth that makes even your most grounding friend sit still in your bed.
“And that’s what makes it worse,” you whisper.
Because now it’s not just your omega.
It’s you, too.
The one-week intervarsity basketball tournament has finally begun. Around seven universities have sent their representatives, leading to a flood of humans in different-coloured jerseys wandering around on your campus, its official host.
You’re excused from the whole week’s classes, seeing your cheerleaders and bunches of alphas more than you have ever seen your classmates since the tournament started. It was exciting at first, to participate in such a prestigious tournament that is always the talk of town. But the tight schedules between games is becoming more taxing and demanding.
It doesn’t help that the bond rejection symptoms have only gotten worse, hindering you from giving your best potential at each routine. Which, of course, catches the attention of your captain, and she’s not very amused with it.
“Y/N. If you’re not telling me what is wrong with you, then don’t make me find excuses to put you on the bleachers.” Narin once whispered to you on the third day of the tournament. You merely nodded, trying hard not to scrunch your noise at the sour smell of bubblegum and burnt cotton candy. She eyed you up and down, before she scoffed.
“Don’t get too butt-hurt that Heeseung’s fucking other cheerleaders,” she grunted. You froze. “At least you got your round that night. He fucking rejected me.”
What? The confusion must be clear on your face, because then Narin rolled her eyes, fixing the blue ribbon in her hair before she turned to face you.
“You smelled like him for weeks, Y/N. Don’t think people didn’t know that you two fucked after they won against that eastern university that night.” And then she left, leaving a dumbfounded you in the hallway, standing still like a lifeless statue.
Realisation starts settling in. Did people think you and Heeseung—fuck. You should’ve known.
No wonder many eyes were on you during those days when you still smelled like Heeseung. You thought it was just because Heeseung was one of the most sought after alphas on campus. Not this. Not whatever allegation this is.
Still, the bomb Narin had dropped wasn’t enough to stop yourself from pushing yourself past your limits. You don’t even know what your limits are anymore. They seem to keep expanding with every new pain that blooms in your chest.
You’re still a bit sluggish, but at least Narin is off your back. Whatever bitterness she harbours for you, though not forgotten, is at least tamed on the last day of the tournament.
You knew she wouldn’t understand, but you couldn’t help it if the pain worsens. You wish, for once, that Heeseung would take it slow with the cheerleaders from the opposing teams. Because the pain has become unbearable; cracks turning into holes of emptiness in your heart, faint pulsing turning into straight-up invisible stabbing in your gut. You’re actually surprised that you’re not already bleeding from how real it has felt.
However, deep down, there’s a small, barely-there gratitude for Heeseung for not doing it in front of you. At least you can spare yourself from whatever possible torment this fate has destined for you to face if you had to watch Heeseung fucking another omega in the empty locker room.
But you guess it’s time you finally, actually reach your limit, and your body can’t seem to be more dramatic to choose the last game as its last straw. As Heeseung hoops in the last score for the team, sealing their title as the champion, the audience erupts into the loudest cheer you’ve ever heard. You quickly get to your feet to perform the celebratory routine, but the world is spinning and your head is light when you stand up. You stagger backwards.
“Oh my Goddess, are you alright?” One of your cheerleader friends catches you in her arms, shaking you out of your pained daze.
“I…” you cough, your voice only scratching at your throat. “I just need to. Sit. Yeah. I need to sit down and talk to Heeseung.”
“Heeseung?” The girl, who you finally recognise as Rei, looks over at the center of the court, where almost the whole school is hooting and hollering in joy. “Wait—let me sit you down first. You’re pale as hell, damn.”
You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding when you’re finally seated. Rei has passed you a bottle of mineral water and fans you with her pink hand-fan. She stays by your side, looking after you as the rest of the world celebrates the first champion of your university team. You’re painfully grateful to her for it.
“Hey. Can I call one of your friends? Or maybe, do you have an alpha I can contact?” Rei starts when you’re not speaking, too focused on not focusing on the pain to remember to talk. “You asked for Heeseung just now. Is he your alpha?”
Is he?
You wish you knew the answer to that too.
Instead, you shake your head. “He’s not my alpha. I just…need to have a few words with him.”
Rei purses her lips, clearly not pleased with your priority at the moment but obliges anyway. “Alright. Let me text my cousin real quick.” She says, already rummaging inside her bag for her phone.
Her statement intrigues you. “Cousin?”
“Nishimura Riki. And he’s not replying. Gimme a sec.” You watch as Rei presses the call button on her phone and puts the device over her ear. You follow her line of sight as she turns to look at the court again. The crowd hasn’t calmed down from the high of the win yet.
“Hello, adopted fuck. I need you to read my text ASAP—Nobody’s stealing your girlfriend, Riki! You can go back to kissing her face after you read my text—Okay, okay! My friend, Y/N, needs to talk to Heeseung. President-level urgent.” Rei pauses, taking a quick look at you before she continues. “Yes. It seems very important. Just get his ass here fast. Yeah—Congrats, by the way. I’m not buying you that Chrome Hearts chain. Bye.”
Rei sighs as she pockets her phone. “Heeseung will be here in five minutes. You good? Do you still need anything? I feel like I should call someone else. You’re friends with Ahn Yujin, aren’t you?” She rambles on. For someone who barely speaks to you, Rei sure is a caring omega.
You give her a small smile.”I’m alright, Rei. I’ll rest after seeing him.”
Rei hums, checking her phone when it vibrates. “Aight, if you say so. I’ll be around here until they move to celebrate at Jake’s frat tonight.” She gathers her stuff and stands up, brushing her pleated skirt with practiced elegance that you know is instilled in every cheerleader’s demeanour.
“You take care of yourself. And I better not see you at the party.”
“Thank you, Rei.” You wave at her and watch as the lines of her frame get smaller, disappearing into the crowd.
Now alone, the weight of reality is finally hitting you square in the chest. You curse, pulling your hair when you realise your stupid, impulsive decision, made in the whim of desperation to get the pain go away.
“This is stupid,” you whisper. Without thinking further, you grab your bag and stand to leave. But before you can flee the scene, a heavy presence with the familiar scent of spicy cinnamon and salty sea breeze drifts into your senses.
“Y/N?”
The sound of your name leaving his lips has locked you in place. The haunting familiarity of his voice, one that follows you into your restless sleeps and every waking hour, engulfs you almost like the night he held you in his arms.
Except this time, there’s a piercing pain in your heart that comes with his presence. A dull, throbbing ache that’s been a constant company to you, manifested into the shape of the man that your wolf yearns for.
Lee Heeseung.
“Y/N?” He repeats, but you don’t dare to face him just yet. “Riki said you wanted to, uh, talk to me.”
Licking your dry lips, you turn to Heeseung, and the sight has almost rendered you breathless.
Heeseung’s still wearing his jersey, standing tall to his height like he’s dominating the air around him. His burgundy hair looks softer under the light, some small strands sticking to his forehead from sweat. His shoulders are squared up, still lined with pride and the high from winning the tournament. He looks at you calmly, but the edges of his eyes are somewhat gentler; if the lights weren’t tricking your eyes.
You gulp, already losing the battle before it has even started. Why does he have to look so handsome?
You force yourself to say something. “Yeah. I did. I mean, I do. It’s important. I think.”
Heeseung is patient. If your nervousness is something unusual to him, he doesn’t comment on it. After all, you’re indeed known as a shy girl among the cheerleaders.
“I’m…I’m going straight to the point and be honest with you.” Is this really happening? You’re scared that if you were to speak more, your heart might leap out of your mouth from how hard it is pumping behind your ribs. You hold your bag tighter, trying to ground yourself.
“I’m listening,” he hums.
The words are simple. His voice is calm. Too calm, like he’s unaffected, like he doesn’t have a clue about what you’re about to say. It almost makes you falter.
For a second, you just stare at him. At the same face your mind has been haunted for weeks, at the same eyes you’ve been avoiding because they make everything feel too real.
Except everything is actually real. You’re just not ready to admit it yet.
Your fingers curl tighter around your bag.
“Did you…feel anything?” you ask, voice smaller than you intended. “That night.”
Heeseung’s brows pull together, confused. “What do you mean?”
Your throat burns. Stop. Turn around. Leave.
“When you helped me,” you stubbornly continue, ignoring the self-preservation act your wolf’s pulling. “When you scented me. Did you feel something? Anything?”
There’s a shift in the air. It’s subtle, almost imperceptible, but it’s there. Heeseung’s shoulders stiffen. His jaw tightens a fraction. A flash of something that leaves your heart hopeful crosses his face, but it leaves as soon as it comes.
“I was just helping you,” he finally says, almost too quickly. “You were in a bad state.”
The ache in your chest pulses, turning alive with each passing second.
“I know that,” you nod, almost too fast, the throbbing in your head comes back. The headache is well-guaranteed after this, you’re sure of it. “I know. I’m not saying you did anything wrong. I just—I just need to know if you felt it too.”
“Felt what?”
You stare at him. God, he’s really making you say it. Is he truly clueless or is he playing with you? Whatever he is trying to do, he’s succeeding at making you feel smaller and…desperate.
“The pull,” you whisper after a while, “the connection.”
Silent stretches between the two of you. Heeseung returns your gaze, but his black eyes reveal nothing about his thoughts.
You try again. “You felt it too…right?”
There it is. For a fleeting second, you think you see it. That flicker in his eyes. The subtle hesitation. The twitch in his jaw. It almost makes you feel hopeful.
Heeseung exhales through his nose, running a hand through his hair.
“Y/N,” he starts slower this time, like he’s choosing his words carefully. “There’s no such thing as that.”
If your heart was made of lead, you’re sure it’d clang to the floor so loud for how fast it drops.
“What?”
“Fated mates. Bond. Whatever you’re thinking.” He shakes his head, like he’s making a show of how ridiculous you sound. “That’s not real.”
The cracks finally shatter, allowing a big, gaping hole filled with utter anguish to take place in where your heart used to reside. Your mouth opens. Then closes. Then opens.
“But—” you try, voice undeniably trembling now. “Then, what is this?”
Your hand presses weakly against your chest.
“Why does it hurt like this? Why does,” your voice cracks, your omega thrashing wildly inside you, “why does it hurt so much?”
For a split second, panic flashes across his face. There’s a change in his scent. A sharp, biting spice that’s stinging your nose and thick, briny salt that leaves your throat itchy.
Because he knows. He knows this isn’t normal. He knows how he almost went psychosis the moment it happened to him three weeks ago.
But Heeseung’s always been good at leaving—it’s the one thing that’s been keeping his heart in a safe chest without any chances of getting hurt. It’s almost cruel that he never really cares if leaving right after sex would hurt any of the omegas, but he’s never felt bad enough to stop.
And you feel like someone who will make him stay.
So he does what he knows best.
“It’s in your head,” he says, firmer now. “Probably just your heat cycle messing with you. Or stress.”
The moment those words leave his mouth, your chest feels hollow. Your omega, previously hysterical and angry, is now awfully quiet and wounded.
Right. It’s just stress, he said.
You wish it was just stress.
“Oh,” is the only word you can utter. Heeseung nods, as if convincing himself too, and takes a step back.
But for you, it feels too much like a line being drawn.
“Maybe you should get some rest. You look kind of pale,” he suggests, though his voice is slowly getting small the longer he watches the changes in your expression. You’re not looking at him now, just staring at your feet with trembling fists.
The wilting flowers are back in his senses, filling up his nose and beating at his heart like a bat. Heeseung bites his lips, swallowing down the guilt.
“I’ll see you around, Y/N.”
The sight of his retreating back…why is it so blurry?
“You are so fucking stupid, Heeseung.”
Heeseung’s always wondered how his best friend’s citrusy pheromones are going to smell like when he’s mad. Because Jay never gets mad at him. His friend has so much patience that every playful banter always stays as just a playful banter.
But tonight, Heeseung finally senses it. Jay smells bitter, like overripe lemon left too long in hot water. There’s a sharp, metallic tang to it too, representing the control that he’s trying so hard to keep in check. In response to the alpha’s irritated scent, Heeseung’s dominant wolf is itching to draw his claws out, sensing it as a threat.
They’re standing at the backyard of the frat house, where the pool is glowing blue and the night sky is blinking stars. It’s quieter here, with less people hanging around. Many guests have preferred to dance inside, still in celebration mode post-winning.
“What the fuck were you thinking, trying to get into someone else’s pants right after her—her confession?” Jay scoffs in disbelief. He has his back facing Heeseung, the tense muscle of his shoulders visible through the outline of his Polo shirt.
Heeseung, on the other hand, looks more disheveled. The collar of his shirt is misplaced, and there are faint lipstick marks staining his neck and the corner of his mouth. Jay had heard from Riki about what happened between Heeseung and you and the alpha was determined to drag Heeseung out of the bedroom, not before muttering a small apology to the omega he was with. It was all shouts and aggressive whispers between the two alphas until Riki managed to shoo them out.
Which brings them to this moment, where Jay is a ticking bomb and Heeseung is trying his best to calm down. Jay didn’t exactly know who she was, just that he’d seen her face among the cheerleaders. While Heeseung, well, he’s too worked up to explain.
“Confession? What made you think—”
“You guys are fated mates, Heeseung. Can’t you fucking see it?” Jay whips his head around. “This pull you’re feeling is because you guys are fated mates. There’s no other explanation to it.”
Heeseung clenches his jaw. “Those things don’t exist, Jongseong. Not to me.”
“Oh, come on. Then explain your sex problem.” Jay hisses, his eyes turning sharper. “You think I don’t know that you still can’t get your dick wet with other omegas?”
The burgundy-haired alpha doesn’t blink. “It’s none of your business.”
“It is when she could’ve died!” Jay snaps, his scent flaring with his nose. Heeseung grits his teeth, feeling challenged.
Then, softer, like vulnerability leaking through his anger, Jay continues: “You could’ve died, Heeseung.”
Heeseung stills. “What?”
Jay lets out a harsh laugh, running a hand through his hair. “You think so little of this matter, don’t you?” His voice drops, tight and furious. “A half-bond between fated mates when left too long can cause death. And with the speed you’re going with all these nameless omegas, I bet it’ll be her turn to die first.”
Heeseung scoffs, but it’s weaker now. There’s a new fear settling in his chest. “You’re being dramatic.”
“No,” Jay cuts in sharply. “You’re being stupid. I saw her just now. She’s pale as fuck.”
Heeseung’s quiet for a moment, staring into his friend’s eyes with almost the same amount of resentment. “It has nothing to do with me.”
Like a punishment to his lie, something twists sharply in his chest. But Heeseung is quick to mask his pain under a calm facade, gritting his teeth so hard he might break his jaw. Jay scoffs and rolls his eyes.
“Oh, so you’re doing this again.” Jay steps closer, not backing away. “You’re running away again, like the coward that you are. You’ll just run and run, deflect and disappear. Typical Heeseung.”
Jay knows he’ll hit a spot if he says it, but he couldn’t care less. He watches as the expression on Heeseung hardens, giving away the emotions he kept locked in his chest.
“Don’t.”
But Jay doesn’t stop. Of course he doesn’t.
“You think I don’t see it?” Jay presses, voice rising. “Every time something starts to mean something, you bolt. New omega, new bed, new distraction—anything to avoid actually feeling something real.”
“That’s not—”
“That’s exactly what this is!” Jay gestures wildly, frustration spilling over. “You found your mate, and instead of dealing with it, you’re out there fucking anything that moves just to prove you’re still in control.”
Silence slams between them, heavy and ugly. Both alphas are holding back from spiraling, neck straining from self-control and simmering anger.
Heeseung’s laugh this time is cold. “Mate?” he repeats, like the word tastes disgusting. “You really believe in that shit?”
Jay stares at him, disbelief flickering across his face. “I believe in what’s right in front of me.”
“There’s nothing in front of you,” Heeseung shoots back. “She’s just an omega I helped. That’s it.”
“Then why her?” Jay fires immediately. “Why can you find her in a crowd? Why does your scent stick to her for days—for weeks? Why can’t you even touch another omega without looking like you’re about to throw up?”
Heeseung falters, his words failing him as Jay hits him with those facts. His shaky stance doesn’t go unnoticed by the alpha, though. He’s quick to seize the chance.
Jay inhales sharply. “You know I’m right, Heeseung. You and Y/N share a bond.”
“So what?!” Heeseung snaps, frustration finally cracking through. “So what if there’s a bond? You want me to just—what? Drop everything? Play house? Act like I’m suddenly someone I’m not?”
Heeseung meets Jay’s fiery gaze head-on and shoves his friend harshly. “Stay out of it, Jay. I swear to fucking God.”
“And what? Watch you let her die because you couldn’t care less to acknowledge the bond?” Jay lets out a hollow laugh, pushing Heeseung back just as hard. “And then I watch you die?”
“Shut the fuck up. You know nothing about this.”
Their scents clash; sharp citrus and aggressive spice filling up the space like a warning siren. It almost turns physical, Riki almost bursts through the door when he sees their chests almost touching. But it is Jay who stops first.
Not because he wants to. But because he’s thinking of you.
“My parents are fated mates, Heeseung.” Jay starts, quieter, his voice losing its harsh edges. “Doesn’t mean you don’t believe in it, it isn’t real to other people.”
Heeseung remains quiet, his chest still moving rapidly.
Jay’s eyes turn glassy. He retreats one more step away from Heeseung. “If you don’t want her, reject the bond properly,” he says, breathing hard. “You’re letting someone know that you don’t want her as your mate. At least have the decency to be kind about it.”
Jay unclenches his fists.
“Don’t drag her through this half-assed bullshit where you keep hurting her just because you can’t make a decision.”
Heeseung freezes. Out of all words being shouted tonight, it is this quiet resignation from Jay that hits his heart the hardest.
Am I being cruel? Heeseung lowers his gaze. Am I a coward?
Heeseung doesn’t wait too long for an answer.
“Stop being a coward, Heeseung. I beg you.”
The words hang between them, like unwanted vines curling around a trunk of a tree. Heeseung’s gaze stays rooted to the ground, trying to find his voice.
But he doesn’t get the chance to.
“...Heeseung?”
Your voice, soft as it is, cuts through the air like a blade. Both alphas turn to where you’re standing by the door. The faint light spilling from the moon only highlights how pale your face is, void of any warmth and colour.
You stand there, one hand gripping the doorframe like it’s the only thing keeping you upright, your other pressed weakly against your chest. Your eyes, God, your eyes. They’re glassy, unfocused, yet locked onto him like you’ve found something you’ve been searching for your entire life.
Beside him, Heeseung can sense the way Jay’s body tenses the way his does.
“Heeseung…” you call for him again and move to get closer.
But then you flinch. Your entire body recoils, your nose scrunches.
There, lingering around Heeseung like an unwanted mark, is a scent you know too well. Fruity bubblegum and cloying cotton candy; a scent that flashes pink in your head, turning into a female rage that hits too close to home. Your gaze catches the shape of someone’s mouth staining his golden skin, and something inside you breaks.
Narin.
Heeseung smells like Narin.
Your hand instinctively goes to cover your nose, eyes slowly going wide. The room goes silent, holding its breath as Heeseung feels it.
The fleeting second where something inside you shatters.
Heeseung steps forward. “Y/N—”
But you retreat faster, away from him like he’s a disease that could kill you.
“No,” your voice cracks, shaking your head as if trying to physically deny what your body is already registering. “No, no, no…”
Your breath comes out in shallow bursts, your fingers clawing at your shirt.
It hurts. It hurts so bad.
It’s like every system in your body is collapsing, failing to cope with the ultimate rejection that comes in the scent of another woman. Your fist hits your chest, forcing the air to flow in because it suddenly feels almost impossible to breathe.
Heeseung feels it now—really, really feels it. The bond is thrashing, frantic, like it’s holding onto something that’s slipping through its grasp. The pained scent of withering daisies starts filling up the air, suffocating both alphas instantly. Jay shifts uncomfortably, looking back and forth from Heeseung to you in alert.
“Hey, hey—Y/N,” Heeseung tries again, softer this time, reaching out instinctively. “Look at me. Y/N—”
“Don’t!” Your voice spikes, sharp with fear. Heeseung freezes, his throat closing up when he sees something you’re yet to realise.
That’s when you feel it—something warm trickling down your nose. You instinctively wipe it and stare at the red liquid smearing your fingers.
Blood. Then another drop falls on your palm. Before you can react properly, it already spills down your chin, past your fingers, dripping onto the floor, tainting the white tiles like a crime scene.
“Fuck.” Jay curses under his breath, his wolf perking up in alarm.
Beside him, Heeseung is beyond agitated. “Y/N!”
He doesn’t think. Heeseung lunges forward, longing to be close to you at that moment. But you’re already shaking your head rapidly, tears spilling uncontrollably now.
“Stop!” you gasp, pale lips trembling like dying petals. “I can’t do this—I can’t—”
Inside you, your omega is screaming in pain. In betrayal. In self-preservation. Her voice, raw and jagged, torn by pain, echoes in your head.
An instinct, primal and desperate, takes over your being.
Cut it off.
Cut it off before it kills you.
You clutch at your chest, lungs burning up like a wildfire. Tears spill out freely, drenching your face in anguish and agony.
Cut it off!
And finally, you let go.
Across from you, just a few paces away, Heeseung feels it like a force, stopping him in his tracks.
It doesn’t come gradually, or slowly. It rips through his body. A violent, invisible force tearing straight through his chest like something sacred being forcibly severed. His breath is knocked out of him.
“Fuck!” Somewhere behind him, Jay is also spiraling, realising what’s going down.
But Heeseung doesn’t know. He staggers, his knees almost giving up as excruciating pain spreads from the scent gland in his neck down to his chest. Something inside him—something he never fully acknowledges—finally snaps. He almost screams.
A thick veil of tears wells up instantly, blurring his vision faster than he could process it.
“Y/N,” his voice breaks, the cracks showing up like poison in daggers. Across from him, you’re already sobbing.
It’s loud and raw, a wailing that stops even the loud music from inside. Your scent, bitter and beyond distressed, is now flooding the space like a broken dam. Your body folds in on itself as if trying to contain something that’s already shattered beyond repair.
Inside of you, your omega goes silent completely.
And it terrifies him. A lot.
Heeseung clutches his neck, where his scent gland is pulsing violently, throbbing in an indescribable pain that feels like it could kill him. And when his eyes find yours, he realises with dread that the pull is no longer there.
He can’t feel you. His wolf can’t feel your wolf.
The constant, aching thread that’s been tying him to you; it’s gone.
You cut the bond from your side.
The half-bond, already fragile with doubt and cowardice, is hanging by its loose thread. If it was a red string like many people had said, Heeseung’s sure it’d waver pathetically by his finger, trembling like a thread losing its kite.
“What…What did you do?” he whispers, voice hollow and shaky.
Heeseung takes a step forward again, ignoring Jay’s warning voice from behind him. His focus becomes singular on you, not minding the many pairs of eyes watching from the other side of the door.
This time, his step is slower and careful, like approaching something fragile. Something that is already broken.
Someone wounded.
You don’t move toward him. You don’t even spare him a look. You just cry, quietly, as now it feels empty where the bond used to be. You can’t feel him.
You can only feel pain.
“Y/N…”
“...I want to leave.”
You wipe your nose, the blood still fresh and wet. You lean on the door for support, still trying to hold yourself up despite the urge to just collapse. Heeseung has to force restraint on himself, holding himself back from running to you. He searches your face, trying to catch your eyes, terrified beyond reason.
The silence is deafening.
At last, you lift your gaze, misty eyes meeting misty eyes.
“I ended it.” Your voice, used to be soft and warm, is now cold. Heeseung feels his lungs stop functioning.
ᯓ Dancing for the devil, Bring your body and your energy
pairing: ballet dancer!Song Mingi x ballet dancer fem!reader
synopsis: at Seoul's most prestigious ballet university, no pair is more legendary than you and Ikhyun - until a scandal destroys his career overnight. Varna is coming up, and you're forced to pick a new partner. But maybe some things are never meant to be replaced. - or lowkey a k-drama that somehow got converted to a fanfic on tumblr dot com content: uni au, ballet dancer au, somewhat enemies to lovers, grief without death, angst, drama, drinking, forced proximity, slow burn, mention of drugs and ed culture (it's ballet after all), reader is lowkey a bitch, and mingi is very sassy, unreliable narrator (?), fluff, smut (nothing too crazy), petnames (princess, baby, good girl, pretty girl, pretty, cruella) wc: 23.5k featuring: '99 liners, h2h: Jiwoo, Stella, Skz: Lee Know, Hyunjin, Twice: Mina, Lsfm: Kazuha
⭑루안: my contribution to @sungbeam 's live alive fic collab - who i thank graciously. you can find the master list for the event here. also warning!! i don't dance ballet, i never did.
this is my longest fic... hope u will enjoy it as much as i did (said with tears in my eyes)
pas de deux
/ˌpɑː də ˈdəː/
noun
a dance for two people, especially as part of a ballet.
"One, two. Let those muscles tighten," the professor's voice bounced off the walls. "Jiwoo, I really hoped you would learn to do your plié better," he tsked, disgust visible on his harsh features. "We're not in starting classes anymore, this is third year ballet if I remember right."
Jiwoo knew better than to try to explain her situation and instead turned her hips out more, the muscles in her glutes burning just as hot as her calves. Minkus' Don Quixote blared through the studio, almost deafening, as sweat rolled down her forehead.
"Minseo, lower," he looked at her in the mirror, giving her a really harsh look from the side. He began softly nudging her legs, turning her pointe outward and pushing her lower into position. The uncomfortable look was clear on her face, her hand holding onto the barre shaking with the strain.
When he moved forward, his eyes settled on your figure, just for a second and went on to Ikhyun's, and then a sort of appreciative noise left his lips, threatening a smile to break out on your face. He just continued walking behind the line of students in front of the mirror, adjusting everyone with small yet harsh moves. Ikhyun's gaze found yours in the mirror, a soft smile playing on his lips.
"Okay, stop." Professor Lee dismissed his hands, coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose in feigned disappointment. The class sighed collectively, dropping from their toes, "disastrous." Okay, maybe not feigned… "I want everyone's pliés looking like those two's by next class, or I swear to god I am failing all of you." His words made some people give you and your partner envious stares, in their breathless misery.
"y/n, and Ikhyun, stay. Everyone else, leave." His arms crossed against his chest, and his nose flared with the breath he took. "So, La Bayedére." His eyebrows shot up in an impressed manner as the classmates scurried out of the room while they could.
"Yes, sir." Your voice betrayed the confidence in your choice.
"You couldn't have picked a piece that requires more control and trust," his lips curled into a snarl, gaze picking you and your best friend to pieces. "Why?" he questioned, looking genuinely intrigued, "for Varna especially, Swan Lake or Don Quixote would've gone even better."
Because Varna called for something new, something unfamiliar to you. It was the biggest challenge for pair dancers. You recall dancing mindlessly at the mere age of six, dreaming of the competition while your seniors trained for it - you even remember the tone in your voice when you asked Ikhyun if he believed you could succeed. Imagine flying to Bulgaria, returning with a gleaming gold medal in hand and a smile wider than you ever imagined.
"We like a good challenge, sir," Ikhyun smiled up at him, his back straight, ready to answer all of his concerns - and voice just as confident as it was when you first asked him. "and as you said, Varna actually requires stepping out of the comfort zone." The Professor only hummed in response, his hand rubbing his chin.
"Okay, show me what you've got," he motioned to the now empty classroom, backing up to his phone to put the music on.
"Gladly, sir."
Both of you were on mark by the time the music started, the violins slicing through the air sharply. You knew the set by heart. Effortless with the movements, turns, lifts and supports. Back as straight as it can get. Moving elegantly from one side of the floor to the other. You didn't need to look at him to stay in sync anymore.
Usually, during performances with Ikhyun - even in the classroom for only one professor - your mind cleared of all worries. Only focusing on his steps and moves as if it were muscle memory rather than a dance. As if it were something rehearsed, not felt.
When the music suddenly stopped after what felt like only seconds, your lungs burned. Sweat gathered everywhere - forehead, ribs, palms. Your feet were nearly numb in the pointe shoes as you held your ending pose. After a few moments, both of you released the pose simultaneously without any cue, because after all this time, that's simply how it happened.
Professor Lee gave one firm nod - which translated to a storm of applause from a real and not-so-harsh audience. "Lift your legs higher, y/n, let the music guide you, not the habit," he told you with a puzzled look on his face, "The same goes for you too, Ikhyun, but with enough practice it will settle, hopefully." You both nodded at his critiques, still breathless from the dance. "What about the competition this Friday?"
"I wanted to tell you one of the reasons we're not doing Don Quixote is because we're doing it this weekend," Ikhyun explains easily, between ragged breaths.
"Easier, not as flashy; and definitely for smaller competitions," you finished for him, trying to stretch your forefoot with the pointes impeding your movement. Mr Lee nodded along to your words, looking deep in thought.
"Take this win home, this is child's play for a pair like you." his voice turned softer than the authoritative loud tone it usually held in class. "Who will be there? No-names, maybe Minho and Mina are the only pair as a respectable rival there," he scoffed, dismissively rolling his eyes. "You will do it." his voice held no argument, practically demanding your return with the golden trophy in hand.
"Of course, Sir," you replied at the same time, bowing in front of him, taking those last words as a dismissal from class, finally. Your bag's strap cut into your aching shoulder, trying to kick off your pointes as fast as possible.
"You want me to give you a ride home?" Ikhyun's voice came from behind you as you stepped through the door he held open.
"Obviously," you giggled at him, shooting him a playful glance, which he rolled his eyes at. This banter was an everyday thing for you since you both learned to talk, way before all this ballet lunacy started.
But when it started, you did it with him in tow - parents pushing you financially to the best masters and educators. The ultimate goal was to get into the ballet university of your choice, an ambition that had seemed entirely childish at the time.
When the letter of acceptance came to both you and Ikhyun, you told the boy to pinch you at least fifteen times in a row, making the soft skin of your forearms sting with every squeeze. All those late nights spent in the practice room, sweat, tears and blood put into your moves and reps - as if it was more than just a passion. It was worth it in the end, but the real work only started in the first year of university.
They pushed you harder, stronger, until failure every day. Attendance was mandatory for first-year students at every competition, even if they weren't selected to perform their variation.
And soon it started to show: the ballet community began talking about your pair, quickly making it one of the most-liked young pas de deux dancers in the country. Ikhyun's shredded figure next to your own, in such contrast, brings out each other's best features: his height and your fluid grace. Everything had an eternal essence to it. That's what people loved most about the two of you.
And that's why, when the music ended, the applause came louder than it had for any dancer at today's competition. It echoed off the walls, swelling around you, forcing your smile wider despite the strain in your chest.
You needed to hold the pose, even though the headpiece rubbed your scalp raw. Even though you wanted nothing but to get off stage, holding the pose at the end sometimes got appreciated more than the whole performance. Even though you felt the last few notes of Don Quixote try to rip your head apart.
These seconds felt longer than the dance itself, but everything must come to an end, right? You bowed to the audience in unsaid synchronisation with Ikhyun, hearing the claps even from the side of the stage.
Some guys from your school clapped Ikhyun's shoulders as soon as he was in reach, not helping the ache in every limb of his - or yours, for that matter. But right now, the adrenaline was still in you, feeding the fire of your ambition, blurring everything that came after the performance.
"You were lovely as always out there, darling." Ikhyun's mother came up to you with your parents behind them. Both of them held flowers in their hands, which was a habit rather than a congratulation at this point. Her soft hand caressed your cheeks, eyes shining in a way they only did after seeing you and her son connect on a different level.
But her supposed son was still all laughs and jokes with the guys - Mingi, Yunho, and some others you didn't recognise. Just other dancers in your year that never lived up to Ikhyun's skill - or at least to you.
They were here tonight to compete in solo categories, dressed in way too tight clothes that have always been the norm for ballet dancing - but on Mingi, the black unitard with silver details seemed to look… good. You wonder if he has already danced his variation - or if you could still wish them good luck.
But your eyes returned to Ikhyun, who was still school girlishly giggling around, not even registering that you had left his side to talk to your families, who seemed to blend after all this time seamlessly.
You called out his name rather sharply, pulling one eyebrow up questioningly.
"Oh, I gotta go, think about that party tonight, Mingi," his smile was wide still as he fist bumped everyone in his little circle. "Hey, Mom," as soon as he was in the vicinity, he planted a loud, sloppy kiss on her cheek. She laughed, swatting him away to wipe her face, but the affection was practically a ceremony by now. He greeted your parents, too, with that usual boyish charm he always wore proudly.
His arms wrapped around your shoulder, "Don't be so stiff, y/nnie, you're coming tonight also," his tone held no argument, but oh, this guy was nothing to one up.
The thought of anything other than a hot shower and your bed made your skin crawl right now, and you doubted it would change any time soon. And there wasn't even a win yet to celebrate. "You know damn well I won't," you chuckled, turning back to face your families. As soon as you were about to speak, the booming voice of the announcer called up the last pair to the stage.
"Hwang Hyunjin and Kazuha Nakamura from Seoul Arts University performing Swan Lake."
Your head snapped to the pair walking onto the stage. A small smile grazed your lips at their grace-filled steps, already giving themselves to the performance.
"I didn't know Hwang was here," Ikhyun said, his tone making it sound more like an accusation than a question, making your eyes roll. Did this guy even use his brain? - better one, did he even have one?
"Name one competition in Seoul- in the country we haven't seen them at," you deadpanned. Your eyes found their way back to their performance, magnetised to Kazuha's frame, "I still envy the elegance with which she moves." A weary sigh escaped your lips.
Ikhyun only chuckled, "You move better, and I outdance Hwang in every possible criteria." his chest puffed with pride, "They are no match."
And suddenly the adrenaline started to wear off, kicking back the strains and sorespots at full force. Giving place to the anxiety to claw its way into you, until the announcements came.
Pointe shoes were discarded everywhere backstage. Sweat mixed with some left behind bouquets that made everything smell like a flower field in the worst way possible. But hearing your name being called for the gold medal made all of this endurable.
When you were packing in your still ecstatic mood, Ikhyun came begging, almost even going as low as getting on his knees to get you to the after-party. But the call of your bed was way stronger than anything he could have promised.
By the time you got home, your mind was muddled. Long forgotten about that shower collapsing headfirst into the bed, still smelling like sweat and hairspray - unusual, but not unheard of.
You woke up early the next day, not by your own will but rather the non-stop buzzing of your phone. Endless messages flood your home screen.
Dahyun
have you seen?
Jiwoo
wake up
this is bad.
link attached
Your stomach dropped even before you opened the article. Skipping every other notification and opening what they all had in common.
Prestigious ballet university student involved in street fight
No.
No, no, no.
Soo Ikhyun, a student at the School of Korean Ballet - and widely regarded as one of the nation's most promising young dancers - has been involved in a disagreement that appeared to escalate into a physical altercation with a student from a rival school, An Kangmin.
Footage from nearby street cameras shows the presence of multiple students from both institutions. The cause of the conflict remains unclear, though further statements are expected once An Kangmin is discharged from urgent care.
With potential legal consequences pending, the university has yet to release an official statement regarding disciplinary action. However, sources suggest that expulsion is being considered, as students have previously been dismissed for significantly lesser offences.
This incident places a shadow over Ikhyun's rising career. The dancer has been preparing for the upcoming Varna International Ballet Competition in Bulgaria, where he was expected to compete as a leading contender in the pas de deux category alongside his long-time partner, y/n l/n.
Tears blurred your vision by the time you finished the article. Your knuckles turned white with how hard you were holding the phone with your grip, and your breath came in short bursts. This isn't real. How will you compete now? How will- wait, will they expel him? Will they let him stay because he is the Soo Ikhyun?
This isn't a matter money can hush; this will be the talk of the ballet community for at least the season - if not the next five. What was he thinking? Going out all mighty, getting drunk beyond recognition, just to hit someone …for what reason exactly?
Your fingers worked with haste, opening the chat with your best friend, who, as of right now, felt like someone you didn't know.
Ikhyun <3 - 12:07 am
i wish you would've came tn
its so empty w/o uuuuuuu
Ikhyun <3 - 01:54 am
fuck this is baasd
thatfucker kangmin is here
Ikhyun <3 - 03:21 am
pick up please
i am so sorry
please wake up
fuck
i messed up
please don't be mad
Don't be mad?
Don't be mad?
You
what the fuck have you done
Your calls go unanswered. Ikhyun and whatever he might be doing better be important. The tears just pour down your face, shaking your whole body with the force. The door opens, figures come in, but it's way too blurry to even think about who it might be. There must be a way to salvage this, there must.
What has he done.
On the other side of town, Ikhyun is taking in the damage from yesterday. The dean and Professor Lee are sitting in the room - or rather, the latter is pacing back and forth along the walls of the room.
"Such careless actions!" the professor murmurs under his breath, the hand he holds in front of his mouth somewhat muffling his words. "What were you thinking?" His voice doesn't carry the strictness that has bounced off the studio's walls every day; students have never seen this side of him.
"Mr Lee, I advise you to sit down," The dean's voice is more collected, her well-manicured hands tapping against the wooden surface of her table. How can one be so calm in a situation like this? "You're only making matters worse."
"Worse?" his steps falter, facing Ms Payer, his eyes turn eerily dark as his next words boom off the walls, "He won't be able to compete at Varna- or more like any competition!" his hands gesture animatedly, anger overtaking all of his earlier rationality, "He will be locked out of ballet circles because of this! It doesn't matter what we decide; it has already been decided by the others!"
"I understand, Mister Lee, and that is why you should calm down; the outcome is out of our hands." He huffs at her words. Hands crossing over his chest, while shaking his head, "And most importantly, I am sorry, Ikhyun," she says to the boy, whose eyes were just snapping from one figure to the other until she finally addressed him. Sorry about what exactly? "You threw away your career the exact time you threw the punch, but I am sure you know that by now."
Oh, wouldn't she like to know. His chest has been convulsing as if it wants to give up on him any minute since he registered what exactly happened. But he couldn't just let the guy degrade you freely when you weren't there to protect your pride. He nods at her, head falling between his sagged shoulders.
"You were the only competition we had against the Russians." Mr Lee's voice broke the sudden mourning silence that settled over the room. Ikhyun's hands balled into fists next to him, nails breaking the delicate skin of his palm. Because that's all he was, an asset - a chance for the school.
When he was dismissed from the room, his eyes immediately took in your shaking frame, barely held up by your parents. Your first reaction was to grab onto his jacket, maybe shake some sense into him, but you just collapsed into his arms. Now crying on each other's shoulders.
Your eyes sting from being unable to cry, and you must ask him: Why did he do it? Why would he do it? Was there no other way to resolve this? What will you do without him now? You never danced with anyone else before - only during practices he missed due to sickness, and never for more than a few hours.
But you can't form the words, can't force them out, no matter how much you want to. You sit there in the suffocating mourning silence in the comfort of your bed and his arms. He is the one to break the silence first after all.
"We went over a few things with Miss Payer and Mister Lee." his words die down into an unsteady breath that shakes your head on his chest. "It's not official yet, but I will be expelled."
The words crumble every last hope you had, starting the dry tears to come back again. He released a weary sigh, letting the silence take over.
Until he couldn't.
"There are a lot of good dancers in the school-"
"No." You support yourself up from the bed, grabbing his shoulders for purchase. Eyes wide in disbelief as the tears still fell.
"I don't want you to not reach your dreams because of me."
"Are they really my dreams if you're not in them?" The words hit him like a shot. He is shaking his head as he closes his eyes, unable to look into your broken gaze anymore. And your cries come back at full force, until his comforting words lull you to sleep.
Your chemistry was a weird one. Everyone thought there must be some romantic aspect to it, but there never was. You loved each other as siblings would. You grew up together, glued together by ballet. But what would happen to the bond if ballet weren't there anymore?
—
plié
/ˈpliːeɪ/
noun
a movement in which a dancer bends the knees and straightens them again, usually with the feet turned right out and heels firmly on the ground.
—
Getting to university is way harder on Monday than it should have been.
Ikhyun wasn't there in the morning to pick you up. He didn't force you to listen to his horrible music, and he didn't tell you at least fifty dad jokes before arriving at the parking lot.
Dahyun and Jiwoo joined your side the minute you stepped into the building, trying to shield you from the pitying glances every student threw you, with more or less success. It wasn't their fault; men twice their size wouldn't have been enough to block them all.
Your blood boiled more with each. Nails digging into your palms, drawing blood. No breathing exercise could have helped, no topic Jiwoo or Dahyun could have brought up, because there wasn't any that didn't concern you or him.
And even the professors joined in the public pity. Making you stay behind after class to ask you if you need help with anything, as if Ikhyun died, not just left.
The cafeteria was the worst part. As if everyone judging each other's plates wasn't enough, you craved the little comforting touches the others gave you with their mock-up sad smiles. The most mind-blowing part was the way some first-years let you go in front of them in the line. You couldn't even help the little "what the fuck" that escaped your lips, and the scowl that came with it.
There were always whispers everywhere you walked, but now they were louder, crueller, and not as slick as they were before. Almost as if the absence of Ikhyun made them bolder.
You were taking your tray back when you bumped into someone.
Poor girl's face drained from blood, white as a ghost, as she murmured repeated apologies while she scurried away, head pulled between her shoulders. Jiwoo and Dahyun chuckled when you looked at them with a questioning glance.
Okay, maybe I lied when I said the cafeteria was the worst - it definitely was the studio.
Chatter fully died down when you stepped inside. You felt every eye on you, but they all looked away the moment you stared back.
These were the same mirrors you looked at for three years now, the same studio, same everything. But all of it was so wrong. How can one feel so out of place, especially somewhere they spend their everydays? Tying your pointe shoes was an unfamiliar experience, as if you were looking through their eyes, only seeing the empty pot next to you.
When Mr Lee came in, that was usually the time he told you to practice the set for any upcoming competition, but even his voice faltered at the sight of you. It might've been the puffiness of your eyes, the messiness of your hair, or the way your leotard was crooked; it could have been anything, honestly.
His eyes quickly averted, not even giving you any task. Just calling out to the others to do their variations, avoiding your existence altogether.
So you do what you know best. Dance.
You try just letting go to the current variation's music playing through the studio's speakers, trying to feel the music instead of letting your body search for the warmth beside you. But somehow entirely different routines steer you right back to a move that's in a dance you did with Ikhyun, and you just let it happen from there.
You dance that choreography anyway, even though he won't be there to lift you, to guide you through it. Because maybe if you held your arms out further and jumped higher, he would be there to catch you.
The stares didn't disappear; they just got softer, not as pointed. Just like Mingi's - his gaze lingering a little longer than the others'. He hurt too. Maybe not as a partner, but as someone who had lost a friend, a constant. So he just watched you in pure silence from across the studio.
By Wednesday, you were over the stares, staring back openly at everyone who still felt the need to pity, who still pointed out the lack of him next to you. On Thursday, you also called them out loudly, "Why the fuck are you staring holes into my head?" and, "Don't you have turnouts to practice?"
Jiwoo and Dahyun only fueled it, adding their own degrading comments to the people you didn't notice, maybe even going further than you would. "You're staring, asshole," came from Dahyun. "At least close your mouth, it smells," Jiwoo said to someone.
On Friday, the verdict finally came. You were called into the dean's office, trying hard not to stab an insult into anyone who passed you. When you saw his frame, your shoulders dropped, knots relaxing immediately, no matter the context. No matter, you know he is here to get expelled.
Mr Lee, Ms Payer and another professor stood there with Ikhyun. Their looks no different from any student you lost yourself over. But with him there, you swallowed the words down before you joined your best friend in being expelled.
The greetings were cut short by Mr Lee, who quickly started explaining, "I'm gonna be straight with you, there is no need to sugar coat it." his voice held despair, and maybe anger, "You have two choices, you don't compete at Varna, or you pick another partner."
You looked around the room, Ikhyun's hand caressed yours in a barely there touch. His eyes are quietly pleading with you to choose the second option. The other professor spoke up, her voice so much more caring than Mr Lee's was before, "There are plenty of dancers who would jump at the chance to partner you." she gave you a weak smile but dropped her gaze before you could reciprocate it.
What was there to lose if you didn't go? You would probably save yourself the humiliation of showing up with someone you barely know and have no chemistry with.
But on the other hand... What was there to lose if you didn't go? Nine-year-old you would shatter. She would scream at you for throwing away an opportunity as not dancing at the biggest international competition.
Would it be worth it?
"I…" Words died down your throat, but the questions just got louder in your head, bringing up more questions. More things to be worried about, more to be mad about. "I'll think about it."
They gave you a defeated smile. Nodding along, because this wouldn't be an easy decision.
Ikhyun couldn't stay any longer. As soon as you left the office, he left, but hugged you tightly before he did.
What you haven't thought of before is how all of this went down on him? He was actually the one getting practically exiled from everything he learned to love from a young age. Ballet was everything for him, too, not just you.
He would soon be shut out of every circle as the guy who beat up the competition. Because in ballet, this was worse than doing drugs or actually sabotaging someone. Drugs were so normalised due to the extreme thinness it required, and the sabotage just came with them.
Everyone thought they were too elegant to physically hurt someone with their hands. Too refined. Too sophisticated. And they made your skin crawl.
You didn't even notice heading to the studio; your feet just took you there. You could've just hoped nobody would actually be there to disturb your sudden need to practice. The doors were open, lights down and… Nobody was there.
You slammed your bag down, letting it fall where it may, already tugging your pointe shoes on. But as soon as they were, you actually realised: for the first time in years, you didn't know what to practice.
—
grand jeté
/ˌɡrɒ̃ ˈʒɛteɪ/
noun
a jump in which a dancer springs from one foot to land on the other with one leg forward of their body and the other stretched backwards while in the air.
—
People don't talk about how hard the first week is without someone who was always there before, a prominent figure. Not in an absolute sense - like dying. Just being robbed of doing your passion, while still breathing… And that somehow feels worse than passing.
Because there Ikhyun was again, lying in your bed with you in his arms, staring at the ceiling endlessly. "You should still go," his chest rumbles under your head, "I'm sure there is someone to match your energy."
His shirt was cold with your spilt tears on it. You were too exhausted to start explaining your worries again, because he was just as stubborn as you were, sticking to his opinion until the very end.
You already told him about everyone's stares, words and endless pity towards you. He listened in silence, a hand rubbing circles on your back, eventually steering the conversation away from school, from ballet, because the wound was still too fresh to be ripping it up continuously.
At some point, the conversation faded. Your voices were overpowered by a random show that was screening on the TV. Occasionally broken by your sniffles, or his longing sighs. The weekend slipped away from your fingers, just like everything seemed lately - no matter how hard you hold onto it - and you were back in the studio.
Warm-up already done and forgotten, as you do certain spins and moves. Getting comfortable high on your toes. But there isn't music to filter out the others' words from your head, and one particular moment catches your attention while you tie your shoes tighter.
The boys are doing Grand Jetés left and right, trying to show how it's done around here, while laughing around, smiles wide on their faces.
San jumped with finesse, arms elegantly folded around his torso, maintaining perfect posture mid-air. He glides momentarily, reminding you so much of Ikhyun. They applaud him, Wooyoung's jaw nearly drops in amazement, while Mingi appears barely entertained.
"Ikhyun still did it better." Mingi declares while still clapping. Your fingers paused mid-knot. And he earns himself a slap on the back of his head from Yeosang. "Yah! It's not like I'm lying!" His hands flew up to shield himself, failing to block the incoming onslaught.
As you watch them, - so domestic, and child-like - you wonder what Ikhyun would do. Playfully order them around, playing his strict ballet teacher part for the day. Which would only make them laugh harder, while also practising and improving. A smile tugs on your lips at the sight; it doesn't last long, nevertheless. Because the thoughts only spiral with the what-ifs from there.
But this was the first time you genuinely smiled since that Saturday.
Jiwoo and Dahyun are still stuck to your side as soon as you leave the studio, leading the way to the cafeteria. "Have you thought about what Ms Payer said?" Dahyun's head is tilted to the side as she looks at you from across the table.
Both of them wait for your answer with curious glances. "I did." They wait for a few seconds only to realise you don't intend to explain further.
"And?"
"I don't know." The truth felt harder to confess out loud. Because yes, you have thought about it. But there were too many odds against both that neither seemed like a good idea. You're getting lost in your thoughts again when someone takes a seat at your table.
And it's… Mr Lee?
The sigh that leaves him as he sits down is sharp. "Girls," he nods to all three of you, but a harsher frown pulls at his when his eyes settle on you. "Have you decided?" Not playing around, I see.
"Not yet."
He scoffs at that, shaking his head before he speaks up again, "You had the time. Your and your future partner's time isn't the only one you're playing with."
Confusion pulls your brows together. It was easy for him to say. While in practice, this is a bigger stake than just a few days of thinking.
Before you could reply, he was talking again. "If you want Varna, you choose this week." He paused, hesitation crossing his eyes. "Or I pull you from the lineup myself." And with that, he was back on his feet, grumbling a goodbye.
His words resonate in your head in classes. The pressure of it is almost physically sitting on your shoulders, hoping to pull you under. And they do, in a way. Pulling your focus from the lectures.
You don't remember pulling your phone out on the way to the studio. Nor typing a message out to Ikhyun. Mind hazy with the spiralling thoughts.
I don't think anyone will match you
Your fingers hover over the mockingly blinking send button. Regretting participating will always be better than regretting not. It could go either way if you try, but at least you tried and didn't give up when you already saw the finish line.
You pocket your phone and pick up your steps towards the building. The message stays unsent. Your chest tightens when you step in, finding Mr Lee alone.
"I'll do it."
You swear you could've seen a smile threatening his way onto his face, but he just nodded.
By the next morning, the whole school seemed to know, and that made you realise this decision didn't concern you alone. But most male dancers in the school.
"Do you have anyone in mind?" The professor who was in the office with you the other day asks. The soft smile seems to be the default on her face.
"No. I haven't danced in pair with anyone except Ikhyun."
"Aah, I understand why it was so difficult-"
Her voice is cut off by the clattering opening of the studio doors. Mr Lee waltzes in with multiple men in tow. "Stand aside, Eunseo, I got this."
The boys set their bags to the side, voices overbearing in the studio. You notice familiar faces, from your classes and lower-years who Ikhyun hung out with. Maybe some were even there at the after-competition parties he dragged you to.
"I don't think this would require such an upheaval." Your voice only reaches the female professor - Eunseo - but even calling her by her first name in your thoughts only feels weird.
She chuckles, but her eyes are just as wide as yours as she takes in the stretching forms. "Warm up well, gentlemen, we're gonna look over lifts, and particular steps from La Bayedére."
One of the younger students straightened immediately. "Yes, Mrs Lee."
—
Ballet lifts are dynamic partner movements designed for height and spectacle in a pas de deux, relying on core strength, precise hand placement, and mutual trust. Key techniques include secure waist grips, using pliés for momentum, and maintaining upright posture to ensure safety. Common lifts include overhead lifts, shoulder sits, fish dives, and the split over, often enhanced by creative, fluid transitions.
—
What you thought about this part was everything, but definitely not this.
Swan Lake blared over the speakers as another pair of unstable hands lifted you high. It just didn't feel right. He was too stiff, too careful. And something you know by now is: being careful gets you nowhere.
The second he put you down, you stopped. Hands finding purchase on your hips as your ribs expanded with each strained inhale. You just shook your head in the Professors' direction, and they looked at each other with an unreadable expression before cutting the music.
Your limbs feel numb after all the trying. You lost count of the partners after the fifth. Nobody felt like him. They didn't even try. Maybe they already felt defeated, knowing whose replacement they would be. But your blood began to boil. May it be all the failed attempts, the hunger, or just the exhaustion - you didn't know, didn't care.
Then the next promising gentleman came. His figure was similar to the one you were used to; he even was in your class - Yeosang.
No more room left for the fatigue to set in, because the music started again. His form was so effortlessly pretty as you locked on his reflection in the mirror. The hold was stable- until it wasn't. The same mistake, over and over again.
This time, you didn't even shake your head; you just stared at them, barely containing your eyeroll.
The next guy that stepped up boomed with confidence. Chest all puffed up as he murmured a small, "Watch this," to his friends in the back. The scowl this time couldn't be held back; it sat out on your face loudly.
The music started again, and you could see the way his eyes were locked on himself in the mirror. Yeah, no. He danced for the mirror. Not for you and definitely not with you. When the lift came, he didn't wait. He just took it. Your stomach dropped mid-air, and you landed harder than you should've. "Is this a joke?"
Another guy, another lift, but this time it just felt wrong. Maybe it looked all right from the outside, given the hopeful looks of the professors. But you shook your head again as soon as the music died down, and collapsed against the handrail on the walls. Your own hope started to fail you, doubts getting louder in your head again, "Next."
The next guy came after you had a few breaths. He looked familiar again, and not just from class. You've seen Song Mingi standing on the sides with displeasure on his face the whole time, eyebrows drawing together every time you dragged someone down. You wonder how he feels to have to compete as Ikhyun's replacement.
But he stepped in, music started, and he followed your lead. Hands exactly where they supposed to be at the lift, stable and controlled.
"…again."
He wasn't perfect either; his touch lacked that familiarity and trust, but that's something you can work on.
What you didn't notice was how everyone stopped for a second. Nobody moved, not the professors, not the boys in the back. And not even him.
Then he nodded when he realised you were on mark already. This time, the move came easier. Not perfect again - far from it - but something clicked. His grip adjusted faster, still following you but taking less time. Your timing met his halfway, instead of dragging behind. Not forced or shaky, and not wrong either.
Your breath hitched, but you didn't falter. Going further with the choreography, pushing, testing him and yourself. He followed, no hesitation, not getting ahead of himself.
The music faded out, silence hitting you harder than the ones before. You stepped away first, looking at the professors again, because you didn't trust yourself to look at him.
Mr Lee's expression was different from before. Arms still crossed, and so were his brows. But he was leaning forward with interest, calculating sharply with his eyes. Mrs Lee watched you more softly, smiling wider than she was before.
"Next." Her smile dropped immediately.
The next few dancers came one by one. One too unsure, too slow, too much thinking, the other not thinking enough. Your voice was harsher with them, "Stop." poor guy's face drained. You knew the next is going to be the last.
But when his arm slipped on your waist mid-air, everything broke. "That's enough." The words slipped out before anyone could stop them. Your chest was falling with rapid breaths, fingers slightly trembling as you took a seat right in front of the professors. The exhaustion caught up with you, but not from the dancing, no. From the trying.
Your gaze flickered across the room, taking in everyone's pained expressions. Until it stopped on him, still standing where you left him. Your eyes snapped away first.
"Alright," Mr Lee's hands clapped together, "You're done for today." Shoulders drooped, long sighs left, and they left eventually. Their packing was loud, but not as chaotic when they came in. But the contrast was still felt when you were alone with the professors again.
"Take the evening," Mrs Lee's voice was the first to break the silence. "Think about it."
You barely heard her over the thoughts. Her eyes lingered on your crumpled-up form. Almost as if she were ready to answer all your doubts. But then she smiled again, "But you already know."
You nodded, even though your mind was anything but settled. Your body, however- has already decided.
You didn't sleep much that night, because every time your eyes closed, you saw the same thing. Lift, almost fall. Lift, fall. Then him - stable, flexible, and adjusting to you. And it repeated every time sleep was about to pull you down.
You went to the studio before classes. The first rays of the rising sun painted the sky yellow behind the building. But he was already there with his little group, stretching, laughing, causing havoc before a normal person would be even up.
You watched him through the glass doors for longer than you'd like to admit. Dancing through a variation on his own, slower than the variation demanded. But it felt refreshing rather than uncomfortable. Emotional.
You took a deep breath before you strutted into the studio, like you owned the place. You didn't bother yourself with the audience, went straight to him, stepping in front of him as he regulated his breaths.
"So you're free for Varna, right?"
His eyebrows drew together, and he took a step back. He took a towel from the handrail, slightly patting it over his forehead. "Am I?" his head tilted.
Your eyes closed to hold back an eyeroll, and with a deep breath, you continued. "You're the only one who didn't make me want to walk out yesterday." The confession felt bitter in the back of your mouth. Especially because you knew Yeosang was here too. His eyes searched yours with caution, snapping from left to right. Not like he would find anything.
When you realised he won't bother with a reply, you spoke up again. Tone lighter than before, losing the attitude. "If we do this, we do it right." Your fingers fiddled with the strap of your bag, and his eyes snapped to the motion. "Just tell me if you even want to do it."
He stared at you for another long minute before he replied, "I don't exactly half-ass things." you could see his jaw tighten, tongue poking his cheek. His gaze was scrutinising, mean. He looked away for a second, dissecting something else rather than you. "So you're… serious."
You scoffed, which made him look back at you, "I don't have time not to be."
His eyebrows twitched, but so did his lips, "Then yeah, we're doing this." You nodded at his response, then left. You won't have to come back here until ballet anyway.
San and Yunho's chests let out a breath they didn't know they were holding, their eyes rounded out. "Fuck, she's intense," San says, trying to make the tense air disappear with humour.
"And a bitch." Wooyoung adds, clearly not pleased by your attitude.
Yeosang hits his arm, "You never felt what she is going through," he tries to reason, but it falls on deaf ears.
"But I am sure, if I were to, my approach would be very different."
—
La Bayadère ("The Temple Dancer") is a classic 19th-century Russian ballet choreographed by Marius Petipa with music by Ludwig Minkus, premiering in 1877. It tells a tragic story of love, betrayal, and vengeance set in India, involving the temple dancer Nikiya, warrior Solor, and princess Gamzatti
—
Your schedule became crammed after that. Practices earlier than when most were awake, staying later than the sun was up. Between classes - everywhere, your timetables aligned.
The texts exchanged were brief between you, calculated and always to the point.
You
I'm free after next lesson
Song Mingi
i am alr here
When you finally joined him, his hand found your waist again. Firmer than before, and definitely not hesitant. But he didn't take the lead; he just waited. You almost missed the cue.
With Ikhyun, you never had to think. Your body would've moved before you even realised. His grip already guiding you into place, every shift anticipated before it happened.
But now - you were a fraction late. He didn't even make a mistake, but he stopped too. His touch a ghost on your skin as he said, "Again," quietly. But he didn't look annoyed or mad, no matter how hard you searched for a reaction.
You swallowed and nodded, already stepping back. Your fingers curled into his shoulder, more deliberate. Checking the placement twice rather than failing once more. Music started again, the count muted in your head. One- two.
You stepped and felt it. The transfer of weight, the slight delay in his response. His hands adjusted, not you, but his grip. It threw you off. Frustration pulled your eyebrow together again, failing to hold back the snarl on your lips.
Your turn faltered, coming a breath too early. His grip tightened, just enough to steady you, but he didn't force you back as Ikhyun would have.
He let it be wrong. Let it be off.
Making you spiral, because you knew you were the one to mess it up, yet it somehow still felt as if it was his fault.
Your feet hit the floor too hard - letting you know exactly where you messed up. You pulled back then, ready to lash out, to reset- to apologise. But he didn't stop. You watched him for a second, resuming the choreography as if nothing had happened. "Keep going." The words were low, between his controlled breaths.
For the first time in years, you had to think. Not just move, with your body guiding you, as if it were carved into it. But listen to the music, to the count, to him. And to yourself.
You joined back on the next count, a little slower intentionally. Falling into rhythm with him. Waiting - just half a second - to feel where his balance would lead him, before settling into yours. Meeting you in the middle. It wasn't clean or perfect. No, it wasn't anywhere near. But you finally felt - knew - where he would be.
Another lift came, this time you didn't rush it. You let the momentum build while paying attention to everything. Felt the axis of your body instead of assuming it would be there. When you landed, his grip steadied you. Not because you made a mistake he needed to correct, but because you chose the timing together.
Maybe this was something you needed. Because no one learned from someone doing it right instead of them. They learned from patience and guidance. From being forced to be great. Because he had nothing to lose if he didn't correct you.
And fuck, it made you mad.
Mr Lee was keeping an eye on you, without disturbing the scene. But when you finally stopped between sets, you saw the low smile curling at his lips. Only making your ambition burn harder, wilder.
With every practice, something simmered deep within you. An unexplainable feeling that kept you up at night. Thinking about all the times you let Ikhyun correct you, instead of pushing to do better himself.
The next day, you were dancing in the back of the room while the others were doing something orchestrated by Mr Lee. You didn't want to be loud, because your newfound audience would hear everything, in the panting silence that settled over the classroom. But it was clear that Mingi didn't share those agendas.
"Stop."
You blinked at him, still breathing unevenly.
His hands dropped from your waist, discarding the contact as if it burned. "You anticipate too much," he ran a hand through his hair. "You already move before I even finish the last step."
A scoff left your lips, "Because if I don't, the lift doesn't happen."
His jaw tightened at your tone, unshaken by the eyes on you. "Or maybe it happens differently."
"Different doesn't win Varna."
"Yeah, neither does not knowing basic counts." The words hung sharply between you. Brows pulling together in another reason now.
You closed your eyes, took a deep breath and started again with a mocking smile on your lips, "Then explain on which count am I supposed to be even near you?"
He stepped back into position, jaw tight as he looked at you. This became an everyday thing between you. Mocking, doubting. The snarls on your lips were default as soon as you stepped within the vicinity of one another.
—
Ballet positions are the foundation of classical dance, focusing on turnout from the hips, posture, and grace. The five basic foot positions, numbered one through five, involve rotating legs and hands.
—
"I hate when people's default expressions are like dying swans," You muttered under your breath as a first-year passed by, clearly shaken from practice. Dahyun snorted at your comment, while Jiwoo suppressed a giggle.
Mingi wasn't even trying to listen; he just heard it as he walked past you with Yunho and Wooyoung. His steps halted, eyes flicking toward you with disappointment. It sat wrong in his chest, "Pretty sure yours isn't any better," he huffed. Not even sure if he meant you to hear it.
Your eyes narrowed on him, "At least I don't look like that all the time."
Mingi's expression didn't change. Which somehow made it worse than if it had. "Funny," he muttered, voice flat, "Could've sworn you did."
Wooyoung's eyes widened as he let out a little "shit-" under his breath, while elbowing Yunho lightly. After that, the whole hallway went quiet. Waiting for your rebuttal or surrender. But you never knew when to stop, did you?
"Maybe it's just because I see you," you shrugged, continuing your walk towards your class.
At practice that day, he was snappier. His moves were cold and rushed, antsier than usual. It reflected on his performance more than you would like. His hands on your waist weren't as firm as they were the day before, having lost that precise anchor point just above the flare of your hip.
"Okay, stop," you snapped, already on your way to turn the music off. "What's up with you today?"
He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, lightly tugging at the roots to stay present. "Nothing," his voice was dull, almost empty. Then he began walking toward you, taking your phone and resuming the music. "Let's move on."
He went back to the middle of the empty studio, already standing in fourth position. His muscles were on display with his arms elegantly in the air, and your eyes lingered a second too long. With a shake of your head, you settled near him in your starting pose too, feeling the music guide you.
You felt free. Dancing, moving to the sound, finally acclimatised to his moves and style. You felt better than you had a few weeks ago, finally feeling as if you had your grounding back. Your jumps were synchronised better, more aware of each other- until today it seems.
His moves were delayed. It was barely noticeable, but you felt it. Especially when he wasn't where he was supposed to be when the lift came, he was a few centimetres more to the left than usual, throwing off your count and rhythm as you had to get closer to him. But still, his hands weren't stable around you.
He stumbled - or rather his hands did - resulting in you slipping from his grasp and having a hard time catching your balance. He grunted, arms still around your waist as you stood closer to him than usual. Your chests pushed against each other with swallowed air. Your hand rested on his shoulder as you stared into his eyes.
His fingers flexed against your side, eyebrows still drawn together, as he stared back. Breaths short and loud when the music stops. You felt your heart beat uncontrollably, faster than usual, faster than it does after an average dance.
The thought of that made you snap out of whatever tiredness-induced daze you were in and pull back from him. "Your timing was off," you said quickly. Gaze averted to the barre on the wall - anything but him.
He took a deep breath, eyes still on your distancing frame. "Yeah," his tone felt defeated. "We should just stop here today." You hummed back in response, hands already working on the ribbon of your shoes. But before you even finished with one, the door slammed shut behind Mingi.
You prepared yourself for his attitude the next day. Whatever snarky reply he may throw your way, what will either of you mess up that day. But today wasn't anything like that. The practice went well, without any insults or huffs. He even stayed longer after, asking about how it would be better for you in supported turns, and even about other classes.
It was almost worse this way, with no snapping, no tension thick enough to choke on. Just small corrections, short nods, and movements that almost worked. You didn't trust this - or him, for that matter.
The next day, you were on the side of the studio, Mr Lee's voice boomed through the open space with instructions to the others. You were practising turns with Mingi, his hands warm on your waist, but never staying there long enough for you to enjoy the feel of it.
You felt the eyes Mr Lee set on you, his gaze basically burned against your nape. Whenever you stopped a turn, you looked at him and saw a specific glint in his eye, which never meant anything good for you. He felt ready to turn your life upside down again.
"Switch partners," His voice made you freeze, snapping your head in his direction. He was still looking at you, which meant that the instruction was meant for you.
"I'm sorry, what?" you barely choked out. Even Mingi's hands stayed on your waist in shock.
"Yunho, Jiwoo, come here."
Oh no.
Now the two of them stood in front of you and Mingi. The other two students were just as shocked. "You do the same thing now but with other partners." He explained, and Mingi's thumb caressed your waist softly, and you fucking hoped that movement was done unconsciously. "Get to it, we don't have all day."
Yunho stood in front of you with a little flush on his cheeks and fidgeting fingers. "So uh-" his voice cracked, "-partnered turns, right?" you nodded in response, the saliva burning and staying lodged in your throat as you tried to swallow, weight shifting from one leg to the other.
His hands were bigger than Mingi's, more slender; when you finally feel comfortable with Mingi,Mr. Lee had to make it difficult again. Despite the initial awkwardness, Yunho's hands were firm around your waist as you turned. Your jaw felt tight, calves burning in an addictive way that made you fall in love with the sport at first. There wasn't anything to mess up in turn like this. But it still didn't feel right.
Maybe the professor heard that thought form in your head with the way his eyes still shone. "Okay, now both of you try the actual dance." All four of you froze again. What was the point of this? Mr Lee's hands crossed in front of him, watching you with careful eyes. "Same combination," He immediately started the music, leaving no room for argument.
You stepped back hesitantly, the music barely made it through the loud pounding of your heart. You saw the way Yunho forced his body to move into position, eyes meeting yours for a second before you had to move.
Your body was screaming at you just like the first time you danced with Mingi. He wasn't there to meet you in the middle again; you had to correct yourself. Maybe that unspoken familiarity formed with Mingi, too. Yunho wasn't a bad dancer; he was always where he needed to be. Hands exactly how they are supposed to be, almost textbook perfect.
But your body was hesitating again before every move, not knowing where to go.
"Again." Mr Lee's voice cut through the violins.
You swallowed again, forced to think about your next move and focused on the count, alignment. You panicked as the lift came, faltering for a second. But Yunho was fast to catch up, adjusting quickly. But it wasn't smooth; you could feel his effort in it.
"Good," Mr Lee said. Your head whipped to him with force, eyebrows drawn together to the point where it hurt. Good? This was good? You never once before heard him say anything was "good" before. Especially not to a move that was mediocre at best. Your chest felt tight- too tight.
Mingi and Jiwoo were watching, their chests heaving as they struggled to catch their breath, their faces holding pained expressions. You wish you could've seen how they danced. Did Jiwoo stand exactly where she was supposed to? Or did Mingi also have to adjust? Did she also hesitate?
You felt a sharp pain in your head. Eyes snapping from Mingi to Jiwoo with haste that made your stomach churn. Air was getting harder to force into your lungs with each passing minute. You weren't staying late tonight, no matter what. You needed to get out of there fast.
It might have been a coincidence or pure luck, but Mr Lee was saying his usual closing monologue. You were out of there as soon as possible. Not even noticing you basically ran home until you were in your room with your back against the door.
Your feet still hurt, but you barely feel them over the pain in your head and stomach. Next second, you were hiccupping with choked tears escaping. Why did you even think you could do this without Ikhyun? How come you never noticed the imperfection of your moves before? Have they always been there, carved deep into you? Maybe that's just who you were.
It was selfish of you, like Mingi said. You should've dropped the idea of Varna that morning you read the texts - maybe earlier, when you applied first with smiles on your face with Ikhyun. How come nobody ever told you this? Maybe you weren't the dancer you thought you were. The thought didn't settle. It scratched at the inside of your skull, repeating, reshaping, getting uglier each time.
You didn't sleep much. Or maybe you did - it didn't feel like it. Every time you closed your eyes, you were back in the studio, half a count too late.
The next day, you were waiting for him in the studio, already warming up, stretching, staring in the mirror with someone so hollow and zombie-like staring back. The warming up you were doing was more muscle memory than thought-through. The door behind you opened with force, but you didn't have it in you to look who it was. Too distracted by the still screaming thoughts.
"You're early." He was stunned, dropping his bag down in his usual spot.
You hummed back in response, staring out of your head without anything to actually look at. You could feel him looking at you longer than usual. As if he was waiting for something - a comment, a jab, anything that sounded like you. But you didn't give it to him.
Your hamstrings stretched as you lay your weight on your leg. The barre creaked as he leaned on it, breaking the silence that settled over the room. The studio has an eerie feeling to it in the morning, with the cold air that travels through the windows and makes goosebumps break out on your skin.
Soon you felt you had to dance; however, you didn't feel ready, yesterday was still too recent in your mind. You reached for your bag, taking the new pointe shoes out, you had already somewhat prepared for today.
"New shoes?" Mingi's eyes were nearing his hairline, and you nodded. He knew from being your classmates for three years now that you didn't change shoes often; you actually dreaded changing them. "How come?"
"The last ones are…" ruined, to say prettily. You didn't notice your feet hurt yesterday because you ran home in them, forgetting to actually take them off in the overwhelming haste. It's a shame, though, you just replaced them not too long ago. "-They had the ribbons sewn in all wrong." The words died down in your throat, feeling bitter in your mouth.
Something unreadable passed in his eyes, and his head cocked to the side. He was looking at you, taking in your half-dead appearance; something unreadable passed in his eyes. He cocked his head, tracking your half-dead appearance with a scrutiny that made you wonder if he’d seen you bolt out of the studio the day before with your pointes still tied to your feet.
"Alright," he clapped his hands together, and saw you flinch subtly at the loud sound - fuck, it's worse than he thought. "Where did we leave it off?"
You were totally out of it as you danced. You were focused, yes, but he saw that you were too focused on certain things. Like the distance between you before the lift, or the placement of your hands on his shoulder. He even saw the little snarl on your lips as you were half a count behind. He let it be; everyone had bad days - maybe you had more than the average person did - but you weren't even friends for him to ask about it.
More like… beneficial partners? No, he didn't benefit from this in any way.
You didn't even say goodbye when you left. Didn't think much of it either, just that it didn't matter. After all it was just practice. But it wasn't just anything.
He was still standing in front of the mirror, repeating some steps and pirouettes that didn't seem good enough for him, and you just… left.
—
For a ballet dancer, shoes are as essential as a pencil is to an artist. Each dancer has their own preferences, methods for using, breaking them in, and customising them. They sew in the ribbons, make the boxes harder if needed; they use everyday items, like Super glue, markers, nail polish - whatever you can imagine, as mundane as possible. They are the most delicate aspect for a ballet dancer because a good pair of shoes provides a solid foundation. But what happens if there's nothing to ground you?
—
Today was one of those days when you had a few free hours before Mingi finished and needed to meet you at the studio. You needed calmness, some quiet in those hours. You needed to be alone.
Some classical music was playing in your headphones as you sat on your bed and looked around the bedroom. Eyes drifted across the shelves. Trophies, medals, and old shoes you kept for- just because. No books you've chosen, no hobbies, no mess. Just a clean room, nothing but ballet. Because what were you without ballet?
The thoughts hadn't quieted one bit, even when you stood in front of the mirror, Mingi's arms around you. Nor did they in the next few weeks. You became softer, no snapping remarks or anything to give him. No words for him, actually, you barely talked.
Considering all of your setbacks, you were doing amazing - both of you. But despite the progress you'd made together, there was still that lack of trust, that undeniable bond only years of being partners could forge, and that hell of a tension was suffocating. Because his hands felt electric on you. Every touch lingered longer, and you found yourself resenting the moments they actually stopped.
You correct more steps and moves for yourself, so he doesn't have to do it for you. So you don't have to feel the humiliation of not knowing a basic step - but also, you don't want him to think less of you. You're the supposed best in this school so act like it. You want- no you need Mingi to believe you are a good, the best partner.
So fake it 'til you make it, right?
But you weren't sure anymore if you were getting better - or just better at pretending.
Mingi took a breather after you'd done the whole dance twice. His eyes never left your figure as he crashed down in front of the barre, taking a few sips of water. You still stood there - dancing and practicing one particular turn that you couldn't get on point with yourself with.
"One, two- ugh, fuck." You mumbled under your breath, the bitter taste of dissatisfaction settling deep in your throat. The studio only gave comfort to you and him in these late hours. Your eyes snapped to his sprawled-out figure as he watched you with piercing eyes. He was biting the inside of his cheek, something unreadable passing in his eyes.
When he finally stood beside you again, his chest was not heaving as hard as it had been before. He was staring in the mirror, hands never finding their place on your waist, the music was already past your queue. Your eyebrows etched together as you looked at him, "…What?" you snapped, more snappy than you wanted to.
Your eyes followed his gaze to your feet, where they were shifting the weight from one leg to another. Your eyes lifted back to find him staring at you. "Are you nervous?" His hands tensed awkwardly beside his body.
"No- what- why would you think that?" There was a bite to your words, nose scrunching in distaste and confusion.
"You're shifting."
"Yeah, and?" He didn't mean to leave the silence that long.
"Every time before a lift - left to right - and you don't even notice it." His hands motioned animatedly with his words, punctuating this habit deeper with every word. Making your stomach drop, because now that he said it, you noticed it.
Heel to toe, heel to toe. Preparing, bracing yourself.
You heard it as criticism first. Not concern, and not quite an observation - just another thing you were doing wrong and he had to point out. "'m just adjusting-" Your jaw tightened before you even finished the sentence. As if you said it confidently enough, maybe it would become true.
"No," he shook his head, "you just don't trust the timing." You just don't trust yourself. The studio felt hotter, smaller. Louder, even though the music had already stopped - and so did your shifting.
"I-I know the timing, I have been dancing for years." Your words are still sharp. Wonder who you are trying to convince, him or yourself.
"Yeah," he ran a hand through his hair as his jaw tensed. "You have."
His words didn't feel like validation, it felt like anything but that. "Then what's your point?" you pressed, already knowing you wouldn't like the outcome, legs already moving your weight - but you stopped it mid movement.
"You're not dancing what's supposed to happen," he breathed out, voice lower than before and softer, "But what you think will go wrong."
The more he spoke, the less oxygen you had in your lungs, and it was crushing your chest - snapping something, so suddenly you even forget there was an option to breathe. Because he wasn't wrong, and that made it even worse.
"I'm not-" Your voice cracked, and you hated how weak you sounded. "I'm just trying not to mess it up."
"I know." He responded, too sincere, too soft.
You turned away from him, hands going to your hair, your temples - anywhere but him. Your weight shifted again without meaning to. Heel. Toe. Heel-
"Stop,"
You froze, one leg on point, the other flat on the ground. "All I'm trying to say is, you don't even realise you're doing it." Your throat felt tight, heartbeat loud in your ears, almost louder than his reassuring, soft-spoken words. "I just told you," he continued, still as patient as ever, something he wasn't usually with you, "and you still did it again."
Your vision blurred before you even registered the tears. The tears came all at once - sharp, sudden, impossible to stop. You turned away immediately, wiping at your face as if it offended you, as if crying itself was the failure. "Fuck," you muttered under your breath, shaking your head. "This is stupid."
You hated that he saw this. Hated the fact that it was him, of all people, standing here while you fell apart. For a second, you almost told him to drop it. To leave it alone, to leave you alone. He didn't move closer, didn't try to comfort you with touch. But he was there, eyebrows drawn together, hands still tensed next to him. "You're relearning," he said after a moment.
You let out a bitter laugh. "Feels more like unlearning everything."
"Yeah," he shrugged lightly, though his eyes didn't leave you, "that's usually how it works." He sighed, flexing his fingers a little before speaking up again, "You relied on him," he stated matter-of-factly, but not unkindly, "That's not a bad thing." Your chest tightened at the mention, nails biting into the skin of your palm. "But now you can't, so you notice everything you didn't have to before."
He finally let silence settle over the studio again, but now it wasn't suffocating, just still. It lets the thoughts consume you. "I hate it," you admitted, eyes on the floor, not daring to look even in his direction.
"You're better like this."
"What?" Your head snapped up, and your expression soured quickly because it didn't feel like a compliment. It felt like being stripped down to something unfinished and told to be grateful for it.
"You hesitate," He said, gesturing slightly, "you overthink, you mess up the count-"
"Wow, thanks-"
"But you know why now." That was quick to shut you up. Words got stuck in your throat as you watched him, teary-eyed. He tilted his head slightly, smile low, playful on his lips as he asked, "Again?"
You nodded, wiping your eyes with the back of your hands with haste. Quickly shaking off your legs and hands, cracking your neck left to right. "Yeah," you gulped down the tears that didn't have the place to escape now. You didn't feel ready - but you stepped in anyway.
It didn't click all at once.
Some days, you catch yourself. Some days you didn't, and some days, you didn't even try.
But then also… You moved with more ease; the tension didn't fully leave your shoulders or moves, but you caught yourself more frequently in the bad habit. If you hadn't, Mingi tilted his head with a pointed gaze on your feet, one eyebrow cocked, making you chuckle every time. Less panic, and fewer moments where your body locked up completely.
You stayed longer one day. The professor was about to leave, too, but he sat down beside you.
"How is it going?" Mr Lee asked, with an unreadable expression on his face.
The words were stuck in your throat. Because, how was it actually going? Mingi made you doubt every step, relearn the basics. Make you want to join first-year classes again to learn everything from the start. Slowly making you realise what you had with Ikhyun wasn't perfect.
You were just lost in the haze of this whirlwind around you, which stopped you from questioning your knowledge and precision. Because if it got you golds, then there wasn't anything to evolve. You reached the top. There is nowhere to develop further.
"Well," you tried to say, but it sounded more like a question. "It's different." His eyes were on your forearm, where you started unconsciously rubbing it with your hand. Legs ready to place your weight from one to the other, but you stopped the motion. "He- he's making me question everything I've stood by before."
He nodded, directing you to continue and pushing you to make this realisation by yourself.
"With Ikhyun, everyone was sold on our connection and- and chemistry, not our skills." His head tilted disapprovingly, "I'm not saying we didn't dance well - I mean, I am - but we could've danced worse and still have gotten podium." you stammered.
"We lacked awareness of our imperfections." Your voice was low, barely above a whisper. "We- we trusted each other too much that we lost the meaning, the art in ballet."
Mr Lee smiled widely as he looked at you, proud of your realisation, before his expression dropped back to that similar stoic one. His hand ran through his silver hair before he stood up and nodded. "Alright." He took a glance around the room, nodding one to your left, before he left.
You haven't even registered that Mingi still sat in the otherwise empty studio with you. But you stayed where you were - by the barre, stretching a little longer than necessary, retying ribbons that didn't need fixing… thoughts storming in your head.
You didn't want to leave first. Didn't want to think about the walk to your car, the suffocating, different quiet that waited there. The one in here felt comforting, like an embrace.
Mingi was doing the same thing in his own way. Not stretching - just… taking his time. Folding his towel, unfolding it again. Taking another sip of water, he clearly didn't need. Breaking the silence occasionally.
Eventually, you stood, slinging the strap over your shoulder with more force than necessary, already heading for the door before your thoughts could catch up. Mingi held the door open for you. When did he even stand up? A small smile grazed his features as he looked at you, motioning for you to go first.
Your synchronised steps were loud against the tiled floor of the hallway. Echoing through the empty, cold space. He was a breath behind you, not too close - but not too far behind either. The moon was already up in the dark sky outside. Mingi opened the door with his shoulder, and you immediately felt the absence of your jacket.
Your steps slowed for half a second - barely noticeable - but he caught it anyway. You saw it in the way his gaze flickered to your arms, then away again. He didn't comment, just adjusted his pace to match yours.
The parking lot was quieter than usual. A few scattered cars, dim lights casting long shadows across the pavement. Your keys clinked in your hands as you walked towards your car. He was still walking with you, silently. Most people would've peeled off by now. Said something, left, made it obvious.
Something he has been doing lately - this silent support. But you couldn't put a start to this, you didn't feel it, and lately you just began to expect it. If it was for a lift or a conversation with the professor, he was there like a pillar - quiet, unmoving. But his presence was enough for you to be aware of everything, and it somehow grounded you. It was strange - how nothing felt fixed, but something felt… quieter.
You reached your car, slowing as you fumbled with the keys a little more than necessary. Your fingers felt clumsy all of a sudden, as if they didn't quite belong to you. You looked over your shoulder when the car finally opened with a low flash of lights. "…Do you need something?"
He pursed his lips, head shaking in response. His hands were in the pocket of his hoodie, his lips pulled into a half smile, "Can't I accompany you to your car?" his smile was full now, teeth on display. "It's dark outside." He motioned around animatedly, "Someone could've kidnapped you."
The sound of your chuckle felt foreign, "Such a gentleman, Song," he shrugged, rolling his eyes playfully.
He was still standing beside your car when your fingers hovered over the start button. He didn't look at you when he said it, "Text me when you get home." The words came out so casually that it took you a few seconds to register them.
"What?"
"So I know you didn't crash."
"Aaah," Your smile widened, nodding at him as you blew out a breath. "I will, then." You barely believed the words as you said them. Mingi was already turning away, walking towards his car.
You didn't drive off immediately. Through the windshield, you could still see him - walking away, hands still shoved into his hoodie pockets, shoulders slightly hunched against the cold, but he didn't look back.
Before you could think better of it, your hands reached for your phone, opening the chat with Mingi.
You
got home
You stared at the way his car's headlights lit up the almost empty parking lot. Your lips pressed together, put your phone down, then drove out.
Your phone buzzed ten minutes later, at a red light. But you withstood the desire to look at it until you were already in the driveway.
Mingi
liar
You stared at the screen longer than you should've, and a breathless chuckle came out. And you noticed how your cheeks hurt from smiling all the way home.
You
Okay, I am for real home now.
Mingi
didn't crash?
You
Nope
We still have to practice tmr
Mingi
:(
thought i could get away w it
You
Damn you hate me so much?
Mingi
you know it
You stared at the messages, with your bag on your shoulder, keys in hand, but still sitting behind the wheel. The screen went dark with a click as you got out. But another message chimed from it when you were kicking your shoes off.
Mingi
goodnight y/n
You
Goodnight Mingi
—
Ballerinas wear specialised ballet costumes - particularly tutus - to facilitate unrestricted movement, showcase technical musculature, and enhance storytelling. These costumes, ranging from classical stiff tutus to flowing skirts, evolved to make movement look effortless, highlight precise lines, and transport audiences into the performance's world. Because ballet isn't just about dancing well - it's about making it look effortless. And sometimes, if you wear it long enough, you start to believe it.
—
Last night, when you went to sleep, you didn't think the house next door would pick that day to throw the biggest party in the neighbourhood. So when you woke up to the sound of your mother's voice instead of the alarm, you already knew the day would be unbearable.
You were awake - technically - but nothing about it felt real. Your mom noticed the second you stumbled into the kitchen, twenty minutes later than you were supposed to be out the door. She didn't even comment. Just grabbed her keys and jerked her head toward the door.
Those thirty minutes spent slipping in and out of consciousness in the car did more damage than help. Your head knocked lightly against the window every few minutes. You felt like a zombie, and probably looked like one too - if your mom's chuckle was anything to go by.
The classes blurred together; your notes were gibberish, words slanting into each other like they didn't want to exist either. Next class was practice, and by now you were sure you wouldn't survive it.
It was honestly a miracle that you could tie the ribbons of your shoes- they were all crooked, and pointing in every direction, but they were on you at least, weren't they? Mingi was trying to suppress a smile when you walked towards him or dragged yourself there rather.
"Rough day?" You didn't need to look at him to see the way he was smiling now. You just groaned in his direction, standing in front of him, ready to dance. But even standing felt wrong - like your weight wouldn't settle properly. This was a new low, even for you.
The rest of the class passed by with Mingi laughing. You even got a half smile from Mr Lee. You weren't there enough however, to notice the anxious shifting of your legs, but you would thank Mingi the next day that he didn't point it out.
At the end of class, Mingi stood tall above you as you fought off your pointe shoes and wrestled them into your bag. He opened the doors for you because he was pretty sure you would've walked into them if he didn't do so.
The next surprise was not finding your car in its usual place. The realisation hit slowly, then all at once. "Shit," you groaned, stopping mid-step. Mingi froze beside you. His head snapped toward you. "What?" past you, to the space where your car should've been. You didn't even bother explaining. Just dragged a hand over your face and reached for your phone, already pulling up your mom's contact.
He resumed walking, just like that. Your head snapped up, watching his back as he moved ahead like nothing happened. Fucking asshole. You couldn't suppress the sigh that came from you as you pressed the phone to your ear- "You coming?"
Your head jerked up again. He was already a few steps ahead, looking over his shoulder at you, brows slightly raised like this was obvious. He reached out to his passenger door, opening it before he walked to the driver's side to sit in.
You blinked at him, still halfway stuck between dialling your mom and processing the fact that your car wasn't there. "…With you?" you asked, slower than usual.
He raised an eyebrow as the car's headlights lit up, "No, I just like asking questions."
You huffed, rolling your eyes as you shoved your phone back into your bag. "You're insufferable."
"Get in." There was no room to argue. Not with your brain lagging two steps behind everything. Not with the cold creeping under your thin clothes. His car was already hot. The leather seats felt like heaven against your skin, already making your eyes droopy, combined with the heat. Your head tipped back against the headrest, eyes closing just for a second…
"Hey," You felt the light tap on your thigh. Your eyes fluttered open, and he was closer than you expected. His whole body was turned towards you, with one hand on the wheel, the other resting on the middle console, hovering just above your legs without actually touching them. Your eyes rested on his hand, how you still felt where he had touched it a few seconds ago. As if staring at it will make it come back. "y/n, seatbelt."
He huffed out a breath that sounded awfully like a laugh, and watched you as you fumbled with it. After a few seconds, he reached over, "I got it." his hand brushed yours as he clicked it into place. Hand settling into that same spot it had been in before. Not quite touching but still there.
His gaze flickered up - not to your eyes at first, but your face. Your mouth. Then finally, your eyes. "Are you always this useless when you're tired?" he asked, voice quieter than before.
You let out a soft scoff, but it came out weaker than you meant it to. "Shut up." For a second, you sat there, both of you too close to one another. Eyes on each other's faces, with the low hum of the car mixing with your heartbeat in your ears. But then he pulled back, clearing his throat, eyes on the mirror as he started reversing out.
"Don't fall asleep," he muttered, "'m not carrying you inside."
You swallowed, forcing your gaze out the window, even though your reflection stared right back at you. "Wouldn't dream of it," you mumbled back through pursed lips.
The drive already felt too steady, too quiet, because both of you were too aware of the distance between you. You were fidgeting with your hands in your lap, looking around, but not daring to glance in his direction.
Because if you would, it would all feel real somehow.
Your eyes remained locked on the outside scenery for the time being - or until your eyes stayed shut for longer than what could be considered a blink, and half a second longer every time, until the combination of warmth from the vents and the slow music on the radio basically screamed for you to close your eyes.
And you totally could, right? You wouldn't fall asleep, but with your eyes closed, you wouldn't have to worry about where to look.
When you next opened your eyes, for a second, you didn't move. There was a dull panic in your chest. That disoriented, floating feeling of not knowing where you were or how much time had passed.
It took you a few seconds to register where you were. Still in Mingi's car with him sitting completely relaxed behind the wheel - thighs spread wide enough to graze the gear shift, one hand resting on the windowsill while his knuckles pressed against his lips. Is pouting his default? He was lazily scrolling on his phone as you watched him.
Your eyes slid to the dashboard eleven-fifty pm. Oh my god. Did he seriously let you sleep in his car for hours? As you were wiggling in your seat, he looked at you, rolling his shoulders as he said, "Good morning, princess."
Your cheeks heated with the nickname before you could even register that he meant it in a derogatory way. "Did you let me sleep in your car for three consecutive hours?" You semi-yelled, as much as you could after waking up.
He looked at you deadpan, "I told you I wouldn't carry you in," he said as if it were obvious.
"And your solution to that was driving up to-" you looked outside the window, was just a random parking lot? "-to wherever the fuck we are, instead of waking me up?- because that is what a normal person would do, by the way."
"Whoa, hold your horses, sleeping beauty, do you always get feisty after you wake up?" His hands came up in front of him protectively, and a small smile tugged at his lips. "And by the way, did you finally get enough sleep? Maybe not, but we're one step closer, and also by the way, did you know you talk in your sleep? Because you do, and it's fucking creepy." He was mocking you now. That fucki-
You scoffed while closing your eyes, trying to bite back any remark with little to no success. "You're unbelievable."
"So are you." You let out a loud groan at that, but your cheeks were still warm. Even though he turned the heating off, but not the radio, it still played random songs you fell asleep to.
You really hoped you didn't actually talk in your sleep. Who could know what things unconscious you aired, as if it were Mingi's business.
You couldn't help but wonder, this is the same man who acted like an ass with you randomly, and also who let you sleep in his car. The same guy who challenged your every word, but also helped you when something was wrong, and he was the person whose touch you didn't want to leave your body. Well, that is a discovery, and even thinking it felt wrong.
"So uh," he put his phone down with a little thud on the middle console, "You hungry?"
"Mingi, it's almost midnight."
He raised an eyebrow, "And?" his lips pursed, "Does the absence of the sun in the sky take away your appetite or?" Why does his sassiness have to be funny? You licked your lips as you collected your composure, but you smiled anyway.
"Alright, what you got on your mind?"
Turns out, it wasn't just a random parking lot; it was next to a seven eleven. The store run was fast; you were back with your desired items in the comfort of his car in a few minutes. And as you munched on your samgak kimbap, you tried not to think about the way his body pressed against yours between the aisles, and the ease with which he pressed his card to the reader when you tried to pay.
He even had the biggest smile on after, that smug bastard.
He was looking out the window and drinking his banana milk when he suddenly asked, "What do you think is the most elite flavour?" and it was safe to say you were shocked, so much so that you choked on your food.
"What are you even talking about?" Your laugh was loud in the car, body almost folding in half with the intensity.
His eyes were shaped into half crescents with his big smile, "What? I'm serious."
You needed a few minutes to be able to talk without bursting out laughing again, "Of what? In general?" He hummed a yes back. You pretended to ponder the question with your finger on your mouth, which he rolled his eyes at. "For sweets, I think vanilla, for savoury, I'd say… I don't know cheese?"
His features twisted into visible disgust. "You're so weird."
"You asked me for my opinion!"
"Yeah, and it's fucking disgusting!"
You scoffed, scrunching up the wrapper of your food in your hand, "Okay, then what do you think is the best flavour?"
"Mint choco, and tofu."
"Tofu doesn't even have a taste! And mint chocolate is like the worst of them all!"
"You just can't believe my opinion is superior to yours." He shrugged.
One day, after the competition, you were going to strangle this man with your bare hands. You didn't reply to his last comment; you were sure neither of you would like it. So you just let the quiet take place, and ate your remaining food in silence.
Until you had a thought, "What the hell did you even do until I was asleep?"
He had a spoonful of pudding in his hand when you looked at him. "I drove around for a while," He said as if it was the most normal thing in the world, "Then I parked here and scrolled on my phone."
You nodded faux-amusedly, "Tough."
"I mean, what would you do if I fell asleep in your car?" Well, now that's a real question.
"First of all-" You pointed one finger up, just as he mocked those words in a high pitch, "I can't think of a scenario which would result with you in my car. Second of all, I would wake you up?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is the obvious answer, sorry for wanting to be a good person," He waved you off with an eyeroll. His eyes will literally roll out of his head at this rate.
The time after was cut short after a message from your mom. But this turned into a habit - not the part where we were horribly exhausted, and fell asleep in his car, but the driving around and talking one. It wasn't immediate, although. The first few times felt accidental. As if neither of you wanted to acknowledge that it was becoming a thing. As if it would stop, or break if either of you pointed it out.
He always had a random question he would ask you and make you laugh until your stomach hurt - the Mingi special of the day, if you may. It felt good, domestic even. You still bantered; you did it a lot. But you finally smiled at the end instead of letting it ruin your day.
And seeing you together didn't seem strange to the students at the school either. Everyone got used to it, so much so that even the paper that wrote Ikhyun's article got word of it.
The fallen prodigy and the replacement prince
So unique. They even had a picture of you with him coming out of the studio attached. Sometimes journalists go off the rails. But you didn't think it was worth your attention, nor did you mention it to Mingi.
Mingi
did you see this?
link attached
You
Yeah, but I didn't read it
Mingi
"While Ikhyun might have left abruptly, his 'for life' companion seemed to find a replacement quite fast."
who are these people
You
Exactly why I didn't read it lol
Mingi
🙄
Texts became regular too, and not just the "where are you" or "I am ready to start if you come" but more ordinary ones too. As much as you can call this ordinary.
Mingi
you still like ur things vanilla flavoured or did you grow up?
You
Do you still like choco mint flavoured things, or did you develop tasting buds?
Mingi
this was a yes or no question btw
You
Yes, I do.
So it was safe to say, the picking spread to a form that could be read again.
You didn't notice it at first - or you just choose to ignore it deep down - the way your shoulders relaxed more, the way your replies came faster or the way you didn't dread practice as much, almost as if you were looking forward to it.
…But the girls noticed did, via you smiling an odd amount at your screen. "What'chu smiling about?" Dahyun leaned over your shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of said thing. But you were fast to lock it and place the phone next to your tray.
"Nothing special."
But Jiwoo's eyes were on the other culprit across the cafeteria - also smiling at his phone, which made you feel this weird thing in your stomach. Her eyes locked on Dahyun's and explained all of it with a slight nod in his direction, with a knowing smile on her face.
"Yeah, or no one…" Jiwoo said, and you hit her arm lightly.
"Stop," You dragged the letters out as your cheeks heated, "It is nothing." But then your phone lit up with a notification.
Mingi
wanna dip?
Your hand hovered over the screen, just so you could close it if any prying eyes found it. "But I gotta go practice, now," One of your legs was already off the bench, bag in your hands as you stood. The girls watched as Mingi also stood from his table, and Jiwoo found his eyes colliding with Yunho's just as he shook his head slightly.
A smile pulled on her lips as she muttered, "Unbelievable," to Dahyun.
In front of the mirror, his hands already found your waist, after warm up - just as always. With that practised ease that crept in over the last week. You felt as if you had the lead back over your dancing more every day. That certain ground that got ripped out, you started rebuilding it - but now not in pretend, in faux perfection, but in a real way that still left you specifics to perfect, but you now knew what to improve. And you wanted to be better.
With this newfound mentality, practices also became harder in one way.
You weren't only hyper aware of what you needed to do better at, but also his touches. Those lingering touches, and when your breathing was synchronised, after the music ended - especially when you were way too close to each other, with his warm hand wrapped around your torso.
Today was no different. Every touch felt energised; they lit you up as you danced. And as the music ended, he was close again, too close. So much so that if you even lifted your head just a little bit, your lips would touch.
As you saw his eyes look down to your lips, you knew he was thinking the same thing. You felt it too, because his hold got tighter on your waist. You felt his every exhale on your cheeks, the way it fluttered when you leaned just a breath closer. Your heartbeat was loud in your ears, with that rush that couldn't quite be named but was always present with him.
But then the music started again, breaking the moment - although neither of you moved for a second too long, a second when it could no longer be denied. The "what ifs" started in your head, loud and overpowering every previous thought, but not loud enough to make your ears skip his voice.
"Again," His voice was raspy, deep, and also quieter than before. And you just danced, from the outside, everything looked the same, but both of you felt the change.
And after you buckled your seatbelt in his car, you mumbled quickly, "Can't stay out today." you didn't even throw your bag to the rear seats, but let it rest in your lap. "I got- something at home."
He didn't question it, no usual banter about the way you stuttered or how you clearly just made that really bad excuse up. He just replied with an "Alright," and dropped you off at home.
—
Spotting is a crucial ballet technique used during turns to prevent dizziness and maintain balance by focusing on a single point. The dancer isolates the head from the body - holding their gaze as long as possible before snapping it back into place with each rotation. It keeps everything controlled and predictable. But that only works if you know where to look. Because the moment your focus slips, even for a second, the world doesn't just blur - it spins.
—
You groaned into your pillow as you rolled to your stomach. Your phone rested next to you, with one specific contact, that was your lifeline for years - your anchor. But as time moved on, so did your relationship. But now everything felt weird, new.
You wanted to talk about it because if you needed to think about it in the comfort of your room alone, you would cry. Fuck it.
That familiar screen lit up as you pressed the call button, and it didn't even take him five seconds to respond. "Hello?"
"Hi, Ikhyun, how are you?" When did talking to your best friend get this hard?
"I'm… managing," He chuckled at the other end. You could see his half smile in front of you. "What's up? Why'd you call?"
"Just wanted to talk," your voice was muffled from your hand, your face rested on. "We haven't talked in a while, Hyun."
He hummed before asking, "How is uni?"
The words were on the tip of your tongue, "You know, same old." But instead you said, "Tiring," after a little pause. "We practice every day, more than before. We… We even started hanging out after."
"y/nnie, that's good," His tone was higher in a way it always got when he was happy. "I'm glad you guys get well."
You snorted when he said that, "Yeah, maybe a little bit too well."
"What do you mean?" He chuckled, but his tone felt more serious.
You hesitated a bit, or rather gathered your thoughts. "It's just- different, you know?" He didn't reply, just let you finish. But how were you even supposed to explain this? The way your chest tightened, the way your thoughts wouldn't sit still or the way everything felt louder around Mingi. "Practice goes… Well. But then the minute the music ends, I don't know how to act."
He hummed, his eyebrows probably gathered at your words as he tried to piece them together, "You'll get used to it." His words felt easy, "It's just the new partner, it takes time to adjust." His chuckle made your hold tighten around your phone, "You're probably just overthinking it."
You turned to your back, phone abandoned on the pillow next to you. Overthinking. Yeah, it was possible, and would explain a lot of things. But this time it doesn't feel like it. It felt- feels real. "Hm, yeah, probably." You hummed, but your phone buzzing snapped you out.
Mingi
so
is that thing over now?
Your eyebrows furrowed. You murmured a small "What?" under your breath, but Ikhyun caught it.
"What did you say?"
"Nothin'."
You
Why?
Desperate to talk to me?
Mingi
how come every time i ask you a question you reply with one back?
A snort left your lips.
"y/n?" Ikhyun's voice pulled you back. "You still there?"
"Yeah," You responded quickly, clicking back into the call, and letting your phone drop back.
"You always get into your head like this," His tone was higher again, smile evidently on his face. "Especially about things that'll fix themselves."
You let out a quiet hum because normally, he would be right. As he always was - but this was maybe something else. Maybe you didn't say it right - or maybe… There just wasn't a way to say it."Yeah, I'm probably just tired." You said instead, voice lower now.
"Get some rest y/nnie," His voice softened. "Don't overwork yourself."
A smile pulled at your lips, even though he couldn't see it. "Hey Hyun?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
He chuckled as he responded with delight, "Always." The call ended with a soft tap of your finger. The chat with Mingi lit up your screen again.
You
Don't you like it?
Mingi
fuck off man
You
It's finished tho
Why?
Mingi
i have that drink that's horrible but you seem to like
and i refuse to carry it with me anymore
You
And what you're trying to say is?
Mingi
be outside in 10
Your fingers hovered over the screen, as you reread the messages - because this was new, and you didn't know if it meant good. You should've lied, thought of another excuse - you already did today, what else was there to lose?
But you grabbed your jacket anyway and waited for him outside. When he arrived, you slid into the passenger seat, immediately noticing two drinks sitting in the middle console. "Wow," he glanced at you briefly, before looking ahead, "No attitude today? Should I be worried?"
You shut the door a little harder than necessary, "Just give it a minute."
"Ah," He smiled satisfiedly, "There she is." You rolled your eyes at him, but it didn't have the same energy as usual. Neither of you spoke, just let this awkward silence settle over the car.
You heard him gulp before he started driving. He reached to the middle, shoving a drink your way, "Almost threw it out by the way," as you took it, his fingers brushed yours for a split second. Not as if it mattered.
"So dramatic," You muttered, unwrapping the straw so that you had something to do.
"You're the one who likes it," He shrugged, and for a second, your heart stopped. Are we still talking about the drinks? He might have seen the way you froze when he glanced at you. "That says more about you than it does about me."
A quiet huff left your lips as you took a sip, leaning back into the seat. The silence settled again, but heavier. You watched the scenery change outside the car, but it did faster than you were used to. Your eyes snapped to the speed indicator over a hundred kilometres per hour already.
"Are we late somewhere?" Your tone was chipped. He didn't really drive when you sat in his car, but when he did, he never went above the limit.
"No? Why?" He glanced at you, then his eyes dropped to your hands holding the edge of your seat to the point your knuckles turned white. You saw how his foot pushed the gas pedal harder. He had a smirk on his lips.
"Then why are we going way above legal?" He reached for his drink, and your jaw dropped for a second. "Just give me that." You snatched it out of his hands to open and place the straw in for him, then pushed it in front of his lips.
His eyes dropped down to it for a second, hands reaching for it before you swatted them away. He looked at you, smile still wide. Hands back on the wheel, "If you're gonna princess me for driving this fast, I might have to do it more."
You closed your eyes for half a second and took a deep breath, then said, "Look at the road, Mingi, not me and just drink." He chuckled but did as you told.
After you put the bottle back in the middle console, he spoke up, "So," he started, voice a little lower now, "what was so important?"
You stopped yourself before your eyes could widen. Right… that.
But it was as if you almost considered telling him. Maybe you should have, just 'Don't you remember?' But you didn't say it. It wouldn't even make sense because he is thinking about a family emergency or something along those lines- not you spiralling in your bed.
"Nothing," You said quickly, maybe a little too quickly. "Just uh, family stuff." How pretty is the scenery. But when you looked back, he was already looking at you.
"You're a terrible liar." He said simply, and your stomach dropped. You probably looked like a deer in headlights - but you surely felt as one.
"I wasn't lying."
"Right," He pulled out the syllables, but didn't press further.
He drove for a little after that. The speed indicator didn't go lower; maybe it even went a little higher. But you didn't dare actually to turn your head to look at it. The silence just felt too suffocating, and you both knew he caught you.
You reached another town - or another part of town - either way, you were way past the usual streets and familiar roads. He cleared his throat before he spoke, "So did you eat at this family function?" the words were mocking, almost harsh.
You shook your head - you didn't trust your voice right now.
His grip was tight on the leather of the wheel, turning toward the drive-through of the fast-food restaurant you didn't notice was right next to you. He got you both some fries and an ice cream - per your request.
The plastic spoon's clatter filled the car. You sat with your feet crossed under you, and your back resting against the door, turned towards him as usual. His body faced you also, but not fully.
He finished his ice cream first, but he didn't ask any random questions while he ate. In fact, he didn't even look up from his cup. His eyebrows were furrowed - deep in thought. You let the uncomfortable silence take hold of your lungs; it burned. It didn't burn as much as the idea of opening your mouth and saying something you didn't actually want to.
He might have noticed it - the ideas daring to tear you apart, or maybe the stiffness behind your movements. So he spoke up first - or at least tried to. Multiple times. He took a deep breath, opening his mouth as if he would say something, but hesitated and surrendered to the quiet in the last second.
When he finally seemed to put the thought together - or rather gather the bravery for it. He spoke up, "Do you always run?" What? The word landed wrong - too small for how tight your chest felt.
"What do you mean?"
"When something happens, your first instinct is to fly, run."
The questions made your tongue feel dry, and the car now felt ten times colder. You just stared at him wide-eyed, heartbeat loud in your ears. Because how could you respond to this?
He watched you for another second before he realised you wouldn't say anything. "Or is it just with me?"
"I don't- I- I just." You wanted to reply quickly, and maybe that was your fall. Exactly why the words came out ragged, mirroring the exact chaos in your brain without even finishing a sentence. You tried to piece a defence together, but his eyebrows lifted in quiet challenge, and the words fell apart in your throat before they could mean anything. His eyes stayed on you for a second too long - searching, waiting - as if he was giving you a chance to say it properly, to defend yourself. But you didn't. - His eyebrows dropped right back with a huff and a shake of his head.
"We have an long schedule tomorrow," His hands hovered over the wheel, "I'm gonna take you home." you saw as his jaw tightened, maybe with unsaid words, or just with the tension. But then his hand was already on the start button, not even waiting for your interval. But he knew you wouldn't say anything other than a murmured goodbye in your front yard.
The drive back felt slower, longer. Maybe it was because he was now driving within the speed limit. But something other than that, too. That unexplainable thing that lifted, but neither of you knew where to place it anymore.
The next morning, you didn't want to get out of bed, let alone get to practice. Thursdays were always the longest because you had a few normal classes, then ballet for three hours. After that, you could run to biology, and back to the studio after classes for another three hours minimum - or as much as your body lets you.
Mingi didn't call you out on anything. He didn't talk much during the first practice. Just a little, "Again," or groans came from his direction - towards you at least. He talked to Yunho, Yeosang, San, and Wooyoung with a wide smile on his face. He even made jokes that cost you expensive minutes of practising. Not like that could bother him at the moment.
The second he came back behind you, his smile gradually fell. His attention was there as always, maybe a little more than usual. But just so he could get his touches as short-lived as possible. They were precise, so you couldn't complain, but it hurt. The combination of these interactions made you more exhausted than a common practice would. And that biology class was just the cherry on top.
You tried pushing through the last hours, with more or less success.
You lost count more than once. Not because you didn’t know it - but because every time he stepped close, your focus slipped half a second too late. With the studio empty other than him and you, his focus felt suffocating.
You could hear his eyes roll as he murmured the "Again," behind you - it was sharper this time, closer. You turned, eyes closing a second too long to keep the words in that kept threatening to escape your mouth. But his hold on your waist tightened, "Wait-" his voice was hurried, "From here." his hand moved you back to your position. "Just this turn."
Suddenly, it felt as if someone had sucked all the air out of the classroom. There certainly wasn't enough in your lungs. Your eyes met in the mirror, and you signalled for the turn. He lifted you high. Your muscles strained in the posture, but you need to hold it- definitely not think about the warmth of his hands. Focus.
When he put you down, it was easy, soft. His hands stayed on your waist until he was sure you were stable. The two of you were too close now. The distance seemed like nothing with you now facing him. You looked up at him, his mouth open as he breathed heavily through it. When your gaze reached his eyes, he was already looking at you.
If you craned your neck even a fraction of an centimetre, your lips would touch. You could finally see if he was thinking about the warmth of your skin instead of the combination you were supposed to be executing. If he, too, felt how perfectly you fit in his hands.
But if he doesn't? What if he pulls away and looks at you as if you were crazy?
Maybe then he wouldn't be this close still. You could count his eyelashes. You can clearly see his moles - one on the side of his face, the other under his left eye. His hands were still on you, fingers flexing around you as if he were also contemplating, calculating his chances.
You should just let it happen. Consequences be damned.
Both of you leaned in. Your hands rested on his shoulders, and his pulled you closer, until you felt his lips brush yours. It was electric, just as every other touch you shared in the past few weeks - pulling, addicting.
But also, it was soft. Or at least soft until both of you got pulled into the rhythm. Finding that same accord, just like the one you find when the music starts.
Then it burned. The awareness pushed you away from him. Your hands slipped from his shoulders first, like touching him for another second would make this irreversible. But his stayed on your waist a moment longer - not tight anymore, just there, as if he also didn't quite know how to let go.
Everything felt wrong, too loud, too wide. You could hear the way the lights above clicked as the wind rattled the trees. You became too aware of everything to the point you felt raw.
His hands eventually dropped, and he cleared his throat, "Once more." It took you a few seconds to realise what he meant. But as he stood in position waiting for you, it clicked.
Your heart was loud enough to throw you off count, every time after it. Your breaths were shaky as you stood next to him, following the moves you should be doing, but your mind was elsewhere. His gaze seemed far away, too - both of you moved on muscle memory rather than actual thoughtfulness.
Your mind - minds apparently - revolved around where you touched, and where it lingered too long again. But neither of you looked anywhere near the other's eyes, which would mean something more than what you were ready for.
The practice got cut short. When you brought up going because you were tired, he easily shot you the idea of leaving without a second thought.
His car's engine echoed loudly in the otherwise empty parking lot. The tyres screeched as he drove out. He didn't wave to you, better off he didn't even look at you after you muttered out your excuse, "My mom's picking me up, we gotta go to grandma's." Your words were low, the same kind he already knew you used when you lied, but this time, he didn't argue. Maybe distance would be the best for both of you right now.
You still noticed how his jaw tightened when he gave you one nod.
The next day, it was as if the world tipped on its axis. Or maybe different people attended the school in your skin. An out-of-body experience, yet you did it all. You chose for it to be this way - or at least the silence after it.
He sat with his friends at lunch, just as usual. Laughed with his head thrown back, in that "I know people pay too much attention to me" way. It pissed you off to the point you texted him for it.
You
I'm pretty sure nothing Yunho could say is THAT funny
Mingi
i'm pretty sure the food isn't as bad as your scowl
also i can feel the way your stare is burning my head
can you stop pls im gonna have a bald spot
Dahyun and Jiwoo didn't even say anything about your furious typing. They just shared a look they usually had a lot of.
You
You already have one, that's what I'm staring at
Mingi
that's cruel princess
myb i should just call u cruella
You
You done?
Mingi
don't act so tough i can see ur smile
You
Then maybe you can also see that I'm waiting for you to finish so we can practice
Mingi
practice?
thought u were avoiding me again
You watched him shove his phone into his pocket before standing from the table. Yunho said something that made Wooyoung grin, but Mingi only shook his head once before walking toward you.
Every step closer made your chest tighten harder. As much as you wanted to play it off, the banter didn't have its usual easy rhythm. It felt charged - a thin wire stretched tight between you, making it impossible to tell where the joking ended, and the truth began, especially when he said, "You're distracting today."
"Then stop looking at me," You said in a sing-song voice without missing a beat.
He scoffed as he massaged his arms for a second, "Maybe stop giving me reasons to."
You couldn't think of a reason today for why he shouldn't bring you home. Not as if he believed yesterday's one. So when you sat beside him on the passenger seat, you felt like you could explode any minute.
Frustrated with him not calling you out on your bullshit yesterday. So you did what you did best. "You're in a weird mood today."
His finger tapped once against the wheel before responding, "Am I?"
You hummed back, "Mhm," your eyes on the phone in your hand, "You usually talk more."
"You usually lie less." There it is.
Your fingers tightened around the phone, "Oh my god, you're still hung up on that?"
"Well, you are making excuses to avoid me," He glanced at you briefly.
"I am not avoiding you."
"Right, so that's why you have something with your family every time something happens."
You scoffed, "What do you want me to do, Mingi?"
"I don't know, maybe act like kissing me didn't ruin your life?"
"You're acting like it meant nothing to you either."
You saw his reflection in your window, the way he was looking at you in that suffocating silence that somehow is always present in this car. Your eyes instead, focused on the University, through the glass. The lights were still bright in some classrooms.
His hand snapping to your jaw caught you entirely off guard - but not half as much as his mouth slamming down on yours. It was rougher than the day before, his jaw still tight with an unyielding frustration that effectively drowned out every unsaid word between you.
His eyes were dark when he pulled away. Something sharp flickered behind his eyes - frustration, disbelief, maybe something worse. "You really think that?" His voice came out quieter this time. Both of your chests rose unevenly yet somehow in sync, finding the same length even in distress. "You keep talking like I don't want this," he muttered.
Your lips still brushed when you answered, "Then stop acting like you don't care."
His laugh came out sharp, mocking. "You're unbelievable."
"You kissed me."
"Yeah," his fingers tightened against your jaw again, "because you wouldn't shut up."
You were the one to close the distance this time. Craving the plush of his lips on yours, moving with such fervour. He kissed just as he talked, with a bite and not afraid to hurt. His tongue moved against your lips, fingers tightening around your jaw.
The kiss felt messy in a way ballet never allowed you to be. No measured movements, no counts. Just heat and frustration moving to the surface in a way it didn't need words.
Your hands slipped into his hair without thinking - as if it was second nature - tugging hard enough for a low sound to leave his mouth. One that you let consume you.
"See?" he muttered against your lips, his breath hot and slick against your skin. "You keep acting like you’re scared of me…" He caught your lower lip between his teeth, and a high, breathless echo of his own sound escaped your throat.
"Because you don't give me a second to think," you shot back, though the words dissolved the second his mouth found yours again. He leaned closer over the middle console, one hand braced beside your thigh now, the other still holding your jaw as if he thought you would disappear if he let go.
The windows had started fogging slightly. The air felt too warm, too small. And suddenly you became painfully aware of everything again. The parking lot outside, your dance bag and cardigan abandoned in the backseat - the fact that tomorrow you would still have to stand in front of the mirror together and pretend this wasn't happening. You pulled back first this time, breaths shaky. "This is a bad idea," you whispered.
His eyes searched yours for a second before he laughed quietly in a tired, disbelieving way, "Yeah," he murmured, thumb brushing your cheek once. "Probably."
But rational thoughts never really stopped you, did they?
His mouth curled as he looked in your eyes, that sparkled - sparkled with need, with the inevitable outcome that both of you knew that you won't sober up enough in any scenario to stop.
Your hand found his that rested beside you, and slid it to your thighs and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. You saw as his tongue smoothed over his teeth, but he didn't move his hand. He tried to read your eyes, to see if you felt the same way he did.
Because maybe this is what you needed, to let the tension form into something physical, to a language both of you understood.
When one of your eyebrows lifted challengingly, that's when something broke inside him and freed a part that was raw with need. His hands slid under your legs, and he easily lifted you over to his lap, mouth already on yours the second your thighs touched his.
The movement knocked the breath from your lungs. One of your hands caught against his shoulder to steady yourself, the other still tangled in his hair as he kissed you as if he had been holding himself back for weeks and finally got permission to stop trying.
His grip tightened instinctively beneath your thighs, pulling you closer until there was barely any space left between you. "You drive me fucking insane," he muttered against your lips, words roughened by the way he was breathing. He looked just as wrecked as you felt.
His hair is messy from your hands, and his lips swollen. Eyes dark every time they flicked down to your mouth, then dragged back up again, as if he couldn't decide where he wanted to look most.
And the worst part was how natural this felt.
As if all those nights in the car, all those lingering touches during practice, every argument, every stupid text, and every almost-moment had been leading here the entire time.
Your fingers curled into the fabric of his hoodie as another kiss stole the rest of your thoughts away. Slower this time, more deliberate. Because now both of you finally understood what the other was asking for.
You felt every part of him as he kissed you. His thick, muscled thigh tensing under you, the feel of it dizzying, enough to make you feel as if you were underwater. He bit your lower lip again, pulling another embarrassingly loud sound from you.
His hand on your waist moved with a new purpose - to map out in a way he hadn't before. Because, yes, he had touched you before, but not in this hungry, all-consuming way. He hadn't let himself feel your silky skin under his palms. He only knew the calculated points he was supposed to hold you, so he wouldn't hurt you. But he had enough of it.
His hand traveled to the strap of your leotard, tracking the line of the elastic before smoothing over your collarbone, a hot, breathy kiss following the exact trail of his fingers. But he didn't push it further until your hand enveloped his, guiding him past that studied precision.
You lead his hand, moved without a second thought - straight to the strap, letting his fingers push it down the slope of your shoulder, in a feather-light touch. Your eyes were drawn to his face - his gaze that followed your bodysuit, basking in every new inch of skin that was bared to him.
Your chest rose with wild breaths, even as your breasts were exposed to the foggy air of the car, nipples pebbled. His hands glided from the curve of your chest down your waist, finally resting at your lower back, pulling you in to another kiss.
You moaned into his mouth at the feeling of his rough finger tips on your upper body. He moved with boldness to see which points made you squirm in his hands, which made you let out those delicious sounds he hungrily swallowed down. But never quite touching where you wanted him most.
You felt vulnerable. He was still fully clothed under you, while you had your camisole bunched at your hips; only your tights and wrap skirt remained.
The fog on the windows thickened around you, shutting the rest of the world out. But not enough to stop you from noticing the messages on your phone go off. There were a lot, blowing up your little bubble with him.
His lips hadn't stopped moving against yours, moving with haste, all teeth and tongue, as if he wasn't going to waste a moment now that he had his hands on you. His hand moved from your waist to reach for your phone, which you'd left on the passenger seat.
"Mind if I?" He motioned to it, and you couldn't stop the needy sound that escaped you.
"Jus' do it," your voice was muffled against his jaw as you kissed your way down, leaving little bites and marks all over his neck and collar bones. You didn't miss the way his breath hitched at that particular spot above his collarbones.
His hand's warmth moved down to your buttocks, kneading the flesh of them over your tights. It was feverish, the car was hot with your sighs and moans. He pulled you closer to him, seating you directly above the tent of his pants, both of you moaning from just the mere touch.
His sounds were all-consuming, addicting - you needed to hear them more. So you rolled your hips against his slowly with a wicked smile on your lips, appearing as soon as a dark and gravely tone left his mouth. His hands tightened against your flesh, leaving you with marks of this night for days to come.
You felt soaked; soaked in a way your panties became one with the fabric of your leotard, clinging to your swollen labia - the grinding only making matters worse; until you were certain the heat of you would burn right through the heavy denim of his jeans, leaving a ruinous, undeniable mark of exactly what he was doing to you
His eyes were dark, absorbing mysteriously, demanding everything you had left, daring you to let go of the last shred of your control. Let him do as he pleases, you're just there to feel; to feel the textured leather of the steering wheel pressing hard against your shoulder blades as he crowded you into it, his mouth finally taking total possession of your skin.
The breath that escapes his open mouth that hovers over your nipples sends shivers down your spine, making you arch your back - pushing your chest towards his face. His eyes are following every reaction, pulled- thrilled by them. He craves those pretty sounds, responses. You feel the warmth and wetness before you see it. Your head throws back with the contact, and you can feel him smiling smugly against your skin where he is lapping at your nipple.
He doesn't fully pull back before giving the other bud the same treatment, and you can't help the whine and immediate response of your hands reaching for his head to pull him back. "Where did those snarky replies get lost, hm, Princess?" His tone was raspy, dripping with that familiar, mocking arrogance. A fierce heat rushed to your cheeks as you tried to stare him down, but with your fingers tangled helplessly in his hair, it probably looked like nothing more than a plea.
You were reduced to a puddle in his strong hands, which were now moving down to your inner thighs. Drawing slow, barely there lines along your muscles, always getting closer and closer to the aching centre of you, but retreating to draw another sweet, caressing line on your upper legs. "Fucking- stop teasing me," you whined, eyebrows pulling together in frustration.
"Why?" He rasped, low. "You have another family gathering to attend?" Your eyes shut at his taunting tone, but then his finger finally found your throbbing clit, circling it with careful precision. "Gotta get to it then, huh?" A wicked smile wide on his face, "Wouldn't want you to be late."
The words had barely left his mouth before you felt the sudden, tight pull of nylon against your skin, followed instantly by the sharp, unmistakable sound of delicate fabric ripping. A breathless gasp left your mouth at the feeling. Your eyes snapped to his in your confused state.
"Sorry, Princess," He pressed a soft kiss to your lips, the words said in one quick breath against your mouth. "I'll buy you a new pair," Another kiss. "Someone's just really impatient." That smug motherf-
You didn't have time to finish the thought, because his fingers pushed your leotard and panties aside in one rough movement. His fingers then dipped into your wetness, spreading it to your clit, still teasing you. Testing your limits - and what little patience you had left - to a degree you hadn't known you were capable of enduring. Lewd noises paired with your moans fill the car as he toys with you.
When he finally pushed two fingers inside you, it felt like way more. Already too overwhelming after being denied pleasure for too long, from having the control ripped from your hands with a few sweet words whispered in your ears. Yet he still worked you open at a maddening pace, the heel of his palm rubbing against your bud lusciously.
The volume rise in your moans was enough to tell him he found your spot. You squirmed wildly in his lap, chasing the bliss until a hand on your hips anchored you with a rasped whisper, "Stop moving, baby," he drew circles with his thumb, "You wouldn't want me to stop, right?" You shook your head frantically, whining at him with your lips trapped between your teeth. "Then be a good girl and stay still for me."
The rough pads of his fingers gave you extra pleasure, that undeniable high coming closer and closer - so close you felt it on your tongue. Until his hands left your frame entirely. Right on the brink of ecstasy.
His name left your lips in a loud sob and sniffle. Tears you hadn't registered yet ran down your wet cheeks. And when you looked at him, you didn't see anything but that smug smile that seemed stuck on his face now. He didn't say anything before moving down to work on the metal zipper of his jeans.
His hips lifted, pushing down his jeans and underwear in one solid motion, shifting you in the process too. Your eyes locked onto the V-line of his lower abdomen, paired with a happy trail running down the middle. You felt his gaze on you, piercing, searching for a reaction. A reaction he caught instantly, mapping the way your breath completely hitched in your throat.
Your eyes rounded as his hard cock slapped against his stomach, angrily red, the head slick with precum that caught the low light of the car. The sound of his chuckle broke you out of your trance, raising your gaze to meet his.
His eyes were hooded, head thrown back against the seat. Pumping his shaft in slow, unhurried movements as he looked at you. His head tilted to the side, "Gonna sit on it, pretty girl?" he purred, still moving his hand in a deliberate pace, but tugged your frame closer. "Work for what you've been begging for, hm?" He looked so full of himself, you could feel it roll off from him in waves - yet you didn't have it in you to deny a single word.
You nodded in a barely there motion. Lifting yourself over his cock, you felt his hand guide you down. But it left the moment the head was inside you. You move slowly, slow enough for him to grab onto your hips and still you on top of him with only the head in. Reminding you in the most painful way that he was still the one in charge. You wailed and moved in his hold, trying to get some friction - anything. Because just a little movement would be enough to unravel you.
"Mingi," You cried out, high-pitched, grabbing at his shoulders, even going as far as sinking your nails into his flesh. But he only moaned at the feeling with his head thrown back. "Please."
"Can't understand you, pretty."
This man will be the end of you. The only man who could rip your awareness so far out of reach that you were reduced to begging. Begging for anything he would give you. "Please, Min-" You gritted out through your teeth, "Stop- already." your words were ragged with your breaths, chest heaving wildly.
These moments stretched into what felt like years. Braced against his solid frame, you had been forced to taste that agonising stretch without ever getting what you needed. His hold finally softened around your torso, letting you sink on him. The strain was everything. A heavy burning feeling in your sensitive nerves. your eyes rolling back in your head with every single centimetre.
He watched your face contort with overwhelming pleasure, adapting to his size with a long moan. You looked ethereal, lit from the low lights of the dashboard, hair all messed up and sticky against your temples. He let you find your own rhythm - let you work for your own pleasure in his sick, selfish yet so pleasurable way.
But he supported you, hands helping your thighs work, moving the weight of them - letting you get lost in the feeling. You didn't need much for that all-consuming whiteness to appear behind your closed eyelids, moving faster to reach your peak.
His moans increased in volume too; he whispered some sweet nothings in your ears, you were too gone to understand. Crushed beyond repair. You felt his cock twitch inside you just as you tightened around him, following you into the bliss, filling you up - painting your insides white.
You collapsed against his chest, which rose with heavy breaths. His arms holding you tight against him, caressing your sweat-tainted skin softly. "Everything's alright, Pretty?" You nodded against him, painfully unaware of your spot in the university's parking lot - fully blissed out and content in his arms.
—
Arabesque
/ˌærəˈbesk/
noun
A position in ballet where the dancer balances on one leg while extending the other behind them, creating a line meant to appear effortless and endless. It looks weightless from the outside - suspended, almost perfect. But no matter how beautiful it seems, a dancer can only hold it for so long before gravity reminds them where they belong.
—
Everything was sore. Every limb of your body felt strained in the way it usually did after hours of practising - nothing unusual in that - but rather in the fact that you woke up against a very firm chest.
"You really need to stop passing out in my car, Princess." He chuckled, low, chest shaking under your cheek. You just snuggled closer to the warmth, your face buried in the crook of his neck. The windows were still completely fogged over, sealing the two of you away from the chilly outside air. It had only been a few hours since you both had collapsed into each other, your bodies still tangled together on the reclined driver's seat. His heavy arms were wrapped securely around your waist, holding you in his lap as if it were the only place you belonged.
For a few blissful seconds, you just breathed him in. But the lingering thought of the time, or perhaps just the sheer habit of checking your phone, made you pull back slightly. Your phone was lying face down on the passenger seat, silenced long before things had gotten messy.
With a soft groan, you shifted on his lap, stretching your back to reach over the centre console. Mingi didn't let you go; his grip merely loosened enough for you to lean over, his chin resting lazily on your bare shoulder as his eyes blinked open, watching you with quiet, relaxed fondness.
You flipped the phone over and unlocked the screen. The sudden glare illuminated the cramped car, revealing frantic texts from Dahyun and Jiwoo just sent over two hours ago.
Jiwoo
oh my god, tell me you're awake
Dahyun
link attached
someone leaked the unedited video from the bar
Jiwoo
the audio is completely clear
look at the background
watch Mingi
Your breath hitched. Your thumb trembled as you clicked the link in the message, making sure the volume was set to a low so the sound wouldn't echo off the glass.
The video was shaky, filmed just a little further from where they stood - the exact night the scandal had broken and Ikhyun’s career had vanished. But unlike the blurry, chaotic clips that had circulated for months, this audio was crisp. You could clearly hear the mocking, arrogant voices of the male group members at a nearby table.
"...thought she was the untouchable prodigy, turns out she’s just a pass-around for the department..."
A sickening wave of ice flooded your veins at the sound of Kangmin. But before the familiar humiliation could completely swallow you, a figure slammed into the frame, completely shattering the table's glass drinks.
It was Mingi. He looked visibly tipsy, his posture loose but terrifying as he kicked a chair out of his way, stepping directly into the space of three guys. His recorded voice snarled through the phone speaker, deep, raw, and completely unhinged. "Say that again. Say her name again and see if you walk out of here on your own two feet."
You watched in absolute shock as Yunho, San, and Wooyoung desperately grabbed the fabric of Mingi’s hoodie, trying to haul him back. Mingi had thrown the first punch. He had started the entire thing. And it was only when the brawl escalated into total, violent chaos that Ikhyun had thrown himself into the conflict to protect the guy who was fighting for you - ultimately taking the fall that should have belonged to Mingi.
The phone nearly slipped from your fingers.
Every single muscle in your body snapped tight. Your spine straightened instantly, your thighs tensing against his lap as you went entirely, terrifyingly rigid.
Mingi felt the exact second your body locked up. The lazy, comfortable warmth radiating off him vanished in an instant. His arms tightened around your waist, his hooded eyes sharpening as he stared at the side of your face, his brow furrowing at the sudden, absolute terror rolling off you.
"Hey," His voice was raspy, the casual afterglow completely dropping from his tone. He nudged your shoulder with his chin, trying to peer into your face. "What's up? What's wrong?"
You couldn't answer. Your jaw felt completely wired shut, your eyes wide and pinned to the glowing screen where the pixelated, chaotic brawl was still playing out in a loop.
Sensing the absolute lockdown gripping your frame, Mingi’s gaze shifted from your face down to the phone clutched in your trembling fingers. He leaned in closer, his broad chest pressing flush against your back as he looked over your shoulder, his eyes tracking the video.
The phone speaker whispered out the muffled, violent audio again.
"...Say her name again and see if you walk out of here on your own two feet."
The exact second his own recorded voice cut through the quiet of the car, Mingi froze. The warm breaths he had been exhaling against your neck completely stopped. Every single muscle in his frame went just as rigid as yours, his arms locking around your waist - not out of affection this time, but out of a sudden, defensive reflex.
The screen flickered, showing Ikhyun throwing himself into the fray to drag Mingi out of the line of fire, the camera panning wildly as the table shattered.
Silence fell over the car. A thick, suffocating silence that made the fogged-up windows feel like a prison.
You slowly turned your head, your neck straining from the tension of the movement, until your eyes met his.
The fondness that had been in Mingi's eyes just moments ago was entirely gone. His expression had turned completely blank, his hooded eyes dark and unreadable. But the sharp, furious pulse beating against his jawline betrayed him. He didn't look away from your stare. He didn't even blink.
"You started it," Your voice came out as a ghost of a whisper, barely a breath against the cold air of the car. "It wasn't Ikhyun. It was you."
part two coming soon...
likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated!!!!
isa: uhm uhm… is this thing on? >< ok good :p well. as i said. i'm back with another smau. yayyy ^^ it's a sunghoon one and i'm trying some new different things in this one so pls be patient with me lol it'll probably be longer too so buckle up or something idk 🥹 anyway. the real tea is that i'm having a massive writers block right now. that's why we're just gonna go with smaus for now bc headcanons and short fics require actual brain cells and i currently have none ^^ love u for still being here honestly 🫶 ok bye don't look at me ><
do you think the team rings were given out all together? do you think they were given out at a distance, with hongjoong waiting for a text to confirm their receipt? or do you think he gave them out one by one? waited for each member to open the box, take the first look? say, oh, wow, reach in, pet their fingers over it? realise that there's an eight that also means forever, see the little details? do you think he watched as their eyes scanned it, caught the light of the little diamonds? do you think his heart was beating extra fast, nervous, unsure if the gesture was too cheesy or too gauche or what if the surprise had been ruined? and do you think he burned the memory of what it looked like when each one of them took it out of its little casing and slid it home on their fingers, smiling down at it, holding it out for him to see, look, i'm yours, you're mine, this is us, this is ours? or should i up my psych meds be honest
streets are saying seonghwa is blonde. if the streets are correct i WILL be finding the closest mountain i live near and shutting myself away in a cabin until june 26th bc i will be a danger to society
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