1. a colour intermediate between red and blue.

Ha...that was fair.

Petra swung the door open. As desperate as his guilt was to be soothed, he knew that it wouldn't be his comfort willing the door open. It shouldn't be. He wasn't the one suffering, just as she said. So he accepted it, water being dumped all over his head. He looked like a stupid, rejected dog. Like some guy getting rejected after begging for a second chance.

How were you not supposed to sound like an ass right now? He either left it at 'i'm sorry' and offered nothing, completely heartless. Or he offered his head like he was, sounding like a neurotic prick with a guilty conscious. Which he was. So, he guessed he'd rather know he offered than turning a blind eye. Swallow some more guilt.

"I can't pay your medical bills but I can prostrate myself to make it better?" Louis asked, locks dripping as he sat in the puddle.

"I'm sorry." Louis answered again. His eyes sort of stung. He held it back. This girls fucking life was ruined.

It was his fault.

"I will pay for your medical care. Just have Sam wire it. You don't have to deal with me."

"But let me do something."

"It's my fault."

#asinusxdomi #.petra #tw suicide

// " No. Because I know how it feels to have something taken away and I'm not going to let it happen the second time. What if you disappear on me? " She scoffed, dropping the plastic bottle onto his head, letting it bounce away. Her voice was flat, it didn't match her smile. " Saying like it's all your fault doesn't change anything, it doesn't even make you interesting. You can't control every thing. "

" Though... you wanna do something? "

" Then stop making every thing about you for once. "

Look at him, a man trying to suffer so beautifully, begging for relief. Sopping wet like a rat. " You're no better than the men who use me for pleasure. You don't get the right to use me to make yourself feel better, so I better not see a single cent come into my bank account. You don't get that right. "

" So, suck it up. Or kill yourself. "

"..." Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Louis felt his throat tighten. Anxiety made a sound almost leave his mouth, but...what the hell was there to say?

It was a risk of the job. Yeah. Sure. But a job she hadn't wanted fucking her over for the umpteenth time? Promising to seal her into a fate she didn't get a say in? Louis felt immediately sick. And, just as Petra predicted, guilt ate at him. And what was he supposed to say?

He wasn't stupid. HIV untreated meant AIDS. And as far as we'd come, that was a death sentence without frequent care. Medications, doctor appointments--god forbid if progressed. She didn't have insurance either.

"...fuck. I'm sorry." He seemed to realize how tone deaf that was in the situation though. "--I'm sorry. Sincerely. I won't have any words to make that better."

"I don't give a shit about the clients right now. Are you alright? We--" You're not a martyr. He kept trying to tell himself. But this compulsion over came him, desperate. "--I--I let me do more then. Sam didn't fire you right? This was your choice?"

// Soft footsteps would retreat from the door, before coming right back. The door opened all the way, revealing a petite, natural beauty. Her smile no doubt was her biggest charm point. It was too bad Louis would only be able to appreciate it for a moment before she dumped a bottle of water on his sitting person.

" You're sorry? Now I have to manage your guilt, when I’m the one dealing with a life-changing diagnosis? So what if Sam fired me or if this was my choice- it's not like I can go back. "

" And do more? Do you have a time-machine handy? What- you're going to fund me my whole miserable life so I can be in-debt to you? Are you going to buy back my identity, my dignity? "

" How about, you get on your knees and bow low, maybe that will make me feel better. "

#asinusxdomi #.petra

"I'm not about to brow beat you to give me information, no. Thank you for what you offered." He was frustrated, but it wasn't really her problem either. He wanted to push for more--perhaps he validly could. But what else was he gonna ask?

His guilt panged at his chest as she mentioned her future was ruined. Immediately he blamed himself. What was he? Some fucking martyr? No one people didn't take him serious. God he hated himself.

"--can I ask one more time. What was the breaking point? What made you leave finally, after all these years? It's my last question, I promise."

// There was a short silence again. Well, if her life was ruined, and this Louis character was so desperate to feel guilty-

" I got diagnosed with HIV. There, happy? " It was the first time she said it aloud and it seemed to open new wounds, even if she received the news ages ago. Yet, she couldn't help but smile about it. Probably a coping mechanism.

For her, it was a death sentence. No family, no high school diploma, no stable income or proper insurance to pay the bills. Forget about finding love either, used goods through and through.

" Asshole said, if he couldn't have me, no one could. Isn't that funny? I feed the delusions of the lonely and get punished. "

" Ah- and in case you're worried, he told me upfront, and I got myself tested before I saw new clients. "

#asinusxdomi #.petra

"Yeah..." Louis felt a somberness choke him in that moment. He wasn't about to argue with her, after all. She endured it. If she said it hadn't improved, then he trusted it. Which meant...even after all these years--almost 20 years--he'd fucking failed.

Had he done anything? Or was he just a puppet the same as his dad had been? He made a profit off it...was he just as fucking dirty? No matter what he did? Feeling himself starting to sink, he picked himself up with a long inhale. Again, for the third time, he ran his hand over his face.

"Yeah. I can't change the fuckers that purchase. It's not like it's common the cream of the crop buyin'." He answered softly. "--I'm still going to try though. I don't blame you for calling it useless. I don't blame you for saying I haven't done jack shit. I'm glad you're being honest. But...I'll keep trying."

#( ooc. )#(( you just gotta find the symbols hehe

// " Hmm~? So what now, just here to collect feedback? Other than the one-time payment for my survey answers, is that all?"

That moment of self-pity came and went just like that. From the sound of her voice, she returned to her peppy self. Sarcastic, dripping with hatred but with an unmistakable sprinkle of melancholy.

" If that's all, I've got more important things to tend to. What with my future all ruined and all, I've got to find some way to spend all this cash before my time is up. You better not be smoking, I hate cigarette trash. "

#asinusxdomi #.petra

ohhhh reading korean is so easy, it like a sandwich recipe

ingredients:

you read a symbol left to right, top to bottom

my sandwich recipe

사 랑 해

사 = ㅅ (s) + ㅏ (a) = sa 랑 = ㄹ (r/l) + ㅏ (a) + ㅇ (ng) = rang 해 = ㅎ (h) + ㅐ (ae) = hae

and the sandwich means - saranghae " I love you " :)

"...I'm fine." No he wasn't. Just as the stranger said, he had been staring at the characters on the menu for minutes now. And they didn't make anymore sense than when he started. Mama K was right. He was a disgrace. And fuck D!o Lingo for telling him he'd be proficient in weeks (granted...he'd done a few of the lessons high).

There was a slow drop of his pride. A sigh.

"I'm trying to find which one is the fried pork belly so I can see how its written and pronounced. Sam--...uh--Samgyeopsal? Right?"

#asinusxdomi #—《 acquiescent cuckold 》 “ nikki ” ⁽ ᶦᶜ ⁾ —

// " It's Sam-gyeo-sal. You're pronouncing it like a 'J'. " Nikki couldn't help but laugh at his helplessness, he could imagine the aunties back home holding a hand to their ears, trying to understand what he was saying.

The man had a Korean face, but his jawline was a little too western. It was a little uncommon to find non-natives in the area, considering it was a town that was gatekept by other Koreans with the lack of English signage and unappealing interiors. Nikki moved seats, feeling the strain from stretching his neck and helped him look over the menu.

" It's pretty simple, you can think of it like a sandwich. The symbols all sound the same, so you just gotta find what the ingredients of the sandwich sound like and say them together.

So this word 삼, Sam, it's like a sandwich recipe you read from left to right, top to bottom. ㅅ s-ㅏa- ㅁ m-. And a word is just a bunch of sandwiches in a row. "

At least... this is how he taught the little one at home.

cosmicdreamt

Ah. So that's what that sound was. It was all starting to come together. She sighs and rubs the bridge of her nose under her glasses. Now that she's gotten her anger out she can recognize that...well...he was just a desperate kid.

The least she could do was give him an explanation and try to help him out in some way.

"Dunno, but my job isn't just to 'destroy all bad dreams'. My job is to keep nightmares from becoming all consuming to the point they essentially cause their hosts to have a crash out and star losing their marbles in the waking world. In the same vein, I do the same with DREAMS should they give someone too big of an ego they start to do the same. In short? My job is to make sure things stay balanced."

Then she squints.

"Where did you hear about Dream Walkers anyway? People know it exists but not many actually believe in it unless they're spiritual, and then they wouldn't be trying to start a rumor like that around these parts."

#cosmicdreamt #— ❝ ɢᴜᴇsᴛ ᴡʜᴏ ? ❞ | ( minato nishimura. )

// " Ah... so even if I went through with tonight, it would've have changed much huh... " Minato wilted, unable to believe he would've committed such a heinous act for absolutely no reason.

" This condition of mine is kinda recent, it's vague but I remember someone speaking to me in a dream, saying that I would be cursed or something, and that the only thing I can eat is bad dreams. At first I thought it was a joke, but no matter what I ate, I would never feel full.

I'm not sure how to describe it, but for me to eat a dream, I'd have to sleep near them and experience their nightmare. After I exhausted all the options at home, I'd sleep in shady internet cafes, but things progressively got worse because small nightmares couldn't even sustain me. "

" So when I got desperate... the voice spoke to me again when I tried to sleep... to find a dream walker. A-And when you're desperate, you'll pick through rocks to find a diamond. So... I went through a lot of fakes to find you... asking anyone I could. " It wasn't hard to imagine his relief and desperation when she ended up being the real thing.

synaisthimc-a

Zhora paused to think. he seemed to EXAMINE his arm while he thought about how to respond. " honestly, I'm not quite sure. " he sighed. " the doctor thinks it's likely an elbow injury due to overuse. but I can't exactly stop using it all together, can I? " he added with a slight chuckle.

" I just began feeling it again while at university this morning. it bothered me so much I couldn't focus. " oh, has he not mentioned that he was a student this whole time? and that he was a double major? studying extremely hard? on his way to becoming an even GREATER asset to society? no?? well... at least that was the truth... " do you think a brace might help? "

#synaisthimc #—《 naive temper 》 “ hideki ” ⁽ ᶦᶜ ⁾ —

// " Ah... you're a student? " This whole time, he thought Zhora worked at some artsy firm in the city (he could hardly imagine him wearing a suit).

Hideki carefully pressed a couple places on his arm, extending and bending the elbow slowly to gauge Zhora's reaction, even hearing out the new information out with a concerned expression on his face.

" University students commonly get strains from sitting too long or overworking their hands typing and writing. The tendons are all connected after all... if it isn't that, did you do any sports that might've caused the injury? "

#( ooc. )#(( i offer all of you some soup hehe #hiiii i've been a little dead but that's because i'm project leader for a lot of things and i'm in a lot of committees #but!!! the deadlines for those are finished #now its just study for exams so i'll try to be here #all the new people and friends... i see you! so expect me to paw at ur door sometime soon or drop a rat at your feet

@asinusxdomi

#( ooc. )#asinusxdomi

"...deal?" His cellphone was nestled in his palm, Petra's silence confirming Sam did as he asked before even the confirmation text. Money wasn't the problem. Money had never been the problem. It was a shitty fucking system with him at the reigns trying to say he could make it better...when really it'd be better to just fucking blow it up.

But that left them in the situation Petra described. Many of the workers started in their teens, often dropping out of being pulled from school. A good amount of them didn't even have GEDs--much of anymore that was a requirement, even of manual labor or customer service jobs.

"Yeah. That is definitely a problem. All the more reason I can't just dissolve the places." He laughed to himself, again realizing that he was trying to fix a complex problem that he himself was pessimistic about. There was care--he'd been told too much--but the system was predatory to start. Maybe he wasn't being fair asking Petra after all. A hand ran down his face.

"--the job itself. Did it get better? I got rid of the last guy, replaced him with Sam." It had been about 5 years since he snapped. He still remembered how instinctual it felt to just pull the trigger on the guy, how relieved he was to see his body drop to the ground. There was a dark temptation to watch him bleed out and have to endure the feeling of his skin going cold. He'd scattered his brains across the floor instead, he had mercy but...--god he hoped that fucker was rotting in hell. "I tried to implement changes. Work caps. Client scheduling caps. Stricter policy on wage reports..."

// " The job itself as in... my description? No-- still the same shitty slop as before. Although it was nice to be paid on time, spraying perfume on piles of shit only masks the smell. "

She recalled when she heard the news. Though happy that the asshole was gone, she couldn't allow herself any form of relief. After all, what if the replacement was just as terrible? Petra had nothing against Sam personally, she didn't take shit from anyone... but feeling resentment about your situation was always easier when you blamed it on someone else.

" You can implement changes all you want... but the clientele, with all their flaws and shitty behavior will still remain the same... " Her voice faded a little, as she hid her face in her knees.

"Is a third time confirming I'm a piece of shit going to have any benefit? I'll agree, but we gotta get somewhere." Louis gave a soft sigh, a hand rubbing at his jaw. It wasn't that he was mad; professionally he could be more even kilter when he needed, around his workers at least. But there was only so many times he could agree before it stopped serving a purpose. He had a suspicion that she was pushing for his temper to flare. "Like I said, if you tell me to fuck off, I'll respect it. But you've got information that could benefit, Petra."

"Why you quit. Are you safe and financially secure. What I could do to make the place even a little better for the people still there. If I wanted you back, I wouldn't debase myself repeatedly at your doorstep."

"Name your price or tell me to get lost, would ya?"

// " Making fun of someone who's of a higher standing than me is quite fun. I'll do it as many times as I'm able, it's a rare chance after all. "

The fact he was not hesitant with the money made her pause, wondering how much she could ask for to push for a crack in his white knight persona.

" I want twenty-thousand. And if you--"

Before she could even finish her thought, her phone buzzed in his pocket. The notification made her eyes widen a fraction, in clear numbers deposited into her account the exact amount she asked for just like that.

" Hmph... " She sounded bitter from behind the door. " You better not recall this money later... "

Feeling tired, she sat down on the step entryway, staring at the door. "... I've got enough money for the rest of my life, that's for sure. But I don't have any skills, I didn't go to school. So I won't be able to get a normal job if that's what you're asking. "

"Yeah I could--and I am." Louis answered simply. What was he gonna do? Fault her? For thinking him the same as everyone else that benefitted off them?

He was just as FILTHY as them. Good intentions or not. It was trying to satiate a guilty conscience that would never be satisfied. It felt horrible and relieving at the same time, to be recognized as someone terrible.

"If I close the stores right now, they'll just let another mafia family take it over. One with no one setting policies up to protect. No one that is closely monitoring to try and limit the abuse. If I reduce services without backing, it leaves you all without income to leave with anyways, meaning another family can swoop in offering more money, causing the same problem."

"I'm the villain whether I do something or nothing." So why was he doing it? He was so tired. This conversation just reminded him that he was rotting in anticipation of change. "So you might as well let me do something good while I try for the bigger picture. Give me something to work with."

// " So you thought you'd be the lesser of two evils... how noble of you. Forgive me if I don't bow my head and call you the messiah. "

Petra gave her arms an unnecessary stretch, a response to provide the illusion of comfort whilst faced with an uncomfortable situation. " The bigger picture huh... what is it that you want to know anyway? Why I quit? I may be a cash cow, but surely there are more than plenty of desperate women to fill my shoes. "

" If it's your curiosity, I'm not telling without a fee. You understand, I've got bills to pay. "

"..." A deep breath was taken, his arms folded as the door stayed closed. "You're right. I am exploiting. I am not gonna lie and say my pockets aren't being lined right now. That I didn't plenty of good shit from you guys' misery. I'm not a good guy."

"...but I want to do good things." He felt a self deprecating chuckle bubble up. "One good thing. And if its a delusion or an ego thing, we'll just pray that I did something productive when I was feeding my own grandeur--and that I have the sense to kiss my gun and pull the trigger before I'm completely lost in it."

"But I'm this rich fuckin brat, ya know? I don't know the first thing about struggling. So I need blunt people like you to tell me where to start. It's actually relieving that you're not willing to shit roses at me. Lay it on me."

"Door can stay shut. You don't have to trust my word that I wont take you. Keep yourself safe behind the locked door."

// Petra let out a watery laugh, letting her body lean on a nearby wall.

" You could say I'm not helping myself, letting a young master sit outside my door. For all I know, you could be pretending to be kind, only to screw me over later. " But it wasn't difficult to guess why she lacked the mechanism for self-preservation, her tone of voice oh-so similar to people with nothing left to lose.

" Self-awareness doesn't make you better than other people, it just makes you a bigger hypocrite than anyone else. "

" You wanna know how you can help? Pay my bills for the rest of my life. Pay the bills for all the girls, get them clean. Shut the stores and erase the concept altogether. "

" Easy no? "

kisumitenderly

Kisumi didn’t know if he felt relief to know they could talk later or was it just prolonging the sense of dread. For whatever reason there was a bittersweet burn whenever he went to talk to Nikki. Fear of the unknown of what happened during the stretch of time he believed him to be gone forever, and the overwhelming joy of knowing he was still here, still breathing, could have just been living his normal life.

Yet no matter what he told himself there was no denying that Nikki’s physical state was far from when they departed.

Kisumi returned to the living space to straighten things up, refresh the couch. By the time he finished and turned around Nikki was already walking out from the bedroom towards him. Hair still wet, his figure on display. The sweatsuit hung loose, much more than Kisumi remembered it typically would have. So much weight. Gone.

“That was fast, you know you could have taken your time..” Kisumi insisted but maybe Nikki simply require a lengthy time to bathe. Kisumi would have stood under the warm spray of water for as long as he was allowed. “I’ll take those for you, I have a laundry service.” Kisumi explained gathering up Nikki’s clothes from him and taking them over towards a sack. “How are you feeling?” Kisumi asked with genuine concern as he knew they probably only had a short period of time truly alone. He didn’t want to rush Nikki but hoped to gain a little insight.