B.C. Byron

author and illustrator

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Unique

I am unique.That's what I'm told.When I was made,they broke the mold.That mold wasjust for me they say,So when it broke on making day,they went and used it anyway.-B.C. Byron I’m unique, just like everyone else Buy my book here Are your kids risk takers?

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Mikey's Muscle Madness

Eric's pretty proud about his tummy,Hard as rock -A prize he earned by exerciseAnd sweating 'round the clock.His two pack is impressive, yes.But Suzy's up to four.Suzy never eats a bite of sweets,Nor any junk.She's careful 'bout the caloriesShe's adding to her trunk.Her tum is trim and free of fat,But four's the lower score.Darryl has a rocky six packChiseled on his waist.For moulding muscled…

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Risk Taker

There are a few risksyou shouldn't takeLike playing jump ropewith a rattlesnake,Or tasting the green thingyour brother baked,Stitching a woundwith the caffeine shakes,Driving a carwhile cutting a cake,Combing your hairwith a rusty old rake,Swimming around in a yellow lake,Bacon and butter and lardon your steak,Or using a forkliftwhile half awake.But just TRY your spinach,For goodness sake.-B.C.…

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Meaty Thoughts

You are made of meat,But not the kind we eat.You're tough to chew,But still it's trueThat YOUAre made of meat. You shouldn't go in a burger.You'd make a TERRIBLE burger.'Cause eatin' folkIs not a joke,And I'm pretty sure that's murger. Now, let's NOTTake this THOUGHTAny further.-B.C. Byron Buy my book here

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Easter Trip Review

I met the Easter BunnyOn an island in the sea.He was lined upwith his buddies,He was looking down on me. Then I tried to find his candy,But there wasn't any there,And when I asked about itHe just gave a stony stare. He didn't fill my basket.He had no painted eggs.He didn't hop around much'Cause he hadn't any legs. I don't know what the fuss is'Bout a rabbit made of stone.That bunny's reputationIs…

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Vegetables Have Feelings Too

The vegetables are weeping.The fruits, in horror, screaming.Bananas being skinned alive,And carrot bodies steaming.The oranges and the lemonsCrushed and squeezed until they bleed,A fried potatopocalypse,The green beans beg and plead.All chopped up and diced and sliced,Or boiled and broiled,Or bagged and iced.These plants,They never had a chance,They died without a second glance.They're ripped…

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Manly Boots

I bought myself a pair of manly bootsfor wearing at my very manly work.When feet are deep in dangerous pursuits,the metal covered toes can be a perk. They're nail and car and knifeand bullet proof,a manly preparation for the worst.They're heavy and the cost wasthrough the roof,but awesomeness and safety come in first. Tornadoes and explosions may combine,and my body may be vaporized to dust,But…

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Wishercizing

I put on all the stretchy clothes,The ones that cost a lot.I mix up fancy powder drinks,The kind as thick as snot.I drive across the town to gym,The place that has a pool,Machines I don't know how to use,And weights for looking cool.It has a bar for smoothies too,A sauna and a hot tub,And fancy towels,And yoga goats,A meditation club.I visualized a thinner me,And lofty goals were set.I thought…

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Parents Shouldn't Have to Say

Your sister is not a chair.Don't put bacon in your hair.No, you can't keep snakes in there.Yes, you DO need underwear.Your dress is not a napkin,and neither is my face.Baths are not an option.Going potty's not a race. I'm sure the dog likes whip cream,but not inside her ear.A shirt is not for eating.A fork is not a spear.You can't ride on the cat,or swing on Daddy's beard.I hope you know we love…

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It's Okay to be Amazed

It's okayto be amazed at the world.So let that mouth hang openWhen it's morethan you were hopin'.Let that everyday surpriseBlow your mind and widen eyes.It's okayto be amazed at the world.There's no need to push it underIf your life is full of wonder.Never hide it.Let it glow.Never fear to let it show.Growing up can make it fade,But that's not how we were made.We were meant to beamazed at the…

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A Fear of Pickles

I'm hiding underneath my bed today.I'm staying 'til the pickles go away.Perhaps you think it all is rather sillyThat vegetables can make my spine go chilly,But I can feel the pickles watching me,My salty, slimy, greenish enemy.It's better not to face the sour nightmare,To be caught by salty snack foods unaware,So I'm hiding underneath my bed today,And I'm staying 'til the pickles go away. I…

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Airhead

Give your nose a little push,Then listen for the quiet whoosh.You're told there's only brain in there,But are you sureit isn't air?That cranium can hold a lot,Make room in thereFor more than snot.You gotta' let the knowledge in,So fingers up now,Let's begin.Just give your nose a little pushAnd listenFor the whoosh.-B.C. Byron Good thing my neck is made of taffy, or this air filled head could be…

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Misfortune Cookie

It's nice to follow fried ricewith a helpful fortune cookie,but the message that Jan got this timewas ominous and spooky."So sorry for this awful news,and the mind which you will shortly lose." It's just a piece of paper, right?She shouldn't be concerned.Jan opened up another one,but the fortune was confirmed."You'll certainly go crazy soon.Most likely by this afternoon." So, stubbornly Jan…

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The Mustache King

I saw a mighty manly mustacheHigh up on the mountain,Majestic whiskers blowing free,A flowing hairy fountain.The one they said no man can claim,Too wild to ever tame.A 'stache like that without a faceIs such a cryin' shame. So I saddled up my trusty horse,I brought my mustache rope.I rode to meet the mustache rogue,To catch it was my hope.I tracked it through the rain and cold,I hardly slept or…

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Unicorns Can't Cook

Everybody knowsThat a unicorn can't cook,'Cause fingers are requiredTo hold a recipe book.Everybody knowsThat you don't put hay in cake,And a pile of grass with oatsDoes not a cookie make.You don't need bits of carrotIn everything you bake,But unicorn's don't know that,They're a pet for goodness sake.Everybody saysThat a unicorn's no chef.In cooking schoolAn animalWould surely get an F.But…

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Cyborg

Got tired of lugging phones around.I haven't got the pocket space.A cellphone's now inside my head.For calls,I poke my face.My hand has got a screen implant,I give my thumb a twist,Then scroll my palm for hours,Tapping buttons on my wrist.My brain connects to wi-fi.I can text you with a thought.I search the web on eyelids.I'm practically a robot.When analog biologyMeets digital technology,It…

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Coleprosatic-mumpsile-flu

I think I have the Covid,And a nasty Monkey Flu,With a little touch of leprosy,And mumps and measles too.This horrible contagious mix,Disease-y viral stew,Is keeping me from work today,That's why I'm calling you.It's rare,But all the symptoms fit,Coleprosatic-mumpsile-flu.I found it on internet,Where everything is true.It says that I'll miss work for months,It says that I'll turn pink,My fingers…

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