(All We Have: Part Four - second part)
Part Four (i): Bad Things
Summary: Part two of the 'Bad Things' chapter. Your feelings have fully surfaced and it's messing with your head, Colson has started to notice...
Feels: confusion, emerging feelings, fluff, angst
Warnings: cheese, self-gaslighting
Machine Gun Kelly - Bad Things
The Pretty Reckless - You
A/N: I can't resist angst, so this is gonna be a journey that will probably frustrate the hell out of you as the reader, but it's where we're headed...
It was getting late and Casie had fallen asleep in the nook of Colson’s arm, while the three of you were watching a film. You were sat on the other side of him, yawning yourself. Seeing you yawn, he draped his other arm across your shoulder and pulled you into his chest, your head nestled next to Casie’s. He let out a contented sigh and your heart ached.
You didn’t realise you had fallen asleep and you were woken up as he gently shook you and Casie at the same time. “Right, my girls, time for bed I think” Casie groaned and he took his arm from around you so that he could scoop her fully into his arms, lifting her up with him as he stood. “Come on Princess, I’ll take you to bed” he said to her soothingly, her arms sleepily draped around his neck. “I’ll be back down in a few” he whispered over his shoulder to you.
Once he’d left the room, you thought ‘oh god, I don’t want to be alone with him right now’. All of a sudden it was like you had no idea how to behave around him, you were acting strangely and he could tell something was up, he could definitely tell. You’d seen the way he looked at you after the IG live, while you were eating with Casie later on. You’d narrowed your focus on Casie and avoided his gaze for the rest of the evening, his eyes burning a hole into you as he watched you intently over dinner. It was clearly obvious to him how you were trying not to interact with him, so when Casie had suggested watching a movie you were glad of the distraction and that fact you wouldn’t have to talk anymore, Casie gets really mad when people talk over the film. You knew what he was like though, so perceptive, always the first to notice when you’re not being yourself and like a dog with a bone when it came to getting stuff out of you.
You got up off the sofa and headed out into the hall, bumping into Colson halfway up the stairs as he came back down. He looked surprised to see you coming upstairs
“Hey, I was gonna ask if you wanted to carry on chilling down there, maybe watch something else?” he says, ruffling his hair, one hand in his pocket.
“I’m pretty tired actually…” you mumbled, embarrassed about how cute you thought he looked when he did that. The feelings were flooding in now..
“We could watch something in bed?” He offered, looking at you expectantly
“I think I’m just gonna sleep in my own bed…” you said, not wanting to meet his eyes
A hurt look momentarily flashes across Colson’s face, then his jaw tenses as you take a step past him on the stairs “Okay, well… good night then, I guess…”
You don’t turn back as you walk up the rest of the stairs, but you can feel him watching you the entire way. About 10 minutes later, you hear him walk past your bedroom door and pause outside it for a few moments. You hold your breath, a wave of disappointment flooding over you when you hear his bedroom door open and then close.
Staring at your ceiling, alone in your giant bed, exhausted but sleep nowhere to be seen on the horizon, you can’t help but think about the look on his face, the way he responded to you going to bed without him…
The feelings that had been slowly creeping up on you had slapped you in the face tonight, and dread was starting to creep into your bones.
You liked Colson. Your best friend. Your roommate. Your colleague. Fuck, this was bad…
Your head was all over the place, your mind was racing as you berated yourself.
Why have you started thinking like this… you’re going to ruin everything… you and your stupid brain are reading into things that aren’t there… he’s always been like this with you, it doesn’t mean anything… you guys have always cuddled… he doesn’t see you like that…sometimes he’s just moody, you KNOW this… why would it be different now…
After tossing and turning for about an hour, thoughts swirling, you zone in on the low murmuring of the TV coming from Colson’s room. Getting out of bed, you creep across the hall and into his room. He’s asleep, head propped up on a pillow, his breath slow and steady, the tv remote still in his hand. You walk around to the other side of the bed, lift the duvet and climb in beside him. You look over at him, watching his peaceful face as he sleeps, his mouth slightly ajar, his hair ruffled against the pillow, the light from the TV casting shadows across his jawline and cheekbones. You don’t know why you’re doing this, torturing yourself with longing. You let out a sigh as you reach over, gently removing his long slender fingers from the remote and turn off the TV, bathing you both in darkness.
He doesn’t move as you snuggle down on the pillow next to him, looking at his silhouette in the dark, pining. You roll away from him, facing the other direction and try to switch off. At least he won’t be sleeping alone tonight, you know how much he hates that.
You’re just started to nod off a little while later, when you feel the bed shift and Colson’s arm snakes around your waist, his lithe body curling around you, his hand finding yours and lacing your fingers together. You’re too scared to move or respond. Scared of what you might do, scared of outing your feelings, scared of making a fool of yourself, so you just pretend to be asleep until you feel his limbs grow heavier around you.
“Daaaaad…..” Casie shouts gleefully as she bursts into the bedroom, then stops in her tracks as she sees you sleeping next to Colson, his arms wrapped around you as you lie curled into him, your back pressed against his chest.
“Wait, I thought you said you weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend?”
Casie’s voice startles you awake, the light through the drapes hitting your sleepy eyes and you sit up slightly, Colson’s arm falling from around your waist.
“Case..” you say yawning, about to explain when Colson interrupts you
“Urgh, what time is it...No Casie, we’re not. Drop it” he mumbles into his pillow, rolling away from you. Feeling a little stung by his super fast response, you get out of bed and pull on your sweats, that nagging feeling in your stomach settling in again. You knew you shouldn’t have crept in last night. Casie was also pouting at her dad’s response and eyeing you as you dress hurriedly.
“Case, why don’t we go make pancakes...Maybe we can make some for this grumpy lump if he ever surfaces”
“Okay” she says, turning and giving you a half smile as she follows you out of the room
Casie is quiet as you both move around the kitchen getting everything you need. After a couple of minutes, she speaks up
“Y/N…” she says, her tone questioning
“Yeah?” You reply, as you turn the gas on to heat up the pan
“Um...Nah, doesn’t matter” she mumbles, focusing on whisking the pancake batter, not making eye contact as you watch her
You can tell the cogs are turning in her head as she whisks “What is it sweetie? Talk to me” She turns and looks at you, her expression unreadable
“Why were you sleeping in Dad’s bed?”
“We were just up talking late last night and didn’t want to wake you so we went upstairs” You reply, looking away as you put the pan on the stove
She frowns slightly, “But you were... cuddling?” she quizzes, watches you intently as she waits for your response
“You know your dad is a big oaf, he probably just rolled over onto me while he was sleeping”
You say, a little flustered, feeling bad lying to her. The cuddles had been getting more and more frequent in recent nights
“Hmm, yeah” she replies, with a half hearted chuckle before going quiet
You feel yourself getting a little bit nervous, there had now been a few occasions on this visit alone that she’d mentioned how you and Colson were with each other. You’d always had a close relationship with Casie and she’d joked before that you should be her dad’s girlfriend, but she seemed pretty focused on it since you’d moved in. You know that Casie can get a bit protective over her dad and his dating life hasn’t always gone down well with her. Even though you and Colson have always just been friends, you’ve always made an effort to make sure you don’t encroach on their quality time together when she comes to stay.
Casie starts scooping the batter into the pan and you can tell she’s thinking hard about something as she flips the first pancake over
After a couple of minutes, she speaks, her eyes still on the batter in the pan
“You make my dad happy. I can see it, I’m not stupid”
“Of course you’re not stupid babe. He makes me happy too”
“If you always cuddle him and he makes you happy, why isn’t he your boyfriend?”
“I don’t know” you say, your tone slightly wistful before you catch yourself
“He’s my best friend Case, it’s um, just kinda how we are with each other, y’know, there’s times we have a cuddle because that’s what friends do sometimes. You and me hug all the time don’t we?” You say, nudging her shoulder with yours
“Yeah that’s true” she says, clearly still thinking
“I wouldn’t mind if you were Dad’s girlfriend. I think you’d be a nice one”
Unsure of what to say in response, her words of approval swirling in your head amongst the growing feelings you’ve been having recently, you reach your hand out for the spatula
“Wanna let me flip one? You’re getting to do all the fun bit”
“Sure” she says, passing you the spatula before leaning on the counter, resting her head in both her hands as she watches
“Reckon I can flip it and catch it in the pan?” you say, sending the pancake into the air with a flick of your wrist
“My turn! I wanna do it” she says excitedly “Show me”
You pour more of the pancake batter into the pan and then bring Casie in front of you and bring your arms around her so you’re both holding on to the pan handle
“Okay, so see how the pancake can slide in the pan a bit now it’s cooked on that side? That’s how you know it’s ready to flip. You ready? 1, 2, 3 - Flip” You move the handle together and Casie cheers as the pancake flips in the air and splats back onto the pan
“We’ve only got enough batter for a couple more. Do you wanna do the last two?”
“Nah, it’s okay, you can do them” she says, pulling herself up to sit on the counter
Finishing up and turning the hobs off, you tap her knees
“Right little miss chef, that’s us done”
She leans forward and wraps her arms around you, giving you a tight hug
You hug her back and chuckle “What’s brought this on?”
“I just like having you here. I hope you always live with Dad” she says into your neck, squeezing you harder
“Aw, I love you too my sweet girl” you say, pulling back and giving her a big kiss on the head
“Shall we get all this on a tray and go see if your grumpy dad is ready for some breakfast?”
“I’m definitely ready for pancakes” Colson answers, startling you both as you notice him in the doorway. You don’t know how long he’s been but you hope he’s only just appeared.He yawns and stretches his arms into the air and you can’t help but run your eyes over his shirtless torso. You quickly gather yourself and look away, your face flushing slightly, but not before he catches you looking. A little smile creeps across his face and he touches your hip lightly as he walks behind you, his hand gently curved around your hipbone, leaning in towards your ear slightly “morning” he says softly before heading over to Casie, kissing her on top of the head and grabbing a plate. Why is he touching me like that? Has he always touched me like that.. and I’m just noticing it now? Am I overthinking this now? Surely… Yep…Definitely….Urgh god… I’m a mess.
Keen to make a quick exit, you announce “I’m gonna leave you guys to have breakfast together and grab a shower. Save me some!”
Both Colson and Casie turn their heads towards you, but before either of them can object, you scurry out of the kitchen and back up to your room, your heart beating in your chest. Turning on the shower in your en suite, you don’t even wait for it to heat up, you just quickly undress and climb under the lukewarm water, shivering. Staring at the shower walls, your arms wrapped around yourself, you let the tears come.
This is getting really difficult.
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