Why is it that the first thing people say when you say, “I think I’m depressed” is “why?” They ask why like they expect you to be able to lay out this detailed, well thought out list of every little thing that makes the gears in your head constantly grind. Like you should KNOW. There isn’t always an explanation. Sometimes it’s 4pm on a Saturday when you sit back and realize, “I feel like there’s a hole in my soul that the light can’t shine through anymore.” You started to think about all the great things you have; family, a best friend that’s always there for you, animals you love, a job you love, a house, a car, people that “have your back” but you still just can’t shake the feeling that there’s something attached to your livelihood sucking the life out of you. Sometimes you’ll stumble across people who are simply beautiful, and will understand these feelings. And other times you will come across people who want to do nothing more than to tell you to “get over it” and move on. I feel like I crave to be around someone. That everything would be better if I was just laying beside someone in comfortable silence, but then I realize that it would be at this point that I would feel suffocated. Like I needed nothing more than to get away and be by myself. Nobody knows me better than me. I have to fix this on my own. Yet, the voice inside my head is screaming for help. Someone please, look at me. Notice that, no, I’m not okay.. I just need someone to be able to look at me and know, without me having to make myself so vulnerable. I just need somebody... or maybe I just need to be alone.
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