Thoughts and Rambles

[bavyjaga]

I miss the days when I was clueless. When my only worry was what to make for dinner. I miss being able to rely on you. I miss holding your hand. The sitting around playing poker. The laughter we shared. It was so easy. Now i look back and realize all that I missed. It's gone forever just a memory held close to my heart. We have different lives now. Mere strangers. Perhaps more than that but nothing past it. My life feels empty at times. I keep pushing forward because i got myself into this. I accept my mistake and my flaws. So I smile and laugh and take a step forward knowing that one day I'll look back again. My eyes will get misty and I'll probably cry. But i know every step will lead me to where I'm supposed to be. Just know, together or apart you'll forever be in my heart.

[bavyjaga]

I wish to go back in time and change a few things. Well, maybe just one. But i know it's too late. Time keeps on running even when we stumble. Even when we struggle to move. It just keeps going. So what choice do we have? Keep picking ourselves up. Find a way to move even if it doesn't align with the tick tock of the clock. Gotta keep going one way or another. Whether we choose to do it with a smile or a frown. Time keeps going, it doesn't turn around.

[bavyjaga]

Pesadillas

[bavyjaga]

Cold

I feel cold. I miss you and I don’t. Your kiss, your touch, they are so roughly soft. I want you near, I want you far, hate that I don’t listen to my screaming heart. What’s this I feel? Is it love or lust? Is it hate or regret? How can one person bring all this out in me? Do I deserve you? Do you deserve me? Please answer me before I go crazy.

[bavyjaga]

Don’t Tailgate Me

Normally I drive at the speed limit. Not usually in a rush or hurry to get where I’m going. So, when someone decides that they will try to intimidate me by tailgating me, here’s a news flash for you...I won’t move any faster for you! Pass me, drive slower, or flip me off and piss off in your pants, I don’t care. But maybe you should consider taking a deep breath and lowering your possibly high blood pressure before you pop a vein...just saying. Please don’t tailgate me.

[bavyjaga]

Sadly Funny

I’ve been going over and over it in my head. Should I call you? Do I text you? Just anything to get a response from you. As I finished my long text to you, I realize that’s always been my problem. Texting you, calling you, begging you to come see me. So I slowly delete the words. I feel relieved I didn’t hit send. Last night I called you one last time to try and patch things up. What did you do? You ignored my call. What a surprise. Of course it doesn’t matter to you like it does to me. It’s pretty funny now that I’m writing this down. Here I am pouring my heart out and for what? Just to get ignored. Oh geez, the more I write, the more I see how funny this sounds. So you don’t love me. I’ve got to accept that it’s okay. Really, what else is there to say? Sometimes I wonder if I really do love you as much as I keep telling myself. Maybe I’m just rambling on but I’ve got to admit, it sounds funny as I continue writing it down.