Don’t Play It Safe

and end up trapped in your own dirty body forever and ever and ever she/her, dyke, 20s. storygraph, letterboxd, and ao3 @bauliya. patron saint of questionably-acquired library cards.

[bauliya]

i find grinding on a thigh (the thiccer and muscular the better) more pleasurable than even getting oral so you can imagine what watching the best thighs in the world flex in 4K UHD on my TV every night is doing to me. anyway mbappe better behead that argentine loser

[bauliya]

ON THE EXGRRREEE OF MY FUCKING BED PROLLE GO SWITZERLAND GO!!!! KILL THEM!

[bauliya]

argentina rot in fucking hell

[bauliya]

ON THE EXGRRREEE OF MY FUCKING BED PROLLE GO SWITZERLAND GO!!!! KILL THEM!

[shaneholeander]

I fully understand this isn’t everyone, but love the sect of m/m shippers who don’t want to be inserted into the relationship at all. dont want to fuck them, don’t want x/reader. this isn’t about me it’s about my boys being in situations and then fucking about it. I’m barely a fly on the wall im not even here.

[bossymarmalade]

this used to be most of fandom 😫

[derryderrydown]

Too nice and accurate to stay in comments, @petralemaitre

#my blorbos are not my type#they are each other's type

[bauliya]

I do believe I have Figured Out™ makeup and it is literally just setting powder and setting spray

[bauliya]

you just need to set with powder and spray after every single Layer and that’s It. that is literally it. your makeup looks bad because it’s melting 5 seconds after you put it on. you need like two prep products for every thing you actually “see”. it’s so boring and mechanical and so much more expensive and arduous than swiping on lipstick + eyeliner.

[bauliya]

anyway if you’re someone who actually wants to Do Makeup and Have It Look Good, stop wasting money on a 100 blushes or lioglosses or w/e, get a decent face thing to cover up + a solid powder + setting spray + 1-2 Colour Products. do your eyebrows if u want and then do your “cover up” layer (foundation and/or concealer and/or tinted moisturiser etc) and dust face powder and setting spray (called setting it). do your “color” face layer (blush+ contour + highlight + bronzer or w/e) and Set It. do ur eyes (eyeshadow + mascara + liner or w/e u want) and Set It. lipliner if you’re doing colourful lips!!! and w/e u want. u can use one solid lipstick for blush eyes lips everything it literally doesn’t matter. you need the boring boring booooooring stuff like concealer and your aunty’s face powder and setting spray and not that celebrity’s 60th blush stick drop that costs 15 dollars for a tinyyyyy tube which will never be restocked again.

[bauliya]

I do believe I have Figured Out™ makeup and it is literally just setting powder and setting spray

[bauliya]

you just need to set with powder and spray after every single Layer and that’s It. that is literally it. your makeup looks bad because it’s melting 5 seconds after you put it on. you need like two prep products for every thing you actually “see”. it’s so boring and mechanical and so much more expensive and arduous than swiping on lipstick + eyeliner.

[bauliya]

I do believe I have Figured Out™ makeup and it is literally just setting powder and setting spray

[bauliya]

i’m an anti-imperial liberal. asab (all soldiers are bastards) but police officers perform are workers performing necessary social functions to maintain community safety

[hotniatheron]

Soccer fans joining the battle against evangelicals, maybe we can finally get rid of them

[deervsheadlights]

look even if you arent into grace/rocky you just HAVE to admit they explored each others bodies on the journey to erid. just to see whats up. the scientific boundary-crossing is already canon. and you wanna tell me those two intellectually curious guys trapped in a tin can for 3-4 years didnt at least get up to some weird shit for enrichment? dont make me laugh

[deervsheadlights]

#i know this post is supposed to have a sexual connotation but imo they're getting weirder than that#rocky lets grace observe his entire digestive process with an adapted x-ray machine#they make some slapdash endoscopy equipment so rocky can look down grace's esophagus and stomach#grace lets rocky pull a tooth for study because he's fascinated by the human body producing something that's similarly sturdy#to himself (also he wants to have it professionally embedded into his carapace as soon as they get to erid but shhhh)#rocky chips off pieces from his own mantle (his deformed legs are already brittler than the rest of him so it's not like it's hard)#also for “study” but is internally debating himself on how to ask grace if he's ever considered subdermal piercings#grace gives himself multiple surgicial lacerations so rocky can get a better view of his sinew and muscle#and document the (from his mostly inorganic perspective) insane restorative ability of human skin#maybe grace even lets some of them get infected on purpose so he can show off his immune system#anyways that being said#rocky is not a biologist and probably doesn't know the exact chemical make-up of his internal tissue.#so they're definitely shoving a heat protected spectrometer up his cloaca

no no @ecobanshee youre right on the money. its definitely also about all of that.

[knownqueerbaiter]

Hi my name is Shane Dirr’ty Fuckin Dangles Boys Hollander and I have silky fucking mitts (that’s how I got my name) and short spiky black hair that I bleached once for juniors and a lot of people tell me I play like Sidney Crosby (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Scott Hunter but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a hockey player but my teeth are still real. I have freckles on my face. I’m also in the NHL and I play for a team called the Voyageurs in Montreal where I’m the captain (I’m 24). I’m a forward (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly hockey gear. I love CCM and I buy all my gear from there. For example today I was wearing my Voyageurs jersey with the blue and white stripes and the matching hockey pants, black pads, blue socks and black skates. Underneath I was wearing black compression gear, a jockstrap and a helmet with a visor on top. I was skating in the arena. The Zamboni had just gone through so the ice was fresh, which I was very happy about. A lot of Raiders stared at me. I pulled a sick fucking deke on them.

[nyantara]

LUKAKU I WILL KEEP GLAZING YOU

[nyantara]

all that work to bring soccer to the us, paying out the nose for messi to play at miami, privately fundraising to get a top level coach your federation can't afford, getting trump to cheat for you and then your goalkeeper freezes like a baby deer for an instantly memeable goal that will humiliate your program for the next 4 years atleast.

[nyantara]

then losing 4-1 to the worst belgium team in the last 10 years at home. like atleast canada got humiliated by world cup semifinalists morocco and are coached by jesse marsch.

[bauliya]

I’m just saying the US has Spanish translations for most public signs, telemundo can provide us w English subtitling for the commentary at least 😭

[bauliya]

I’ve been in New York a week and I hate everyone rich enough to afford a house in UES/UWS and also my past self for not applying to a school in the city

[bauliya]

rip to all 4th of july plans cancelled due to the heat u were fun while u lasted

[bauliya]

iwtv is not, contrary to popular belief, about sex or vampires or yaoi or interviews or the nature of celebrity, but parents crying and sobbing and beating their chests over the death of their daughter. the story does not kill claudia to highlight the destruction of vampirism. the story is about vampires because claudia dies and that pain is longer than a human lifetime.