banal'ras @banalras-aa - Tumblr Blog

archived 🫡 feel free to unfollow

#will be refollowing ppl once i get my shit sorted #don't need to like this post to remain mutuals or whatever i will be following people on a dif url #just like if u have no interest feel free to ditch this blog idc this is your chance to escape i'm not even paying attention #no im not releasing this url bc im above all things petty 😁#tbd.

every time i open this app saying maybe today is the day sm makes me go NAH NVM

#i'm just tired bruh #i miss the days of being so dissociated shit didn't bother me any more #but also u can't be like that in this day and age & also idk i'm too old to be tolerating bs #tumblr and the world in general is so us mentality cis white centric it makes me claw my face #if i make a come back i will be in my intolerant i don't give a shit fuck everyone era #i'm past my i will educate people #you make post explaining things and people like them and absorb nothing #im tired of performative wokeness i respect people who are outright assholes more at this point its less fucking draining #than attempting to play nice #idc if anyone gets mad at this im mad and i've swallow insults and bullshit for years and years #i've just let people do shit that pisses me off just bc gotta be polite and nice #fuck it #i'll see if i even bother to do something with this blog later i'm just rhfbf so fucking done #tbd.#maybe im grumpy about irl shit but im also right

duckduckhonk

Malcolm & Marie (2021)

#avudjfbjw ykno?#* study.#arie in every relationship needing to feel like they are useful needed #bc if they are needed then they will never be left #bc needing something specific is more achievable and easier than being worthy of love #bc they don't feel worthy of love but feel like they can fake showing what people need to see in them #they can become something they want they don't feel they can become something they love #dvjfbf i shake em #like they are a control freak but in a very specific way #they are never once in control of anything but they need to impose their made up rules on people and relationships #to feel like they have some imitation of control #is not for controlling people its for feeling like they have a handle on things #and ofc they don't #and they don't even feel safe or comfortable or happy in their made up rules #bc they are just misinterpreted things based on bad experiences pretty much #bad coping mechanisms

filmgifs

Marie, my girl, the love of my life. You wanna know the part of Imani that’s based on you?

Malcolm & Marie (2021) dir. Sam Levinson

#devastated #* study.#i hate the new tumblr search thing they way i have to hunt down from blog to blog to get the stuff i want 🫠

freshmoviequotes

First Reformed (2017)

#* study.

thinkin arie is soo into playful flirting. they might get spooked if things get a lil too real but flirting is Their Game

#i don't often get to write that side of them but flirting rlly is their default #and sure some of it is very performative but they actually enjoy it #its like the safe are they allow themselves to explore those things #honestly sb playfully flirting with them has them kickin their feet a lil #its fun for them because it gets to exist in that safe indirect area ykno #and i mean playful flirting not direct blunt ''hey ur hot''#they'll joke and bat their lashes and twirl their hair & say biting shit to ppl fhhd and sb playing back #truly has them giggling to themselves #i feel like modern verse arie just looves texting bfbf #technology rlly giving them the space to relate to ppl while being safe ykno?#anywayyy thoughtsss

arie not having any concious control within the fade, if anything they are absolutely out of control and terrified and have no idea why things happen

#i just thing the concept of arie literally tearing apart some part of the fade they are without realizing is just tasty #the ground starting to crack #things tearing apart #their own rage manifesting in the most destructive ways #i just think its neat #arie: oh no its the gods!#the caretaker: am i a joke to u 🧍‍♂️#tbd.

freshmoviequotes

The Mirror (1975)

#* study.

wickanderhalovar

There is a light in you that is stronger than anything else. I don’t feel it. It’s there.

#:(#* study.

filmreel

HAPPY TOGETHER (1997)

#this movie i swear #* study.

✦ 𝓠. “that's one too many things to process with a hangover.” @sorrowsick. taron. cont.

That gets a snort out of them.

“Oh, poor you, do you need some coffee, sweetheart?” They grin as they hide behind their face behind their own cup of coffee, sipping delighted. Their only cup of coffee that is. There was the intent to bring it it to him from the kitchen, it was why the came along, but somewhere along the walk there their attiude shifted. Suddenly the act of bringing a cup of coffee seemed— charged with some kind of meaning they didn't want to give it. It was just coffee.

Arie looks annoyingly fresh for someone who had been keeping up with Taron’s drinking the night before, if not running past him. Enough that at some point they had somehow moved from flirty, playful talk to more serious conversations. Too raw. Was the thought in their mind at the time, like a feral creature reeling back from a sudden movement. For a paranoid moment it had felt like Taron could see right through them, reading every thought in their mind with the ease of someone snooping through a diary. Reading their feelings out loud to them with terrifying clarity. ’It's killing an' I wish it would but it never does— makes me do mad stuff that jus' makes it worse.’ Maybe that’s what makes them particularly vengeful that morning. It feels like they should somehow repay him for mocking them like that, cutting so deeper into them. Beucase it felt aimed at them. No one could possibly being to understand that, no one. He didn't understood, he simply saw it in them, as plain as day.

“You looked kind of cute babbling nonsense with your pink cheeks— a few more drinks and I might have kissed you until you really started talking nonsense,” a dramatic pause, just barely enough to let their words sink a little, before they cut them off with a careless shrug of their shoulders “Or maybe I did and we just don’t remember.” It is, of course a lie, neither was drunk enough to forget the way arie’s expression shut off after Taron’s long confession, mumbling something about being tired and going to bed. Disappearing on their own short after.

Keeping up their playful act, they give him a few condescending pats on his cheek before slipping away, still sipping their coffee.

“Up! We have work to do! No time to be lazing about.”

#who said i can't answer an ask with an ask uh?#fire with fire #taron opening up and being honest and emotional #arie: this is of course a personal attack against me #jgbj they are mean bruh #tell them to stoppp #* ic.#sorrowsick #* a.

Silence, for once, silence. It feels strange after all the chaos, there’s only some kind of high pitched sound insistently drilling at their skull, and it takes them a long time to realize it’s their own ears, like a siren that’s still wailing after everything is over, asking for help that won’t come.

Somewhere, in the back of their brain they are unsure of how they are still alive, if they are actually still alive or if this is all just some hallucination as they still lay there on the dirt road, watching @sorrowsick carve pieces out of them as if it were butter. It all happened so fast, they killed the guys that were after them, the ambush was a complete success, but Fel just wouldn’t stop, it kept carving into the guy until there was nothing else, then he tried— and so they had to stop him. Break that barrier that had so safely existed between them, that trust they had built so painstakingly. They tackled him to the floor and saw— the animal fear in their eyes, probably reflecting their own.

How they managed to get him out of there is a blur, their own arm bleeding so bad it wouldn’t even respond when they tried to open the motel door and shove him inside.

Now Fel has locked himself in that bathroom for what feels like hours, the first aid kid thrown in with them. As for Arie, they are still sitting on the edge of that bed, on the exact same place as the moment they stumbled inside. Only having enough presence of mind to tie a shirt around their own arm to stop it from bleeding them out.

“Fel—?” their voice sounds tinny to their ears, though perhaps it’s that buzzing in their brain still ringing. “You okay—?”

#:)#bringing that ol concept back for hurts #* v: cyberpunk.#* ic.

They write and deleted the message a dozen times. ‘hey, I know I probably don’t have any right—’ ‘hi, stranger, miss—’ ‘hey van, sorry—’ each message more pathetic and pleading than the last one. By the end it’s only a short: ‘can you stop by my place later? I need your help with something.’

Now, looking at @canivo , he looks so vulnerable, standing there by himself— or maybe it's just nostalgia coloring in the blanks. It’s hard to find their vitriol when he looks like that. They can’t help but see the child he was, that simple and innocent sense of belonging that once connected them. Two lonely dots standing close together, holding hands against life, the world, however big and small it was back then. He was theirs then, for a little time, it made them feel untouchable, unbreakable. Now— he’s almost unrecognizable. They are unsure if that means he stopped being theirs or they stopped being his somewhere along the line, in all those years— that just would be easier, wouldn't it? If it were true.

“Hey—” they hate the uncertainty of their hand as it reaches to touch his arm gently. It feels as if they they should have some kind of pre-ordained claim over that right, should be able to pull him into a hug, hold him tight, pray to the demons behind the wall that heals some part of them. They want to— but all they can do is keep their hand there for a brief moment before letting it slip away, fingers itching with a strange kind of tingling sensation.

“Do you want to come in or—” their own hesitant voice angers them. Oh, for fucks sake— they are not some shaky, timid child any more. “Come inside,” they say more firmly. “I’m making dinner,” sounds more like an order than a question.

#arie said: he looks so pathetic i want to hold him and make him dinner #i mean arie said: get ur ass inside right now >:(#* ic.#* v: cyberpunk.#canivo

you know what would have been cool? if solas was arie's mentor as part of the whole "elven rebellion" using that to lure them bc of their skills with the fade, then betrayed them at the stairwell and that's when they met varric & co again. & the whole thing being extra painful bc they keep seeing varric, fixing a relationship that was never there, meanwhile the rest start on the wrong foot because what do u mean u worked with the dread wolf. and so building those dynamics, they actually come stronger after starting in that point

#methinks #idk maybe i play around with this thought #i'm on my i wanna scribble all over vg and rewrite it #like i deleted my blog 💀 but my og hype for vg was this concept of mortal against the gods and #potentially mortal city elg against the gods they turned their back on generations back bc they abandoned them first #idk idk idk i cannot think about this now im WRITING EXCUSE U #tbd.