Best Foot Forward

Jack Pattillo. Sometimes I build houses. Roleplay account for superteethrp. M/A: NoneTracking #beardlybeloved.

[beardlybeloved]

My poor beard...

I should probably explain- for about the last week or so, I've been on leave to try and help out a few of my European friends with their problems. I only anticipated it taking a day or so, but certain circumstances popped up and apparently someone was using the CERN supercollider to house a load of lizard people. Who knew? (I certainly didn't before. I definitely do now. In great detail...)

Anyway, I'm sorry for my absence, and I'm going to hopefully be back up and running very soon. As soon as I get this lizard goop out of my beard.

[lindsaykittentuggey-deactivated]

Hey guys I was wondering if anyone was able to help me move some heavy boxes from the offices to the front area so when the trucks come it’ll be easy for them to pick it up.

[beardlybeloved]

This sounds like a job for... 

PATTILLOMAN!

(Okay, the name still needs work. But I'll give you a hand out front anyway. What are you moving?)

[beardlybeloved]

…Does it count if it’s not technically made in the office? I can still show them, right?

[tattoosandbevs-deactivated20140]

This is a Ryan question and you know what I say when Ryan asks a question. No.

[beardlybeloved]

Awwh, c'mon Geoff! It's not like I show that many any more. And can you name one of them that was actually not helpful?

[beardlybeloved]

All right, I'm back!

Sorry for my absence, guys, apparently RTX logistics are a real headache.

Anyway, how are we all?

[tattoosandbevs-deactivated20140]

From this point on, I am banning the making of power points in this office.

[beardlybeloved]

...Does it count if it's not technically made in the office? I can still show them, right?

[beardlybeloved]

Just to put it on record, there is literally nothing wrong with my powerpoints! They are informative and a useful point of reference! Guidance!

They have cool animations too, c'mon guys.

[tattoosandbevs-deactivated20140]

Had a dream that Jack brought a snake into the office. I’m pretty sure I almost shit my pants waking up. Ugh, I hate snakes so much.

[beardlybeloved]

Kind of flattered you think I'm badass enough to just have a snake to hand, I've got to be honest.

[beardlybeloved]

This is exciting!

TEAM GENTS, ASSEMBLE!

[lindsaykittentuggey-deactivated]

Well though it’s not a crime of the law, it’s a jackass move to be doing this shit. And it’s the usual people you’d expect to be messing around and causing a mess. Don’t bring The Thing just yet but have it ready just in case.

[beardlybeloved]

The Usual Jackasses might be what we rename Team Lads, I'll talk to Geoff about it. Should I be offended about the Jack- bit, I wonder...?

The Thing is prepped and ready for deployment just in case. Have they knocked over anything expensive...?

[lindsaykittentuggey-deactivated]

(Yes I do, it’s in the back office by my desk that you can use.) The crime is this: the achievement hunter crew is causing a mess in the back office as we try and back everything up. The rooster teeth crew is guilty of this as well.

[beardlybeloved]

Mess is the crime?? Now I get why this ended up being our job to sort...

Which ones is it this time? Do I need to bring The Thing?

[beardlybeloved]

[beardlybeloved]

Is it getting colder around here, or is it just me...?

[mogarrjones-deactivated20140822]

I have no idea about the goddamn legislation for arrows, Jack. How the fuck would I know? And no, not a Hawkeye cosplayer.

Then go make me arrows, damn. Whatever it is, I’m not making anything. Why would I make it when I’ve basically got the group mom to do it for me? (And yes, I’m talking about you.)

Maybe that’s your kryptonite. The PowerPoint.

[beardlybeloved]

If you're buying them you probably should! And I've told you this before, you're not a proper Banjo cosplayer unless you become an actual bear.

Hold on, I'm not making you arrows, what am I, made of time? I'll help you make them, but you know what they say. Give a guy a bunch of arrows you've fashioned from the cedar trunk in your yard, he shoots several bad guys. Teach a guy to fashion arrows from the cedar trunk in your yard, he shoots several bad guys and maybe you have a fun afternoon with some beers and music and he can make his own in future and and and you no longer have a cedar in your yard making the neighbours ask questions you really have no legitimate answer for.

I just wanted a moral code I never thought I'd be the one to break it I even went to the trouble of doing little custom animations on the bullet points-- I think you might be right.

[mogarrjones-deactivated20140822]

I don’t need your smartass talk, Jack. I remember the PowerPoint very clearly.

No way in hell am I making new ones. Just go to the damn store and get better ones. I’ll probably go later today, might as well get another target as well. It’s not like anyone else is using it. Except maybe Gavin, eventually.

[beardlybeloved]

Good. I didn't put together the handouts for nothing.

Come to think of it, what's the legislation about that? Is there a waiting period for arrows? Try not to look like too much of a crazy Hawkeye cosplayer, okay?

Also, you know the whole offer of a tree wasn't actually one that would necessarily... necessitate future action. I'm trying to explain here I have a spare uprooted cedar in my back yard that is pretty much up for grabs. Don't. Don't remind me of the PowerPoint I just have a massive tree in my yard it's not like it's a big deal.

[mogarrjones-deactivated20140822]

Okay, okay, listen. The only problem with me training with arrows was that sometimes, I miss the target. Small ass target does not go well with a front flip, Jack. So, I missed a few times in the beginning, like every human does, and they hit the wall and snapped. In essence, not my fault.

[beardlybeloved]

Not sure you should be shooting at ass targets of any size, Michael, remember the whole "responsible hero" talk? And the PowerPoint?

Well, that sucks- what did you make them out of? If you want a tree I can deliver you one to make some new, I don't know how you go about that. Weird Team Angry Fat bonding time in checked shirts cutting down trees?

[beardlybeloved]

so you're the maid now or something yeah? is that what's happening here?

You’re acting like I haven’t always tidied up after you assholes. I guess you’re not the worst- wow, I have actually made a mental chart of this I update every time I clean.

Difference between me and a maid is that maids get paid for tidying gross stuff. I just do it out of the goodness of my heart.

and because it drives me up the wall coming into a messy office like seriously how hard is it the mic wires are just like any other wires why can you tell the precise difference between two very specific camera chargers that look pretty much identical at three hundred feet but not manage a microphone wire you’re a smart guy I swear to god I’m channelling Gus here

[beardlybeloved]

Is everything all right?

And if so, why’s there a pile of broken arrows in the office?

[mogarrjones-deactivated20140822]

Everything’s fine.

Not my fault. Someone showed me a video of a bunch of cool bow and arrow fighting things, and, of course, I had to learn how to do that. I brought them in in hopes of either annoying you guys, or getting someone to fix the cheap wooden pieces of shit.

[beardlybeloved]

Brilliant. I guess I'm kind of relieved you weren't in some kind of horrible arrow massacre over here. On the other hand, any explanation starting with "not my fault" always rings alarms. So, wait, you tried this cool fighting thing and instead of hitting targets you ended up accidentally snapping all your arrows...? It miiiight be time to reconsider that particular technique.