My heart is in the city but my soul is with nature. After having lived in cities for many years of my life, I find that I miss them so much as I am back in a naturalistic environment. I find myself having an internal battle over letting go of my city life and relaxing with nature. I love cities. They are the pumping veins of humanity - thriving with life. I love the diversity and clash of cultures. They truly are the petri dish in which all the differences somehow come together to attain a perfect balance. Yes, there is violence and danger. But even in that madness, there is peace with the white noise of the city as the backdrop. I find myself missing the bubbles of life and the transformative experience of needing to be harder and self-sufficient. I remember walking the streets and wishing for stars and seasons and nature...and yet, now that I am gone and the city has become a memory backdrop, I struggle with letting go. It seems so unfair that we can't have both, the city and nature. Yet, the very nature of the city precludes nature from having its true hold over a place. They are indeed mutually exclusive and it is a shame that we cannot find a way to have both at the same time. The very creation of the city, diminishes nature and the more we let nature have its way, the less city life will arise. It seems like such a contradictory battle in which we come from nature and yet, the city is what houses our passion and desire to evolve and get ahead in life. Like never before, people are drawn to cities and I agree with them. I love that it is busy all the time, like ants in an ant hill. I enjoy knowing that someone, somewhere is up and about and busy living their live. I take comfort knowing that I can get up and go outside and find a place to eat based on my timetable and that there is always something, somewhere, open and ready to serve me. I remember leaving the city and enjoying the escape to nature and the glimpses of the passing seasons which seem to be but mere shadows within the city limits. I thought leaving would help me find myself more as I am drawn to nature. What i have found is that it is taking me a long time to relax and let nature seep back into my veins. I was sitting along the bubbling creek and the wind was blowing magnificently through the trees and I felt it. I felt nature, kissing my cheeks and rustling in my ears and a deep powerful empowerment that this was right. I find myself finally letting my guard down and letting nature seep back into my spirit. It feels fabulous and spiritual on a level that only the stars and the sky above can understand. I am a spirit of the ages and my soul is on the wind, is the wind. The city may be where my heart resides but nature is where my soul takes flight. It seems like an utterly crazy contradiction and one that I know I will find no cure for. And as i write those words, I know I wouldn't want a cure. I love both because of the other. I cannot have one without the other and even though I will never be able to hold both of them at the same time, I can enjoy the opportunity I have had being apart of both. Of having the city stink in my hair, the siren wail in my voice, the cacophony of faces in my vision..because this is us. This is our creation. The greatest cities on earth are the epicenters of our lives while nature is the blanket that reminds us of who we are. We are breathing. We are pulsing. We are wild and destructive. We are the cities who long for nature. We are nature who longs for another passing day. Shall we expect more, than a flower does? To live, to grow, to die. Perhaps, my two lives will never meet in actuality, but in my head, the sounds of the city and nature weave and intertwine with one another in a beautiful symphony. The hustle and bustle of people, living, working, loving at the same time as the rustle and bustle of the leaves, the wind, the birds, moving, swaying and singing.Â
This quote is about Paris but I think any city fits: Rome, London, San Francisco, New York.
Adriana: I can never decide whether Paris is more beautiful by day or by night.
Gil: No, you can't, you couldn't pick one. I mean I can give you a checkmate argument for each side. You know, I sometimes think, how is anyone ever gonna come up with a book, or a painting, or a symphony, or a sculpture that can compete with a great city. You can't. Because you look around and every street, every boulevard, is its own special art form and when you think that in the cold, violent, meaningless universe that Paris exists, these lights, I mean come on, there's nothing happening on Jupiter or Neptune, but from way out in space you can see these lights, the cafés, people drinking and singing. For all we know, Paris is the hottest spot in the universe.
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