steven harris

words, noises, pictures

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In Which I Am Grateful, Part 5

In Which I Am Grateful, Part 5

Oh seventh Doctor your jumper is vile, did you steal it from Russell Grant?   So, yeah, like wow, n stuff. It’s the next decade of the 2000s, another one without a proper name. The Tennies. Pah, ridiculunk. And it’s not even over yet so how can I be grateful for things that haven’t happened yet? I’m not Claire, the Voyant, you know. And Russell Grant refuses to accept my calls these days since I…

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In Which I Am Grateful, Part 4

In Which I Am Grateful, Part 4

What do we call the first decade of a new century/new millennium? Noughties is just trying too hard to sound like everyone is being frisky and wild. The Nothings? Better but more likely to be the name of my next band. Anyways, I spent most of that decade (2000-2009 in case you haven’t been paying attention) doing study. University study. Clever clogs good grades university study. Very good…

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In Which I Am Grateful, Part 3

In Which I Am Grateful, Part 3

Judge Rinder, the ecstasy years. The nineties. You remember, we all had hairstyles, we all had way more patience because we had hairstyles, we all thought Mr C from The Shamen was a comical rogue and nobody from the BBC had ever been implicated in or convicted of despicable crimes. My 1990s was a zany whacked out kooky butt scratching zoomaholic wowser ride of capow blam yeah and then a tumble…

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In Which I Am Grateful

In Which I Am Grateful

I stopped living in East Grinstead, West Sussex in my 21st year. ’twas a silly place that I’d already left a couple of times before but gone back to like a poet laureate returning to his own vomit. (English scholars will get the reference). Taunton, Somerset is also a silly place but when I was of that age it had the right sort of silly people also of that age for me to frolic about with. Not…

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In Which I Am Grateful, Part 1

In Which I Am Grateful, Part 1

In the long ago times of long ago when I was less of age than I am agedly now, I was just a singer. I say ‘just a singer’ as though it’s not a very important thing when actually it’s awesome to be a singer, a great big blessing from the wide wonderful beyond. What I mean is, despite some guitar lessons aged ten, I was no master of the instrument by my late teens and when I ended up in bands it…

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Rings & Swoundabouts

Wanna know what doesn’t necessarily break when a person’s body becomes a daily battleground? Despite limitations on activity, despite difficult adjustments to different ways of achieving certain tasks, despite having to accept that some things can simply not be done any more, a person’s spirit and sense of self does not necessarily break. Which is not to say that there are no sad or depressed…

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Fires

And in between knowledge and desire Fires burn eternal Like stars of ever asking why, Like all space folded into wonder. Meta rules the physical, Matter rides the mind, Thought made flesh and kissed by time. We stand in line for the never queue nethersphere. And in between the ghosts of yarns and years Fires burn internal.

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To Hell With This. I'm Gonna Live!

To Hell With This. I’m Gonna Live!

When I was younger I was well aware of the fact that the world can change in an instant. Actually, what I was aware of was that the world is constantly changing in all manner of huge or virtually indeterminable ways. And this is something to embrace. Who needs to hang out for anthemic notions such as ‘A Change Is Gonna Come’ when you appreciate that change is constant, is inevitable, is…

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And We Won't Go Until We've Got Some

And We Won’t Go Until We’ve Got Some

Sorry folks but I have bad news for you all. IT IS ALREADY CHRISTMAS! It bloody is. I’ve heard ‘A Fairy Tale of New York’ today and I’ve got mince pies. That’s it. Case closed. Job done. Up yours. Poo bum knickers and all the bestest swears. Oh and it also happens to be Thanky Thanky in that America, the day when people are allowed to punch the president elect in the balls. Repeatedly. Until he…

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Snooze Doggy Dogg

Look sir, droids! Snoozes contain the mini wordette ‘oo’ for a reason. Because when you wake up again you go, “Oo that were a nice little snooze, I might do some more of it.” And then you snooze again. You’ll remember I’ve written about snoozing before (you remember I can write, right?). Well since the last time I wrote about snoozing I’ve been asked to be Donald Trumphole’s UK ambassador to the…

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Plumb Lines

Plumber, do your thing. Plumber, plumber, do your thing. Plumber, plumber, plumber… I’ve got the plumber in. Not a euphemism for male menstruation because men don’t menstruate. God lord, the world is a horrible enough place at times without adding in male PMT. We don’t need another excuse to behave like arseholes. It’s not Christopher Plumber, by the way. He’s running away from Nazis across the…

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Before The Breathin' Air Is Gone

Before The Breathin’ Air Is Gone

How do you know you’re having a rough day? Is it the failing to sleep the previous night until four a.m. and thus not waking until the afternoon? Is it the aching throughout your entire body? The shaking limbs? Mucho coughing until you have to kneel down before you fall over? Hunger which you have no energy to make food to satisfy? Well yes, it’s all of those things and more but the real…

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Those Aren't Pillows

Those Aren’t Pillows

Say yes when you can cos you never know when you can’t. Read it again. Now forget it unless you too live with an unpredictable health condition which makes it tricky for you to know from one day to the next what exactly your abilities and the strength of your coping mechanisms might be. So it’s advice to myself, then? Well duh! I think the greatest advance I have made in handling this shit in…

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I'll Be Your Dog

I’ll Be Your Dog

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ND8Bbn9V6as If you’ve ever wondered how they get triangles from a cow… …no, not isosceles ‘cheese’ products. Have you ever wondered why the brain can store up pointless crap from the past? In my case endless jingles and advertising slogans for products that don’t all exist in the 21st century. Why can’t I forget the fruit gums, Mum? How can that man be a secret…

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Metal Monkey Gonads

You know when it’s so cold you penis falls off in Tesco? Even if you’re a woman. Well that’s how so cold it is isnt it, so it is, to be sure and there’s lovely. I have less toes than I had this morning. And less hair. I wanted less hair which is why I went for a haircut. I didn’t want less toes which is why I’m going to sue the weather for being all brass and bitter. And now I’m under a duvet…

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Can I Have A Long Weight, Please?

Can I Have A Long Weight, Please?

Tom waits for no man… Well chronicle my chronic-ness and call me Septimus, I’ve been sorta productive today. And it’s only twenty past three. Which it won’t be when I post this because I’m writing it in a NO WIFI area (I have discovered a portal into 1975) but it is now. Or was then. Or will have been. Or… Plumber came round this morning as my sink has gone a bit meh. He agreed with this…

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That Was The Ten Months And Two Weeks Of The Year That Was (So Far)

That Was The Ten Months And Two Weeks Of The Year That Was (So Far)

So I know what I was and I know who I am. Unless I’m lying. Lying to myself seems like a stupid existence. Hopefully I’m not. And we go careering towards the end of the year, a year many people will be glad to see the back of: Brexit (Europe isn’t a failed project, globalised capitalism is a failure to cater for the needs of those who do most of the dirty work); the deaths of an outrageously vast…

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