hogwarts school of murder and fuckery

hey i'm char, i recently graduated and decided that clearly the best use of my newfangled freedom would be to reread harry potter and blog about it started 10/07/2015 main icon chrono

[charlubby]

also to follow up on that post on why i hate game of thrones: on the flip side, i also hate it when novels shove in a happy epilogue set in the distant future as if that’s a satisfactory conclusion, and yes as much as i love it i’m talking about harry potter here

seven books and ten years rowling spent building up the magical world, spanning harry’s transformation from a wide-eyed child to a 17 year old embarking on a hunt to destroy the darkest wizard of the era, a teenager forced to mature and walk willingly to his own death after spending the last few years watching the world he cherishes get destroyed and the people he loves die one by one in war. the tonal shift across these books is genuinely incredible, they expertly morph childish whimsy into something so dark and complex and morally challenging. they aged perfectly with most of their readership, which was luck on jkr’s part tbh but it was really well handled

and then as soon as voldemort is defeated there’s like three pages of solitude amongst the trio before bam they’re all 20 years older and married with 2.5 kids and picket fenced houses and they’re all super fine!!! honestly that epilogue nearly ruined my experience of the books. because nobody is allowed time to grieve. we aren’t permitted to watch how harry handles all the turmoil that the last few chapters of deathly hallows inspire - we don’t see him grappling with his feelings over snape, we don’t see him mourning all those who died, we don’t know what exactly happens to the malfoys, we don’t know how exactly the ministry becomes reformed. this just all happens off page and then suddenly everything’s hunky-dory, and that’s obviously all that matters

and look i get that to some people, that might not have made for very interesting reading material. jkr clearly didn’t want to spend another however many books detailing the wizarding world’s ruthless struggle back to normalcy, or showing the trio experiencing severe ptsd and screaming nightmares and their subsequent emotional healing after being at the forefront of a war. and that’s fine. it’s her series. but i just find it an incredibly cheap and lazy route to just gloss over all that hardship and skip to when everybody is totally fine and playing perfect families, because then that ending has no impactful significance

there’s nothing wrong with being happy with the epilogue, you are totally entitled to be so (hermione and ron getting married gives me life) but the thing is that ending shouldn’t have been forced on us. from my perspective it would’ve worked so much better if it was kept open-ended and we were allowed to entertain our own fantasies on what happens to harry, because then we would all be right and satisfied. we wouldn’t be forced to accept an ending which completely skips all of the valuable and incredibly important development which would lead to such an ending making sense in the first place. also albus severus is a shitty name

[charlubby]

have you heard about the rotfang conspiracy?

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Imma stick around, tho. Also, I think this reread might have inspired me a little. I feel a bit more Potterish.

yay!!! i am immensely proud of myself, i hope i inspired people to reread. it’s been hell but fun. fun hell

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It has been an honour to retread this well-beaten road with you again, my friend. Thank you.

thank YOU, my friend! i always enjoyed your asks, they were so funny and so well-informed at the same time!

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aaaaand i'm done!! thank you so much to everyone for your support and lovely and funny comments, i never knew this silly blog would get so much attention! i'll still update this blog with doodles and meta commentary, so stick around :^)

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harry potter reread: deathly hallows pt vii THE FINALE

how the hell can voldemort remain convinced that he’s the only person to ever find the room of hidden things? am i missing something here? did it materialise differently when he asked for it so that it would be smaller and empty, and then the diadem would be transported to the real room? how can he wander into an entire ROOM crammed full of people’s junk and be like “ah, yes, a totally new discovery by me, tom riddle. nobody else has ever been in here. i am The Greatest”

“Two masked Death Eaters stood there, but even before their wands were fully raised, Hermione shouted, ’Glisseo!’ The stairs beneath their feet flattened into a chute and she, Harry and Ron hurtled down it…” can you imagine the mayhem if more students knew about this spell? nobody would ever get to class

ron punches draco in the face for pleading with another death eater by saying he’s on their side. mate HE’S RUNNING AROUND A BATTLE WITHOUT A WAND, CAN YOU BLAME HIM FOR BEING A BIT WEASELLY? smdh give me a proper draco redemption arc please

“‘How - how’re we going to get in?’ panted Ron. 'I can - see the place - if we just had - Crookshanks again -’ 'Crookshanks?’ wheezed Hermione, bent double, clutching her chest. ’Are you a wizard or what?’ 'Oh - right - yeah -’ Ron looked around, then directed his wand at a twig on the ground and said, ’Wingardium Leviosa!’ The twig flew up from the ground, spun through the air as if caught by a gust of wind, then zoomed directly at the trunk through the Willow’s ominously swaying branches. It jabbed at a place near the roots and at once, the writhing tree became still.” *will smith showing off jada pose* LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT THIS AMAZING PARALLEL TO THE FIRST BOOK! HERMIONE GIVING RON CONFIDENCE BY REPEATING ALMOST VERBATIM SOMETHING HE SAID TO HER SIX YEARS AGO! RON IMPECCABLY USING A SPELL THAT THEY HAD SUCH A HEATED ARGUMENT OVER IN ONE OF THEIR FIRST INTERACTIONS! I WANT THIS ENTIRE EXCHANGE EMBROIDERED ON SOME BANDAGES TO MUMMIFY ME WITH WHEN I DIE

“'If she means so much to you,’ said Dumbledore, 'surely Lord Voldemort will spare her? Could you not ask for mercy for the mother, in exchange for the son?’ 'I have - I have asked him -’ 'You disgust me,’ said Dumbledore, and Harry had never heard so much contempt in his voice. Snape seemed to shrink a little. 'You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you have what you want?’ Snape said nothing, but merely looked up at Dumbledore.” … “'Her boy survives,’ said Dumbledore. With a tiny jerk of his head, Snape seemed to flick off an irksome fly.” … “'I thought…all these years…that we were protecting him for her. For Lily. … Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter’s son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter -’ 'But this is touching, Severus,’ said Dumbledore seriously. 'Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?’ 'For him?’ shouted Snape.” … “Snape took the page bearing Lily’s signature, and her love, and tucked it inside his robes. Then he ripped in two the photograph he was also holding, so that he kept the part from which Lily laughed, throwing the portion showing James and Harry back on the floor, under the chest of drawers.” snape flat out ADMITS on SEVERAL OCCASIONS that he doesn’t give a FUCK about harry, he only protects him out of a weird fixation he has with somebody who never had romantic feelings towards him and almost definitely stopped speaking to him while they were still at hogwarts 

and look i understand that he feels guilty over unknowingly leading voldemort to the potters. i can sympathise with feeling responsible for someone’s death, especially if they were at one point your friend, even if you’re not on good terms any more. what i can’t sympathise with is snape’s unrelenting obsession with lily being hailed as some extreme form of altruism, that just because he was “'in love”’ it completely justifies him being a prick towards harry (and every other non-slytherin student for that matter) for several years because it was apparently part of his cover. are we supposed to be touched by the fact that he snoops through sirius’s things to keep a private letter and destroy a photograph for himself, to fuel a fantasy that lily loved him? for god’s sake, HE BEGGED VOLDEMORT TO KILL HARRY AND JAMES BUT NOT LILY!!! the only aspect of harry that snape cares for is the fact that he’s the only existing reminder of his mother! he would have no worth in snape’s mind if he didn’t have lily’s eyes! he casts his patronus to dumbledore because he’s so offended at dumbledore’s suggestion that he cares for harry as an individual! and yes, alright, it’s no mean feat to act as a spy under the dark lord for several years but snape wouldn’t have done SHIT if harry happened to have been anybody else. how the ever loving FUCK can harry watch snape offering to trade an unborn child and his father for lily (and then what?? lily would run into snape’s arms and they’d live happily ever after???) and still proclaim snape to be the bravest man he ever knew? drown me in alcohol please i can’t deal

backtracking a bit here but hang on. “'No,’ said Snape, his black eyes on Fleur and Roger’s retreating figures. 'I am not such a coward.’ 'No,’ agreed Dumbledore. 'You are a braver man by far than Igor Karkaroff. You know, I sometimes think we Sort too soon…’” look. no. the implication here is that slytherins aren’t capable of being brave…what kind of sweeping bullshit is this? from the headmaster no less?? first of all, you’re sorted based on the characteristics you VALUE, not necessarily the ones you possess, hence why peter pettigrew was in gryffindor even though he didn’t hesitate to swap his friends lives for his own, and why lockhart was in ravenclaw despite the fact he never performed the feats of intelligence that made him famous. from his earliest memories, we can see that snape wholeheartedly favoured slytherin, as much as james valued gryffindor. THAT’S primarily why he’s in slytherin. but regardless of whether dumbledore thinks he’s brave or not, snape doesn’t act as a double agent out of the goodness of his heart, he does it as a debt to dumbledore and out of some creepy as shit obsession with a teenage idealised version of lily. and EVEN THEN i would argue that the actions he undertakes as a spy are more emblematic of slytherin values than of gryffindorian nobility. maintaining a lie for 16 years? sneaking under the dark lord’s very nose (or lack thereof…) by being exceedingly proficient in occlumency? HMMM seems quite CUNNING and RESOURCEFUL to me. i just cannot believe the ignorance in acting like there is only one form of bravery, and gryffindors are the only ones to exhibit it. i’m gonna fight dumbledore in the afterlife

“And Snape left the room. Harry rose up out of the Pensieve, and moments later he lay on the carpeted floor in exactly the same room: Snape might just have closed the door.” Just Harry Potter Things #231: finding out that you were brought up to die and then lying down on the floor

“Slowly, very slowly, he sat up, and as he did so he felt more alive, and more aware of his own living body than ever before. Why had he never appreciated what a miracle he was, brain and nerve and bounding heart? … Dumbledore’s betrayal was almost nothing. … His heart was leaping against his ribs like a frantic bird. Perhaps it knew it had little time left, perhaps it was determined to fulfil a lifetime’s beats before the end.” god, harry’s walk to the forest is so achingly beautiful. the realisation that he was raised to be sacrificed, that everything he thought about dumbledore and snape was a lie, pales in significance to the prospect of actually having to willingly walk to his own death. how he suddenly appreciates the wonder of his own body, how everything it does feels magnified once it’s about to expire…it’s devastating. he doesn’t even say goodbye to hermione and ron! THAT’S MY BOOOOY! MY BRAVE BOY!!!

language pertaining to bellatrix when she’s interacting with voldemort has some undeniably sexual undertones. “Bellatrix, who had leapt to her feet, was looking eagerly from Voldemort to Harry, her breast heaving.” … “’My Lord…my Lord…’” It was Bellatrix’s voice, and she spoke as if to a lover.” where’s rudolphus when these shenanigans are going on? is he just looking on dejectedly? or maybe he and bella have an open marriage? that would be nice, although still, you’d be a little nervous if your wife’s romantic interest was lord voldemort

if there is anything i don’t like about the kings cross chapter, it’s how dumbledore’s farewell (“'Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?’”) has been fodder for people to act like the whole series was imagined by harry. *miranda priestly voice* dream theories? ground-breaking

“'OUT OF MY WAY!’ shouted Mrs Weasley to the three girls, and with a swipe of her wand she began to duel. Harry watched with terror and elation as Molly Weasley’s wand slashed and twirled, and Bellatrix Lestrange’s smile faltered, and became a snarl. Jets of light flew from both wands, the floor around the witches’ feet became hot and cracked; both women were fighting to kill. 'No!’ Mrs Weasley cried, as a few students ran forward, trying to come to her aid. 'Get back! Get back! She is mine!’” i have nothing to add to this passage, i just wanted to remind you all of its excellence

it frustrates me to no end that the film made voldemort dissolve into paper and float away in the wind because it completely misses the point of his death, that he’s not the wizard he so arrogantly built himself up to be, but has become completely undone into the mortal man he was all along: “Tom Riddle hit the floor with a mundane finality, his body feeble and shrunken…” and the reaction, “One shivering second of silence, the shock of the moment suspended: and then the tumult broke around Harry as the screams and cheers and the roars of the watchers rent the air” is SO IMPORTANT because a) it contrasts so well with the response from the death eaters to harry’s supposed demise in the forest: “He had expected to hear cheers of triumph and jubilation at his death, but instead hurried footsteps, whispers, and solicitous murmurs filled the air.” and b) it’s representative of the fact that the reign of terror is over, and happiness has returned to the wizarding world at last. this would’ve been such an amazing moment to see on film, if only the last two films didn’t take themselves so seriously

and also i love that the malfoys join in the celebrations in the great hall, albeit with trepidation (“he spotted the three Malfoys, huddled together as though unsure whether or not they were supposed to be there”) because it really emphasises how complex their role in the war actually was. they don’t flee. they were as glad as anyone to see voldemort’s downfall. but WHATEVER i guess

i’m ignoring the epilogue, i’ll save that for another post. POSITIVITY TIME! i absolutely love that this book ends with harry giving a Classic Potter Quip (“'I’ve had enough trouble for a lifetime.’”) and then heading to gryffindor tower for a sandwich and a nap, because it’s so reminiscent of the endings to the first three books, before shit absolutely hit the fan and he could just look forward to having escapades teasing dudley over the summer. despite all the horror and tragedy that preceded voldemort’s downfall, there’s still some joy and peace left to be had. there’s still some magic in the world. did i just end this reread with a pun? i don’t know how to do conclusions

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Thoughts on Fred Weasley???

i absolutely love fred! when i first read dh, his death upset me the most because it comes out of nowhere and interrupts a heartwarming moment with a brother he was only just reuniting with. the weasley twins are just a delight in general, they're so funny and i love them

[charlubby]

just pretend that ron went back to hogwarts to finish seventh year and that’s why they’re both in unifom

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THAT LAST BIT ABOUT FRED AND PERCY WASN'T OKAY THANKS A LOT NOW I'M JUST GONNA CRY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

NO PROBS HAVE FUN I'LL JOIN YOU

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I just realised that the Bloody Baron's outfit in the movies was 100% historically inaccurate. Also, did they even have barons in Saxon times? Also, FUCK ROWLING'S TREATMENT OF MY HOUSE.

i completely forgot the baron made a cameo in the movies

AH, YES, THERE HE IS. excellent adaptation. he really strikes fear into my heart. and i am perhaps not the best person to answer that question because i’m terrible at history, but from what i gather (googled) the earliest use of ‘baron’ as a title was in italy in the 11th century, but seeing as the baron was british it wouldn’t have been historically accurate to use it regardless. i think that’s correct? somebody please inform me if otherwise!

and yes FUCK ROWLING’S TREATMENT OF SLYTHERINS FOREVER

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harry potter reread: deathly hallows pt vi

it really hits home how young a majority of the participants in the battle of hogwarts are...they're legally of age of course but they're still teenagers! teenagers who are brave enough to fight for what they believe in, to defend their second home, to defend the people they love, and who die in doing so. there must've also been some casualties of even younger students who were attacked whilst in the process of fleeing, who might've gotten lost, or turned back, like colin creevey. god. this finale is going to be an emotional whirlwind i tell you hwat

alright no you know what i totally understand why pansy points harry out and screams that they give him up. it's one of those age old morality quotes isn't it? that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few? i know we're talking about a human life here but pansy is a terrified teenager and if there was a chance for everyone she cares about to be spared from brutal murder i completely understand why she would want to take it

how the hell can mcgonagall send the entirety of slytherin house out based on one person's comment when just a few pages ago she told slughorn that "'The time has come for Slytherin house to decide upon its loyalties'"? why aren't the rest of slytherin house allowed to make their own decisions, to decide for THEMSELVES rather than being vilified based on the (pretty understandable tbh) actions of one? did dumbledore's army ban ravenclaws after marietta sold them out? or did they later criticise hufflepuff after zacharias smith pushed in front of children in his haste to abandon them? was gryffindor demonised after all that peter pettigrew had done? was ravenclaw for quirrell FINDING VOLDEMORT AND HELPING TO BRING HIM BACK? i don't accept 'well slytherin is the house with the most dark wizards in it' because that's just terrible writing on jkr's part. honestly it genuinely shocks me how bad this is lmao. every other house is allowed a complex variation of individuals - the fact that other houses have included dark wizards and their reputation isn't blacklisted is PROOF of this, when it could've been an excellent chance for harry to realise the absurdity of making biased assumptions on individuals based on their house alignment - and yet the entirety of slytherin is completely demonised without any redemption. and they just march out never to return as soon as they're commanded? where's their cunning? you're telling me not ONE slytherin would want to defend hogwarts, their second home, or their friends from other houses? not one of them would sneak back to see if one of their parents was a death eater after all? not one of them returned to fight and made everyone else reconsider their house prejudices? i will fight jkr to the death over this

on that note though please imagine if the seventh year slytherins DID stay and they come face to face with their death eater parents. maybe their parents never suspected that their children knew about it, and they have to confront themselves over what they were about to do - how can they bring themselves to duel to the death in front of their own children, who could easily get caught in the cross-hairs? were they really prepared to kill teenagers, some even younger than their own kids? or maybe some students stubbornly refused to pay any attention the rumours that their parents were death eaters, dismissing them simply as typical animosity towards slytherin, only to realise that the hearsay was true, and they have to make the decision between their family and their friends. please tell me that there is au fic featuring these perspectives and then bury me in it

"'Potter,' said Professor McGonagall, hurrying up to him, as students flooded the platform, jostling for position, receiving instructions, 'aren't you supposed to be looking for something?' 'What? Oh,' said Harry, 'oh yeah!'" JESUS POTTER, GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!!!

ok but how awks must it have been for helena ravenclaw and the bloody baron to both be ghosts at hogwarts? i wonder if the baron ever tried to make conversation after bumping into her on the hallway. "oh, helena...didn't see you there...you're looking well, it's like i never stabbed you! ...... okay see you around bye"

"Lost in desperate speculation, Harry turned a corner, but he had taken only a few steps down the new corridor when the window to his left broke open with a deafening, shattering crash. As he leapt aside, a gigantic body flew in through the window and hit the opposite wall. Something large and furry detached itself, whimpering, from the new arrival and flung itself at Harry. 'Hagrid!' Harry bellowed ... Hagrid stooped down, bestowed upon Harry a cursory and rib-cracking hug, then ran back to the shattered window. 'Good boy, Grawpy!'" ......hagrid gets his giant brother to THROW HIM and his dog into the castle, and spotting harry is merely a coincidental bonus. my god i love hagrid

"'Where the hell have you been?' Harry shouted. 'Chamber of Secrets,' said Ron." nbd just the old hiding place of slytherin's monster, chill out hazza

in my opinion hermione and ron's kiss is not only one of the best parts of the entire series, but one of the greatest romantic moments of anything i've ever read. i love it so much. i love that ron's genuine concern for the house elves, something he regularly made fun of hermione for and which departs his maturation away from unquestioningly embracing his pureblood privileges, is what propels hermione into kissing him - and i love that HERMIONE IS THE ONE TO INITIATE IT!!! and harry's reaction ("'Is this the moment?' Harry asked weakly ... 'OI! There's a war going on here!'") is just absolutely golden. *clenches fist* i love it SO MUCH

"Winners, keepers, Malfoy. Who leant you [your wand]?' 'My mother,' said Draco." i'm not the first person to point this out but LUCIUS AND NARCISSA ARE RUNNING AROUND THE BATTLE WITHOUT WANDS!!! and then when harry disarms draco, his wand "rolled out of sight beneath a mountain of broken furniture", which means that in the time between being rescued from the room and reuniting with his parents, draco is also wandless in the thick of a war. i love the malfoys

things i'm into: draco malfoy on a broomstick with his arms wrapped around harry while he screams for his life

just thought i'd remind you that fred dies with "the ghost of his last laugh still etched upon his face" after joking with the brother who had only just reunited with his family after three years. and also that percy is so devastated, probably feeling completely responsible since fred was talking to him when he died, that he drapes himself across fred's body to shield him from further harm, even at the risk of making himself an open target, and then refuses to budge when harry tries to shepherd him to safety. ok carry on with your day

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what about, like, two besties who both find out they're witches and get to go to Hogwarts together and everything is great except one is sorted into Slytherin the other Gryffindor but they still keep doing everything together anyway and they don't get why there's dramatic gasps whenever they eat dinner together like wizards are fucking pathetic man.

i'm all about this *tattoos INTERHOUSE FRIENDSHIPS RULE on my face*

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harry potter reread: deathly hallows pt v

“From time to time, anger at Dumbledore crashed over him again … anger that Dumbledore had not explained before he died. ‘But is he dead?’ said Ron.” i don’t remember the gap between hbp and dh very well but i bet there were tons of people who maintained that dumbles was still alive. ron’s obviously the crack theorist of the group meant to take the piss out of them

“'We are talking about a different breed of being,’ said Bill. ‘Dealings between wizards and goblins have been fraught for centuries - but you’ll know all that from History of Magic.’” *harry nervously looks into the camera like on the office*

“'There,’ said Hermione, ‘how does he look, Harry?’ It was just possible to discern Ron under his disguise, but only, Harry thought, because he knew him so well. Ron’s hair was now long and wavy, he had a thick, brown beard and moustache, no freckles, a short, broad nose and heavy eyebrows. 'Well, he’s not my type, but he’ll do,’ said Harry.” excellent, let me just file this in my bisexual harry headcanon folder

there must be other wizarding banks aside from gringotts right? it would be such a pain in the arse to go to london and withdraw large sums of money to last you for weeks on end. wizards need to crack on with technology so they can work on atms

“… the liveried goblins who usually flanked the entrance had been replaced by two wizards, both of whom were clutching long, thin golden rods. 'Ah, Probity Probes,’ sighed Travers theatrically.” probity probes?? jkr really phoned it in on that one didn’t she

“The old goblin obeyed, pressing his palm to the wood, and the door of the vault melted away to reveal a cave-like opening crammed from floor to ceiling with golden coins and goblets, silver armour, the skins of strange creatures …” oh my god do wixes not know what shelves are?? boxes??? don’t just sling this shit about, it’s valuable!! you’re telling me that the lestranges would be content to just leave all their money and precious artefacts in a heap on a gross dirty floor? please

did you know that harry’s the one to think of escaping gringotts on the dragon? the films have an alarming tendency to bestow all of ron and harry’s moments of genius onto hermione and i don’t fully comprehend why, she’s amazing as she is, she doesn’t need any help gad dengit

i do feel sorry for the ministry officials who have to cover up a bloody DRAGON flying over london. Harry Potter and the Unfortunate Government Workers Whose Lives Are Made Difficult By His Escapades

i’ve only just realised that to apparate you have to turn on the spot. i can see why they simplified it in the films, that would’ve been a bit ridiculous to watch. just reading about the trio failing to disapparate out of hogsmeade is mildly hilarious, imagining them spinning about and then being confused when they’re still there is a bit like something from a sitcom

“Aberforth seemed lost in contemplation of his own knotted and veined hands. After a long pause, he said, 'How can you be sure, Potter, that my brother wasn’t more interested in the greater good than in you? How can you be sure you aren’t dispensable, just like my little sister?’ A shard of ice seemed to pierce Harry’s heart.” god…i’ve said this before but all through this reread i’ve been wanting harry to seriously reflect upon how dumbledore treated him and what exactly his motivations were, and yet whenever shit like this happens it’s SO SAD. THAT’S MY BOOOOOY

“'Thing was,’ [Neville] faced them, and Harry was astonished to see that he was grinning, 'they bit off a bit more than they could chew with Gran. Little old witch living alone, they probably thought they didn’t need to send anyone particularly powerful. Anyway,’ Neville laughed, 'Dawlish is still in St Mungo’s, and Gran’s on the run.’” my god, all of the elderly ladies in this are badass as FUCK. now seems appropriate to mention my firm belief that augusta and mcgonagall were in the same year, or at the very least were at hogwarts together, and they were in a cool girl gang. they definitely knew each other; in hbp when mcgonagall is talking to neville about his N.E.W.T.s she says “'I shall drop Augusta a line reminding her that just because she failed her Charms O.W.L., the subject is not necessarily worthless.’” like COME ON let me pretend that they’re old besties and they still sometimes get together to have scathing natter seshes over tea. they fight side by side in the battle of hogwarts and augusta’s like “just like the good old days, isn’t it, minny?” and mcgonagall replies “if you call me minny again, you’re next” let me have this please

“Harry saw the gold Gryffindor lion, emblazoned on scarlet; the black badger of Hufflepuff, set against yellow, and the bronze eagle of Ravenclaw, on blue. The silver and green on Slytherin alone were absent.” *bangs pots and pans together* HEY EVERYBODY, YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS! TIME TO GET PISSED OVER JKR’S COMPLETE DEMONISATION OF SLYTHERIN WOOOOOO

i think the scene where harry and luna enter the ravenclaw common room really exemplifies the house’s emphasis on creativity and wit, as opposed to book-smarts, which is usually the common misconception about ravenclaw. “'Which came first, the phoenix or the flame?’ … 'I think the answer is that a circle has no beginning.’ 'Well reasoned,’ said the voice, and the door swung upon.” like the guardian doesn’t say luna gives the correct answer, but an innovative one, and that’s more important. i’m a ravenclaw btw. house pride yo 

harry cruciating amycus is just *clenches fist* keep in mind that he tried to use crucio against bellatrix after she killed sirius, and he was so consumed with grief that he only managed to make her jump a bit, and yet the sight of a man spitting in mcgonagall’s face sends harry in a fury wild enough to lift amycus several feet where he “writhed through the air like a drowning man, thrashing and howling in pain.” i should say i am absolutely not condoning torture, i just LOVE MORALLY GREY HARRY!! it pleases me to see such complexity even if a part of me is tutting with disapproval

also, the beginning of the battle rouses everyone from bed, so all of the heads of house are in their jimmy-jams. slughorn is adorned in some rather dashing green silk pajamas and mcgonagall is in a tartan dressing gown. i approve

“'No, he’s not dead,’ said McGonagall bitterly. 'Unlike Dumbledore, he was still carrying a wand…and he seems to have learned a few tricks from his master.’ With a tingle of horror, Harry saw in the distance a huge, bat-like shape flying through the darkness towards the perimeter wall.” please take a minute to imagine voldemort giving snape flying lessons. voldemort would be the absolute worst teacher in the world, he’d be so impatient when snape doesn’t immediately master it. sorry i’m having too much fun picturing two grown men bickering because one of them can only manage to hover a few feet off the ground. “YOU’RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH SEVERUS, I’M MISSING OUT ON MY ME-TIME FOR THIS”

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I thought the same thing about probity probes when I read this. It actually annoyed me so much at the time that I looked it up.

Probity is (apparently) “the quality of having strong moral principles; honesty and decency.” So it’s actually fairly clever!

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alright jkr you win this round

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harry potter reread: deathly hallows pt v

“From time to time, anger at Dumbledore crashed over him again … anger that Dumbledore had not explained before he died. ‘But is he dead?’ said Ron.” i don’t remember the gap between hbp and dh very well but i bet there were tons of people who maintained that dumbles was still alive. ron’s obviously the crack theorist of the group meant to take the piss out of them

“'We are talking about a different breed of being,’ said Bill. 'Dealings between wizards and goblins have been fraught for centuries - but you’ll know all that from History of Magic.’” *harry nervously looks into the camera like on the office*

“'There,’ said Hermione, 'how does he look, Harry?’ It was just possible to discern Ron under his disguise, but only, Harry thought, because he knew him so well. Ron’s hair was now long and wavy, he had a thick, brown beard and moustache, no freckles, a short, broad nose and heavy eyebrows. 'Well, he’s not my type, but he’ll do,’ said Harry.” excellent, let me just file this in my bisexual harry headcanon folder

there must be other wizarding banks aside from gringotts right? it would be such a pain in the arse to go to london and withdraw large sums of money to last you for weeks on end. wizards need to crack on with technology so they can work on atms

“… the liveried goblins who usually flanked the entrance had been replaced by two wizards, both of whom were clutching long, thin golden rods. 'Ah, Probity Probes,’ sighed Travers theatrically.” probity probes?? jkr really phoned it in on that one didn’t she

“The old goblin obeyed, pressing his palm to the wood, and the door of the vault melted away to reveal a cave-like opening crammed from floor to ceiling with golden coins and goblets, silver armour, the skins of strange creatures …” oh my god do wixes not know what shelves are?? boxes??? don’t just sling this shit about, it’s valuable!! you’re telling me that the lestranges would be content to just leave all their money and precious artefacts in a heap on a gross dirty floor? please

did you know that harry’s the one to think of escaping gringotts on the dragon? the films have an alarming tendency to bestow all of ron and harry’s moments of genius onto hermione and i don’t fully comprehend why, she’s amazing as she is, she doesn’t need any help gad dengit

i do feel sorry for the ministry officials who have to cover up a bloody DRAGON flying over london. Harry Potter and the Unfortunate Government Workers Whose Lives Are Made Difficult By His Escapades

i’ve only just realised that to apparate you have to turn on the spot. i can see why they simplified it in the films, that would’ve been a bit ridiculous to watch. just reading about the trio failing to disapparate out of hogsmeade is mildly hilarious, imagining them spinning about and then being confused when they’re still there is a bit like something from a sitcom

“Aberforth seemed lost in contemplation of his own knotted and veined hands. After a long pause, he said, 'How can you be sure, Potter, that my brother wasn’t more interested in the greater good than in you? How can you be sure you aren’t dispensable, just like my little sister?’ A shard of ice seemed to pierce Harry’s heart.” god…i’ve said this before but all through this reread i’ve been wanting harry to seriously reflect upon how dumbledore treated him and what exactly his motivations were, and yet whenever shit like this happens it’s SO SAD. THAT’S MY BOOOOOY

“'Thing was,’ [Neville] faced them, and Harry was astonished to see that he was grinning, 'they bit off a bit more than they could chew with Gran. Little old witch living alone, they probably thought they didn’t need to send anyone particularly powerful. Anyway,’ Neville laughed, 'Dawlish is still in St Mungo’s, and Gran’s on the run.’” my god, all of the elderly ladies in this are badass as FUCK. now seems appropriate to mention my firm belief that augusta and mcgonagall were in the same year, or at the very least were at hogwarts together, and they were in a cool girl gang. they definitely knew each other; in hbp when mcgonagall is talking to neville about his N.E.W.T.s she says “'I shall drop Augusta a line reminding her that just because she failed her Charms O.W.L., the subject is not necessarily worthless.’” like COME ON let me pretend that they’re old besties and they still sometimes get together to have scathing natter seshes over tea. they fight side by side in the battle of hogwarts and augusta’s like “just like the good old days, isn’t it, minny?” and mcgonagall replies “if you call me minny again, you’re next” let me have this please

“Harry saw the gold Gryffindor lion, emblazoned on scarlet; the black badger of Hufflepuff, set against yellow, and the bronze eagle of Ravenclaw, on blue. The silver and green on Slytherin alone were absent.” *bangs pots and pans together* HEY EVERYBODY, YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS! TIME TO GET PISSED OVER JKR’S COMPLETE DEMONISATION OF SLYTHERIN WOOOOOO

i think the scene where harry and luna enter the ravenclaw common room really exemplifies the house’s emphasis on creativity and wit, as opposed to book-smarts, which is usually the common misconception about ravenclaw. “'Which came first, the phoenix or the flame?’ … 'I think the answer is that a circle has no beginning.’ 'Well reasoned,’ said the voice, and the door swung upon.” like the guardian doesn’t say luna gives the correct answer, but an innovative one, and that’s more important. i’m a ravenclaw btw. house pride yo 

harry cruciating amycus is just *clenches fist* keep in mind that he tried to use crucio against bellatrix after she killed sirius, and he was so consumed with grief that he only managed to make her jump a bit, and yet the sight of a man spitting in mcgonagall’s face sends harry in a fury wild enough to lift amycus several feet where he “writhed through the air like a drowning man, thrashing and howling in pain.” i should say i am absolutely not condoning torture, i just LOVE MORALLY GREY HARRY!! it pleases me to see such complexity even if a part of me is tutting with disapproval

also, the beginning of the battle rouses everyone from bed, so all of the heads of house are in their jimmy-jams. slughorn is adorned in some rather dashing green silk pajamas and mcgonagall is in a tartan dressing gown. i approve

“'No, he’s not dead,’ said McGonagall bitterly. 'Unlike Dumbledore, he was still carrying a wand…and he seems to have learned a few tricks from his master.’ With a tingle of horror, Harry saw in the distance a huge, bat-like shape flying through the darkness towards the perimeter wall.” please take a minute to imagine voldemort giving snape flying lessons. voldemort would be the absolute worst teacher in the world, he’d be so impatient when snape doesn’t immediately master it. sorry i’m having too much fun picturing two grown men bickering because one of them can only manage to hover a few feet off the ground. “YOU’RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH SEVERUS, I’M MISSING OUT ON MY ME-TIME FOR THIS”

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ok we know that fleamont and euphemia were absolutely overjoyed when james was born because they’d been desperate for a child for so long, so just imagine how happy they would’ve been to welcome sirius into their family as their second son

[charlubby]

probably my favourite ben wyatt quote

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What the fuck kind of dumbass name is Fleamont though?

apparently it was his grandmother’s maiden name, and it was her dying wish to her son that he perpetuate it otherwise it would die out, which is sweet but.....still.........FLEAMONT