coldness

i don’t know what living a balanced life feels like. when i’m sad; i don’t cry, i pour. when i’m happy; i don’t smile, i glow. when i’m angry; i don’t yell, i burn.  bonnie dragov. XXII. hunter.

[prophecysgirl]

[dailyfeartwdgifs]

Alycia Debnam Carey | Comic Con 2017 portraits

[bcnniedrcgov]

-- carlos diaz.

“Okay, good” he nodded, glad that she was okay and didn’t get hurt, too many people already got hurt and passed away, he didn’t want to find out that the list was bigger. With each person he met that got hurt, that list increased, he didn’t want it to increase anymore. “It’s so insane what happened, I feel so bad for the people that lost someone they care about and for the people that got hurt”

               Nodding her head in agreement with his words, Bonnie moved a few pieces of hair out of her face as she tried her best to stand up straight, eyes searching for Evelyn --- or even Kevin, someone that could inform her about the last person that she was craving to lay eyes on. With the amount of deaths and bodies that were being pulled form the wreckage, the anxiety of Evelyn’s face being one of those upon the dead raising as the seconds passed. “I’m ----,” she paused, wanting so badly to say she was just as shocked and upset but the feelings didn’t match her words. “Yeah. Insane,” she finally muttered as she took in a deep breath.

[bcnniedrcgov]

-- evelyn maxwell.

Salem just kept on taking. It was never satisfied with the corpses that have been buried and she doubted that the new ones would make all these terrible deaths stop. Whatever was next was going to claim lives – or something, but something was always taken. She wanted to agree and let Bonnie go home and locate Kevin. No – she wanted to actually split herself into two and have one part go with Bonnie and the other locate Kevin. It had only been a couple of minutes that she had separated from Kevin, just to get a simple drink and now she had no idea where she was. But he was alive Bonnie had managed to give her that much sense of comfort. “Where is Jamie – no let’s go home. I think I still have some hot chocolate left – and managed to finish sewing that blanket last week.” The painting was still not something she could get herself to do but sewing – that had managed to get accomplished, which had to indicate that there was some progress being made, correct? Of course, she pushed aside her problems and held Bonnie close to her, walking beside her at the pace that the hunter was setting. “Please like I am going to let you go home by yourself. You must be drinking the same crap Pancho has. I can also help aid your wounds. I used to help whenever my brother got hurt.”

                 Since the age of sixteen, her innocent eyes laying upon the dead body of her mother spurred on the families front lawn had Bonnie began to notice that her life was just dedicated to death, whether by her hand to hurt others around her or people taking from her ; it was a life she had chosen in hopes to make things like this not happen but failures seemed to constantly loom over her head as the seconds passed. Despite her insides screaming at her to take hold of Evelyn and keep her by her side, the selfishness of Bonnie’s personality shook her head slowly at the words that were coming from her best friends mouth. “Hey ---- hey, seriously. You don’t have to come with me, I can find Lenore or even find the Delores, a distraction might help,” she said quietly as she tried to pause their steps as she was practically being dragged by the woman. “I’m serious, I know you’re worried about Kevin and we can look for him,” she whispered, so quiet that she was almost worried that Evelyn wouldn’t hear the words but the steps were still being taken which caused Bonnie to finally give in, refusing to turn her head and look back at the chaos she was openly leaving without even handing out a single water bottle in hopes to help out those in need. “I’m not hurt ---- at least I don’t think I am,” she muttered as her eyes wandered down to her legs, red marks shining under the moonlight from the heat of the fire as she fled from the scene only a few moments earlier. “Hot chocolate and a blanket sound ---- pretty good right now,” she finally admitted although the conversation ended earlier, trying to keep her mind off the screams coming from behind them.

[bcnniedrcgov]

-- kevin white.

Even now that Evelyn was back, he found himself looking over his shoulder and out of the corner of his eye for Bonnie. Checking up on her. She was definitely one of the reasons he spent so much time in bars, not drinking. He was keeping secrets from her, they largely didn’t know about each other’s lives. But hearing Evelyn pleading with him not to tell Bonnie sent an odd rush of guilt through him. “Yeah?” He said focusing on her words, “how come?” He swallowed down the rush of fear at the mention of her. Evelyn had said she was going to get a drink and slipped away. He’d gone to the bar looking for her. He shook his head. “She went to get a drink, I didn’t see her by the bar after everything–” he swallowed. He wanted nothing more than to go back inside and find her, but he knew that they wouldn’t let anyone in. If she got out they had to trust she’d find them, though Kevin knew he’d be back to look. But he wasn’t willing to let Bonnie go off and risk her getting hurt. He had to get her at least somewhere slightly safer. “We can try calling her from my car, come on.”

               Although the hunter would never thank the male about his protectiveness over her, Bonnie was capable of showing actions towards her thanks in hopes that he would understand how thankful she was that there was always someone keeping a close eye on her; someone that wasn’t watching for the wrong reasons. “I was home-schooled until my senior year ---- didn’t seem logical to waste a dress when I barely knew anyone,” she said quietly as she raised her arms to wrap around herself, shivers running over her body ironically as the smoke from the home was still managing to take over most of the oxygen surrounding them. Her heart began to slow down to a scary pace, almost ready to stop beating as her eyes searched those laying on the ground and praying none would match up with the curly blonde-haired fae. “No ---- no, what if she didn’t get out? What if her phone’s in there and she’s looking for us?” She asked in a small panic, her first glimpse of fear moving into her hues as she looked up at the male.

[bcnniedrcgov]

-- gianna st. james.

“Alright. How have you been though?” Maybe it was  a stupid question to ask, but it was one that most people asked anyway. Especially when they wanted to see how a person was doing.

                “Stupid question,” the huntress stated as she took a step back, not wanting to stand too close to the werewolf across from her, incapable of thinking of her personal bubble popping after the amount of hugs she allowed in earlier in that week after the fire. “M’fine, I guess.”

[bcnniedrcgov]

-- nathaniel gray.

“You think happiness is only temporary?” He asked, keeping a light tone despite the dark question.

                 “You’re trying to council me right now,” she stated as she let her weight move onto her left foot as she squinted her eyes slightly to look up at the male. “Not my first therapist --- or psychiatrist, whatever you wanna call yourself.”

[bcnniedrcgov]

-- lenore mercier.

Could she? Was Lenore capable of shifting even a fraction of a step closer to the memories which had plagued her for half a decade? Every crackle of the flames, the infrastructure collapsing on itself, people screaming above the endless destruction. The similarity to her own trauma and the agony which hung in the air nearly as thick as the smoke yet far more difficult to inhale; it was all too much. “— Zeke.” Unlike Tripp, Bonnie’s heart was deep and forgiving and, above all, trustworthy. Their secret had already been revealed from the moment he tugged her onto the dance floor, how much use would it be to deny now when she needed him most? “I’ve never seen him drunk before, Bon. What if he didn’t make it out?”

               Zeke hadn’t even crossed Bonnie’s mind, and the thought of that usually would’ve caused a ping of guilt to rush through her veins but this time around, it was almost as though she was glad she didn’t think of Zeke, knowing very damn well that her name wasn’t high on his list of people to be searching for in that moment ; at least that was how her mind was working in that exact moments. “He made it out,” she said quietly, almost monotone as she tried her best to come off as more caring and sensitive towards the subject at hand. “Drunk or not, Zeke isn’t stupid. He’s probably gone on hunts completely drunk and came out with little to no scratches. Just --- don’t be running into the fire, he’s around here somewhere.”

[alyciajdebnamcarey]

[bcnniedrcgov]

-- nathaniel gray.

“You’re not taking any from anyone if you’re only expressing it to me. –And yeah, it kind of does. Still sucks though.”

               “Still feels like I am, so I’d rather not even talk about any sense of loss I’m supposed to be feeling. It does, but I haven’t found talking or crying about it helps, only makes you recover for a split second before any kind of happiness is ripped from you again.”

[bcnniedrcgov]

-- alexander kowalski.

                At the end of the day, there had to be a purpose behind all of this. The Mayor perished for a reason just as the Delore parents did and whoever else that died —- the purpose is something Alexander desperately wanted to find. In due time, though, it’ll get revealed; those that are alive can learn valid lessons from this mishap. He’s not the kindest person to grace Salem’s Point, but would put his selfish behavior to the side tonight since he felt similar feelings with everyone else. Whatever citizens needed as of now, he’d give; a helping hand should do. There’s no need to elaborate on how bad Alexander sucked at the comfort department, however one simple look at Bonnie informed him how much she might need a hug, giving her that this one time. Not for long, though, pulling back after a while. No matter how much other hunters managed to get under his skin from time to time, they all shared one thing in common — to protect those that lived in this town. And without a doubt, they were all a family. “No problem.” Alexander muttered, going back to examining his work. “You don’t look fucked up from the Masquerade; physically, I mean.”

               The hunter community was filled with people that were borderline alcoholics and half of them were so reckless that they would kill anyone that got on their bad side, including another hunter if pushed too far -- but at the end of the day, all they really got was each other. They all took the same oath, underwent the same training and were all told to do the same thing and that was to protect the human population and each other at all costs, which was more-so the reason that the small tingle rushed up Bonnie’s spine when she saw Alex was completely in tact and not a limb was taken off his body. Seeing Clark almost engulfed by the flames was enough to put Bonnie on more edge than she had wished as the nights festivities went downhill, as per expected. Nodding her head slowly, Bonnie took her few steps back from the male as she let her arms fall back to her sides, shaking her head at his question that was thrown towards her. “No --- M’fine,” he muttered, just loud enough for him to hear her as he was across from her. Other than the few scratches and bruises, that would disappear easily overnight, there wasn’t anything that was physically wrong with the woman.

[bcnniedrcgov]

-- evelyn maxwell.

Being there for someone besides herself was a new trait she was trying to excel or get used to. “We can.” She replied but found her feet stopping as she looked at Bonnie, it wasn’t until after locating Bonnie that she realized that she had managed to misplace someone else she cared about. “Kevin –” she mumbled, before realizing the name that had managed to be disclosed by her lips. “I – I haven’t seen him.” Not like she had previously admitted what relationship they had – not that she knew what relationship they did have. But she couldn’t leave – not until she knew he was ok. That he had made it out alive. “I – I got separated – went for something to drink and I haven’t seen him – have you seen him?” Bonnie knew everyone – she had a heart of gold, it attracted people to her. Whereas Evelyn just confused people and weirded them out. 

               “Too much,” the huntress finally admitted, trying to make it clear to her best friend that as the moments passed, the more her insides were crawling and screaming at her to get the hell out of the scene, knowing that she was only falling deeper in her pit as the seconds passed as her eyes watched the flames take hold of living flesh as well as the walls of the Gautier home. Thankful of their arms linked, Bonnie began walking alongside the woman before they were paused yet again, her mind trying to search for any sense of help she could give the fae towards her ---- whatever the hell he managed to be, before the memory finally came flowing back. “Yeah ---- yeah, he was the one who pulled out Jamie,” she said quietly, the words falling out so easily that even more proof of her numbness began to show as she almost shrugged off the death of another fellow Salems native. “He saw me not that long ago, I was asking for you, he’s probably looking. We could ----- try and see if he has his phone? Or we could go to your place since he might show up? I could ---- find someone else to bring me home if you want to look, I just can’t ----,” she let her voice slowly fad, pressing her lips together.

[adcjasmin]

RICH $$$ (x)

[karolinqdean]

So that means I’m gone. You’re gonna take the job at Stanford? You’d be leaving me too. I’d be leaving you too.

(ps. cristina’s teardrop)

[bcnniedrcgov]

-- evelyn maxwell.

Bonnie and Kevin – alongside Pancho were the three people that Evelyn was looking for. Was she shocked that something this terrible had taken place? Not at all. This was Salem, her jaw would drop to the floor the event that didn’t end up destroying or claiming someone’s soul. Which was something that was probably never going to happen? But hearing that one simple word – that simple five letter word was enough to make her walk over to the woman and carefully with great attention to detail she hooked her arm with the other hunter, “It’s fine – I think this town needs a ban from that word – that stupid word – or have them sell that word in bulk with all these fuck ups – are you – well you know?”

                Almost ripping her arm out of the others grip, she stopped the instant she heard Evelyn’s voice filling up her eardrums and not some chaotic other begging for her to help find someone she couldn’t care less about, despite her usual caring nature. Hearing every word that came from the other, Bonnie almost was too exhausted in her own mind to answer but blinked multiple times to try and wake herself up, the fire slowly coming to an end in the distance and making the chilled air cling to her body. “I’m ------,” she paused as she tried to even think of a word that could even explain how she felt in that moment. She wasn’t okay, she wasn’t surviving and she damn well wasn’t feeling remorse for anyone around her. “Can we just leave?”

[bcnniedrcgov]

-- clark roschell.

          He had come to peace with the possibility of dying long ago as a hunter. Of course, ever hunter likely said that at some point and regretted it when faced with the thought of death. Yet, despite his sisters, mother, Ana and Natalie (who was still missing), he found his life was of trivial importance. After all, what had he accomplished? Despite murdering supernaturals (who some may have deserved), and leading a life of being a borderline full blown alcoholic. He hadn’t done what he had ever truly wanted in life and was merely faced with a lackluster approach to it all. 

          And then there was the hell of living in Salem’s Point. Where you’d think he’d have abandoned such town long after the first tragedy that was the festival. So many had died and even now, some had still been recovering from such event. There was no need for another explosion (quite literally) to shake the town. He would have liked to blame it on the tainted originals who lurked around town. How, wherever they went, tragedy would surely, always, follow. And yet he just chalked it up to psychopaths doing their life’s fucking work. And of course, that was something you couldn’t ever escape. Because with each generation came a certain brand of misfits that only sought out trouble and carnage. 

          He had given up on shouting for help a little while ago. After all, most who had been even half alive had cleared out of the still burning building, flames licking at the fragments of what was left. Smoke pooled out of the house and if he stayed any longer the damage to his lungs would likely hurt more than any other superficial injuries he could claim. Whilst burning alive didn’t sound like an entirely pleasant death he still half gave up, sitting there as he downed what was left in his bottle of liquor that he had latched onto the entirety of the night. Funny how that stuck with him even after all the hell that had unleashed. 

          To see Bonnie was a genuine surprise, knowing she had her own baggage to deal with even in such time of crisis. “Shit, Bonnie,” he coughed through the brief smoke inhalation they had suffered from, yet his throat hardly burned from such damage. He was sure others were worse off, anyone who had been closer to the flames, of course. “Least I could do is give you a fuckin’ cigarette and my bottle,” despite accepting any chance of death, he was always grateful for the chance at another day (whatever that was worth). “They’re crushed up pretty fuckin’ bad, if you don’t mind holding them together.” He chucked out the mangled pack to her; most cigarettes broken from the initial fall of the rubble atop of him. 

                 “Thanks,” the younger hunter muttered as she moved next to him, watching the flames take hold of the pillar she managed to pull off his body just in time as she took hold of one of the few cigarettes that weren’t broken in half, igniting it with the lighter given to her and letting the smoke take over her lungs. Smoking had been a constant for the hunter, usually hiding it from Thalia as she smoked them on her walks or did it when she wasn’t home, pushing a towel under her door in hopes that the smell wouldn’t escape and she could cover it with endless sprays of freshener. The nicotine was enough to cloud her mind away from the thoughts that were taking over her earbuds and focus on the elder hunter next to her, the closest thing she had to a brother in a town filled with disaster and death. 

                 Blowing out the large cloud she managed to yank out of the end of the cigarette, her eyes fell down onto Clark before letting out a sigh. “You gonna be fine to walk on that?” She asked, thankful she hadn’t been hurt in the wreckage, explaining the pain would’ve been more difficult than many around her, mostly because she wouldn’t have felt the pain; even if her body was begging for it to feel the pain. That was the biggest downside to the potential illness that was fogging up her brain, the numbness hit her in such waves that she almost begged to all God’s for a sense of pain to shoot through her body, wishing for the worst in hopes to get a feeling of remorse, jealousy or agonizing pain. Her eyes moved back to the fire, part of her still craving the heat of the flames to take over her body. “Not gonna be able to completely carry you.”

[bcnniedrcgov]

-- acacia navarro.

Her gaze took in the person crying in front of her and Acacia tried to locate the worst of her wounds without asking. Then the familiar voice hit her and she turned on the spot. Her eyes met Bonnie’s and relief rushed through her. Without even thinking she threw herself forward and hugged her friend. She needed to feel that some of the people she loved were still there.

                Hugging was the last thing that Bonnie wanted in that moment, watching her personal bubble burst as Acacia pushed her way through it to throw herself into the other huntress’ arms. “Oh,” she said quietly before finally wrapping her arms around the other, letting out a small sigh as she tried her best to relax in the others embrace, but her body remaining nothing but tense. “It’s ---- gonna be okay,” she whispered the lie, knowing very well with the amount of loss the community got that night that the feeling of safety and being okay was way beyond their reach.