me and a friend had a running joke about editing the gif of kermit and christian bale nodding at each other for a number of years, and i found the folder of edits and feel like this is maybe a place for them.
You know I wish house of the dragon actually interrogated incest as a tool used by families to consolidate power and within families to dispossess women because aside from being played for shock value the Aemond/Daemon mother-fucking dreams kind of went nowhere and of all families the HIGHTOWERS!!! seem to be used to demonstrate the point that incest is an abuse tactic (wrt Otto > Alicent and Ormund > Daeron)
Like dawg why are we presenting the uncle/niece 2 for 1 combo of alyn and baela and daemon and rhaenyra as somehow morally ok incest couples. Why did the only interrogation of what dameon did to rhaenyra happen in s2 with those harrenhal dreams and then he was somehow absolved of everything by believing she should be queen because of a prophecy.
thing is, they're not even treating daemyra & baelyn the same bc even if the 3.02 scene w corlys implicitly recognizes them as kin, the age diff is never acknowledged. showverse hull boys are ~10yrs older than her but ig she stopped being a kid the moment jace died and is fully empowered to seduce her adult uncle? at least nyra & ali were kinda shown as groomed in s1. reminds me of how laena started out younger than them in s1 only to make viserys look less creepy for choosing alicent, but adult laena as daemon's wife is played by an actor older than d'cooke so there doesn't even seem to be intended hypocrisy when daemon says he spared rhaenyra as a child by eloping with an even younger teen relative. unintended implication is black girls grow up faster & daeron gets to be young and innocent in a way baela/rhaena do not despite them all being around the same age.
Division of labor in the home is one of the most important equity issues of our time. Yet at this rate it will be another 75 years before men do half the work.
The optimistic tale of the modern, involved dad has been greatly exaggerated. The amount of child care men performed rose throughout the 1980s and ’90s, but then began to level off without ever reaching parity. Mothers still shoulder 65 percent of child-care work. In academic journals, family researchers caution that the “culture of fatherhood” has changed more than fathers’ actual behavior.
Sociologists attribute the discrepancy between mothers’ expectations and reality to “a largely successful male resistance.” This resistance is not being led by socially conservative men, whose like-minded wives often explicitly agree to take the lead in the home. It is happening, instead, with relatively progressive couples, and it takes many women — who thought their partners had made a prenatal commitment to equal parenting — by surprise. Why are their partners failing to pitch in more?
The answer lies, in part, in the different ways that men and women typically experience unfairness. Inequality makes everyone feel bad. Studies have found that people who feel they’re getting away with something experience fear and self-reproach, while people who feel exploited are angry and resentful. And yet men are more comfortable than women with the first scenario and less tolerant than women of finding themselves with the short end of the stick. Parity is hard, and this discrepancy lays the groundwork for male resistance.
Though many men are in denial about it, their resistance communicates a feeling of entitlement to women’s labor. Men resist because it is in their “interest to do so,” write Scott Coltrane and Michele Adams, leaders in the field of family studies, in their book, “Gender and Families.” By passively refusing to take an equal role, men are reinforcing “a separation of spheres that underpins masculine ideals and perpetuates a gender order privileging men over women.”
While interviewing working parents for a book on parenthood, I spoke with one dad in Vermont who said: “The expectation among my male friends is still that they will have the life they had before having kids. My dad has never cooked a meal. I’ve strayed from that. But subconsciously, the thing that makes you motivationally step up and do something when you’re not being asked …” he trailed off, and then said: “I have justifications. It’s a cop-out.”
Take love out of the equation and focus on the workplace, and it’s clear how this plays out. Studies show that male employees sit back while their female co-workers perform the tasks that don’t lead to promotion. In a series of lab studies, the economists Lise Vesterlund, Linda Babcock and Maria Recalde and the organizational behaviorist Laurie Weingart found that in coed groups, women are 50 percent more likely than men to volunteer to take on work that no one else wants to do. But in all-male groups, the men volunteer just as readily.
In an interview with NPR, Dr. Vesterlund explained that the women do the work “because they’re expected to.” The men “come into the room, they see the women, they know how we play these games.”
We play the same games at home. I interviewed couples separately and found that the women were often angry, while many men didn’t seem to realize there was a problem.
The couples offered three explanations for this labor imbalance. The first was that women take over activities like bedtime, homework and laundry because men perform these tasks inadequately. But this isn’t “maternal gatekeeping,” the theory that men want to help but women disparage their capabilities and push them out. Instead these seem to be situations that necessitate the intervention of a reasonable adult.
A mother in California said: “It’s important to me that my sons are not falling asleep in class and that they’re not late for school. My husband does not share those priorities, so I do bedtime and school drop-off.”
The dad in Vermont explained: “I do laundry when I need it. When it comes to the kids’ laundry, I could be more proactive, but instead I operate on my time scale. So my wife does most of their laundry. Let me do it my way and I’m happy to do it, but if you’re going to tell me how to do it, go ahead and do it yourself.”
The second explanation involved forgetting or obliviousness. A mother in Illinois said: “My husband is a participatory and willing partner. He’s not traditional in terms of ‘I don’t change diapers.’ But his attention is limited.” She added, “I can’t trust him to do anything, to actually remember.”
A dad in San Francisco said that many of the tasks of parenting weren’t important enough to remember: “I just don’t think these things are worth attending to. A certain percentage of parental involvement that my wife does, I would see as valuable but unnecessary. A lot of disparity in our participation is that.”
Finally, some men blamed their wives’ personalities. A San Diego dad said his wife did more because she was so uptight. “She wakes up on a Saturday morning and has a list. I don’t keep lists. I think there’s a belief that if she’s not going to do it, then it won’t get done.” (His wife agreed that this was true, but emphasized that her belief was based on experience: “We fell into this easy pattern where he learned to be oblivious and I learned to resent him.”)
A father in Portland, Ore., confirmed that his wife takes on more but said: “It has to do with her personality. She always has to stay busy. No matter what day of the week it is, she has a need to be engaged, to be doing something.”
Many mothers told me they had tried to change this and had aired their grievances with their partners, only to watch as nothing changed. A mother in Queens said she spent three years trying to get her husband to do more before coming to terms with the fact that maybe it was never going to happen. “He notices the unfairness, but he just accepts it as something we have a disagreement about,” she said. “How much convincing of the other person can you do?”
All this comes at a cost to women’s well-being, as mothers forgo leisure time, professional ambitions and sleep. Wives who view their household responsibilities “as unjust are more likely to suffer from depression than those who do not,” one study says. When their children are young, employed women (but not men) take a hit to their health as well as to their earnings — and the latter never recovers. Child-care imbalances also tank relationship happiness, especially in the early years of parenthood.
Division of labor in the home is one of the most important gender-equity issues of our time. Yet at the current rate of change, MenCare, a group that promotes equal involvement in caregiving, estimates that it will be about 75 more years before men worldwide assume half of the unpaid work that domesticity requires.
If anything is going to change, men have to stop resisting. Gendered parenting is kept alive by the unacknowledged power bestowed upon men in a world that values their needs, comforts and desires more than women’s. It’s up to fathers to cop to this, rather than to cop out.
The Circle of Life. This July, I traveled up the Beartooth Scenic Highway to photograph mountain goats at the summit. I spent most of the morning of July 3rd observing two different herds (bands) with several kids (yes, that's actually what young mountain goats are called!). Toward the end of the morning, three kids suddenly bolted toward the cliff edge, their mothers quickly following. Curious, I repositioned to get a better look — and that’s when I saw what had drawn them. Just below, resting on a narrow rocky ledge surrounded by grass and wildflowers, lay the body of a deceased adult mountain goat, which had obviously not been there long. Over the next 20 to 30 minutes, several kids and adults gathered around the goat. Each taking turns, approached it cautiously, as if investigating — perhaps even mourning. I believe this goat was part of the first, larger herd I had seen earlier in the day in the same area. It was a somber moment. Unfortunate, yes, but natural. Whether from illness, injury, or simply old age, this goat had reached the end of its life. And yet, standing all around it was new life — healthy, vibrant, and curious. It felt important to document that contrast — the quiet, powerful truth that life and death are always intertwined in nature. One ends, and another begins.
also i HAVE to say that hanna einbinder in plaid boxers, socks, glasses and nothing else was hot as hell. as was litrerally every shot of gillian anderson. and together? WOWEE
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