Want My Services?

You better have the coin 💰💎🔮🕷 Forgotten Realms RP

[lawful-evil-novelist]

Sometimes the Smiling One has segments of introspection and strategy.

And sometimes the dialogue looks like this:

[artemis-entreri]

[[ Despite being a big fan of Jeremy Crawford’s efforts towards representation in D&D and following him for years, this is only the second time that I’ve tweeted at him. I don’t expect a response, but I hope that he at least will see my messages.

In other news, I can’t help but be filled by a sense of dread by this whole entire summer celebrating Drizzt thing, for the reasons stated in the above screenshots, and for Bob really not needing more encouragement to write worse with each new book. ]]

[razumairon]

Catti-brie: name three things that would ruin your first date

Jarlaxle: shitting my pants

Drizzt: saying "I love you"

Entreri: killing her

Jarlaxle:

Drizzt:

Catti-brie:

Catti-brie: ...did this happen?

[elisabethwheatley]

Jarlaxle: I’m making Artemis part of Bregan D'aerthe.

Kimmuriel: 

[rp-meme-glaceon]

How Does Your Muse React/Feel When...

😇- They are given praise 😰- They get scolded 🙇- They meet someone new and first impressions are good 👺- They meet someone new and first impressions are bad 🙌- They see their best friend 👿- They see their worst enemy ☺️- They see a friend 💅- They see a rival ❣️- They see their crush ♥️- They see their boy/girlfriend 💍- They see their spouse 🚸- They see their children 👪- They see their family (specify if desired) 💮- They get asked to hang out 💐- They get asked out on a date 💔- They get stood up/broken up with 💎- They win a huge reward 🎁- They are given a gift they like 💣- They are given a gift they dislike 🎎- They find a long lost possession of theirs 💵- They see something on sale for a bargain price 🗑- They see something that is being given away for free 📍- They narrowly escape a perilous situation 🚪- They hear someone knock on their door 📱- Someone asks to borrow their phone

[artemis-entreri]

[[ Previously. ]]  

baenre-jarlaxle‌:

The drow Jarlaxle walked confidently through the streets, his pride swelling with each clack of his heels against the cobblestones. He drew quite a bit of enjoyment catching the attention of others, as one could easily tell simply by the clothing he adorned himself with. Though it was one man’s attention he enjoyed the most, his companion Artemis Entreri. This man’s attention was hardly positive by any consideration, but it was amusing nonetheless.

Jarlaxle paid no mind to his onlookers, he had only one thing on his mind: coin. Or the spending of it, rather. He had felt a familiar itch under his skin for days now, and he knew all that was needed to quell it was a simple trip to a market to peruse wares he’d never seen before. He was a collector of sorts after all, and collectors always needed more collectibles. As an added insensitive, Artemis was beginning to look boring in his current clothes. Jarlaxle hated looking at the exact same thing every day.

As he strode past a frequently visited tavern, the drow grinned to himself as he caught the sound of Artemis’ boots quickly changing direction to keep pace.

“Not at all, my friend. I am simply bored of tavern walls and tables,” he said casually with a dismissive flip of his hand, “we have new places to visit today.”

[[ @artemis-entreri ]]

“New places?” The assassin echoes incredulously. Realizing that he’s fallen behind his companion again, Entreri quickly rectifies the situation. As he does so, an unpleasant sensation arises in his chest, one reminiscent of having swallowed a whole piece of dry bread. With neither a refreshing glass of water nor a cold mug of ale to wash down his discomfort, Entreri sweeps his gaze about their surroundings once more. The clean, wide street continues to offer naught but gaggles of drow-admirers. Nonetheless, the assassin’s execution of the familiar practice brings him a measure of peace, his chagrin at having let himself be caught off guard again by his unpredictable companion fading quickly. “We’ve seen each corner of every alleyway in this cursed city already – thrice, at least!” Entreri allows his eyes to linger on the the most recent dark obscure shape he’d found. To most minds, it’d be dismissed as a simple shadow, but to the wary man, that shape crouched behind that filled water barrel, too small to be human, unless it was a street urchin – or mayhaps a halfling? – was a potential killer biding his time. In truth, Entreri doesn’t seriously entertain any of those hypotheses. The shadows of Heliogabalus are hardly as dark as those that he’d thrived in, making the city almost boring to him. Except that he is with Jarlaxle, which makes even the most banal things anything but mundane. Unfortunately, he’d already personally discovered the truth that “interesting” is usually another word for unpleasant, especially with this one. Confident that naught but irritation shows in his steel-gray eyes, Entreri levels his gaze upon his companion once more. “What ‘new places’ could there possibly be to visit–” The entrance to a very unfortunately familiar cul-de-sac jumps into view.

“Oh no." 

The two words escape his lips followed immediately by a frustrated sigh. His gaze locks upon the two shops, opposite one another, that seem to form unbidden before his mind’s eye, the two "entirely human women” found within their respective stores smiling at him with too-sharp teeth. 

“Them, again? Isn’t it too soon?!" 

[baenre-jarlaxle]

Jarlaxle ignored the grumbled complaints of the human and marched purposefully down his path. He had intentionally taken a sort of roundabout route to his target destination not only to amuse himself with anything new to look at, but also to look forward to savoring any expression that may cross his companions face when they arrived.

At the very moment the target shops came to view a smirk tugged the drow’s thin lips. He twirled to face his companion when he heard Artemis’ inquiries reach him, an expression of faux shock painted on his shaded face, “too soon for fine wares and even finer company? Never!” He adjusted the brim on his hat with a chuckle, savoring Artemis’ less than pleased expression.

[baenre-jarlaxle]

❝Let me walk you home.❞ (From Melk)

Jarlaxle looked to where he heard a soft voice addressing him, “mm? Oh my dear, that’s usually my line.” His words were slightly slurred and his dark skin was flushed with a strange purple/red flush, he wore a broad smile. “You’re show was beautiful,” he reached out and touched her hand gently.

[shadows-servant]

She’d keep glancing his way every now and then to make sure he was keeping up with her alright.

She seemed to think over his question for a little as they walked before finally settling on an answer. “I like the sea ward best. I like the smell of the open water.”

It had been a while since she had last thought of visiting the sea. The memory brought a chill over her and she wrapped herself tighter in her cloak, staring ahead at the empty road they were walking.

Their footsteps had a beautiful sort of rhythm, being the only sound that came around them and she choose to focus on that instead.

[baenre-jarlaxle]

The drow hummed his approval and kept pace beside his companion, and upon discovering he quite liked the sound he continued it into a soft tune. Her pace that was easy to keep with with direction and purpose, but wasn’t too hasted or lagging. He watched the quiet buildings pass him by, noted a few things moving in the shadows of the alleys, but paid them no heed otherwise.

[baenre-jarlaxle]

AESTETICS

(( tagged by @artemis-entreri and @illindriel

Chipped nail polish. Glitter highlights. Tall trees with smooth bark. Tangled hair. Cinnamon sugar. Talking too loud and too fast. Overgrown flowers in your hair. Crumbling buildings reclaimed by nature. Flirting. Walking home at three AM with no coat. Platonic hand holding. Blowing smoke out of your nose. Dragonfly wings. Chaotic good. Freckles. Fairy rings. Secret meetings. Gender nonconformity. Leather. Smudged eyeliner. Forbidden fruit.

THE REAPER.

Computer errors. A shiver down your spine. Haunting beauty. Hard liquor. Crowns of thorns. Shadowed alleyways. Decaying plant matter. Shattered mirrors and broken glass. Corrupted memories. Stopped clocks. The scent of stale cigarettes. Tattered black hoodies. Walking your friends home. The crescent moon. The sea. A graveyard on a foggy day. Cold rings on cold fingers. Absolution. Looking out the window of an airplane. Soft kisses.

THE WITCH.

Graffiti. Pretending to know what you’re doing. Worn paperback books. Growing up too fast. Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme. Lace and combat boots. Moth wings. Candles on every surface. A weathered deck of cards. Turning the music up. Fireflies in jars. Calloused fingers. Drawing on your skin. Sunlight filtering through clouds. Petrichor. A dying rose in a jar. Wearing a crystal pendant. Illusions of spells. Black cats. Mint gum. Chapped lips. Dirt under your fingernails. The cycle of life and death.

THE WOLF.

Murders of crows. Frostbitten leaves. Wolves howling at midnight. Knocking on your door. Leaving food out for stray animals. The twang of an acoustic guitar. Honey. Tiny red buds on trees. Claw marks on the walls. Golden eyes. Slightly too-long stubble. Knitted fingerless gloves. Sleeping on the forest floor. Always finding your way back home.

((I tag: @shadows-servant ))

[baenre-jarlaxle]

Scorto blinked it was rather hard to miss the other male drow, he'd met Jarlaxle a while back. Scorto moved carefully right up behind Jarlaxle, before to moved hugging Jarlaxle from behind and chirping a exited "Jarlaxle!" Right in Jarlaxle's right ear. Scorto giggled and almost knocked Jarlaxle's hat off in his excitement to see the other drow agian.

The sudden impact surprised him and he whirled around to meet his assailant. Luckily he was in a fair mood and was quick to recognize the voice of his friend. He laughed and straightened his great hat, “Ah! You surprised me. Hello dear Scorto.”

[baenre-jarlaxle]

Jarlaxle waved a dismissive hand, “hush now, my friend. If I tired or bored of your company I would simply tell you, I’m not one for wasting time. But I’ve enjoyed our conversations and your companionship, rest assured.”

He refilled his glass but just held it twirling slightly in his hand, “Zak was a unique case of honor and survival. He did what he had to do to keep his head, but Malice’s favor was a blessing on him that allowed many...passes, so to say. But in any case the Zak I knew wouldn’t have hated you simply because you were a victim of the ways of our people.”

[baenre-jarlaxle]

❝Let me walk you home.❞ (From Melk)

Jarlaxle looked to where he heard a soft voice addressing him, “mm? Oh my dear, that’s usually my line.” His words were slightly slurred and his dark skin was flushed with a strange purple/red flush, he wore a broad smile. “You’re show was beautiful,” he reached out and touched her hand gently.

[shadows-servant]

The bard stayed quiet for a little though they kept walking. The cool, soothing air of the late night brought a sense of calm to the streets that usually didn’t exist in the busy mornings.

“I wouldn’t like to leave you on your own like this.” She said, offering him a warm smile. “And I don’t mind walking around the city for a little. How about we go sight seeing towards the North ward?” Her suggestion was that of a longer, yet probably much safer rout.

[baenre-jarlaxle]

A broad grin spread across Jarlaxles thin lips, “your concern flatters me. I would be delighted to walk with you, have you any favorite parts of this city?” With his free hand he idly toyed with the wings that arorned his fingers, doing all he could to thoroughly enjoy the buzz of intoxication for at least a little while.

[baenre-jarlaxle]

❝Let me walk you home.❞ (From Melk)

Jarlaxle looked to where he heard a soft voice addressing him, “mm? Oh my dear, that’s usually my line.” His words were slightly slurred and his dark skin was flushed with a strange purple/red flush, he wore a broad smile. “You’re show was beautiful,” he reached out and touched her hand gently.

[shadows-servant]

On her back, her harp was visible, hanging from her shoulders. A magically enchanted short sword was also seethed from a belt.

“So, good sir, would you like to walk towards your quarters?” She asked as she checked around the rather empty, dark streets of the now sleeping city.

[baenre-jarlaxle]

“Oh I’m sure I can find my own way there in a little while, I’m quite enjoying the quiet outdoors. It’s not often I simply take a stroll you know,” he said casually. “Though,” he added, ever a gentleman, “I do not wish to intrude on your evening. I am quite capable of handing myself should you need to take your leave. Though I hope you don’t,” he flashed her a smile.

Jarlaxle hardly knew where the line of flirting vs casual conversation lay, but in any case he would rather spend his haze-like evening mindset in the company of others. He was more a social creature at heart, he got bored quite quickly if he was alone.

[baenre-jarlaxle]

❝Let me walk you home.❞ (From Melk)

Jarlaxle looked to where he heard a soft voice addressing him, “mm? Oh my dear, that’s usually my line.” His words were slightly slurred and his dark skin was flushed with a strange purple/red flush, he wore a broad smile. “You’re show was beautiful,” he reached out and touched her hand gently.

[shadows-servant]

“Let me help with that.” She said, reaching up on her tip toes. Her movements were rather gentle and slow, as to not startle him from the sudden contact. Her gaze stayed focused on the hat which she adjusted back on it’s place.

“There you go.” She said, cheerful as always, with a gentle pat on his shoulder. She returned her grip to his forearm, helping him find a little more stability.

“There is really no need to apologize though, let’s just take a small walk.” She offered, making sure to support some of his weight on her.

[baenre-jarlaxle]

“Thank you dear,” he adjusted his shirt a bit and fussed with a necklace that had become tangled in the collar. Once it was free and he felt stable(ish) on his own feet he sighed contently.

He smiled and held her arm in his, “lead the way, dear songstress. I do believe a stroll would do me well so long as you’re by my side.”

[baenre-jarlaxle]

❝Let me walk you home.❞ (From Melk)

Jarlaxle looked to where he heard a soft voice addressing him, “mm? Oh my dear, that’s usually my line.” His words were slightly slurred and his dark skin was flushed with a strange purple/red flush, he wore a broad smile. “You’re show was beautiful,” he reached out and touched her hand gently.

[shadows-servant]

The bard smiled, taking a step closer to his table as she held his hand in both of hers. Her fingertips were freshly wrapped with some thin cloth, perhaps a linen but she didn’t seem to mind the touch.

“Thank you. The staff asked me to, very politely inform you that we will be shutting down for the night. It’s already past midnight.” She almost whispered, matching the quiet atmosphere of the now almost empty tavern.

Besides the few humans tiding up near the kitchen, there were no other patrons occupying tables. “A little fresh air doesn’t sound bad, right?” She asked, tilting her head a little to give emphasis to her question.

[baenre-jarlaxle]

“Oh but of course dear, my apologies to your lovely self and the owner,” he fished out a palm sized coin purse and dropped it onto the table before him, “that should smooth over any harsh feelings don’t you think,” he said matter of factly.

He swayed slightly when he stood a bit too quickly for his ale clouded mind to process and just barely caught himself on the table. No matter the social blunder the drow smiled and righted his feathered hat, or at least he thought he did, when in reality he just tilted it the other way. Jarlaxle was certainly not drunk enough to make an utter fool of himself, but he was indeed letting himself ride the high and buzz of a long night of good conversation, tolerable drink, and wonderful music.

[baenre-jarlaxle]

❝Let me walk you home.❞ (From Melk)

Jarlaxle looked to where he heard a soft voice addressing him, “mm? Oh my dear, that’s usually my line.” His words were slightly slurred and his dark skin was flushed with a strange purple/red flush, he wore a broad smile. “You’re show was beautiful,” he reached out and touched her hand gently.

[weebbiscuits]

[rpmemestbh]

Drinking starters

as requested by @ambitionbled (it won’t let me tag you, sorry!)

CONCERN.

❝How much have you had to drink?❞

❝You could have fucking alcohol poisoning!❞  

❝Easy, there. Try to sit up.❞

❝I think I might’ve overdone it on the alcohol…❞

❝We’ve got to go get your stomach pumped.❞

❝I thought you said you were clean!❞

❝Yes, it is a big deal.❞

❝Let me drive you home.❞

❝You are NOT driving like this!❞

❝You are gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow.❞

❝Drinking until you puke is not normal.❞

DRUNK.

❝Is this real life?❞ 

❝I want to go to sleep but I can’t find any sheep.❞

❝How do you show fish affection?❞

❝Taco Bell is open 24 hours, right?❞

❝Tequila is not my friend? YOU’RE not my friend.❞

❝Drunk I am not.❞

-glasses on head- ❝Where did I put my glasses?❞

❝How do I tell my parents I’m a mermaid?❞ 

❝I’m not even tired.❞

❝I should call my ex.❞

❝I’m not drunk enough for this.❞

❝Does playing Mario Kart drunk count as drunk driving?❞

-hugging the floor- ❝I’m trying to stop the floor from spinning.❞

❝Can we go out for fried chicken?❞

ANGST.

❝What’s the fucking point anymore?❞

❝Screw recovery. I want a drink.❞

❝I’m too sober for this shit.❞ 

❝I don’t give a shit what you think.❞

❝I seriously don’t feel too good.❞

❝I didn’t even have that much to drink.❞

❝Will you stop fucking interrogating me?❞

❝I can drive. I’m fine.❞

❝There’s a reason I drink so much.❞

❝You’re the reason I drink so much.❞

❝I’m only happy when I’m drunk.❞

FLUFF/FUN.

❝You’re cute, you know that?❞ 

❝You wanna get wasted?❞

❝I’m bar-hopping tonight, wanna come?❞

❝What are you drinking, and why aren’t you sharing?❞

❝I’m having a party for two.❞

❝You’re so hot.❞

❝I’m usually too chicken-shit to say this, but…I really like you.❞

❝I don’t want to kiss you with your alcohol breath.❞

*kisses on forehead*

*kisses on cheek*

*kisses on lips*

[twinkdrows]

just something I experienced while reading servant of the shard lmao

[razumairon]

Relatable af