miss atomic B O M B

well now i'm back at home and i'm looking forward to this life i live you know it's gonna haunt me so hesitation to this life i give you think you might cross over you're caught between the devil and the deep blue sea you better LOOK it over before you make that leap

[unholyheavings-deactivated20161]

‘THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THAT WORKS YOU USELESS LESBIAN!’ her face hurt, but nothing hurt her quite as badly as the things riley said. her hands balled up into fists. ‘i have the job i do for a reason. has it occurred to you that maybe the imbecile act is just an act to hide my… my precocious espionage brilliance and the dexterity with which my mind works?’ the thing was that finn wanted to follow the plan. riley’s plans always seemed so clever and cool. but the plans were stupid and boring. ‘you’ve never given me a chance to do anything. you walked in with your stupid tech and your bitchy smarter than thou attitude. what’s it gonna take, riley? hmm? do you need me to stalk off and say my handler in an insufferable prick and i’d rather be tortured than have to see her face again ever in my entire life? do i have to shoot you in the knee? what do i have to do to make you back the fuck off?’

[bcttleborn]

that was rich coming from a woman who once hit on a lady at a drive-thru while on the clock. unsucessfully, to no one’s surprise. exactly how finn got this job remains one of life’s biggest mysteries. and while those were some big words that riley never expected from finn’s vocabulary, she still didn’t believe could’ve come this far without a horseshoe shoved so deep up her ass she could taste it. ‘maybe if your idiot ‘act’ didn’t make my life unnecessarily difficult, i might be inclined to have a little faith in you. but as it stands, i’ve put in way too much time cleaning up messes i shouldn’t have to be dealing with in the first place.’ pain still radiated from where she was struck but riley pushed herself off the floor anyways, trying not to make it obvious she was favouring one leg over the other. ‘all you ever have are chances to do something. you do what you want regardless of what i say, why do you even have a handler, finn? go in blind next time, see if you make it out again. if you want my respect, you should stop and think things through instead of treating every sparse idea that pops up in that mind of yours as a stroke of genius.’

[bcttleborn]

swingsetindecember:

where one person is actually famous and sets up a dating account with their real picture and the other sees it and is like, oh dude you are not fooling anyone with that picture (because srsly trying to catfish someone with a really famous person is hilarious and cute because the profile also had some really dorky info about liking model trains and farmers’ markets) cue an online romance and when they actually meet the other is pissed because DUDE YOU’RE THAT FAMOUS PERSON and the other is like, yeah, i mean, i thought you knew…

[bcttleborn]

imssg: syn ⇄ sinner

syn: it depends on the kisses

syn: i am checking because you seem to believe a furby fits up there!

syn: i get having a fantasy but i have seen that prolapsing porn and i'm never risking it in my life

syn: tiny gay baby princess plugs for syn pls & thank

syn: joey, are you trying to tell me you're an anal vore size queen?

syn: because i will love and support you regardless!

syn: i just need to have a little advance warning for research purposes

joey: are there bad kinds?

joey: not right now, i don't!

joey: but if you really wanted to fit one up there, i would've helped you prepare

joey: i don't like to judge but i'm really glad we're on the same page here

joey: only the best for my princess :3

joey: i know you would, that's why i love you

joey: but worry not, i'm almost certain i'm not into that

[unholyheavings-deactivated20161]

‘did you just punch me?’ she asked incredulously while covering her bloody face. okay then. if riley wanted to play this way then finn didn’t think she had much to feel sorry for. she kicked riley hard, grateful that her mission had required heavy boots. ‘you’re bitter because you’re an unpleasant bitch who doesn’t know how to act around other people!’ her eyes still watered from the blow and she struggled to keep a bit of space between them until she could focus. ‘you have treated me like shit since day one and i’m tired of it. i’m good at my job.’  that was closer to a lie, but finn was already in fine form with her indignation. ‘you wanna ask for a transfer? you go for it. but that’s your problem and i can guarantee you that the next girl wont be as nice as me!’ 

[bcttleborn]

riley cried out as she went down, clutching her shin in agony. ‘what the fuck!’ she slammed her fist on the ground with a grunt. riley was even more pissed off now for the low move. ‘i wouldn’t be such a BITCH if you’d just fucking follow the fucking plan for once. i don’t yell at you for fun. i yell at you because i spend days making sure everything goes smoothly only for an IMBECILE to fumble at the one-yard line!’ none of this was new. riley had never kept her feelings hidden. but she had never let her thoughts out so harshly before. ‘nice doesn’t complete missions, finn. competency does.’ 

[bcttleborn]

imssg: syn ⇄ sinner

syn: i do, but only when it benefits me

syn: okay PAUSE

syn: how... loose... do you think my butt is

syn: i can barely hold a furby in one hand

syn: i'm not bella donna omg joey

joey: are you saying free kisses don't benefit you?

joey: i dont think it's loose !!

joey: you have a cute butt ! i love your butt !

joey: that's never stopped anyone from having a fantasy

joey: but you might want to be and there's nothing wrong with being a size queen

joey: i think what we've learned today is that neither of us are into pseudo anal vore

[bcttleborn]

imssg: syn ⇄ sinner

syn: D :

syn: you are a cheating cheater mccheatingson!!!

syn: i really hope that you know what i'm talking about

syn: otherwise i woefully misunderstood what you're all about

syn: and i'll have to see myself out :~:

syn: it's a leprechaun!

syn: daddy brought one back from ireland for me

syn: does this make me the pot of gold? : p

joey: you like it when i cheat c:

joey: tell me i'm wrong and that a red furby isn't about to go through some of the darkest times of its existence

joey: ...or i'll have to see myself out

joey: and i won't even be able to kiss you goodbye 3

joey: you're my pot of gold

joey: i'm spoiled by the richness you bring to my life

[bcttleborn]

imssg: syn ⇄ sinner

syn: baby!

syn: i have a fun and totally not alarming question for you!

syn: what has red hair and fits in/around my butt?

syn: for every wrong guess you owe me approximately twenty kisses so please think it through

syn: or don't

joey: am i breaking the game if i answer it incorrectly on purpose? c:

joey: bc i think i know what you're getting at

joey: but if it's not there's one other alternative i'm thinking of that i never thought i'd have to prepare for

joey: ever

[unholyheavings-deactivated20161]

here’s your goddamn friley spy au you piece of shit adorable amazing light of my life, my moon and stars, beautiful baby doll, girlfriend, person i hate the least in the world >:c @bcttleborn

finn had put up with a lot from riley over the past several months, but she couldn’t take it anymore. even when she did her job well it seemed like the other woman was full of comments. it was even worse on nights like now where she had missed her mark. ‘i’m not fucking stupid, riley!’ without warning she grabbed riley and shoved her against the wall, one palm pressing warningly on her throat. ‘i’m sorry that you’re bitter that you’re the sidekick here but that’s not my fault. maybe if you weren’t such a freakin’ short egghead you’d be in my position. but you’re not and i am. so can you give me a fucking break?’  the venom in her own voice scared finn into calming down. slightly. she removed the pressure from riley’s throat and took a step back. ‘i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean to do that. it’s just been a long week i’m sorry. are you mad at me?’

[bcttleborn]

after the embarrassing feeling of terror riley felt at finn’s outburst, riley felt even more embarrassed for suddenly being incredibly aware of how long it’s been since she last had sex. riley caught the general gist of what finn was yelling about along with first row seat to her taco breath. while gross, it was still enough for riley to remember that while they may not be matched in strength, riley would still be able to put up a fight against finn. the taller woman may have stepped off but riley still took a step forward a threw a punch straight at her nose. the resulting crunch could not have been more satisfying. ‘i’m not bitter because i’m the sidekick. i’m bitter because i have a partner who is clearly unqualified for this job and yet still thinks i’m inferior to them.’

[bcttleborn]

i dont know @unholyheavings why r they so obsessed with me

[impcleda]

   “ skkrrrt. “ hold up. wait a minute. this guy doesn’t know? “ dude. did you eat any oranges? have any orange juice? “

[bcttleborn]

‘so what if i did? do you think you know everything about oranges now?’ he pointed at the girl next to him, and another party goer. and another partygoer. ‘she had some. and he did. and that dude as well. why aren’t you bothering them?’

[realinquent]

   “ not that i’m going to assume your gender right now, but i am, and i like girls. i mean- i’m a lesbian. if you identify as a woman that is okay with me and good on you but i guess i just would prefer bigger breasts and longer hair. maybe clean shaven? fuck. sorry. if you still want to see i can totally show you but i’m lesbian. a huge queer. “ what happened to no FLAGS AND MOTORCYCLES? fuck being gay in public is almost as hard as being kidnapped by your ex-girlfriend’s ex- girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend cousin person. “ but yeah… blue. emily got them for me. “ fuck shut up mccullers.

[bcttleborn]

‘whoa no dude, i’m not a girl. sorry, i wouldn’t have hit on you if i knew you were a lesbian. you just don’t look like a lesbian.’ he scratched the bit of scruff he’d been growing out lately, looking a little self-conscious. ‘but like, if you were straight, you’d like the facial hair, right?’ his ex-girlfriend hated his facial hair and he never had a chance to grow it out until now. ‘niiiiice, that’s your girlfriend right? my ex bought the best underwear. they were always so soft.’ 

[bcttleborn]

group chat ✉ gruesome threesome

LORENZO: powerino tesorino

LORENZO: my cruel little cucciolo

TYSON: :c

TYSON: satisfactory is like a b grade

TYSON: and you two are bonding over dragging me

TYSON: you're both horrible what have i done to myself

POWER: UWU

POWER: you're just jealous of our lovefest

POWER: there's no room for salt in this lovin'

POWER: tbh it'd be more like a B-

[impcleda]

            “ i think i grabbed the wrong flask. do you smell that purple? “ // jasper accidentally gave everyone lsd feat. @bcttleborn

[bcttleborn]

that was just so wrong. ‘you don’t smell purple.’ he shook his head and rolled his eyes. ‘you can only hear purple.’

[realinquent]

   “ great. good for you. my underwear is blue. “ fuck that rhymed. get yourself together mccullers. “ yeah. “

[bcttleborn]

‘you’ve seen mine so now i should be able to see yours.’

[bcttleborn]

imessage ✉ if i had to pick a dude

CASS: THAT IS NOT MY FAULT DREW

CASS: you've gotten your dick wet before >:c

CASS: who said that i'm giving them a piece of my mind

CASS: if i buy any more panties i'm going to need a bigger dresser

DREW: YOU'RE THE REASON WHY PEOPLE ARE THINKING ABOUT MY BALLS

DREW: no, i do not need you fighting my battles for me!

DREW: ...but

DREW: what should i come back at them with?

DREW: then MAYBE you shouldn't wait until you're down to your last pair of undies to do your laundry

[bcttleborn]

‘my underwear is pink and it doesn’t make me any less of a man. in fact it makes me more of a man than all the other men.’

@likesworrying

ok but i need a plot where there’s these two idiots who are roommates, and they bicker and act like a married couple constantly, and can hang out like bros but they’re completely platonic, no we’re not in love that’s preposterous!! and it’s so evident that they’re into each other like whenever one goes out on a date, the other is all bitter like ‘no i’m definitely not jealous’. and they like leave bars together at some stupidly early hour and their friends tease them and they just go home and get drunk together instead. and like domestic washing the dishes and fighting over who does what and flinging soap at each other. and then one day it kind of just clicks, you know, like wow you’re my best friend but i think i might love you as more this is so difficult and just, give this to me now.