[bastilletyler]

there must be something inherently wrong with me

[bastilletyler]

i wish i understood why i’m so difficult to love

why don’t people ever look at me and think to stay? why don’t people find me so captivating that they’ll wanna try? i don’t think i’m boring. i don’t think i’m hideous either. but why don’t people ever wanna stay? don’t even wanna try? is there something wrong with me? am i too loud, or am i too quiet? am i too direct, or am i too vague? i try every other way but every time, i get the same results

[bastilletyler]

i’m not sure why but i always have such a deep sadness in me no matter what. on one hand i enjoy it; i like to feel so deeply. i want to be caring and i want to love in really deep ways but when things are bad, boy they are terrible. and why is it that it doesn’t take very much to make me so sad.

you’d think that to feel so quickly you wouldn’t be able to feel so deeply yet it doesn’t take much for me to cry. even when it’s someone that i shouldn’t be crying over it.

maybe there’s something deeper inside me that tries to show at the smallest opportunity and that’s why the simplest of things make me have such a big reaction. that’s the only explanation.

but i do so much to heal me and yet that big issue still peeks over. and i don’t know what else it could be. i’ve done so many laps around my issues that at this point, i could not possibly know much more. so what am i to do?

[bastilletyler]

Happy New Year to you! 🎈 I hope this new journey brings you happiness & serenity!

i’ve just seen this too!! thanks so much. what a kind message <3

[bastilletyler]

hello!!

idk if i'm the claudia you were rooting for back in november 2018. i randomly logged on here a few years back and saw that post and was thinking about it earlier today. even if i'm not the claudia you were talking about, i'm also rooting for you. :)

i hope you're doing well. even though it sucks, i'm glad that shitty boyfriend showed his true colors. you deserve better and he is going to get his karma.

anyways... sending love and good vibes your way <3

ily claudia it probably is u my absolute queen. thank u for checking up on my blog. it turns out its not his fiancee. i talked to her. just an ex form years ago that he continues to talk to while in a relationship with me lmao he cheated on her THREE TIMES and she’s still around. it’s ok tho he’s going home (mongolia) soon so imma be at peace. he lives so close rn that piece of SHIET! but whatever he can rot in hell

and I WILL CONTINUE to root for u 🩷🩷

[toastyglow]

I have a thing to get to but had to get this out real quick

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

This is what "your emotions are valid" means.

It doesn't mean that any random shit you do is fine so long as you're angry or sad. It means that the anger and sadness is fine, attacking the emotion is pointless, and it's your behaviour in response to it that can help or harm.

[bastilletyler]

what is that enormous emptiness that i feel even when there are so many things that should be making my life full? even when things are going fine i feel like im missing a big part of life. i feel like ive been sad for so long that now feeling happy feels so unnatural so i don’t do things to care for myself, things that will make me feel that kind of happiness. i stay in the past because it makes me sad and sadness is familiar. like we all know, we often opt for a familiar hell. why’s that? why can’t i want something so bad for me to change? what’s wrong with me? can i ever be fixed? and i listen and listen for hours to my therapist telling me that i am just a little different and maybe what i now call crazy is just the way that i am. nothing is wrong. but that’s worse because how can i fix something that doesn’t need fixing, that is the way it’s supposed to be? then i don’t wanna be me anymore. but how can i not be me? i am stuck. i am who i am until the day that i die and although there are good parts about me that i know are there, there are so many bad ones that hurt more than the good ones heal. so what’s the point? and when i care, i care too much and the cycle begins once again.

[bastilletyler]

trying to weigh out whether or not to keep my shitty boyfriend so i don’t have a big breakdown or having a small breakdown everyday that eats away at me

[bastilletyler]

ended up finding out he has a financee back home HELPPP AND HE GHOSTED ME HAHAAHAH

[bastilletyler]

trying to weigh out whether or not to keep my shitty boyfriend so i don’t have a big breakdown or having a small breakdown everyday that eats away at me

[hes-a-plant]

Bro, you ok? Bro, humans aren’t separate from the ecosystems around us. We’re a part of them, bro. Bro, we’re never going to have absolutely zero effect on ecosystems, because we live here, bro. Bro, I never said it had to be a bad effect. We don’t have to immediately be perfect either, bro, sometimes doing what you can is what you can, and its way better than nothing. Bro what do you mean humans are a plague. You’re starting to sound a bit like an ecofascist, bro… Bro?

[littlemiss-stardust]

jaded girl January, fucked up girl February, mentally ill girl March, apathetic girl April

[phomosexual]

[epilepticsaints]

[insomniac-arrest]

The first rule of tragedy is to be yourself. The second of rule of tragedy is to be literally anyone else. The third rule is that however much you try, there is no escaping being yourself forever.

[kermitlesbian]

hm. i think every time i feel an impulse to people please, to be unproblematic and likable and charming and feel the safety that comes with universal adoration, i need to remind myself that i want to be loved like a person, not like a dog.

[ivecarvedawoodenheart]

ok (makes room in my life for better things)

[ivecarvedawoodenheart]

like there comes a point where you think something is fundamentally wrong with you. and then it turns out it’s just Friday and you haven’t washed your hair in three days and maybe you’re also just a little lonely and the combination of all three of those things is whittling a hole into your chest every time you breathe. but also the sun’s up. and you’ve survived everything so far, so you’ll survive this too, even if it hurts, even if you have to survive it many times.