“I’m Funny, Love Me.”

Once upon a time, a girl saw a post about breadsticks.

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Karissa: You have the right to remain silent.

Hunter: I choose to waive that right.

Hunter: *screams*

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“I wouldn’t share an unsolicited dick pic, not even out of basic respect to the dude that sent it but just because I’m not subjecting my friends to that too”

“Oh so what I’m hearing is if I send you a dick pic you’re not going to share it”

“THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT”

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Mattie: I currently have seven unused notebooks and no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?

Stephanie: Put spaghetti in them.

Mattie: I am currently taking suggestions from anyone but you.

Karissa: Put spaghetti in them.

Mattie: I am currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.

Clay: Put spaghetti in the-

Mattie: I am no longer taking suggestions.

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Daniella: Hi!

Everyone:

No one:

Daniella: Everyone’s bones are wet and they only feel dry when touched because they’re absorbing the moisture from your skin.

Emily: Why would you say that?!

Daniella: No one said hi back.

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Emily: Hunter are you okay?

Hunter: yeah why

Emily: Because I just watched you fall down a flight of stairs, lay on the floor a minute, and start singing the baby shark song.

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Dedy: Karissa, you look awful. What happened?

Karissa: Finals happened.

Karissa: But on the bright side, I haven’t slept in 69 hours.

Dedy: Whats good about that?!

Stephanie, in the distance: NICE

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Karissa, texting at an un-Christian hour of the night: Hey Hunter can I ask you a question?

Hunter: I guess

Karissa: ...

Hunter: ...

Karissa: ᴰᵒ your dogs ᵗʰᶦⁿᵏ ᴵ'ᵐ ᶜᵒᵒˡˀ

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Mattie: When you asked if I wanted to watch your favorite show, this wasn't exactly what I pictured...

Stephanie, staring staring intensely at that GIF of Elon Musk holding a flamethrower: I don’t know what you mean.

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Clay: I’m gonna drink my sorrows away.

Clay: *opens a caprisun*

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Mattie: I wanna dance with somebody!

Hunter: I wanna feel the YEET with somebodyyyyy!

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Hunter: Yum, Thanks!

Clay, putting more duct tape over his mouth: I SAID STOP EATING IT

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Karissa: Hey do you think I could fit eighteen marshmallows in my mouth?

Stephanie: You are a hazard to society.

Mattie: And a coward. Do twenty.

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Karissa: Alright guys... and, um, everyone else in the room.

Daniella: It’s alright Karissa, “guys” is fine. We don’t mind.

Karissa: No. I need to think of something non-gender-specific. What about “team?”

Daniella: Fellow Peers?

Stephanie: The Jesus Dudes?

Mattie: The BCA coven of hoes?

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Karissa, looking at a map: Wow. It really is a barren, featureless wasteland out there isn’t it?

Stephanie: The other side Karissa.

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Mattie: I love that we say “oh man” to express disappointment.

Karissa: Because men are, in fact, disappointing.

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Hunter: We’re going to play a game.

Mattie: okay?

Hunter: I’m going to ask you a question and you’re going to say the first thing that comes to mind.

Mattie: okay?

Hunter: Purple or orange?

Mattie: Purple.

Hunter: cupcakes or pie?

Mattie: cupcakes.

Hunter: London or Paris?

Mattie: neither?

Hunter: Will you marry me?

Mattie: N-

Karissa, from far away: will you marry me- what kind of question- of course I’ll marry you- what did you think-

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Karissa: Morning

Caleb: Morning

Hunter: Morning

Mattie: Morning

Karissa: You all sound like robots. Try to spice it up a bit.

Turner, bursting through the door at 8am: MORNING MOTHERF****RS!!!