We All Have A Story To Tell

Just For Today. Excelsior.

[batlashes]

Stop. Trying. To. Call. Me.

I need you to leave me alone.

Just stop.

[batlashes]

Great... More nightmares filled with flashbacks. Vivid memories that I wish I could forget.

"20 years of friendship" what a joke. "Friendship" we're not friends.. We haven't been friends for a very long time and I don't understand how you could possibly think that we are. You're even more delusional than I remember.

I wish I knew how to make these flashbacks disappear forever.

[hellish-daddy]

[yourthoughtsspace-deactivated20]

[batlashes]

I think it's time for you to stop.

Stop texting.. Stop calling.. Just leave me alone.

If the manipulative novels that you sent me didn't make me answer you.. then I think it's safe to assume that you saying "please" isn't going to get a response either..

It is not my job to fix you and it is Really not my responsibility to help you try to save your marriage.

It is not ok for you to ask me to relive the abuse you put me through.. You do not need me to tell you the details of what you did. Hearing about the ways you abused me will not fix you. It wont change anything. It will still be there.. The lasting effects of that abuse will never completely go away and so.. to put it simply..

I do not owe you anything.

[batlashes]

I want to be able to stop thinking about this..

I'm still having flashbacks.. And also more memories that I had apparently blocked out are starting to resurface..

And it's all thanks to you.. And all those texts.. I think the phone calls stopped after 12 consistent attempts.

I already had enough trouble sleeping before this started happening.. and now sleep is almost nonexistent because every time I close my eyes and start to drift off I get hit with vivid nightmares from my past.

And on top of that.. Now I have a heavy weight on me because you felt the need to tell me that you "did it again" "to someone else"

So now I'm blaming myself for the "what ifs" and "maybes" that keep popping into my mind.. Because What If I would have done something about it when you were doing it to me? Would it have stopped you from doing it to whoever the "someone else" is now?

You say you "need help" and that you "don't know how to stop" but honestly I think that if you really wanted help.. You would have gotten it already.

I wish I knew how to not let this get to me.

[batlashes]

Oh look.. The flashbacks are here again.. Which shouldn't be surprising because they always get worse around specific days.. Like today.. Because it's your birthday.. So go figure today is one of the days that my mind gets flooded with trauma memories that I really wish I could forget.

I don't want to know anything about you anymore.. If it were possible.. I'd figure out how to forget absolutely everything about you.. Because these memories hold no real significance for me.

I wish I could completely erase you from my mind.

[batlashes]

Why. Just why.

Why would you text.. And call.. Thinking I would answer..

After everything that happened.. And after all this time..

Why am I the person you think you need to talk to..

"Because of the shit we went through"..?? ... More like because of the shit You Put Me Through.

I don't see how talking to me could possibly help you in any way..

I'm not the same person that you used to know.

[listentothestories]

______theo

[jessicahambys]

HAMILTON (2020) dir. Thomas Kail

[meeres-tiefe]

[batlashes]

I'm frustrated at the fact that I can't stop thinking about how you texted me to ask for help..

Kind of because I know that I used to be the person who would put my differences aside for anyone that needed my help.. regardless of whatever bullshit was going on- and I'm not that girl anymore..

But mostly because I feel like you randomly texting me is more of a power play than anything else.. Like a way to try to show me that I'm still not 100% free from the controlling mental abuse that you put me through for so long- And maybe that's the real motive behind you reaching out.

And if that's the case.. then maybe some congratulations is in order.. Because you win.. Again.. Just like you always have..

Turns out the mental grip that abuse has is stronger than people think.. Because I thought that I had mostly healed from it until I read that text.. And then I had an involuntary reaction in my brain that said that not replying meant that I'm a horrible person..

So yeaa.. You've once again succeeded in damaging the growth I thought I had accomplished toward getting past the abuse.

But hopefully now that I've gotten some of these thoughts out of my mind.. I can stop rethinking that text and start the healing process over again. And who knows.. Maybe I'll get lucky and you'll actually leave me alone from now on.

[katerinapetrova]

to all my black friends, mutuals and followers on here:

[plantsandpeanutbutter-deactivat]

My favorite Animal Crossing memes, a collection:

[hunterbloodknight]

The Doctor with Glasses and Goggles

[bakwaaas]

Do you ever look back at your relationship with someone and literally can’t believe you let them treat you like that

[margotnews]

I’m the one they should be scared of! Because I’m Harley freakin’ Quinn! Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020) dir. Cathy Yan