Becca Brin James

I've been treated so wrong. I've been treated so long as if I'm becoming untouchable. I'm a slow dying flower frost killing hour, the sweet turning sour and untouchable. -Natalie Merchant

[becca-brin-james]

[mj-hartman]

   ”Thank you so much, it’s just nice to have some one there even if it’s just for comfort” Mary Jane replied to the woman,’ were already living a night mare between what’s going on in the outside world and now the camp to’, shaking her head in disbelief in udder confusion. ” So it’s nice to have some friendliness” Wondering to herself if this was ever going to end, are we going to survive? 

[becca-brin-james]

Becca gave her soft smile and a nod. "We're lucky to have survived. All most of us have left is each other. Our societal love for material possessions have fallen away. The only option, or the only road anyone should take is too help each other through this. I'm happy to offer anything I can. In our short interaction I can tell you're a good person. Maybe when your feeling better we can talk more." 

[becca-brin-james]

Viscid

[dead-runner]

Who: Julian Callaghan & Becca James

Where: The common room in the RV

When: Two days after the cabin encounter

What: Unable to carry the burden Becca confesses to Julian what transpired between her and Shane

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[becca-brin-james]

When he took to his feet Becca’s eyes tracked him unsure of what he was going to say, or do next. In the past year she had seen many sides to him, but displaying rage was a rarity. While he paced the small quarters of the RV his voice grew increasingly loud.  Involuntarily her jaw fell when he dropped the word ‘assault’. In the last forty eight hours many thoughts had stormed over her mind, but the word never once surfaced. He doesn’t understand her involvement in the act, or lack of left her feeling the occurrence was consensual. Nervously she stood up wanting to bring calm to the situation.  Attempting to get his attention she spoke almost too quietly. “Please calm down. Grace is only down the hall.” Taking a step closer she reached out attempting to grip one of his tightly bound hands. “I’m okay. Everything is okay.  I know you don’t want to hear it, but I don’t see it that way. My refusal to do anything, but just stand…I was complicit until I wasn’t.”  

It was evident that he seemed to write her as a victim, rather than someone culpable for their actions, or lack thereof. Shaking her head a duo of two tears trailed down her cheek. Guilt ridden she continued. “You should be upset with me. If I had said something sooner it would have all stopped. He was so upset afterwards…I don’t think it was about me. I’m sure it wasn’t. He kept apologizing.” Recalling the emotional unraveling Shane did before leaving the bathroom she spoke. “He was just looking for a way to substitute...his pain.”           

[little-charlie-rose]

Charlie nodded and listened her face darkening in the face of the other girl’s words. “I want to kill them. Becca, I was to literally wrap my hands around his throat and let them feel what they did to other people. I just- I better not find out who the person is because I swear to God, Becs… I swear with everything I have that if I do, they’ll wake up on fire.” A flash of something dark and furious blazed behind her eyes and the hands she’d pulled back into her lap were clutched so tightly into a fist it was a wonder that she wasn’t drawing blood from her palm with her nails. “They hurt my brother, they killed my friends. When we find them, I…. I hope they let me be the one to exact justice, because I want them dead, Becs. I want them dead and I want to kill them.”

[becca-brin-james]

Becca observed Charlie as she spoke with equal disdain at first, but seemed to take it in a fervors direction. Watching as the rage sweep over the young woman she felt guilty. She knew anger could be infectious, and if she had left her dark thoughts in her head she wouldn’t have to witness the murderous intention of her sweet friend. Unsure if rage was a better emotion then sadness she could only nod her head. Putting herself in Charlie shoes she knows if Grace was lying in the med tent with her throat slashed she’d feel the same rage. The two girls were bound in anger just as much as they were wrapped in each other’s arms brimming with ill will for a faceless monster. Watching as Charlie nails dug into her flesh she knew she had to reign in the madness. Reaching out she grabbed for the others hands attempting to stop the self-infliction before blood was drawn. “When I put myself in your shoes I understand perfectly, but we have to be just as smart as this monster, or monsters. I thought it was over with, and blamed some drifter, however, that just seems ridiculous now. It’s obviously a member of this camp hiding in plain sight, and that’s the scariest thing of all.” Becca could no longer think of this thing as human at all: only as it, monster, or other. “Charlie it’s apparently very strong, and while revenge is dark comforting thought you need to be smart, and not put yourself in a dangerous position. The last thing Luke needs while recovering is too worry about you going vigilante. The right thing for either one of us to do is bring any suspicions to Julian or Wylie.”  

[becca-brin-james]

Shane...I need to...speak with you

[shaneprescott]

Shane had been smoking. Again. But, this time, it wasn’t because he wanted too. He couldn’t help but scribble down his thoughts of guilt, the pen in his hand moving so quickly he hadn’t realized he’d written down "I hurt everyone" over and over again. When he realized it, he heard Becca’s voice and forced the paper and pen down his pocket. He took a long drag, confused about why she would want to speak to him, but let up as he got to his feet. He sighed deeply, letting his shoulders drop.”Becca…yeah?” he exhaled.

[becca-brin-james]

Upon approach she witnessed him writing something and he quickly squirreled it away. Brushing her curiosity aside she watched as he stood. A swirl of emotions each competed for attention now that she was in such close proximity. When she decided to seek him out she told herself to be factual and non-emotional, but with him standing yards away calm, cool, and collected went fleeing from her body.  Closing her eyes for a few seconds attempting to wrangle the prevalent anger that danced behind closed eyelids unseen to the world. The difficult part to admit: she was just as angry with herself over the occurrence. Playing the scenario in her mind for the past few days she attempted to reconcile how much was actually her fault. Did she bring the mess onto herself? The fact she climaxed, and he knew it made her feel low.  Upon opening her eyes to the light of day she attempted to detach by avoiding his; instead looking slightly over his shoulder. Tilting her head before beginning she tried to keep an even tone. “I just thought you should know I told Julian. I never promised anything. I’m not a very good liar, and he doesn’t deserve it.”

By the end of the statement her throat thickened and she could feel heat rising up her body. Typically embarrassment was the catalyst, but this flush of red was out of rage. The emotion only was solidified when she looked in his eyes, and swore he looked wounded. He doesn’t get to feel hurt. Almost as if a switch had been flipped she suddenly desperately wanted to confront him. She spoke through tightly clenched teeth. “Don’t do that. You don’t get to look all suffering and hurt like you didn’t do a damn thing.”  Shaking her head her eyes began to gloss over. Rather it’s sadness, or anger both emotions causes tears, and she hated it. A dominating question shot out of her mouth before she had time to decide if it was wise of her to ask. “Why did you touch me? Why didn’t you just leave when I told you to? You fucked everything up!”  Her voice had become saturated with tears going up half octave as she spoke this time. The irony was all the self-analysis she had done the last few nights guided her to ask the same question of herself.  Why did she let him touch her, and let it go on for so long?

[officer-henson]

It's been a month.

[officer-henson]

Wylie thought for a moment, looking up at the sky as he did so. “Mm… don’t think i’ve seen one but I’m sure we can find one… or improvise. That’s a really good idea, Becs. We’ll have to do that.” He gave her a grin and pat her back perhaps too roughly for such a frail woman, but he was happy to have ideas like that. “It might be dangerous but I’m down for the mission if you are?”

[becca-brin-james]

Becca lurched forward slightly from the rather firm pat to her back letting out a nervous giggle. "Please are you kidding me? I'm willing to go on a pre-run-run to a Home Depot, or something. All we really need in an appropriate size tube, and physics does the rest." Becca looked up at him. "Just name the time and place. I'll be there."

[becca-brin-james]

Visit Original Link

Becca's Current State of Mind

The faces all around me they don't smile they just crack Waiting for our ship to come but our ships not coming back We do our time like pennies in a jar What are we saving for 

There's a smell of stale fear that's reeking from our skins. The drinking never stops because the drinks absolve our sins We sit and grow our roots into the floor But what are we waiting for? 

So give me something to believe Cause I am living just to breathe And I need something more To keep on breathing for So give me something to believe Something's always coming you can hear it in the ground It swells into the air With the rising Rising sound And never comes but shakes the boards and rattles all the doors What are we waiting for 

I am hiding from some beast But the beast was always here Watching without eyes Because the beast is just my fear That I am just nothing Now its just what I've become What am I waiting for Its already done

[becca-brin-james]

Excuse you...

[venomous-porcelain]

"Of course he breaks out in a fucking smile, have you ever heard me sing? I sound like someone beating a goddamn cat with a fucking frying pan or some shit.” Laughing softly, Fair ran a hand through her hair and nodded at Becca’s assesment of Evelyn’s situation. “That shit as got to fucking suck, but at least in a place like this she’d just fucking surrounded by people who are more than happy to take him off her hands for a while. Mostly me like most of the fucking time, but you know. It’s nice to get some baby time when I’m never going to have that shit.” Giving a shrug, she turned large steely eyes -turned purple in the flickering of the firelight- back to the fairer girl and listened to the other girl talk, shaking her head when asked if she’d met some guy. “Nope, I haven’t exactly been like super fucking social and shit, you know?” Just about to say something in regards to the name of the town that Becca had come from, she decided in the end to keep her mouth shut and just offered her a grin. “At least you have all your teeth. I know people from New York who can’t even like fucking boast that shit.”

[becca-brin-james]

Becca watched as Fair spoke of little Max despite the colorful language it was obvious she loved the baby very much. Shrugging herself meeting the others eyes she quipped. "Yes, I've all my teeth, and there is no inbreeding on our family tree. You've been hanging out with Wyllie too much." Offering up a playful smile before her face fell slightly adding weight to her words. "I've missed you terribly. There was no one to fill the void after we parted. I've not been social either. The opposite in fact I prefer to call the period in my life as RV recluse." Attempting to break free from her somber tone with a joke.   

[mj-hartman]

Looking at the woman in complete agony the tears just starting to roll down the cheeks of her face thinking of what she had asked. Sure I could use the company and talk. Muscling up and good memory as they were heading for the medical tent, having to strain she found one trying not to think about her babies. It took a lot of effort but it came one night looking up at the sky and just happened to notice the dancing lights across the sky, a dance of colours and lights, learning their name as the northern lights , a calming feeling came across . Thank you that feels a bit better, would you come in with me or wait for me. She felt comforted by this woman.

[becca-brin-james]

When the tears began to roll down the lovely woman's face Becca reached out her hand rubbing her arm in small attempt to soothe. She felt  Mary's pain; it was palpable radiating off of her. When she moved on to telling her the story of an old beautiful memory she listened intently. Slightly surprised when she asked if she would come in Becca nodded. "Whatever your preference. Rafael is a exceptional doctor and great friend." Becca reached down giving her hand a squeeze. 

[little-charlie-rose]

becca-brin-james:

Charlie listened and wanted so bad to believe her, to take in those words and hear them as truth, but it was so hard because it just felt like her fault. Luke would have never broken his own rule and gone out at night if it hadn’t been for her. If she wasn’t in the RV or at Topher’s she wasn’t even allowed out once the fire was out for the night, and even then she knew it made him nervous. Why else would he have gone outside if not to get away from the tension? Taking a deep shaking breath she tried to get a hold on herself, nodding slightly. “Why would anyone want to hurt people at this camp? We’re supposed to all be like family.”

[becca-brin-james]

It seemed as if she was beginning to settle, but only slightly. Becca stayed steadfast anchoring herself into the ground repeatedly rubbing her back. “I don’t want to know why. Whatever the reason this person is sick and depraved. There could be no reason or justification. This person…this monster has no humanity.I just want it dead. I hope it’s before someone else gets hurt.” Becca couldn’t help for fear had to turned to anger, and her words shot out like venom.

[sebastian-fox]

How am I?

[sebastian-fox]

"I love music….I play a little guitar but I never had the chance to practice and get better." Oliver smiled as he talked about music. On the way here while driving he was blasting his favorite bands singing loudly while hitting every single walker he saw with his truck. He smiled thinking about it and looked at Becca when she mentioned the murders. "Seriously?" He shook his head. "I’m definitely locking the doors tonight. That’s nuts..and to think I came here to be safe."

[becca-brin-james]

Becca eyes only widened when he mentioned a guitar. She was so excited she almost spoke over him. "Do you have one with you? Electric or acoustic? I play the guitar as well, but I'm down two strings. I'm willing to barter." She watched the smile spread and then retract. "Yeah, it was safe for a long time, and about a month and a half ago things just started to happen." She didn't want to worry him, but she felt like she needed to ask. "Do you have any weapons?"

[becca-brin-james]

Shane...I need to...speak with you

Waiting till day light she sought out Shane. After confessing to Julian about the exchange between them she felt like she owed him an explanation. Recalling the last time they spoke he requested her to keep it quiet, and while she never agreed she couldn't help but feel guilty about it.

shaneprescott

[little-charlie-rose]

"B- because he was upset because I hurt him, and made his life stressful a- and he wouldn’t have had to be outside if I- if I could j- just get along w-with Jax. A- and now that psycho g- got him and it’s my fault. All my fault. It should be me, not him." Charlie had never felt such guilt in her life, and she wanted nothing more than to give everything she had to make sure her brother pulled through. That he made it. Because he deserved to, because she needed him to. If Luke died too much of her would die with him to go on. "I’m s-so sor-ry. So sorry."

[becca-brin-james]

Not wanting to hurt her by pointing out the disproportioned logic she had to think carefully before speaking. Rubbing the young woman's back she wanted her to start calming down. "Sweetie...just because you two were having a rough patch doesn't mean you're to blame. Luke was bound to step out of the RV at some point. I don't think it has anything to do with you. Don't you ever wish that upon yourself. You're too important to so many people. Luke would never want to hear that from you either. It should have been no one. These murders needs to stop. This crazy shit just needs to stop." Pausing for a moment  before she continued. "Don't apologize to me. You've done nothing wrong Charlie Rose. I love you, and I can't bare to hear you talk so horribly about yourself. It hurts me."

[little-charlie-rose]

Charlie put up no fight when Becca pulled back to brush the hair from her face, nodding as she tried to focus on the blond woman on the other side of her curtain of tears. It took everything she had to force the words through her sobs, but they had to come out. Had to be said because they were weighing her down on the inside. “It’s a-all my fault…. like a- all the o-other times. B- But now it’s the p- person I love most in a-all the world.” 

[becca-brin-james]

Becca unconsciously clicked her tongue when she heard the confession. "No...sweetie. You can't think that way. Tell me why you would?" Sweeping her hand wiping the tears from the apples of Charlie's sweet face. Immediately moving her arm back securely around her pulling her tighter. Like always it felt good to help Charlie, and secretly she felt bad that pulled purpose from it.

[little-charlie-rose]

Charlie looked up at the older girl with flooded eyes, nodding as she felt the pair of arms go around her and it felt so good to be around someone she didn’t need to be strong for. For the first time she really let herself cry and it was just sobs, great, body wracking, breath stealing, heaving sobs that had her clinging to her friend.

[becca-brin-james]

Accepting when Charlie crumbled into her arms Becca anchored herself willing to hold onto until the younger woman didn't need her anymore. Her own face fell as she could feel the others despair as she quaked with sobs. Intrinsically she wanted to quiet her, but knew it was better to have her let it out. Loosening one arm so she could clear wetted strands from her forehead Becca leaned in pressing a kiss before she spoke. "I know...its okay to be scared and upset. You don't have to stop crying. Just know he's going to be okay. Please talk to me Charlie...tell me what you're thinking."   

[becca-brin-james]

Well I have met the one female doctor so far, I believe her name is September. I haven’t really spoken to anyone since I got here. I will talk with him, he sounds interesting maybe a different approach might work. I’m not very fund of doctor’s but I can’t take the nightmare’s and sleepless nights.

I know that it probably leads back to what’s going on and what happened to my boys, that’s all I see is what happened to them, like a record playing in my head over and over.

A pensive look drew in her features. She assumed the 'my boys' she spoke of were children, and she could feel the infinite sadness lofting off the woman. It was Becca's general rule to never ask about family. It was usually too devastating, but if people offered up she would offer any comfort she could. "I've seen pretty horrific as well: my mother. I know the thoughts take over everything, and I think your doing the right thing by seeking help. Why don't I walk you to the med tent?" She quieted for a moment before asking. "Maybe you should tell me a good memory. Take yourself away from the bad for a minute." 

[luke-rose]

Luke groggily opened his eyes looking at the person who had enterted the medical tent curiously.  He tried to speak but the pain was too much. 

[becca-brin-james]

Becca face fell and eyes crested with tears. It was hard to see Luke whom she naively considered invincible."Shhh."Shushing him fearing he would hurt himself trying to speak she pulled a sad smile as she walked over to him. Grabbing the stool she wheeled next to the cot, and took a seat. Reaching out she placed both hands lightly on his sturdy forearm before she spoke. "I just want you to know I'm looking after Charlie. I know it's a lot to ask of you to not worry her, but you need to concentrate on getting better. Okay." Knowing he didn't her need sadness. It wasn't Luke's style. When she was upset he'd always tried to pull her out of it. Giving his arm a small squeeze she pulled the best smile she could given the scenario adding. "Lucas Rose I knew you were too stubborn to die."