Oc writing for my girl clover - warning- I suck ass at writing 😂 + this is more script like because I cba to write properly for ocs considering I’m just figuring out what is canon rn (but also bc I’m thinking about if this were to be drawn to help my future self)
Topic warning : it’s edgy bc it has themes of mental illness + self harm.
No gore, somewhat tame bc I write edgy 😂😭 but idk it may not be tame, I kinda can’t judge my own work.
ANYWAYS HERES THE WRITING (btw her story name is called “archway into individuality” if anyone gaf)
To be lucky in society you have to be many things, beautiful, social and most importantly, confident.
Nothing must be wrong with you, unless it’s your attitude; that’s okay! I notice a lot of pretty social people are mean… though I don’t know why it’s okay for them but not for me…
And I, Clover…am none of these
||full body panel of clover where she actually does look cute but in the notes it says “unlovable monster” pointing to her||
The people in my school have made it well clear I’m not pretty…and I know I’m not social one bit! My confidence…uhm…do I even have it?
||panel of clover looking very anxious in class, sat in her chair while everyone is socialising||
…W-well- U-uhm…! I can tell you I do have a goal!
My only goal in life is to…
…That’s right, you heard me.
I’m not joking, I hate life. I hate everything and everyone, I hate noise, especially the talk of my own speech, I hate people, especially those nicer and prettier and more talented than me, I hate myself, I’m not worth anything.
I can tell I am worthless, even trash has more value than me.
Theres proof of it. After all when someone litters they usually get told off! But whenever I linger anywhere, I’m looked at as if I’m worse than a dangerous yokai…
I don’t know what’s wrong with me…I’m sorry.
||tear drop falls to floor||
People look my way and they have to stop themselves from laughing when I cry, I’m awful. I’m glad I can bring people some joy but, I don’t know what’s so funny about my misery…
I don’t know what I did, but I deserve it.
I’m ugly, unsocial, probably mean and rude. I get angry a lot with family, sometimes I accidentally snap in front of others…
I never mean to though, but I can’t stop myself.
||clover counting her fingers while listing||
And I’m not positive at all.
That- that is why, my dream is to die.
Leave forever, stop annoying people, stop disturbing people, stop people from groaning when they see my cry, just stop my existence.
After all, I’m gloomy all day everyday. Who wants to see that? The same way smiling and positivity is a disease that spreads, my negativity and anxiousness spreads frustration to those around me.
I have friends- sure- at least I think I do…? But…I’m not a good friend to any of them, never hung out outside of school.
In fact, I think it’d be better if they forget me already.
My dream would be easier after all.
I’m a negligent person, forgetful, hostile, ugly, shy, unwelcoming, poorly presented and worst of all, my existence bothers people.
I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.
||panel of clover looking at a knife, unsure if she should take it. (She’s all alone in the kitchen)||
…No, I haven’t suffered hard enough to do that…
||clover picks up the knife regardless, observing it. She touches the tip with her finger||
…would people be more merciful if I got hurt?
||she brings the knife to her wrist, threatening to cut her hand right off||
…If I lost my hand right now and called the doctor really quick once I covered the wound…after it heals and I end up with one hand, people would treat me nicer surely!
||she holds the knife, her hand shaky. She tilts it upwards, preparing a chop||
…but it wouldn’t work, nothing I do makes people more sympathetic with me…
||Clover puts the knife down on the counter and covers her eyes to cry||
….I should pray to all twenty, maybe then, I’ll be forgiven by at least one I hope…
||clover puts on her clothing and exits the house, presumably going to a few shrines||
Fruits… I’ve starved myself countless times to give offerings to the gods, but not once have I gotten an answer from any of them.
||Clover holds her stomach as it grumbles, she didn’t give the god’s all the fruit she had as it’s seen in the background. But she just can’t make herself eat. Shes just got home||
It’s not like I don’t have food left, I’m just not hungry.
||she pinches her arm as her stomach rumbles||
The Gods hate me too don’t they?
Am I too needy…? I know I am but there’s not much I can do….
||clover pinches herself out of frustration||
…I just wish, someone could help…
||panel of her going to her bed to cry||
Am I asking for too much? N-no i definitely am! I’m desperate, and I deserve nothing for it. My whole existence is a sin! I’m sure I’m just pure evil, this is why everyone hates me.
||clover looks up the mirror on her wall, imagining herself as something demonic||
It’s because I am ugly and far too emotional…
||Clover stares at herself, everything about her looks off while she cries. There’s one panel where she’s actually cute, but her ego shatters that image and she starts to see herself as an ugly demonic being||
Yes! That’s exactly what it is!
||she sits up from her bed||
So….how do I fix myself…?
Hm…Maybe, I should talk more to girls my age…! Hehe~!
||imagining how to talk to girls||
Yes yes yes!!!! I’m so excited, tomorrow at school I’ll talk and befriend people!!!
||imagining this too and mischaracterising herself to be a thousand times more social and likeable||
Ahhhck I’m so excited <3!!!
Hmm I saw a video that said to befriend people I have to compliment them…
…that didn’t work last time…
||panel of her flashback, being very anxious and thinking about complimenting someone before finally saying it to a girl. The girl turns around and looks clover up and down before giving a judging look||
||her hand digs into the skin of her arm out of anxiety, leaving a mark||
…I’m too scared to do it. B-but no! I will! I’ll change for the better! I’ll become chatty and cute like everyone else! I’ll style my hair, do my makeup, be social!
||panel to the makeup bag she has on her shelf||
After all, that’s what society loves!
Hehehehe~ my plan can’t fail!!!
I’ll get everything ready <3
Hmm my uniform is set…okay! I’ll practice my makeup skills then I’ll take a bath and sleep…
||panel to her uniform being laid out as well as some hair accessories and a bracelet to look prettier||
I should probably eat dinner though
Not hungry, don’t need it. Stop grumbling already!
||grumble grumble grumble||
…nevermind I’ll just take a bath and sleep.
After all I know how to do my makeup already, I’ve seen millions of tutorials hehe~
||insert panels of clover watching different makeup tutorials and trying them on several different occasions (not from currently but like past events bc clothing change), (this is now present) then her in the bathtub staring at the ceiling with a blank expression, eating food with a blank expression in the kitchen (not finishing her plate), going to bed||
This is kinda more of an intro to my girl Clover rather than an intro to her world being first introduced bc I like to know a character and then be surprised by the world they live in…magic stuff comes in later bc I’m trying to figure out WHEN to add that into her lore and what parts of the friend group arrive b4 the magic stuff or after…
For anyone who has cared to read (assuming lol) please tell me if there’s anything you disagree with or think would be coolio to add ^_^ dw about mischaracterising clover, she mischaracterises herself LOL
I’m so excited to write about Coral but ughhh he comes in later 😞 I need my clover hater rn lol
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