Zo The Hoe @barneythepedosaur - Tumblr Blog

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october-wing

Not taking any chances

evienator

I scrolled past this and the guilt was too much

whatsmyusernameplzhelp

cant afford to tae this chance. literally i cant afford to fail these classes and have to take them over again…

jawnjendes

I HAVE AN EXAM TODAY

kebabstah

I have a test tomorrow why not right

awkward-fallen-angel

No like I was getting a D in English and now all of a sudden I am getting Bs and A and it was after I posted this

bokkutoh

I have FCE tomorrow, so…Im sorry

medicine-caffeine-deactivated20

I have 5 tests coming up 😂

supercat82910

Exams!!

gonebutnotforgottenlmao-deactiv

i need this

barneythepedosaur

I have a maths test tomorrow

nervuos

Visit Original Link

guys…………… i got it

aydol

GUYS HELP ME SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING WEIRD HAPPENED I NEED AN EXPLAINATION THAT IS NOT ALIENS

i was just sitting on my laptop chilling and what not with the tv on in the backround

When the tv sound cuts out so i look up at the tv

THATS A PICTURE OF MY LAPTOP ON MY BED TAKEN RIGHT WHERE I WAS SITTING WHAT DO I DO ?????

1998-2019-deactivated20190419

u dead

premium-xo-deactivated20170513

u hella ded

idk im sorry this is shit

A baby in a first world country is learning to speak, she learns the word problems. Guess she has some first word problems.

#:)

likepetalswealleventuallyfall

im laughing so hard because no matter what song you listen to

spiderman dances to the beat

no matter what song ive been testing it and lauing my ass off for an hour

ohgorman-archive

guys

abraham lincoln without a beard looks like bill nye the science guy

massromantics-deactivated201501

HOLY SHIT

barneythepedosaur

I JUST LOOKED UP BILL NYE AND HE HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS ME ASDFGHJKL I FEEL IT ON A SPIRITUAL LEVEL

rememberfuturegroupie-deactivat

a disney movie where the princess meets her prince online

barneythepedosaur

tinderella

enderches-deactivated20130819

I'm

everyone who reblogs this will receive a picture of spencer shay in their inbox

kawozhin-moved-blog

lunarphoenix

HOLY FUCK

gnarlymarina

holy fuck i reblogged this like 2 minutes ago and it had like 30,000 notes omfg how did you do it so fast wow

alaynas-deactivated20150621

Beautiful

wolfies-angel-deactivated201801

look what I got today despite this post having over 250,000 notes

Joke

There are a bunch of hard working farmers, their boss comes up to them and says “you are outstanding in your field”

slouchingtowardsbedlam-deactiva

please elaborate on how you got a substitute teacher to quit within one day. I'm genuinely curious.

all right everyone sit down, shut up and listen closely because I’m about to tell y’all the tale of Ms. Mormino.

Seventh grade is a time most people don’t look back on fondly. I know I sure don’t—I tend to regard that era as nothing more than an unpleasant, acne-filled haze of fall out boy and poor attempts at pseudo-zooey deschanel fashions. But enough about me. Let’s talk about my math teacher.

Ms. Isom. Poor old Ms. Isom. Well in her 60’s, always plagued with some illness or injury, she was hardly ever even at school. Since many of her absences were the result of short-notice incidents—“falling down the stairs” was popularly cited— it wasn’t all that uncommon to not have a substitute on hand. Being a smartass honors class, we’d gotten away with several successful evasions of administration, walking cavalierly into class to pass the next 48 minutes doing just about nothing. Hell, for good measure, we’d sometimes even toss in a friendly “hey, Ms. Isom!” if any administrators were anywhere within earshot. So incredibly anti-establishment, you could basically call it another Project Mayhem, except instead of Brad Pitt and Ed Norton concocting homemade bombs, it was a bunch of tweenyboppers with iPhone 3’s and Justin Bieber 2009 haircuts.

We got pretty accustomed to our own little self-governing system that rolled around every second period, so we naturally weren’t exactly thrilled when administration caught on to our little Anarchy Act and strictly enforced the presence of a substitute every day.

Most of our subs weren’t terrible—most were friendly, gave us participation grades, and didn’t object to the independent attitude of our class (which, mind you, only had about ten students in it)

That is, until Ms. Mormino came along.

Four feet, ten inches of raw, undiluted evil, Ms. Mormino walked into class with a scowl on her face and a chip on her shoulder. When the girl behind me sneezed, Ms. Mormino’s immediate response was “NO INAPPROPRIATE NOISES!”

Although we all suppressed our laughter, we all knew from that moment on that, try as she might with her despotism and her draconian anti-sneeze policy, Ms. Mormino didn’t stand a chance.

The arguable beginning of the end for Ms. Mormino’s all-too-brief reign of terror was the moment I asked for a calculator; mine was broken. Mormino asserted that I could only borrow a calculator if I loaned her something of mine; at that moment, the girl next to me chimed in, saying she, too, needed a calculator. “I have a folder I can give you,” I offered. “I have a highlighter,” added the other girl.

At that moment, a puberty-creaking voice from the back of the room piped up.

Max.

We all know certain people have certain gifts. Michelangelo saw angels in every block of marble and devoted his life to setting them free; Einstein had a mind which saw the potential of the entire universe; F. Scott Fitzgerald wove intricate tales of decadence and depravity. Max, however, had a different kind of gift: he could make anything—anything at all—into a “that’s what she said” joke. More on that later, though.

Max pried off a Nike sneaker and held it proudly in the air, like a coveted trophy.

“I have a shoe."

Tottering in one-shoe-one-sock, Max dumped the sneaker on Ms. Mormino’s desk, retrieved a calculator, then tottered back to his own desk, a sort of smirk playing on his face. And, as to be expected—the rest of us quickly followed suit.

A small pile of shoes on her desk, Ms. Mormino grit her teeth and glared at us as we all sat back down, quietly victorious, a calculator in each of our hands. It wasn’t long, however, until we all began to silently plot our next act of minor mayhem.

"Can I go to the bathroom?” asked Tyler, who, despite being in seventh grade, was approaching his sixteenth birthday. In a combination of verism and admiration of Tyler’s devil-may-care boldness, we unequivocally accepted him as our leader. For reasons unknown, Ms. Mormino denied his request. Tyler, much like his Fight Club namesake, heeded no rules but his own and left anyway—Ms. Mormino, furious, locked the door behind him and smugly insisted that “administration will take care of him."

Tyler, however, was not one to be caught, and stayed close by, appearing in the window of the door whenever Ms. Mormino wasn’t looking. Waving, smiling, laughing, making faces and obscene gestures, Tyler had us all in stitches, but cleverly avoided Ms. Mormino’s sight—when she asked us what was so funny, we all refused to give Tyler away.

A girl asked to go to the bathroom, stating she “really really really” needed to go. Ms. Mormino, again, denied her request. Ms. Mormino, however, seemed to be uninformed about the side door—leading right outside, always locked from the outside but always open from the inside.

"Well, I’ll go myself,” the girl responded, and took off, hurdling three desks and darting out the door. Right behind her, two other students took off, pursuing freedom. The door slammed behind all three students, and they were gone.

Six of us were left. Among us, importantly, was Chris.

Chris was thirteen, but looked half his age; scrawny, wiry, he probably measured in at about four-foot-three, but no taller. “Late Bloomer” are words that come to mind.

Despite his diminutive size, Chris possessed the gall of someone like Tyler.

“I have to use the bathroom,” said Chris, standing.

”Do you think I’m going to allow you to go to the bathroom?” snapped Ms. Mormino.

”It’s an emergency!” Chris pleaded.

“Sit down,” Ms. Mormino growled.

Meanwhile, the entire class borders on hysteria. We have tears in our eyes, almost suffocating from choking back laughter.

“It’s an emergency,” repeated Chris, but it sounded more like a warning.

“Sit.”

Silence. Silence, Silence and more silence, until we all began to notice a dark stain on Chris’s khakis. The stain grew. And grew. And grew.

Fists at his sides, stoicism in his face, and a cold, proud, triumphant glint in his eye, Chris locked eye contact with Ms. Mormino.

And pissed right in his pants.

The entire class erupted into a laugh only comparable to the detonation of a bomb.

We laughed so hard for the next five, ten, fifteen minutes straight that Ms. Mormino gave up. Surrendering, putting her head on her desk, she waited until the hysteria finally subsided.

Finally looking up, defeated, pathetic, Ms. Mormino glared at us all and wailed:

”This is too much, this is too hard, too hard, Jesus Christ, this is too much for me!”

A lone voice sounded from the back of the room. Guess whose it was.

“That’s what she said.”

Ms. Mormino officially retired from teaching that afternoon.

mysticmoonhigh-deactivated20211

FUCKING READ IT IT’S WORTH IT

barneythepedosaur

May have pissed myself while reading this. Oops I’ll do a Chris

canadianslut

I wish my name was Zoe so I could introduce myself like this

princealmighty

SHE WILL NEVER BE PABLO

barneythepedosaur

Well would you look at that my names Zoe

twlohasmp-deactivated20241203

Reblog if you are insecure about anything below:

-weight -appearance -intelligence (or lack of) -skills (or lack of) -weird hobbies -friends (or lack of) -body -personality -family -religion Who ever reblogs this will get a message in their inbox.

What sports currently on at the olympics?

The volt... unfortunately he only managed to voltameter

#joke #sorry

Am I the only one that physically cannot access coat pockets unless the coat is on me?

#life

I never thought that bras could be so dangerous until i was doing up mine and the little clasp thingos got under my fingernail and now under my fingernail is bleeding!!!

#hurt #girlproblems #bras

herhmione

oh my god i really don’t wanna be the person to do this because i love uptown funk but it’s actually really really problematic…. like it’s awful and idk I feel so bad for liking it. I can’t really explain it that well but here is a detailed explanation. idk why we can’t just have nice things