Cosmic Waterfall HH-222 ©
Today's Document
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Sade Olutola

No title available

izzy's playlists!
Noah Kahan

Origami Around

if i look back, i am lost
Stranger Things

pixel skylines

★
The Stonewall Inn
Show & Tell
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Misplaced Lens Cap
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Mike Driver

No title available

oozey mess
seen from United States
seen from Mexico

seen from United States
seen from Egypt
seen from United States
seen from Venezuela

seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Canada

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from Philippines

seen from United Kingdom
seen from Argentina

seen from United States
seen from Australia
@dunebat
Cosmic Waterfall HH-222 ©
HUNGRY AGAIN
I remember more innocent days from a time when I was well cared for, long before I knew what the words adulthood or neurodivergent meant, long before I understood how broken and different I truly was. I wanted to entertain people back then, and I wanted to hog the spotlight.
I wanted to write stories as well, so I found books (fiction and nonfiction) far beyond my school grade's reading level — 1984, The Manchurian Candidate, 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Prince, The Mothman Prophecies, Ed Lorenz's The Essence of Chaos, the King James Bible, and anything bearing the names Michael Crichton or Ray Bradbury on the cover — and I didn't stop reading until I felt like my eyeballs would begin bleeding if I kept going. I ruined my eyesight reading by flashlight late at night when I was supposed to be asleep. I scribbled horrible fanfiction and original stories that I have long since trashed or burned so nobody would ever read them, purging myself of several awful ideas while I scratched out decades of seemingly endless notes for better story ideas in notebooks (both online and offline) that still haunt my personal files to this day. I watched classic films and television shows to get a feel for how the industry tastemakers I wanted to emulate — George Lucas, Stephen Spielberg, Ivan Reitman, Gene Roddenberry, Tim Burton, and Nicholas Meyer — held court onscreen. I tried to emulate their story beats and employ similar tropes, and I studied Campbell's Hero with a Thousand Faces.
I wanted to act and sing, so I took any drama and choir courses the schools I attended offered, recited monologues from books or plays or comedy routines I loved until I could write my own by memory, and I practiced fake foreign accents and highly emotional facial mannerisms in front of mirrors until I was so sick enough of seeing my own face that I had to suppress the urge to vomit anytime I passed any sufficiently reflective surface. I honed my agility by walking around on my tiptoes barefoot at home and teaching myself to pratfall off of sofas or chairs until I knew how to soften or break a fall with ease.
I wanted to entertain people... and by God, I learned several ways to do it. I learned how to tell stories, how to employ appropriate metaphors in conversation, and how to educate others by explaining what I had watched or read in my own words as if every conversation was a persuasive essay. I learned to inform, advise, and critique like second languages, and I learned how to make people laugh. If I didn't have you laughing with me, I'd have you laughing at me. As long as you were laughing, it went into my Win column.
You'd think I'd have already been published or chased a career in Hollywood by now. I'd considered going into that industry, but growing up below the poverty line has a tendency to make a person seek stability over gig work. I kept writing and I kept drawing for years after my primary education was complete... but nothing came of my efforts.
At some point, I allowed my forward momentum to coast...
I never stopped writing or drawing completely, but I did slow my practice to a frightening degree. I don't really know what happened to cause me to throttle back on my progress. I have decades of excuses, but no actual reasons. In all honesty, I don't even know myself why I quit pursuing my passions to the point where desire downshifted to hobby.
Back then, I was an eclectic extrovert. Somewhere along the way, I became an insane introvert. I went from constantly pushing to succeed to lazy, listless, and the phrase "bright but doesn't apply himself" that I'd heard from so many grade school teachers in my youth.
To say nothing of the soul-crushing depression and madness that set in later.
What caused this? Did I finally grow weary of all the bullying in my youth and decide to lean into being the school loner and weirdo because that was what was expected of me? Was the change caused by that time in seventh grade when some anonymous fiend on my school bus slipped me a large dose of PCP without my knowledge right before my first period Choir class, causing memory problems that plague me to the present? When I fell down the metaphorical rabbit hole and got pointlessly lost in conspiracy theories, end-of-the-world prophecies and the prognosticators that promoted them, and the fringe religious movements I would champion around high school graduation time, did I forget to take any hope with me on my journey to the dark nether-realm of the subconscious? Did all the failed relationships, ruined careers, and moving about from living place to living place finally do me in and cause me to snap?
I really don't know. Somewhere along the way, I lost my way. I crammed my head full of zany ideas, meaningless factoids, and fake news that I thought were reality that I lost my vital perspective. My passion died and was replaced by nihilism and ennui, my hunger for personal development was sated by stupid memes and junk data, and I just stopped trying. I set my writing stationary and drawing pads aside, and I fell deep into the fathomless bat caves in my mind and went into the long, cold, pitch black torpor that I've been struggling to shake off since the Twin Towers fell back in '01.
I'm not hungry anymore, and I've been dying of self-inflicted starvation ever since.
Recently, I re-watched "Tapestry," a classic episode from the sixth season of Star Trek: The Next Generation where the godlike entity Q allows a dying Captain Jean-Luc Picard to revisit his misspent youth as an arrogant, ambitious ensign fresh out of Starfleet Academy, a brash young man far more like Chris Pine's version of Captain Kirk than the intelligent, highly disciplined, and eminently professional Captain Picard we all know via pop culture osmosis, a young officer that Commander Riker later describes as "hell-bent for leather."
As fun as this young Ensign Picard sounds, the elder Captain Picard hated his younger self.
I can certainly relate.
The following exchange from Picard and Q at the climax of the episode summarizes everything with crystal clarity:
Jean-Luc Picard: I can't live out my days as that person. That man is bereft of passion... and imagination! That is not who I am! Q: Au contraire. He's the person you wanted to be, one who was less arrogant and undisciplined in his youth. One who was less like me. The Jean-Luc Picard you wanted to be, the one who did not fight the Nausicaan, had quite a different career from the one you remember. That Picard never had a brush with death, never came face to face with his own mortality, never realized how fragile life is or how important each moment must be. So his life never came into focus. He drifted through much of his career, with no plan or agenda, going from one assignment to the next, never seizing the opportunities that presented themselves. He never led the away team on Milika III to save the ambassador, or take charge of the Stargazer's bridge when its captain was killed. And no one ever offered him a command. He learned to play it safe. And he never, ever got noticed by anyone.
I feel like I've been living the lackluster life of that milquetoast "Lieutenant J.G. Picard" for the past two decades, and for the exact same reasons.
Somewhere along the way, I lost my focus and my passion. I started drifting, like a busted, withered log eroded over time by soft rains and carried by lazy river currents that took me wherever they flowed. I stopped directing my own life and surrendered it to the elemental forces of life and civilization, reacting instead of acting, sacrificing agency for expediency in the vain hope of acquiring security instead of satisfaction. I never stopped caring, but I stopped behaving in accordance with my affectations.
To paraphrase the Master, I have earned my reward... as bitter a cup as it is.
The darkness I drowned in was cheap, and for a time I relished it. It was far easier to dwell in shadow than it was to get up and turn on a light.
Must I remain interred in the grave dug by my lack of vision, though? Is the dark, doldrum fate devoid of passion that I weaved for myself the shadow of what will be, or the shadow of things that may be only?
Can my fate be changed? Can a life be made right?
I'm feeling very hungry again... I'm bloody starving...
Can the old passions be reignited? Can that merciless, unquenchable, unyielding hunger that once drove me forward with the fervent and unceasing frenzy of a fanatical madman be brought kicking and screaming back to the surface again to spur me forward toward either eudemonia or oblivion? Can the vital energies within be stoked with fuel again like the pulsing, volatile steam engines that once moved the industrialized world?
By God, I hope so! I have lived the listless, lackluster life of the loner and the loser for far too long now, and for the first time in over two dreary decades I am hungry for something far greater than what I already have on my plate.
It's feast or famine ahead now. I must take up the notepad and drawing tablet again. I'm famished, and I am desperate for something different. I will either drive forward toward destiny... or I will die trying.
Dunebat Country presents: "My Struggle with the X-Files" - Dunebat presents a (lengthy) critical examination of the evolving #XFiles mythos after Season 9.
Dunebat presents a (lengthy) critical examination of the evolving X-Files mythos after Season 9.
Greetings, all. Sorry I've been silent.
Life got tough here and, overwhelmed by anxiety, I hid from it.
Things are getting insane in the world, though, and I don't think I can hide anymore.
Read Ezekiel 38-39 & Jeremiah 49. Get a gun & supplies.
Stay safe. All hail Texas.
Happy birthday, Skynet!
Faith and friendship, fellow flyers. Today, I'm hitting the "RESET" button for my entire life. It's time to live my life in a different way. Pray for me...
ESSAY: My Preferred Bible Versions
I tend to speak about or refer to religion — specifically my preferred religions, Judaism and Christianity — quite often. In the process, I will often quote various scriptural passages. However, you might notice at times that my Bible passages may not look exactly like your Bible passages (if you are reading along with me, that is). In his 2021 article about the top ten most popular Bible…
POETRY: Journey
AI artwork provided by Canva. Might I fly with you, Sojourn with you a while as you wander these wastes? No maps where I tread. I know not where I roam, nor where my journey ends. Terminus unknown — Does Balm, Grail, or Promised Land lie at saga’s end? This poem was first composed by Dunebat on Monday, 9 March 2020.
The Headlee House
ESSAY: Neostoicism Redux
Author’s Note: This is a repost from an earlier version of Dunebat Country from 2012. The text has been updated to reflect recent events. Zeno of Citium (circa 334–262 BCE) Stoicism was a school of ancient Greek philosophy founded in Athens by Zeno of Citium that espoused the reasonable governance of one’s emotions and the rule of logic. Contrary to the form of “stoicism” practiced by a certain…
Character Study: Vader
The sun burned furiously in the evening skies over PT-187, heat waves shimmering over the bright beachfront as frothy, wind-tossed waves crashed against the sand… but he could feel no sun warming him and no gentle sea wind caressing his pale flesh. The sea salted the air around him, but the artificial olfactory receptors built into his helmet filtered out most of the ocean air, and his nostrils registered only the merest hint of the sensation.
Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith and commander of the military might of the Galactic Empire, would never feel the sun or the wind again. He would never smell anything again, not the way most people detected scent, nor would he hear or see the way others heard and saw.
The armored life support suit he wore saw to that.
Instead, Vader felt only bunchy, padded fabric cushioning and sealing off his still-highly sensitive epidermis from the worlds around him, the suit’s climate control functions keeping him forever cool. Never cold like the blessed chilly nights of arid, dune-washed Tatooine after both the planet’s suns had set, never warm like the lakeside shores of placid, picturesque Naboo at summertime, merely cool enough for some meager measure of comfort amidst all the other lesser torments the suit inflicted upon him. He sometimes had to remind himself that these minor chivvies were a small sacrifice, as this suit saved his life.
He never heard the sounds of the worlds he visited — never heard the trill of the native birds, the rustling of dead leaves, the crackling of ice beneath his feet, or the bustle of each planet’s sentient inhabitants as they rushed about their business — with the full breadth and scope that each sound carried as they vibrated through the air on their way to his ear. Instead, tiny microphones captured each and every sound with the same stale mechanical efficiency that they picked up any other sound and transmitted these sounds to his scabbed and scarred eardrums via tinny, scratchy speakers based on technology now a decade old. Each sound trilled in his ears at either too high or too low a register, causing his ears no end of pain no matter how often he adjusted the pitch, bass, treble, or volume. He gave up trying to find a comfortable, almost natural volume years ago; he simply set his helmet’s speakers to a volume that caused his ears the least pain and left the settings there. His technicians assured him that upgrades would be coming as soon as the technology was ready and he had enough downtime for his technicians to install the new audio sensors.
Vader would not hold his breath waiting. The galaxy roiled and trembled in chaos, and he had been tasked with ordering it by force.
Not that he could hold his breath if he wanted to. If his hellish existence had any constant, it was the deep, rumbling sound of his own mechanically-aided respiration. An administrative underling had told him once, long ago, that the sound produced by his suit’s built-in respirators was terrifying, and though Vader would never admit it to anyone, he understood exactly what that underling meant.
When Vader first heard his own mechanical breathing — a thunderous, ever-constant sound in his own beleaguered ears — he was frightened by it. After being sealed up in his black life-support armor for the first time ten years ago, Vader remembered how the sound had chilled him to his core, not solely by the sound of it, but by its consistency. Most sentients take the way their speech or their physical activity distorts their breathing for granted. Vader could speak, he could whisper, he could scream, and his breathing remained at its constant, computer-controlled rate throughout. He could run five kilometers aided solely by his prosthetic legs or leap incredible lengths with the Force granting him wings, he could spar with his combat training droids for days on end or physically exert himself in the most exhausting ways imaginable, and his mechanical breathing would remain as constant as the motions of the stars.
It was maddening. He couldn’t sleep for almost a full week after he was first sealed in the suit. Over time, however, his mechanical respiration went from terrifying to irritating to infuriating, until it finally became just another part of his day-to-day existence. The breathing used to drown out all other sounds at times; now, it served as a constant reminder that he was alive — he was still alive no matter who or what had tried to kill him over the years, that he had lived through Hell itself and had come out the other side of the most transformative trials any Sith would ever face. He had conquered every foe set before him. Though he had sacrificed so much of who he once was, at each day’s end, his breathing reminded him that he had been molded into a new creature, an engine of fierce and terrible order to be imposed upon the wild and unruly Galaxy, and that breathing — once an irritant, now an almost meditative sound at times — and the life that it gave him was part of his reward, as was the power to impose the stability of order and the rule of law to everything he set his eyes upon…
…And all that he saw now was red. If he missed any of his senses, the sense he missed the most was his sight. Not that Vader was blind, of course. His eyesight had been fully restored years ago after his painful rebirth at fiery Mustafar, and Vader could see with crystal clarity, though he could only use his natural eyes in specially designed hyperbaric living chambers that allowed him to remove his life-support mask. Vader was forced to wear his life-support helmet whenever he left his habitations, and the helmet’s computerized lenses rendered the worlds he visited in harsh shades of crimson.
Vader had been informed by his technicians that this was a practical choice: red lenses were excellent for computer-enhanced vision in both day and night, and seeing via red light at night preserved his eyes’ night vision. Though he missed seeing the beauteous colors of life at times, Vader agreed with his technicians. As beautiful and splendid as the hues and shades of life could be, color and beauty were distractions. They bound the viewer to the forces of life around them, fooling them into accepting the meaningless nonsense of life as it was instead of seeing what life could be. Red lenses, Vader had discovered, were the purest way to view life.
All the passion inherent in existence, the roiling ambitions of the Imperial officers serving alongside him and the blood-bought devotion of stormtroopers serving under him in the 501st Legion, all the petty cruelties and impersonal horrors life had to offer, were revealed in their stark, cataclysmic glory by the color red. When Vader gazed upon the worlds he would visit, he saw through his mask’s crimson lenses the blood that united all lifeforms in the sanguine tableau of existence in all its shades, from bright and screaming pink to electric carmine and rusty, slaughterous crimson. He saw no inequity between individuals and the differences between sentient beings expressed in their skin tones no longer held any meaning for him. Everyone, everything, was all the same: the color of lust, rage, life, and death, all things deemed “precious” to the Sith.
When Vader scanned the breathtaking vista before him, he saw neither the glimmering turquoise sea, nor the setting sun’s red-orange final furies as it spread its dying light across the sky, nor the golden sands that inspired poets and artisans throughout PT-187’s storied history. All Vader saw was the blood-red madness that seeped from the darkest shadows of this world’s turbulent heart… and the apocalypse that he would visit upon this planet when his forces razed its capital city to the sands beneath it.
PT-187 — that was the alphanumeric designation assigned to the planet by Imperial administrators — was a virgin world boasting beautiful beaches and plentiful natural resources that had only been discovered two years ago by Corporate Sector scouts traversing yet another new trade route through hyperspace. Its native society was highly industrialized and had only recently colonized their planet’s two moons, but they had yet to develop technology more advanced than the basic chemical rocket or metal projectile weapons. Though PT-187 possessed its own planet-wide computer network, the planet’s inhabitants were largely ignorant busybodies toiling away at meaningless tasks to support their dreary lives. None of them had any knowledge of the Force, or of the wider Galaxy beyond their world’s atmosphere. No centralized government existed yet; a handful of larger political polities bullied smaller states into submission, and wars were frequent. Ambassadors from the nearest Imperial sector had made their overtures to the pitiful beings that the planet’s inhabitants deemed their “leaders” only to be rebuffed, then felled, by the unruly inhabitants.
No matter; there would always be uncivilized natives, rioting protestors, greedy backstabbing nobles, overzealous political dissidents, or thugs and gangsters whose criminal ambitions outgrew their social standings, Vader mused. This was simply the ebb and flow of life in the Galaxy. The unruly, undisciplined, and uncivilized refused all vestiges of order when it was presented to them, and they would always, always respond to that halcyon order with brutal, unthinking violence, no matter how much that order could benefit them. That was simply the reality of life in the Empire, just as it was in the days of the corrupt and inept Republic that preceded it. When they did, that was when Imperial naval forces would be dispatched to impose order, whether the barbarous fools wanted it or not.
The Imperial Navy had successfully blockaded PT-187 for six months, but the threat of starvation had only emboldened the more zealous of the planet’s savage inhabitants. Vader and the 501st Legion had been dispatched to bring an end to the pointless conflict three days ago, and his troopers had already made tremendous headway, especially after their major military command centers had been obliterated from orbit by his flagship’s laser cannons.
Vader and his troops landed during the cannonade and assaulted the planet’s major centers of government, and blood was all he had seen since. He and his forces waded through it as his lightsaber — a blade as bright as the life essence it spilled onto PT-187’s sands — and his trooper’s blasters carved swaths of carefully constructed order through the disarray of rebellion, bringing the glorious stability of victory forth from the chaos of armed conflict. Within hours, several of PT-187’s political entities had surrendered, and the rest had fallen into silence as their warriors fell on the battlefields.
Finally, step by bloody step, Vader stood on the beaches surrounding the largest metropolis of one of the planet’s three strongest nation-states. The first of the other strongest nation-states was cowed into submission after Vader had personally strangled their head of state as her citizens watched in horror, and the second surrendered hours later. This final nation-state, a haven of misguided idealists, zealous militants, greedy corporate moguls, and corrupt politicians, was the only bastion of what passed for organized resistance remaining on this world. It reminded Vader so much of the outdated Republic that he would have vomited in disgust, had his suit’s onboard medical computer allowed his stomach to do so.
Vader scanned the idyllic beaches through his helmet’s blood-red lenses, visualizing the crimson carnage he would wreak upon world after world to birth the Emperor’s New Order as his heavily armored mechanical feet crunched their way across the sands. Even through the cacophonous din of the orbital cannonade ravaging the city’s pitiful defenses and the sizzles of blaster fire that erupted from his troops’ weapons, Vader could hear the ever-constant sound of his own breathing — once a reminder of his imprisonment in his imposing black battle armor, now a symbol of every victory he had wrested from the cruel Force since Mustafar.
As the planet’s screaming inhabitants fled all around him, he focused on his breath and stretched out with the Force. He drew upon the fear and rage of the fools native to PT-187 as he drew upon their lusts, their ambitions, their hatreds, and all the other passions of this world’s inhabitants, and added it to his own as he carved a path further into the battlefield.
“Lord Vader,” his troop’s commander squawked over Vader’s communicator from further ahead, “we’ve mopped up resistance at the capitol building and are prepared to make our final assault into their senate chambers.”
“Wait for my signal,” Vader’s booming artificial voice barked, and he smiled as he cut down a few more of PT-187’s rebels. Soon, this world would be washed in the blood of renewal that Vader had been baptized with a decade ago, and when he and the 501st were finished, the Imperial administers would christen the world with a new name, as Vader had been so christened that fateful, fiery evening on Mustafar.
The Origins of the Name “Dunebat”
As the webmaster of Dunebat Country, it occurred to me that I have an obligation to tell you more about myself. I figured I’d start with my name, as names are important things that tell you much about the person, place, or thing so named. While Dunebat is my online moniker, my batty little nom de plume actually has an interesting history to it. Well, not the Dune part. That bit’s easy: I hail…
Lower Than The Angels
Author’s Note: I first posted an abbreviated version of this post at the initial iteration of my Facebook page on 28 September 2011. A Hebrew teacher from Israel that I once worked with named Uri Harel – may his memory be for a blessing – made mention of this in one of his televised Hebrew lessons; you can watch his extant lessons online at YouTube. I expounded upon what he said here because I…
Reinterpreting the Akedah
Author’s Note: I first posted this at the first iteration of my Facebook page on 28 September 2011. A Hebrew teacher from Israel that I once worked with named Uri Harel – may his memory be for a blessing – first mentioned his perspective of the Akedah in one of his televised Hebrew lessons; you can watch his extant lessons online at YouTube. The philosophical expansions at the end are my own…
Dunebat Country presents "The Philosophy of Falling Blocks": Herein Dunebat briefly waxes philosophical about Alexey Pajitnov's classic Russian puzzle game Tetris.
Dunebat Country presents "Dunebat's Top 5 Favorite Star Wars Movies."
Dunebat Country presents "Dunebat's Top 7 Favorite Star Trek Movies."