welcome to the sexpresso depresso bar

Bat[sy], 90s baby, they/them, EST 🔞 minors DNI 🔞 mostly my own writing, often NSFW

[battlemastercoffeeco]

meet the barista

my brain is a coffee maker; throw your ideas and Thots at me to percolate and maybe we'll make an invigorating brew. or possibly coffee cake.

I’m a connoisseur of the gutter's ground floor and well-acquainted with Cloud 9′s fluff; you’ll find a mix of both here, with a debatably healthy dose of angst to go around. 

currently stuck in star wars and COD hell and loving every minute of it

if I post an outline, feel free to comment on it! I usually post them to get a conversation going which will help me write the fic.

I see every ask. I love them all. if I don't post immediately, its bc I want to be able to provide a full answer worthy of it. if nothing comes to me tho, I'm gonna post it so The Council (all of us invested in this content) can throw in their 2 cred opinions 🖤

find me here on ao3 for the more polished writing or on Twitter @/batscoffeeco

EDIT 6/9/22: you may find content here that is ethically or morally questionable. maybe your stance is that it is outright indefensible. I understand your view. but this is my manicured hell, and if you come for me, you’re just going to get a hard block. if you want to discuss it like adults, i’m open, i love hearing other ppl’s perspectives and learning from them! but this is my space and you don’t have to interact with it.

that said, i try to be cognizant of harmful behaviors, but i’m not perfect. if you see something, i probably didn’t understand the implications bc it isn’t something within my personal context to understand. i’m sure i’ll get something wrong eventually so please, tell me. 

[boilingheart-archive]

Y’all little writers go on and have fun now

[hypotenussy]

the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.

[thecharmingquirksofothers]

incredible prev tags

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

if you comment some demanding shit like this on fanfic writers’ works, you don’t deserve the privilege of getting to read fanfiction for free

[kaylewiswrites-deactivated20180]

How I think I’m writing: Using eye contact, or lack thereof, to display emotions such as intimacy, shock, denial, or nervousness. 

How I’m actually writing: She looked at me, and I looked away. I tried to look back, but she was already looking at the sky. “Look,” she sighs, looking back at me for a split second. “I don’t know how to say this.” We looked at each other and time stopped, but then she looked her lookers at something else to look at, looking tired. 

[aquilacalvitium]

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

[aquilacalvitium]

Please keep interacting with this post because when I come to tumblr to procrastinate, this shows up again in my notifications and guilts me into writing again

[i-will-write]

Me at 13: “god I can’t wait to go home and write fanfic”

Me at 17: “god I can’t wait to go home and write fanfic”

Me at 21: “god I can’t wait to go home and write fanfic”

Me at 27: “god I can’t wait to go home and write fanfic”

[slowpokegamer]

*looking at myself in the mirror*

Fanfiction is supposed to be cringy. You're allowed to write bad. You're allowed to be cringe. Fanfiction is supposed to be self indulgent. You're allowed to be cringe. Let yourself be cringe. Fanfiction is supposed to be fun. Stop putting arbitrary rules on yourself and be free.

[morningmightcomebyaccident]

Replied to a recent comment on a fic that I wrote years ago and then took the time to revisit previous comments and I say this with complete sincerity:

Leaving a comment on a fic provides compounding delight. Authors will love initially receiving a comment, will love later recalling this and that particular aspect of a comment, and they will love rereading comments and being reminded how readers enjoyed the work.

Comments are not a one-time act of kindness and consideration. They keep giving.

Thank you to those who take the time to give a nice word, describe an excited reaction, point out favorite parts, and generally let it be known that not only has the work been read but it had some effect. :)

[clementine-kesh]

the big three questions of media analysis: what the author wanted to say, what they actually said, and what they didn’t know they were saying

[clementine-kesh]

for the last one i don’t just mean oh the author inadvertently wrote in gay subtext or whatever i’m talking about media as a cultural artifact which can reveal a ton about societal norms, biases, ideals, etc. it’s all about positionality and an unexamined positionality is often the most revealing of all

[bizarrelittlemew]

Are you frustrated you can't leave second kudos on AO3? or third kudos? or whatever-who's-counting kudos?

Well, have I got the html for you!

Plop any of these in a comment (by copy&pasting the code) to make an author's day and show your appreciation!

Second kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/tHMjbb6/second-kudos.png" alt="second kudos">

Third kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/52bggQH/third-kudos.png" alt="third kudos">

nth kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/6y7qGtC/nth-kudos.png" alt="nth kudos">

yet another kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/wKtcj0s/yet-another-kudos.png" alt="yet another kudos">

It will look something like this (and will be transparent with white outline on dark backgrounds):

Feel free to spread and use these as much as you like! (and if you have ideas for other variations, let me know ✌️)

[bizarrelittlemew]

So happy to see people enjoying these and spreading the love 💖

UPDATE with some suggestions from the replies!

From requests: cookie kudos — you've already left kudos here — should be sleeping kudos

HTML codes under the cut.

ALL the kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/KsndWzq/all-the-kudos.png" alt="all the kudos">

Chapter kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/9ZSmqrp/Chapter-kudos.png" alt="Chapter kudos">

Elevenses kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/6P4JTsP/elevenses-kudos.png" alt="elevenses kudos">

Heaps of kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/GvRw2HS/heaps-of-kudos.png" alt="heaps of kudos">

Kisses your forehead kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/6nph6nM/kisses-your-forehead.png" alt="kisses your forehead kudos">

Reading in public kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/f1HDR2K/reading-in-public.png" alt="reading in public kudos">

Re-read kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/jWYQ8bt/re-read-kudos.png" alt="re-read kudos">

Should be working kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/26WJHKg/should-be-working.png" alt="should be working kudos">

Read the whole fic in one go kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/jMHrgSk/the-whole-fic.png" alt="read the whole fic in one go kudos">

Ungodly hour kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/84300T6/ungodly-hour.png" alt="ungodly hour kudos">

What about elevenses kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/WW3cQJ2/what-about-elevenses.png" alt="what about elevenses kudos">

[nomorezerocomments-gender]

Leave an author extra kudos!!

[boundtohappiness]

I can't wait to use all of these ^_^

[imonthemoonitsmadeofcheese]

As someone who has been lucky enough to receive some of these I assure you they are a delight to behold and make the author very happy.

[amanonthecorner]

I love when fanfic authors are freakishly unhinged. "Yes, hello, I am here to write a heart wrenching story about relationships and mortality. My medium is Ducktales (2017)"

[prokopetz]

Level 1: Porn with plot

Level 2: Porn with social commentary

Level 3: Porn with troubling philosophical implications

Level 4: Porn with maddening revelations of humanity’s place in the cosmos

Level 5: Porn with math

[cuubism]

do fic readers know that their comments actually influence the course of the story sometimes? i don't mean in a "you need to write it this way because i say so 😡" type of comment, i mean when people are asking questions or really engaging with the plot and the themes in the comments they sometimes bring up things that i didn't even think of, or dig into parts of the story that i've overlooked, or get really interested/fixated on something i was going to just kind of glance over--and it has me going 'oh wait that's actually really interesting, that's a good point' and fully adding or tweaking or changing things about the story going forward. i'm literally adding an entire additional chapter to something right now because someone's comment had me like "oh i didn't dig into that as much as i could have." you have impact!

[mikkeneko]

This is absolutely true.

Also sometimes a reader says something so funny or insightful it becomes part of the fic. (Shout out to "dark  Trent Ikithon, with, like, tentacles and stuff")

[darkcomedies]

sometimes the author’s barely disguised fetish is YOUR barely disguised fetish and has nothing to do with the author at all

[darkcomedies]

hey so a bunch of people have taken this post as an opportunity to decry interpreting media sexually/suggestively at all and it’s pissing me off. joining the war on eroticism on the side of eroticism. #ThatCigaretteIsAPenis

[blu3fiish]

i love being a writer i think. Idk. I think google is judging me somehow.

[noisytenant]

we should call it this again