[bambibuns]

UpsideDown

Friday my life was turned upside down. Just a few words can change the way you look at your loved ones. You’ll look at them a little longer, with more love and more understanding of where they stand in your life. And she means everything to me. It’s all I’ve known, I don’t want to know anything else. Anyone else. I don’t know where to go from here, but as long as I’m with you, I don’t care where we go.

[bambibuns]

This is what depression looks like

Unanswered texts, a pile of laundry, endless ig scrolls, tangled hair, irritated eyes, that sinking hopeless feeling, an empty gas tank, an overdrawn bank account, a sunken and frail body, deserted hobbies, unhealthy coping mechanisms, an assortment of medicine, going back to abusive relationships, a hopeless cycle. Go to sleep, do it all over again tomorrow.

[bambibuns]

Wow, last night was horrible experience I never want to re-live again. 

[sorrowsunflower-blog]

[bambibuns]

Zzzzzzzz

[bambibuns]

Dear god,

It’s been forever since I’ve been on this website. I had completely forgot about it until it came up in a conversation. I thought about everything that still lingers here. All of my silly writing, art posts and empty accounts I once spoke to. Sort of feels like a ghost town. I don’t know what compelled me to come back. Maybe I’ll start using it again? Maybe I’ll spend some time here than instagram. Instagram has been driving me nuts. I guess just to catch up: I’m 27 now, got into art school (my dream school) working a great job, have about two years of therapy and growth behind me, proud mother of a daschaund, started singing lessons and maybe gained 10 happy pounds? Give or take. I’m on summer break and working full time and just trying to start freelancing. I’ve fell in love and then fell out of love and back in and back out again. Ive lost friends and got some new ones. Lost my grandmother this past March and was single handily the most difficult time this year. Ive shown in galleries and sold some art work. Ive been learning how to become a professional working artist, and finally am able to say no to situations that no longer benifit me in a positive or healthy way. I feel ok right now. I’m still trying to figure out where I need to be, still making plans, and trying to continue to get my shit together.

[bambibuns]

[bambibuns]

"Bad to the bone"

[bambibuns]

Please Share.

My newest art video, Please share! 

youtu.be/lFMnKpS6ojc

[bambibuns]

been having panic attacks three nights in a row. Sort of shocked and scared that i dont feel it coming tonight. Maybe itll creep up later.

pls no.

[bambibuns]

I’ve been in bed for 3 days

I’ve been calling crisis hotlines almost every night

and all day in bed screaming

[bambibuns]

So i basically got my heart torn, shattered and burned into a million tiny pieces in june and since then have been trying basically to survive. I can: barley go to work, eat, move, think, and the only thing i do sucessfully is sleep. 

My chest feels heavy. And i cant stop thinking of what went wrong. 

[bambibuns]

I just realized last night....my social anxiety and ocd is stopping me from what I want to do and I want to scream 

>.< I feel like im a prisoner, i dont know what to do 

[bambibuns]

agoraphobia again...

I’ve become extremely recluse and shy again. I tried to be more open on social media and stuff, attempted to make new friends but with no success. I message people but none really reply. I have gotten invited to a few places but I either A.) have no one to go with or B.) get to anxious to drive in LA 

It’s like this double edged sword or something, don’t know the right term. I’ve just been focusing on school, work and art. But I would like to “live” a little. I’ve deactivated my fb to focus on school more, twitter i dont really have a huge following there, and I’ve taken instagram out of my phone so i wont be on it so much. This is the only little place i go on from time to time. Sorry if I have been a little distant, though i dont think anyone reads this, but to whoever does...this is what ive been going through. 

[bambibuns]

made another. 

[bambibuns]

i made this.

[bambibuns]

A video for a drawing called "Edgar" enjoy!