5 Thoughts I'm Deleting From My Mind as a Book Lover With Anxiety
Good morning, book lovers and bookish bats. You may not know this about me, but I have PCOS, a chronic condition that comes with lovely symptoms like depression and anxiety. Reading helps alleviate those symptoms, but in some ways, Bookstagram makes them worse. The longer I've been on Bookstagram, the more I've noticed that many of my fellow book lovers struggle with anxiety as well. Here are some thoughts I think we may share -- and how I've decided to reframe this negative thinking into something beautiful instead.
Do we share any of these anxieties? How do you reframe negative thinking when Bookstagram brings you down?
how many books I read > the quality of books I read
DNF as needed. enjoy your reading journey without worrying about how many books you’ve read in a month or year.
my follower count = my success on Bookstagram
I’d rather have a strong, small community of genuine friends who share my love of books over millions of followers who can’t even bother to learn my name (fun fact: I HATE being called Jaz. especially with two z's [there's only one in my name!])
I need to fill my shelves
the number of books I own + size of my library does not equate to my worth as a book lover and Bookstagrammer
each Bookstagram post that fails, especially book reviews, means I’ve failed as a Bookstagrammer
despite what your analytics may tell you, book reviews are an essential part of Bookstagram. they showcase your reading tastes + preferences. they boost books and authors (especially important for BIPOC, queer, and marginalized voices). if a post reaches even one person, it’s a success.
I’m not pretty enough to be an influencer + shouldn’t show my face on Bookstagram
the only thing I want to influence you to do is be yourself. find your community of book lovers. fall in love with reading. I’m here to make friends + share my love of books. how I look doesn’t matter.
got some of my recent film photographs developed and found out that the flash of one of my cameras is not working, which is fine and beautiful in a haunted way 📷 reblog is ok, don’t repost / use
From the celebrated author of As Long as the Lemon Trees Grow comes a poignant novel about a Syrian American girl who uses a magical sketchbook to turn her grief into art, painting miraculous murals of her mother’s life in Syria. 🦇
Woah. Okay. takes a deep breath Wow. If I can convince you to read ONE book this year, just one, this is it. I read it in one sitting, cried twice (alongside my sleeping gf and cat -- this is the second time this year I've cried in bed due to a book, desperate not to wake them), and I'm still reeling. Let's break it down. 🦇
This was such a gift to read during Ramadan (which also occurs in the book). Though I'm Palestinian, not Syrian, I recognized every dish. Thank goodness I read this after sunset! 🦇
I wish the Islamophobia Jihad experiences were over-exaggerated, but it's so realistic that it sucker punched me to read it secondhand. I've lived those moments. The snide comments. The quiet, subtle racism that chips away at you bit by bit. The microaggressions that make you question yourself. And yes, boys grabbing, people shoving, adults doing NOTHING. The black eye, holding your head up high, living through it. Jihad's experience isn't unique -- it's real, raw, painful, and you need to know that it's a reality for too many people. 🦇
The friendship between Jihad and Jamie is everything. I adored his care with her, but also the story's care with this relationship. Jihad draws lines she won't cross (explicitly explains that they're not dating, that she wouldn't touch him) and Jamie respects those boundaries. Nothing haram occurs, but I also adored the fact that the relationship can be what it is, without forcing romantic intentions for the sake of book sales (I've seen it too often). 🦇
I hope a talented Bookstagram artist reads this and turns every single one of Jihad's murals into real pieces. 🦇
Recommended to fans of Seasons of Glass and Iron by Amal El-Mohtar, The Skin and Its Girl, and Evil Eye. 🦇
The Vibes ✨
Magical Realism
Muslim / Hijabi FMC
Islamophobia
Young Adult
Syrian-American FMC
Grief
Poetic Prose
Artistry
Major thanks to the author and publisher for providing an ARC of this book via Netgalley. 🥰 This does not affect my opinion regarding the book. #TheOceanWouldPaintMeBlue 🦇
Quotes 💬
Many words from my language have been co-opted out of their beautiful, resonant meanings and made to be weapons of fear.
Our words, our meanings, my name, my meaning— all crushed under the boot of racism.
I’m the odd one out. My colors are bleached. They’re a whirlwind of gray when once they were the deepest blue.
Ignorance is not an excuse anymore.
When I drew and painted, it was a blessing, making things that weren’t there appear. Making the colors dance.
Gh’erbe, I think. غِرْبِة No word in English comes close to the true meaning of the word in Arabic. The root word of it meaning “to withdraw.” From it comes many words with the same meaning. The sunset. The absence of light. At its essence, it’s being a stranger in a strange country.
For people like Mason, I have to stand out to be embraced. I have to cure cancer, be a heavyweight champion, establish myself as an essential human being who has contributed greatness to the world in order for my other “less attractive” aspects to be accepted.
"Nothing happens when people who look like me speak up.”
“You’ll meet so many people with preconceived ideas of how they expect you to act,” I tell Jamie, even though I know this is more of a reality for me as a hijabi than it will be for him. My whole image screams Muslim, while he has the privilege of ambiguity. Not that he wouldn’t face discrimination. But it wouldn’t be the way I face it. “And when you shatter those ideas, they will pat you on the back for not being the stereotype. Because fundamentally they think the stereotype is what’s normal. This happens with everyone. Even with allies.” I breathe in deeply, hold the air in my lungs before letting it go. “You will spend so much time trying to convince people you’re just a human being.”
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