beau

beau valentine | 24 | bisexual

[beausvalentines]

“Just because it was the hand you were dealt or you’re not the only one out there with this situation, doesn’t make any less shitty.” Jordan stated. He didn’t feel anyones life experiences should be made to feel small just because there were others out there who had it worse or the same. “But hey, I don’t pity you, you seem to have made it this far just fine.”

“I got away from them and decided to do shit for myself. I don’t wanna say the streets raised me as I know that sounds dumb , but I learned a lot from the people I grew up around who weren’t my parents ,” the brunette haired boy admitted. “I can like barber and shit because people took me under their wing and taught me skills to get me places,”.

[beausvalentines]

Looking at Beau Lawson clenched his shirt. “Prove it. Fucking prove it or this conversation never happened.” He felt himself speak as the words left his lips. He needed to feel something hence why in that moment he pushed them both back until he felt himself tumble forward onto Beau when the other male fell back onto his own bed from Lawson guiding them back in a frenzy. “Don’t be a fucking idiot. When have I ever stopped caring about you?” He hissed the words out as his hand came up and he slapped Beau across the cheek again. He knew what he was doing to rile the other up. “Doesn’t mean you aren’t going to be reprimanded for your actions. Ya properly pissed me off.” He growled as he slapped his other cheek as he straddled Beau’s lap. 

Beau grabbed Lawson’s wrist as Lawson tapped him up the side of the face. The brunette looked at Lawson and bite down on his bottom lip, knowing that he had pissed Lawson off, but he also knew that by Lawson straddling his legs, that things weren’t going to be as bad as he thought they might be. There was room for improvement. He turned the two of them around and pressed his lips against Lawson’s, trying to make up for the lost time between the two of them. “How do you want me to make it up for you, Law?” He asked, his voice softening. “I’ll do whatever you want, whenever you want.”

[beausvalentines]

her arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding herself flush against beau’s chest. a little, knowing smile made its way to her lips as she kissed him back, the knowledge that she still knew a few ways to drive him a little crazy. their physical relationship had never been a problem for the two of them; it was what made their situation work. it was the emotional side of it that had been the issue, but then again, it seemed to be the same for most of his relationships. she rolled her hips again, an urging to get this moving, but also a reminder that she was unsure how much time they had before her roommate got back from wherever he was. 

Beau was trying to distract himself from the bigger picture and knew he could do that around Rowan. The two of them had a romantic past with one another so it would easy to find a distraction in the blonde haired femme. Being physical had never been a problem between the two of them, it was Beau’s attachment issues that always stirred things between the two.  The brunette flipped the two of them around continuing to kiss the blonde under him. “Your the best distraction, you know that?” He grinned against her mouth.

[beausvalentines]

Lawson stood there and tried to look away as he felt Beau grasp his face and tilt his chin up to where their lips brushed. Licking his bottom lip before biting it he looked into the others eyes before back down to his lips. “Why? You don’t want the same things I want. Just give me one good reason as to why I should stay.” Law replied as he felt himself press further back into the door trying to push his thoughts of wanting Beau now off his mind once he closed his eyes. 

“What do you mean we don’t want the same thing? I want you. You want me. I’m not good at this whole love thing, but I want to try and work something out between us because I don’t want to lose you. I’d absolutely hate losing you.”  Beau knew that he wouldn’t cope well without Lawson in his life. Beau adored Lawson and although the two of them had ups and downs with one another, he was closest with Lawson out of everyone here. “Do you not care about me anymore, Law?”

[beausvalentines]

rowan knew this was absolutely a bad idea. that wasn’t going to stop her from making it. she was just as lonely as beau was, but she didn’t feel as though it was the same brand of loneliness. she would find a solution in him for the time being and that would have to do. “stop talking now,” she said, leaning closer to his face. she bridged the gap between them, laying her mouth over his. moving her hands from beside his head, she cupped his face, pulling him up to her so that their bodies were now flush with one another’s. her hips pressed down into his eagerly, and she opened her mouth, her tongue flicking out to tease his lips.

Beau was feeling incredibly isolated and alone in Spain and knew that Rowan would be there for him if he asked. He felt the blonde close the gap between the two of them and pressed his lips against hers, sitting himself up as their lips met in the middle. He pushed his body up so their bodies were touching one another’s and made a small sound against her lips as her hips pressed down into his own. His large hand cupped the back of her head as he kissed her back, moving his mouth in time and in sync with her own.

[beausvalentines]

rowan was well aware as to what he was trying to do. she wasn’t as easily swayed as she used to be, but it seemed that she also didn’t learn her lesson the last time that she and beau got together. rolling her eyes, she looked away for a long moment before moving his head from her lap. she repositioned herself, straddling his waist. “i’m not taking the fall for this,” she told him, looking at him expectantly as her hands pressed against his abdomen and moved, slowly, up to his chest, until they fell over his shoulders and her hands were pressed into the mattress next to his head. strands of hair that hadn’t made it into her braids fell forward. “i’m blaming you.” 

Beau had a wicked way of making people feel like the wanted him and could easily rip it away from them moments later. Rowan had been aware what Beau was like because he had done her wrong in the past, but he tried not to dwell on all the bad between the two of them, knowing their had been good between the two of them as well. He watched as she repositioned herself and climbed on top of him instead. His hands ran over the outside of her thighs as she sat on top of him. “What fall is there to take?” He asked. “My ex boyfriend is going to hate me anyway for letting someone else do something to me,” he commented. “I get blamed for everything else. I’m used to it.”

[beausvalentines]

Lawson listened and he dropped the bag he was holding and jerked away from Beau. Drawing his hand back he slapped Beau. “Don’t you fucking touch me.” He growled lowly. “Don’t you ask me to stay when you aren’t wanting to be a reason for me to stay. I’ve tried to not be like everyone else, but you, what the fuck are you trying to do to me?” He asked before feeling his back collide with the door and the air sucked out of his lungs. “Beau, I’m not joking with you.” He bit his lip as he faced the others eyes after he whispered the words. “I’m not gonna fuck ya.” 

Beau felt the sting to his cheek but knew it was deserved. He allowed someone to blow him while he had things happening between himself and Lawson. He felt awful about it happening. The thing with Beau was that he never knew what to do in relationships. He wanted to be committed but knew he was fucked up. “I don’t want to see you go. I want you here. I want you here with me..” he confessed. Beau tilted Lawson’s head up, pressing his lips against his ex-boyfriends gently. “Stay,” he mumbled against the other’s mouth. “Stay for me..” he commented. “Stay for us. Let us try again.”

[beausvalentines]

“and you think that finding distractions in me will make you less lonely?” she asked, tilting her head, causing some of her hair to fall over her shoulder and into her face. she took her hand from his head and moved it behind her ear. she sighed, looking up from beau and biting her lip, chewing on it for a long moment. “i don’t know how long it’ll be before anthony gets back,” she told him, looking to the door and back down to him. “so i don’t know how much time we have by ourselves.” 

“I think you would like me distracting you, and I also know you’d find it hard to turn me down in a time of need, ” beau commented, hoping to use all the right words to get rowan under his spell. He wasn’t good at getting over someone who didn’t want anything to do with him (or so he thought ) so the only way to get over someone, was to get under someone else.  “ so confirm for me? is that a yes, you’ll be my distraction?” he asked teasingly.

[beausvalentines]

Lawson sighed as his head hung. “I’m a text or call away if they need to reach me. My education wasn’t important, I just wanted to have a degree in music.” He spoke as he shrugged. “You though, you say you’re here, but I can’t just be friends, I can’t not feel something for you.” He looked up meeting Beau’s eyes with his hurt ones as his hand lingered on the knob. “I’ve been fighting for us the whole time. Don’t you see that. I’m only walking away because you’re done with it.” 

“Do you think I feel nothing towards you Lawson?” Beau asked, wrapping his arms around Lawson’s middle. He knew he was giving the brunette mixed signals. He kept telling him to not love him, but didn’t want the other leaving him either. He nuzzled his head into the other’s neck, holding him close to his body. “Don’t go,” he spoke softly, kissing gently over the other’s neck. “Don’t leave me. Everyone leaves me..”

[beausvalentines]

“Beau lets not make this any harder for us than it is.” He whispered as he pulled his wrist away zipping up his bag. “Nothing is left for me here. Not you, nothing. I only came back to the states for school, for you.” He remarked as he picked up his bags. “I love you B, but I can’t keep doing things like this. Going home might mean taking the next step on my music career.” He spoke looking down as he turned walking to the door.

Beau felt Lawson pull his hand away from him and pursed his lips. “What do you mean you have nothing here? You have friends. You have your education. You have me, I’m still here for you Law,” he commented. Beau got up and followed his ex-boyfriend, shaking his head as the other talked about leaving. “Law stop!” He called out after the other. “Stop running away when things get hard for you. Fight for us. Fight for me. You walking away gives me the wrong impression.”

[beausvalentines]

she could have said that she had seen all of what he was saying already, had witnessed it when lawson had cornered her on the campus lawn, or how upset he seemed about the whole thing, but she didn’t. she did wince slightly at his confession about loving him as more than a friend with benefits, only because that was what she had been, and he had chosen lawson over her. it didn’t matter now, it was done, but being anyone’s second choice had to hurt. “and yet you want a distraction?” she asked. “from someone who is clearly not lawson?” 

Beau had been in a relationship with Lawson for a couple of months then the two of them had fizzled out, and then the two of them were seeing each other on and off again. Beau did have a past romantic relationship with Rowan. She did mean something to him as well. All his relationships were complicated.  “I want to not think about hurting. I want to distract myself from the thought of hurting anyone else. I want to not feel lonely right now,” he confessed. “Feeling lonely cuts deep...”

[beausvalentines]

Lawson was a complicated person. He knew that much. Looking down feeling a void of broken hope he shook his head. “You can’t tell me who’s going to treat me better. It’s not your place, it’s my thing to figure out and I believe there is no one better for me.” He remarked as he looked up and refused to meet Beau’s eyes. “You may love things about me, but in here.” He pressed his hand to his own heart. “Is something different, and I wish, I wish you felt the same, I wish you didn’t do stupid shit, but then again were we ever really official? Was I ever really yours or was that just me holding onto something we used to have, something that was the best thing that has happened to me. You once showed me what loving someone was like B.” He whispered and shook his head as he went over to his bags and began to repack them. “Sometimes a person can stop loving another and I can’t. I think I am ready to go home. Perhaps I’ll ask the dean for a trip home while you all have fun without me.” He spoke as his eyes watered. 

Beau watched as the brunette placed a finger over his own heart and instantly felt guilty as Lawson talked about how much he had loved Beau. Beau had felt something towards Lawson. He had feelings, and did want a relationship with the brunette, but remaining in a relationship was hard for him because he had never fully committed to someone before.  Beau’s eyes followed Lawson watching as he began repacking his stuff and raised his eyebrow as he watched the other who was a short distance away from him. “Wait, your leaving?” He asked, standing up and walking over to Lawson’s bed. Beau sat down on top of it. He placed his hand on Lawson’s wrist. “Please don’t go. I don’t want you leaving me...”

[beausvalentines]

“but are you insisting that your relationship be similar to that of an actual relationship while you pretend that it’s still, i don’t know, a friends with benefits situation? because that’s not fair for the other person involved,” she said, and she wasn’t trying to be mean, or rude, but she also knew that beau needed to talk this through with someone that wasn’t going to just outright yell or talk at him. he needed someone who would listen. “i wouldn’t mind it now,” she confessed, shrugging her shoulders. “but i don’t want to be brought into all this drama you’ve collected. i certainly don’t need lawson to come yelling at me in the middle of campus again.” 

“Lawson’s good to me. He loves hard, it’s intense.” Beau loved being loved, but didn’t know if he could reciprocate it in the exact same way back. “He means more to mean than a friends with benefits would. I do love him,” he confessed, knowing it was weird for him to admit this to Rowan, who he had something with in the past, but she seemed to be listening to him. “Lawson’s protective of me, he always has been...I find it really sweet,” he confessed.

[beausvalentines]

“but here’s the thing, you do have love in your life. your past isn’t an excuse for your present behavior,” she advised, shaking her head. “i know that you can be a better person, beau. i think you’re just scared to do just that.” she turned her head slightly, nipping lightly at the tips of his fingers with a knowing smile on her face. “i don’t know about that. i don’t want to be just another part of all the drama currently circulating. i prefer to watch from the background,” she explained. “and your version of distraction will get me into trouble.” 

“ my present behaviour is all situation-ship orientated though .. i’ve ever promised to be faithful and committed as that’s not me... i’ve never felt like I deserved long lasting love because I don’t know if I could offer someone the same thing back , I always feel like i’m letting someone down, ” he confessed with was the truth. Beau had been with Rowan himself. She knew exactly what he was like. “I thought you liked being my distraction, ” he teased. “You didn’t mind it when we were on and off with another..”

[beausvalentines]

“Well thats.. I mean, to each his own I suppose.” Jordan wasn’t one to judge others on their relationships with their parents. He didn’t have the perfect home life, so he often understood when people struggled with that “I don’t my father, but I’d do anything for my ma. Sorry to hear about your relationship with your folks though.” 

Beau hadn’t grown up around love. He had grew up in a very toxic place that he wanted to get far away from but assumed that’s why he was toxic himself. It was all that he knew. “You don’t have to pity me, it’s the hand I was dealt with,” beau shrugged, looking at Jordan. “I know I’m not the only one in life with shitty parents,”.

[beausvalentines]

her fingers ran mindlessly over his head. “do you think that you’re not good at it because you assume that you’re not good at it? like when someone assumes something about you, so you just… be who they believe you are.” she didn’t think that beau was as terrible of a person as he made himself out to be. they had had plenty of great moments in their relationship. “perhaps. do you think you should give him space then?” she asked.

“I was brought up with parents who didn’t show love towards each other or me. I’ve never really known what love is because it’s never been in my life...” Beau confessed honestly to Rowan. “My parents always argued and were toxic. I really think that’s where I get it from...” he confessed. “I was planning on giving him some space and some room to breath...but he can’t forget about me that easily, and I can’t forget about him either,”. Beau ran his fingers over Rowan’s face, tilting her chin towards him. “ wanna distract me?” he asked playfully, toying with her feelings.

[beausvalentines]

Text To Beau

Marina: I'm not everyone else - you can make a choice and my choice is not to pick any off you two.

Marina: You messed up but perhaps its not unfixable.

Beau: I don't know if it'll be unfixable or not

Beau: I'll have to see