مكتوب

musings about love, life, music, books & film.

[dianaxjae]

It's been a month since you came into our lives, baby. And it's been the most surreal and difficult time of my life transitioning into motherhood. There are so many feelings of inadequacy when it comes to you - - I've never felt more helpless especially when you're crying and there's also so much guilt at how dependent I am on the people around me like your Oma and Opa. I've cried so much, my love, because the thought of wanting the very best for you gets so overwhelming at times. But we're going to be ok right? You're the cutest little ball of squishyness and I love you so darn much. Thank you for making me a mom, S.

[dianaxjae]

Just a few more weeks to go, InsyaAllah ❤️

[dianaxjae]

Been a tad more domesticated since we moved in. Served up a Melbourne-inspired brunch of avo toast with scrambled eggs and smoked salmon today since it's been exactly 3 years since we were cruising down the Great Ocean Road, sigh.

[dianaxjae]

Saying hello from our new place.

It's been a week since we moved in and it's still pretty surreal that we have a place to call our own instead of living in a room like we have for the past 3.5 years.

Today I woke up early, had breakfast and made some banana bread. It's the sort of idyllic beautiful Sunday morning I always envisioned and I am just so grateful for where we are in life right now ❤️

[dianaxjae]

I watched the Friends reunion last night and couldn't help but shed some sentimental tears throughout. Anyone who knows me would know that Friends remains as my all-time favourite sitcom and is permanently featured on my Netflix list. It's comfort food for the soul, especially if I need some time to just unwind and laugh out loud.

I started watching Friends as a young adult, during that time when my friends truly felt like family. There was a bunch of us who became huge Friends fans ; we'd catch it in between mugging for the As and held viewing marathons sprawled on someone's floor in that brilliant time during post-As and the start of University when all we had to do was dream idealistically about what the future would hold. The future was our canvas, with The Rembrandts' iconic tune as the soundtrack of our lives. We were going to be just like them, we vowed. We'd rent an apartment together after Uni and be there for each other throughout all the crazy times of young adulthood. Those were decadent times, when we got swept away by the excitement of impending adulthood without realising the realities of it that would of course, inevitably set in. Today, as Life has dictated, I'm no longer close to any of them. Yet I know with overwhelming gratitude that there was a time when even at my worst, I was best with them. And I'll always look back on those bittersweet times with such fondness.

Thank you Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey & Chandler for having played such a huge part in my life and for having shown me the magic of once-in-a-lifetime friendships.

[dianaxjae]

There are very specific memories from a different lifetime that I associate with Daft Punk tracks.

I will always cherish those cold nights of speeding down random stretches of road and dancing in the dark without a care.

Truly the end of an era.

[dianaxjae]

It's almost 2 months into 2021 and I'm still struggling to find even footing.

I've always been like this haven't I. The kind who goes on an insane trajectory to survive in the thick of suffering, never pausing to breathe or analyse the pain, hustling to race ahead of the magnitude of doom. But when things start to settle in the new normal, or in the aftermath of every heartbreak or misery I've ever been through, I find myself drowning in the backwash.

There's so much anxiety that's just hovering beneath the surface, threatening to overflow every once in a while. I guess the fact that I can't do the one thing that I've always done - - pack up and escape to a different place to recalibrate - - isn't helping either.

:(

[dianaxjae]

Levan

Hey everyone. I recorded One More Moment for anyone missing the ones they love during this difficult time. I watched many stories with a hea

I haven't heard this song in the longest time. It used to be my song with Keemos when we were kids. There are still times when I miss him with an ache that could only come from the purest form of adolescent camaraderie and love. I could never not think fondly of the one person who was my constant when we were growing up. Be safe my friend, wherever you may be.

[dianaxjae]

Her heart was made of liquid sunsets.

As Time stretches the distance between now and then, I find myself looking back on faded images and memories slipping slowly out of reach. Soon, they'll be nothing more than dust swirling woefully away in the wisps of yesterday.

[dianaxjae]

Hello world, or what semblance is left of it.

I honestly can't believe it's already November despite the fact that this year has felt like an eternity.

I got offered a new role at work next year, one that has me feeling both excitement and trepidation. But as always, I remind myself to be grounded and focused, and to let gratitude and sincerity pave the way. And to always remember that it is a privilege to be given the opportunity to serve in any capacity.

To better days ❤️

[el-cheung]

Cho Seung-Woo, as Hwang Si-Mok, in Stranger 2 season finale (2020)

[dianaxjae]

THAT SMILE.

Also, I need a Season 3 where HSM and HYJ acknowledge their feelings for each other and move past just drinking and saying goodbye at a tavern.

[hamyeojin]

you don’t draw these days?

[dianaxjae]

Currently obsessed with this. So many plot twists and these two subtly showing their interest in each other whilst fighting crime and corruption together SIGH <3

[dianaxjae]

I made this today.

A house amidst nature to represent the home that we will build, attached to a bunch of colourful balloons ready to whisk us away on a lifetime of adventure. A cute little car to signify that we're on this journey for the long haul. We are seated at the edge ; you with a nonchalant smile, enjoying the breeze and indulging me as I sip on tea and regale you with silly tales. And Hayao Miyazaki's tune as the perfect soundtrack to our life together.

Love you.

[dianaxjae]

Sometimes my subconscious betrays me in a way that jolts me awake and leaves me trembling from the visceral emotions that seem to course through my veins.

Maybe it’s the fact that so much of this year has been spent in lockdown but I find myself looking back a lot more in recent months. There’s a vulnerability that hovers just beneath the surface, threatening to spill over when I least expect it. 

There are still things from a different life, what I thought I’d left behind, that still cause an ache in my very soul. How much more time must I put between now and then before they get buried in the ashes of yesterday?

[dianaxjae]

Coming by here to say a quick hello.

Turned 31 in the midst of all the craziness and decided that we're ready to start trying for a kid soon - - yikesss, I know, what a huge decision to make in the thick of a world crisis. But yknw, we're not getting any younger and I think it's just the right next step. Wish us luck!

[dianaxjae]

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A post shared by Edwin Koo (@singaporeson) on Jul 10, 2020 at 4:07pm PDT

When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums ❤️

What a momentous occasion in this nation's history.

[dianaxjae]

Singapore moved into Phase Two this weekend. It's been a while since I enjoyed a teh peng outside. Hoping that all will be well and we find a way out of this soon ❤️