the performance feels good, the minor bump of a few misplaced bass beats and all. kenma is not nearly naive enough to think that they’re the best band in all of japan but he is smart enough to know they might have a chance when it comes to their prefecture at least. they’ll have their work cut out for him against bokuto and akaashi but if they place passed them, they’ll have to deal with ushijima and the ( arguably more difficult, ) fan favourite, oikawa tooru. he lets these thoughts distract him for the duration of the bridge before the arrival of the girls — well, technically, the slip of kuroo’s steady rhythm, which alerts him to the girls in the first place —steals his attention.
kenma’s eyes go sharp but otherwise there is no outward change. internally, he holds a little tighter to the sound of kuroo’s fingering; digs his feet in a little deeper to the bass line; feels the drums a little harsher than his own heart beat. audiences, however small, always make him hyper aware.
he can’t help but care what they think. in normal circumstances he would do everything possible to remain invisible — and really ( it’s almost funny how easily ) he still kind of pulls it off while being the vocalist. kenma is by no means the front man of the band the way most vocalists are; he happily takes a backseat to kuroo. it would be hard not to even if he was trying.
his gaze flicks over the girls quickly, taking notice of the way their eyes don’t spare him a glance. he thinks, to their credit, it’s partially because they know he doesn’t quite like the attention. however, he knows it’s mostly because they’re too busy swooning over kuroo to bother with the rest of them. yukie especially.
something ugly flares up under his skin, heated — like a tiny part of him wants to raise his voice, put more emphasis on his vibratos and show off a little. it’s the same part of him that viciously thinks stop looking at him, look at me instead. how selfish it is of him, he knows, to want even for a second to deny everyone else his best friend. even if that means forcing himself into the spotlight. he doesn’t even understand it himself; not in a way that provides an explanation he’s can easily, currently accept.
the song is over but he hardly notices that they’ve all stopped. his irritation is now so heady that he can’t pay much focus to anything at all but is paying far too much attention to everything simultaneously.
they’re running out of time, the band. not just before the showcase but before everything changes. kuroo will go to university and it will become difficult to hold practices and even more difficult to find time for the two of them outside it.
he wants more, he realizes. it’s not enough — what they have left. it feels like it’s being wasted, having to share kuroo’s attentions and affections and precious time with anyone else. even their band mates. kenma catches the small exchange between yukie and kuroo and feels his own expression go carefully blank, perfectly bored.
he’s over it. he’s done. he doesn’t even want to partake in this conversation with kuroo which is counter productive considering his previous thought process. he can’t help it. the irritation increases. the praise sparks a small feeling in his chest but the annoyance suppresses it.
“ lev still sucks and you fumbled a few chords, ” he cuts kuroo a long suffering look that shows exactly how much he doesn’t want to be there anymore as he says it. the comment isn’t meant to be cruel and it doesn’t sound it; kenma is just stating his observation and if it lets kuroo know that he hasn’t missed the flirtation with yukie, then that’s just another conversation he doesn’t have to hold.
he waves a hand lazily at his guitarist in a gesture meant to shoo him away, a dismissal: i’m fine, kuro. go flirt with your fans, it says. it is the exact opposite of what he really wants but he is not selfish enough to actually ask for that.
there’s a benefit and a downfall to knowing someone for so long, on one hand kuroo is grateful because kenma as a whole doesn’t like to talk much so most of what he tries to say is said with looks and body language and knowing him so long has made kuroo aware of the little ticks; however, that’s also the downfall of it. sometimes it’s nice to just be able to ignore what’s not being said, especially if it has to do with girls, but with kenma he actually can’t.
kuroo knows he’ll just point out observations, so he also knows that kenma is aware that the slip up was caused by the girls coming to their rehearsal. which could be another reason that kenma is the way he is right now. they both know that their time with the ease of scheduling practice is coming to an end, just like their time to practice before the showcase and the last thing that they need is to be taking breaks to flirt with girls. but that doesn’t stop yamamoto from flirting with them, and it’s not going to stop him either — the only thing capable of stopping him is kenma.
if kenma were to tell him that they needed to practice right now, then kuroo would throw their drummer back to his drum set, pick up his guitar and start practicing their set until kenma said they were done. if his best friend were to turn around and tell him that the flirting was interrupting their time together he would put a stop to that immediately and pick it up once the two parted ways for the night. there are few things in his life that he cares about more then he cares about kenma. just like he knows that there are very few people that kenma opens up too and kuroo isn’t going to do anything to jeopardize that.
there’s a bit of confused look on his face as he watches kenma wave his hand at him, like he’s a dog that’s begging too much. which is offensive in two ways, he’s not a dog and kuroo isn’t the type of person that gets shooed away. while his words might say one thing his body language and the little nuances that he’s learned over the years say otherwise. “everyone makes mistakes sometimes. unless you’re lev, then you write the book on mistakes.” he says while glancing over at their bassist who is still getting an earful from yaku, there’s a frown on his own face — even he doesn’t want to get yelled at by yaku.
kuroo shakes his head and turns his attention back to kenma. it only takes him a little while to come to a decision: there is a conversation that needs to be had, but right now in front of the band and the girls is not the place. “why do i feel like you’re trying to get rid of me?.” kuroo frowns again, giving kenma one last look before turning around to head toward the girls.