jus finished rewatching death note w my knight (his first time) & it was even better the second time! we both loved misa n L, he calls my pigtails misa misa hair now hehe ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა
really important lesson from Sailor Moon that a lot of people don't pick up on: if you know a girl who's lazy, whiny, immature, and wants to waste all her time playing video games--it might be because she's the reincarnated princess of a forgotten mystical kingdom so show some respect.
staying up way too late blogging (aka past 10pm)... zᶻ
≽₍^_ ‸ _ ^₎≼⟆
life has been good lately but still i feel overwhelming sadness & despair most days...
my new life is so different from what i had built up, adapted to, grew in, and knew for my entire existence- not bad but totally different & not what i daydreamed abt forever...just trying to get adjusted i suppose. bc sometimes when i think it's almost the same...
finding out more health complications since the hospitalization from right after the honeymoon. arthritis in hands, wrists, ankles, knees, & hips (probably more but not ultrasound yet). moderate djd throughout body. lateral tear in knee and degraded/out of place meniscus. bone spurs in wrists and finger. mostly just sore and painful body ontop of stomach disease and bleeding problems. it's humiliating at my age to only be able to write one page without swollen hands and struggling to hold even a milk cartoon. have 5 more doctor appointments in the next 4 weeks (ᵕ—ᴗ—)
which means my life long dream of ballet classes which i can finally afford & have time to do are completely off the table now. something that genuinely gave me hope for this new life.
i miss my family and my pets. most especially my sweet cat Jiji.. ૮◞ ‸ ◟ ა it's been 4 months already & probably at least 5 more before i can go back home but that's only a visit, one that will surely rip my heart to shreds even more bc ill just have to leave again.
idk anyone here. none of my husbands friends' wives or gfs or even girl coworker seem to like me., evn tho i tried really hard to be not as shy as usual! but thats something im used to atp. honestly...don't think i even want friends anyway. it feels pointless & sm work. everyone is either weird, lying, or ghosts until they want something. one ld friend whom i love n appreciate yet still my trust issues speak up. i don't trust anyone enough anymore after so much hurt. plus im just gonna move again in about 9 weeks . third move in 1 yr..
most of th time i just want to cry. i stay alone all day everyday since we got married. my husband is very sweet and loves and dotes on me, spoils me with treats and fun dates. i feel guilty bc i think he knows im sad and lonely. my family was all i had left and obviously i still have those 3 special people in my life but over phone doesn't feel quite the same. it's like my brain is stuck in "this is only temporary" mode but it's not- this is the new permanent. so no use getting job ill leave in 9 weeks & husband wants me to not work anyway & to stay home to take care of house n him n new pets (who i love so much & now are my absolute baby best friends- dog n fish n snail!)
truthfully I'm extremely blessed by God and love my life. i am beyond privileged which only makes my guilt and shame for being depressed worse. 𓇢𓆸
idek what to do these days. i feel like stepping into the ocean and letting the waves wash me over and over and over again ༄.°
omg one month update and so many wishes came true & more bc of my bday !!
- got two cute Blythe doll clothes sets (and abt a million accessories) from my sis ˚.
- a new Blythe doll!!! also from sis- cutest little black haired beauty with big eyes and long lashes ₊˚⊹ᰔ
- sewing machine for my bday! & promptly got supplies, made two doll skirts so far for my next point ◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜
- not just one but four!!! ag dolls!! like omg what! all second hand, two gifted and two i bought. gonna customize one of them wig & all... >⩊<
that's all but it's so much for only one month! so so grateful for everything n rly looking forward to completing the wish list ꉂ(˵˃ ᗜ ˂˵) nnnn probably adding more hehe ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆
