It has been a really long time since I vented on this blog but here I go.
Why do people keep telling me they believe people who are "different" are important to society, if every time I exhibit traits that make me "different" I am told I am not trying hard enough, or that I tried the wrong thing, or that I just havent "found a good place" yet?
If you want people like me in society, you cant expect us to act like everyone else then act surprised when we dont.
It takes me a little longer to train on a new job because i am autistic, I have been fired from a total of now 7 jobs in my life because they said I wasnt learning fast enough and they did not want to expend any more labor on training me.
I never fit into a work culture because I think friendships are something that comes naturally and cannot be achieved through forced interaction, I have been fired from 4 different jobs because I "was anti social" and "should have come to at least one company party for formalities".
I learn company rules and policy and follow them as best i can with minimal instruction, but am chastised when I do not follow rules that were randomly made up or were left unspoken. When other people break these rules it is fine, but when I do it it is a problem because I am "different". This has happened twice.
My managers tell me the way customers treat me matters and I do not have to take verbal abuse from anybody. I have been fired 5 times for "talking back" to customers for telling them they cannot speak to me that way and then walking away to get a manager.
I got told by everyone in my life "you are an artist just do art for a living" I tried, and the company that hired me on 3 months ago fired me this morning for "not training fast enough" even though I was told my speed and work ethic was amazing literally last week.
I have been an artist, a salesman, a line cook, an electrician, a welder, an assembly line builder, a cashier, and a childcare worker. None of these lines of work want me, and i dont qualify for disability because one time when I was 12 a therapist said I wasnt autistic because I can make eye contact. So where in the world am I supposed to go? What am I meant to do? Is there really nowhere in the world for people like me? Someone please give me hope, I have none left.
