Barry was expecting the worst case scenario, that no one would be there. That Sebastian had moved on, moved away, and left nothing behind as a tell to where he’s gone. The fact that all he left was a note, nothing more, and nothing less. Why couldn’t he have done something else? Something more? That speed force storm took him away, because it was his responsibility. Even though the idea made his stomach fill with dread… he didn’t get to tell the other how much he loved him. How much he didn’t want to leave him. Did anyone tell him? No, because they kept their relationship separate from STAR Labs, and the like. He wanted what they had to be just them. Clearly he hadn’t thought that idea through, considering the situation they found themselves in. Next time ( if that ever happens, which he hopes doesn’t ) they should fix that, introduce Sebastian to his family. His friends. God… what if the younger believed he left on purpose? That he no longer wanted to be with him? Just a misleading note, and abandoning their relationship. No. No.
Sebastian knew him better than that, knew he would never do such a thing. Even when they argued or fought, he’d never hurt his lover, regardless who they were, like that. He loved Sebastian, loved being around him, being with him, kissing, holding his hand, cuddling, and just…. everything they had. It took a while for them to get where they were, before he was swept away due to his lifestyle, and mistakes. Barry had so much time on his hands to think over their relationship. Inside the speedforce, it wasn’t like here, a day could seem infinite, a number of life times. There were moments when he almost forgot who he was, but he’d remember. He’d remember he was Barry Allen, the Flash, the fastest man alive. That he had friends, family, and a lover. A lover that he left behind, who was all alone with no explanation. And then the guilt comes, followed swiftly by determination. The determination to fix this if he ever got out.
Thanks to his team it happened. Thanks to them he was out there, breathing fresh air, to be with all the people who were left behind. Specifically– Sebastian. Tell him the truth, what happened that night, he had no choice, it was his job. A consequence of his selfish actions. This wasn’t his fault, Sebastian hadn’t driven him away, even when they were in disagreement.
“Sebastian…” he muttered softly again, watching him. Everything had been in slow motion as the door opened. The sound of glass breaking, his expression, his body language. It wasn’t one of anger, of hate, distrust– if anything, it was one of shock. It’s been so long since he’d seen him in person, standing there in surprise. His love looked like a mess, a beautiful mess, but still one nonetheless. Swallowing around the lump in his throat, his nerves being being a little frazzled, and he takes a step forward. Another, and another. He shouldn’t rush this. It was too important. “H-hey,” he said with a small smile, sad, and apologetic graced his lips. Eventually he reached him, not caring about the broken glass on the floor, nor the fact that there was a box. Sebastian had been packing, he was going to leave this place. Their apartment, their home. Not that the speedster blamed him.
Reaching out, he gently cupped his face, a small gasp escaped him,to feel him beneath his fingertips. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, I was– I was in the speedforce, I didn’t have time. I thought about you every day, there wasn’t a day I didn’t miss you.” Barry pressed their foreheads together, he can feel them, the tears starting, escaping, and he didn’t care. He was home. “I love you…I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
If one of them were to ever run away in fear of love it would be Sebastian, in all honesty. The man that lifts himself up with cockiness and strength has a fear of falling in too deep because that’s when he has to face being vulnerable. So that’s why when he thought it might have been Barry that ran away from what they had become-- it left him feeling like he didn’t know who he was and he didn’t know who Barry was either. And after that when his suspicions turned to the fact that maybe something bad happened to Barry? The constant checking of the newspapers each morning with his cup of coffee that tasted more bitter than usual? It was a state of paranoia. Worry. Anxiety that the person he loves could be in some kind of danger, or could be gone. Before that, Sebastian had never truly experienced something like that because this was the first time he could truly say he felt what it was to be in love.
Sebastian cared about Barry and he knew that if he would have had lost him that he would never try for love again, because he wasn’t a searcher of it. He’s a seeker of a one night stand and never talking again. Getting dirty but not getting settled down. Tasting the risks and lusts of life without commitment or emotion. Barry made him feel like he had a home as a person. With them, it just happened, completely by mistake.. and now it was the greatest mistake that had ever happened to him. This relationship had changed him. Barry had become the most important thing to him. Now that they stood face to face and as he stared back at the man he thought he lost? There wasn’t even a half-second to think about all of that. All he could think was that he was glad he wasn’t dead. All he could feel is that he didn’t want to let him slip away again.
Before he could fully process the fact that he had him back their foreheads were being pressed together and he could feel the warmth radiating from Barry, heartbeat speeding up from a plethora of abstractly differing emotions that ran through his head. Taking a deep breath, he listens to Barry speak and slowly begins to shake his head in disagreement with the way he began apologizing. Why was he saying sorry? That wasn’t what Sebastian wanted. Barry had to partake in his work as The Flash, he did it for humanity. For the city. For everyone. Hell, for him. No part of that was to blame or pin as a wrong doing. Maybe the pain would have been worse for Barry if he would have had the chance to say goodbye for that many months. Sebastian didn’t believe in apologies like this one. It had happened and nobody was at fault. The man hated moping around in sadness and sorrow or being some poor thing that had to be tended to. ❝No.. ❞ Eyebrows furrowed a bit and a shaky breath is inhaled as a hand rests on Barry’s waist.
"Stop apologizing, Barry. Stop saying you’re sorry--” Sebastian pauses abruptly, eyes flickering back and forth from the floor where glass is shattered and back up to Barry’s face, the feeling of the man he’s holding onto almost being unreal because it was starting to become so possible that he’d never see him again and now he’s right here. It’s a dream mixed with a strange urge to never let go again. “Just fucking promise me you’re okay.. Promise me you’re real-- that you’re really here..” He sounded crazy at this point but his head was spinning. The last thing he wanted was to seem weak. Barry had just got back from.. who knows what. Nothing about Barry’s work as The Flash was simple. So for him to come home and Sebastian to be broken? Visibly? It wasn’t an option. It was just too close to being his biggest fear and now he could breathe again. The air he sucked in wasn’t clouded and toxic anymore.
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