Bad Yelp Reviews

YOUR MODERATORS Anjeanette Carter loves donuts and only follows the advice of Gwyneth Paltrow. When she is not writing or performing comedy, she stays embroiled in a love/hate relationship with her gym. Follow her on Twitter @anjeanettec Chris Illuminati is an aspiring Annie Sez model, rhinestone cowboy, author, stand-up and it's his real last name. His first name is made up. Follow him on Twitter @chrisilluminati ------------------ Got a Bad Yelp for us? Send it to badyelp [@] gmail [dot] com and we'll check it out! (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-45277510-1', 'tumblr.com'); ga('send', 'pageview');

[badyelp]

Are you just mad because the bouncers let the rat in and not you? It's OK, sit down (pats seat) talk to us about how that made you feel.

[badyelp]

A guy finds a pickled wasp in his salad. He calls the waiter to his table. "There is a pickled wasp in my salad! How did a pickled wasp get in my salad?!?" The waiter looks at the dead bug and goes "I'll ask the chef how it got there but I'll have to blame the pickling on our bartender!"

Good night folks!

YADADADADADADADADADADADADAD...

[badyelp]

Loud, Douchey Dance-Hall/Hip-Hop Music is our WiFi network name.

[badyelp]

Well played, sir. Well played.

[badyelp]

She's a service freak! Service freak! She's service freaking ouuutttttttt!

[badyelp]

They do? Is it listed on the menu or is this like a secret thing only regulars know about? We always feel odd ordering off menu but since you recommended it...

We called. It's one of the specials today.

[badyelp]

Motel 6: We'll snuff your light out for you #failedmottos

[badyelp]

Let us know next time you go to the Duane Reade. We won't be any help getting you better service, we just want to be present when the pharmacy tech yells out "PUSSY! PUSSY YOUR PRESCRIPTION IS READY!"

We want you way across the store too, so they have to call you over the loud speaker.

[badyelp]

Oh, you'll be back [MANIACAL LAUGH] ... you'll be back [STROKES SILVER GOATEE]

[badyelp]

[badyelp]

Some Drunk Girl Vomited All Over The Dance Floor and Onto People

Good band. We caught them last year at Burning Man.

[badyelp]

Why are they so stingy with their cheese? Frankly, that's nacho concern.

[badyelp]

"Old Persian women. Need I say more..."

That's the same way Andy Cohen pitches new TV shows to Bravo.

[badyelp]

"I'd rather fuck a porcupine than ever eat at this dump again..."

"Food was atrocious at best..."

"Potential of food poisoning..."

FOUR STARS!

------[Special thanks to Carol for sending this along. If you've got a Yelp we need to see, send it to badyelp [@] gmail [dot] com]

[badyelp]

This is the male, Acura version of Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts walks back into the shop on Rodeo Drive. 

Big mistake.

HUGE.

[badyelp]

Sir, we suggest taking your business elsewhere. Perhaps to a classier joint with "traction things" around their pee pools. Consult Zagat.

[badyelp]

Trick me once, shame on you...

Trick me 25 times, I'm obviously a moron, so keep on doing whatcha' doing