We Should Have Drowned Our Love in the River: A HawkLeaf AU
Summary: Instead of meeting Crowfeather, Leafpool is introduced to Mothwing's brother, Hawkfrost. Even after their love meets a sudden, violent end, the consequences nearly destroy everything ThunderClan's medicine cat loves.
Main relationships: HawkfrostxLeafpool, BrambleclawxSquirrelflight
Tags/Warnings: Unhealthy relationships, emotional manipulation, major character death, graphic description of violence, loss of faith
Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two , Chapter 3
Link to Work on AO3
Chapter One
“Mothwing, what are you doing talking to a ThunderClan warrior?”
Leafpool spun around to find the source of the scornful voice and flinched when she realized the warrior was so close to her. As she took a step back to put some space between them, her RiverClan counterpart let out an irritated sigh.
“Hawkfrost, please. You know this is Leafpool. ThunderClan’s medicine cat apprentice?”
I’m not that much younger than the both of you, Leafpool groused silently to herself, resentful at the emphasis of her rank. Though she quietly scolded herself; Mothwing may be RiverClan’s full medicine cat now, but it came at the cost of her beloved mentor. I’ll go back to being a ‘paw for the rest of my life if that means Cinderpelt will live forever.
She met Hawkfrost’s suspicious gaze and he stood there, studying her. “That still doesn’t explain what she’s doing here.”
For what wouldn’t be the last time, Leafpaw wished she had the indignant confidence of her sister. She imagined herself hurling a searing comment that sent the tabby stalking away, but instead, she could barely get out her reply without stammering. “I don’t mean any harm to RiverClan. Mothwing just asked me for help with a few things.”
“I don’t see why she would need your help.”
“I’m still learning how to do things on my own,” Mothwing snapped. “I don’t have the luxury of conferring with a Clan mate, in case you’ve forgotten.”
Finally, the hostility in Hawkfrost’s eyes melted and he deflated, though it didn’t do much to erase the intimidating image of him seared into Leafpaw’s mind. “Okay, Mothwing. Just next time, tell me if you’re bringing her here.”
“The only ones I have to tell are Leopardstar and Mistyfoot. Which I did. I don’t need your permission.”
“Maybe not yet – but it’s not about that. I’m more concerned about walking in and seeing my sister with a strange cat.” He looked back at Leafpool. “Not that she’s much of a threat.”
How arrogant! Though the fact that Leafpool couldn’t prove him wrong kept her quiet. Not that she would ever harm her friend, but Mothwing had moons of warrior training and her father’s size on her side. Leafpool had always been told her petite stature came from Firestar’s sister – and though Cinderpelt had taught her basics in defense, she had no doubt her friend could bat her away like an errant fly.
Mothwing let out a purr. “If she’s not a threat, then stop talking to her like she’s a raiding party, dumb furball.” Reaching out with a paw, she playfully shoved her brother towards the den entrance. “Now get out of here, unless you want to pretend to be our patient so I can get in some practice.”
Hawkfrost sniffed, his nose in the air. “RiverClan warriors have far more important things to do than lay around and pretend to be hurt.”
“Well then go do it!”
Leafpool watched Hawkfrost leave; she couldn’t help but noticed how the sunrays bounced off his fur, turning his brown tabby stripes golden and making the white patches on his body turn brighter than freshly fallen snow. She shook her head, annoyed with herself, and looked back at Mothwing. Why in the world are these two so… pretty?
“Don’t mind him,” Mothwing looked back at the pile of herbs they had been discussing. “He’s much friendlier when you get to know him.”
Somehow, I’m not so sure. “It’s okay. He’s just protecting his sister.”
“Hah. Or throwing his weight around for the entire camp to see.”
—--
“Thank you again for helping me.”
Leafpool stretched, letting out an appreciative hum as her aching shoulders popped. “Of course. As long as Cinderpelt doesn’t mind, I’m more than happy. If you need anything else, please fetch for me.”
“I will. Bye.”
Leafpool stepped out into the center of RiverClan camp and felt a wave of anxiety as she saw the sun setting. I stayed all day. Firestar and Cinderpelt are going to be cross with me. She tried to tell herself that if they had needed her, they would have sent for her, but ThunderClan territory was pulling at her paws nonetheless.
As she was deciding whether or not to announce her departure to Leopardstar, the RiverClan leader approached. Leafpool swallowed; the she-cat had always made her nervous, with her sharp eyes and even sharper words. Sandstorm had told her how viciously Leopardstar had fought for Sunningrocks in the old territories, and Leafpool feared one misspoken word could give away information that would spark another war. But I’m a medicine cat. Surely she knows I am not bound to the same rivalries as her.
But like Hawkfrost said, warriors are different.
“Greetings, young Leafpool,” Leopardstar narrowed her eyes. “Thank you for helping Mothwing, though I’m not sure what you knew that she didn’t, this soon into your own career.”
Swallowing indignation, Leafpool felt her head grow hot as she tried to keep her tone respectful. “Sometimes medicine cats are taught ways to use herbs differently. I’m sure I learned as much from Mothwing and she did from me.”
Leopardstar’s tail lashed. “Is that right? I hope Mothwing didn’t share too much of her… wisdom.”
Oh, not like that, you old crow! “You have nothing to worry about from me, Leopardstar,” she replied carefully. “It is against my morals as a medicine cat to cause any conflict that would harm others, let alone my own Clan.” The leader nodded and Leafpool hoped she was satisfied with that answer. StarClan, I’ve never been one for politics.
“Hawkfrost, please escort Leafpool back to her territory.”
Leafpool felt her face strain from the effort it took not to react. “Leopardstar, thank you, but there is no need to worry-”
“It’s nothing like that Leafpool,” this time it was Mistyfoot, who had just approached the two, speaking. “We’re still learning the lay of this territory ourselves. And there was a fox found between here and ThunderClan recently.” She looked at Hawkfrost, who had walked closer after being beckoned. “A strong warrior like Hawkfrost will be able to keep you safe.”
Hawkfrost narrowed his eyes. “Sure, Mistyfoot. Whatever you say.”
Leafpool’s heart skipped a beat as the deputy and warrior stared each other down a moment longer before Mistyfoot broke first, turning away to look back at Leopardstar. Mothwing had told Leafpool her brother had been bitter about giving up his role as deputy when Mistyfoot returned, and it seemed like that wound hadn’t yet closed.
“Let’s get going, medicine cat,” Leafpool startled when Hawkfrost stalked past, heading through the reeds that surrounded the camp. Reluctantly, she followed.
The beginning of the trip happened in unbearable silence. Leafpool desperately tried to think of something to talk about, but she feared anything brought up would be met with indifference or, worse, annoyance. She couldn’t help but feel amused at the fact they were both connected to Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight – how different they both seemed to their respective siblings. Though I guess I should be thankful we’re not bickering like Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight.
“Hello? What, are you having a vision from StarClan or something?”
Leafpool let out a small squeak of surprise as her travel partner’s voice broke her out of her thoughts. “I’m sorry, I was… thinking about something. Did you say something?”
Hawkfrost peered at her curiously. “I said, did you always want to be a medicine cat?”
Leafpool thought for a moment before nodding slowly. “Yes, I think so. I never had the… desire to learn how to fight and defend. I guess I always thought there were better ways I could serve my Clan.”
“Are you afraid of violence?”
“Oh no, it’s nothing like that. I have to deal with violence the same as you. You may be inflicting the injuries, but I have to patch them up. I’ve seen everything – battle wounds, broken bones, illness. I’ve seen Clan mates pass peacefully and violently.” Dimly, she realized Hawkfrost had slowed his pace to match hers, his eyes sparking with interest.
“Did Cinderpelt receive a sign from StarClan that you were meant to be her apprentice?”
“No, I don’t think so. I just always showed an interest in healing. Don’t get me wrong, StarClan accepted me, but they never told her I was the one. She knew that on her own.”
“I wish Mudfur had the same forward thinking about Mothwing in the beginning.”
Leafpool sighed. “Me too,” she admitted. “Though, I don’t know how much of it was Mudfur. Correct me if I’m wrong, but RiverClan needed convincing, no?”
Hawkfrost lashed his tail. “Only the fools who couldn’t see past their noses to understand that she was talented on her own. At first, I couldn’t believe she would give up her warrior duties, but when I saw her train… She was meant to be in that role, and they’d all be fools to reject her because of our parents.”
Leafpool was surprised at the surge of respect that bubbled in her chest for the warrior in front of her. He really seems to care about his sister. Maybe his aggressive demeanor was more of a show than she thought.
But that behavior can’t be encouraged, she told herself. Aggressive warriors create tragic battles. And Hawkfrost seems like one of the most aggressive of them all.
Does he? A voice challenged. Or are you only saying that because of his father? Thornclaw and Mousefur are aggressive. You’re not afraid of them.
But I know them. Maybe that’s all it would take. Knowing Hawkfrost.
“Well,” she began carefully. “Mothwing did receive approval from StarClan. So at least there’s no worry about her being accepted now.”
“That’s true,” Hawkfrost said slowly. Leafpool stared at him, feeling as though there was something he wasn’t saying. The two fell silent again, before he suddenly asked: “Squirrelflight is your sister, right?”
“She is.”
“Are you two close?”
“She’s my other half.” Leafpool took two more steps before she realized Hawkfrost had stopped. She looked back at him, curious.
“Would you do anything for her?”
Where is this going? Leafpool thought for a moment before nodding. “Yes…Yes, I suppose I would. And I know she’d do the same for me.”
Hawkfrost nodded. “Mothwing and I are the same.”
“I can see that. You two have been through so much together.”
“You have no idea,” he muttered. Leafpool desperately wanted to no more, but bit her tongue. We’re practically strangers. If anything, I should ask Mothwing more about her past. Her friend did share stories of her kithood, and their mother Sasha, but anything beyond the surface seemed to pain her. And if Mothwing was reluctant to share, surely pushing Hawkfrost would earn her a swipe or two.
“It must be nice, not having to worry about what it looks like to have friends in other Clans.”
But then again, it feels like I’m being interrogated. Who knew this sourpuss was so talkative? Outside her head, Leafpool shrugged. “I wouldn’t necessarily say I can’t worry about it. ThunderClan will always be my first priority. It’s my home. But medicine cats took an oath to heal. Sharing information on herbs and helping the wounded won’t give an advantage in battle; it will just ease some of the suffering in the world.”
“I disagree,” the tabby countered. “Helping the wounded means Clans have as many strong warriors as they can. So, if you, say… healed my wounds, I would be able to fight for RiverClan – even against ThunderClan.”
She flicked her ear, growing annoyed. This hadn’t been the first time she heard this argument. “That’s because you warriors look at everything like a potential threat. I see a cat as a creature worthy of life, not a… potential pawn in a war. Maybe if I healed you, you would survive to attack ThunderClan. But you would also survive to help hunt and feed your Clan mates; you would continue to look after Mothwing and support her when she needs it. Who knows? You may even be inspired to move to the medicine den yourself.” She was surprised by the feeling of delight that spread through her when he barked out a laugh.
“Fat chance.”
Before she knew it, the two were at the border between their Clans. Leafpool couldn’t help but feel disappointed; maybe Mothwing was right. Hawkfrost did seem kinder, the more he relaxed. And she couldn’t help but admit how nice it felt for him to be so interested in what she thought of her duties, rather than only talking about them when her skills were needed.
Enough, she quickly admonished herself. You became a medicine cat to serve, not to be showered with praise every time you picked up a cobweb.
“Well, here we are,” Hawkfrost said. “I know I came out here because of the fox, but I’m going to admit, I don’t think I’d be as popular a visitor in ThunderClan as you are in RiverClan.”
Leafpool shook her head. “That’s okay. No need to alarm anyone. Besides, I can smell Thornclaw, so the patrol must have just passed by. I’ll catch up with them.” There was a beat of awkward silence; not knowing what else to say, Leafpool began to wade across the stream that made up the border, her teeth clenched and her tail stuck straight in the air in disgust. As she made it to the other side, she heard a laugh and spun around. “What?”
“That was the most pathetic attempt at wading I think I’ve ever seen.”
She scowled. “In case you haven’t noticed, ThunderClan doesn’t exactly go fishing like you do.”
He tilted his head, suddenly thoughtful. “No, but you really should have some basic grasp on swimming, you know. Accidents happen, and you do live by a rather large lake right now. Drowning can happen in the blink of an eye.” His eyes darkened and Leafpool felt her heart skip a beat. Was that a threat.
No. He looks as though he’s mourning.
Before she could pry, Hawkfrost shook his head and focused back on her. “Next time Mothwing drags you over to… eat leaves and talk to flowers or whatever it is you two do, I’m showing you how to swim.”
“Now, Hawkfrost, I don’t think that’s necessary-”
“Nonsense. You don’t adhere to borders like us warriors do – you said so yourself. Someday you may need to come help Mothwing and fall into the water. She’d be devastated and she’s been through enough, wouldn’t you agree? Or what if one of your Clan mates is drowning? You could save them.”
Despite the voice in her head telling her to reject the offer from this near stranger, Leafpool had to admit he had a point. How many ThunderClan cats had to be saved by RiverClan while they were drowning? And how many didn’t last long enough to have that luxury? She shivered. There would be more incidents as curious apprentices learned the territory jutting up against the lake.
“Okay,” she said, finally. “Fine. I’ll let you teach me how to swim.” She was caught off guard by how nearly-delighted the usually surly warrior seemed.
“It’s a deal then. Go catch up with your patrol.”
Nodding, she bid him a quick and quiet goodbye and dashed off down the usual route the sunset patrol took. As she jogged down the ridge, finally catching sight of them, she barely noticed their calls of greeting. Instead, all she could focus on was the image of sparkling blue eyes in the front of her mind.
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