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[coupleromance]

[whatshouldwecallme]

Dating as a twenty-something

Expectation:

Me:

[dianaxjae]

This is my LIFE gif.

[bainoculars]

You and me, we were like Chris Brown and Rihanna. Intensely in love, but when it ended, it was a crash and burn. You and me, we weren’t meant to be together. And for a good reason. We were bad for each other, and there could never have been a future even if we wanted one.

Everyday now, I drive past the places we used to hang out, which unfortunately happens to be where I work. I used to get emotional in the past, but today, I realised I have gone past that stage. I’m moved on. Those four years were intense, but it left me broken. It made me lose my faith in love and relationships in general. 

You used to sing this song to me, with the moves like CB. Hah. How apt that Chris Brown's initials stand for a certain vulgarity. Okay that’s besides the point. I’m not missing him, or how we were. I just needed to offload this unexplainable feeling of … I don’t know what to call it. But I feel much better now. Farewell to you. 

Hey, little shorty, say you care for me You know I care for you, you know that I’ll be true You know that I won’t lie, you know that I will try To be your everything, yeah

[bainoculars]

The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you.

We're all walking the same road, towards the same destination. It's just how we get there and what happens as we head towards our destination that shapes us to be the person we are and will be.

In this journey of Life so far, I've come to realise that I'm always so concerned about the results - the destination. I always forget about the journey itself, and how along the way I meet people who will make or break my journey. I choose to forget about the journey, and instead focus on the destination, in the hopes that I wouldn't get hurt. In the hopes that I wouldn't stay long enough to leave a mark on anyone's life. Unknowingly, both happen. Life.

[bainoculars]

Dance as if no one is watching.

So recently I picked up salsa - the dance, not the food. Both I love anyway. So yes back to salsa. The classic Cuban dance that many associate with flashy costumes, sexy moves and Latin music. I have always loved Latin music and dance. Learning the cha cha and tango in school, copying my mom's steps as she dances. I guess I can never avoid dance huh. Now the thing about salsa is that it's a social dance, a girl and a guy, doing their thing a la Havana Nights or Dirty Dancing. So hot right? Well it'll be years before I get to that stage, but damn, I would love to have a partner I can dance with. Which brings me back to salsa lessons at dance en motion. I'm actually getting the hang of the basic step and now we're progessing to turns. Problem is, I'm too much of an independent woman that I forget the guy is supposed to lead in the dance. Naturally, I start to lead then realised, shit I gotta trust the guy to lead. I happened to dance with a couple of guys who, true gentlemen that they are, tolx me to "leave it all to me and just enjoy the dance." Hmmm. Not easy to trust men in general at this point in ny life - that translates into my lousy ass dancing. I should snap out of it, esp during dance and just enjoy. Yeah. I should. Looking forward to the next lesson, although it'll be a good two weeks before they resume. Let's hope I don't forget my steps! :)

[bainoculars]

Over you? Or not?

Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the one To build me up and tear me down like an old abandoned house What you said when you left, just left me cold and out of breath I felt if I was in way too deep, guess I let you get the best of me

Well, I never saw it coming, I should've started running A long, long time ago And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over I'm finally getting better And now I'm picking up the pieces, spending all of these years Putting my heart back together

Over You - Daughtry

[miscellaneousdesserts]

Peppermint Mocha Brownie Cookies (recipe)

[bainoculars]

Three of my favorite things! Coffee chocolate mint. Yum

[bainoculars]

So after all that research and actually visiting the Keraton in Jogja, I figured out who my great grandfather was.. The man in this picture is His Majesty Hamengkubuwono VII the seventh sultan of Yogyakarta.. which makes me kinda royal right? LOL. 

That trip to Jogja was truly a soul searching and enriching one, having found more about my roots and heritage. Little did I know that a conversation over teh tarik with my dad when I was 17 would lead to me making my way to the palace where my grandparents met.

To walk the very grounds my ancestors walked, it was just… magical. I can’t think of a better way to describe it. I put myself in the shoes of my grandpa, then a young prince (albeit the son of the King and one of his numerous concubines) falling in love with the gorgeous palace dancer that my grandma was. Mbak and Mbak Putri, whom I never got to meet, must have had an exciting relationship. From what I gathered, differences in class was the main obstacle in their marriage, resulting in them leaving the palace and the country for Singapore. Hmmm. What would one do for love? 

[bainoculars]

one more.

so one more of one of my oldest friends has just been proposed to. another stab to the heart? i guess i gotta take it like a (wo)man. 

[sweetalchemies]

[bainoculars]

Yumm

[bainoculars]

Out of Reach

Been to too many weddings of late. Seen too many babies. Feeling very inadequate.  Maybe it's a quarter life crisis. I'm not desperate to settle down or anything,  especially since I don't see myself dating even in the next five years. But yaknow.. I do love kids and want to have my own. Not realistic to want to have kids without the guy, but I'm not ready to give my heart away. Simply because I've been hurt before and seeing what happens to couples even after tying the knot. It scares me. Putting so much more effort into the last relationship only backfired on me, so why should I invest anymore time and effort on someone? Every relationship is a risk I guess, but I don't want to take any risks. Not again. So if any guy out there was to woo me, he's gotta work hard baby

[bainoculars]

Talking about matters of the heart on a night like this...

[bainoculars]

The Ultimate Alpha Female

List compiled by author Carrie Olguin. Posted here by permission. Originally posted here. When the Alpha Female meets her Alpha Male, the sparks fly. In fiction, she is the kick-ass female, the one...

[bainoculars]

Lock and key

I've locked up my heart and thrown away the key.

[bainoculars]

11.12.13

Today could have been.. but it wasn't meant to be.. Verily, He has better plans for me. I have faith that You took away the bad, and that You will replace it with the best. I don't see myself settling down anytime soon, and I believe I'm happier this way. Much happier. No doubt all these weddings and childbirths do make me wish for my own, I believe that day will come. Just gotta keep believing.

[bainoculars]

So I FINALLY decide to use Tumblr. It starts with my Indoadventure. One week in the land of my ancestors!