///This dream isn’t feeling sweet
We’re reeling through the midnight streets
And I’ve never felt more alone
It feels so scary, getting old///
I love taking pictures of people close to me. I like when they pose and feel special for a few shutters of a camera. I find myself scrolling through my phone for photos of me WITH my friends, but usually find only portraits.
Graduation is in 42 days, and I don’t know where I’m going to be living or working within the next two months. Frankly, I don’t know if a major life decision will happen two weeks from now. I’m trying to live in the moment for these remaining days of undergrad. Walking through campus alone, I stop in my tracks to observe my surroundings. I plant my feet firmly on the sidewalk to increase my self-awareness; my ability to feel and stand tall. I look at several spaces on the quad and see myself rushing to classes with headphones in, enjoying a newly-released album that’s old news today. I think about the problems I had then, and how I grew from them. I think about the hot days, the cold days, the crisp fall days. The laughs, the tears, the angry phone calls and grins from peers.
These three people are incredibly important to me. When I graduate, I don’t know what proximity we’ll be from one another. All of our futures are unpredictable, if I’m being honest with myself. I’m happy I have these photos to look at whenever I want to remember these happy, blissful moments.
Photo One: Hannah Williams. Best friend. Artist. > Cape Cod, MA, 2017
Photo Two: Alexa Johnson. Roommate. Writer. > Museum of Fine Arts > Boston, MA, 2018
Photo Three: Samuel Wood. Lover. Broadcaster. > Alley-Bi Saloon > Lincoln, IL, 2017
Hannah and Alexa and I are graduating college in May. We’re best friends and we have been for ten years. Alexa and I have lived together for three years, and our Hannah has been getting her degree at Boston University. The distance wasn’t detrimental to our bond. We were able to visit Hannah twice during her time there. Through breakups, self-discovery, mental health problems, family crises, high school, our middle school emo phases, (that never really ended) concerts, bonfires, train rides, long talks in our cars, school dance photos…we grew together. Our degrees in English, journalism and art history can take us anywhere, but I don’t want us to be too far apart.
Sam is a 26-year-old heartthrob. I absolutely hated him (in an endearing way?) when we first met. I was mad that I was intrigued by him. I’d walk into his house, look at him and say, “What am I doing here?”
He’s a working man in Bloomington, and I am obviously about to enter the workforce myself. I don’t know where I’m going to be hired, and I don’t want to leave him behind. I feel a sense of grief thinking about leaving him here while i go work somewhere else. He tells me to follow my dreams and that he’ll follow me and figure it out…but life isn’t always that simple. We haven’t been together for too long but he makes me so happy. He makes me feel human, valid, loved, important, and…happy. He’s so humble, giving, nurturing… I miss him so quickly. I didn’t see him for ten days during my winter break and there were days we just felt torn to pieces without each other. I need his calming aura, his hugs and his soothing voice. I hate that I’ve always been told to do my thing and never worry about boys…but damn y’all this boy is different. We have something special.
The Predatory Wasp in the Palisades Is Out to Get Us!—Sufjan Stevens
Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space—Spiritualized
