is the warmth really worth the burning?

𑁍 this is a writing blog btw 𑁍 main: @ashes-of-a-moon-crater 𑁍 ao3: losver07 𑁍

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heyoooo

hi there! i'm bee :)

this is a side writing blog

my main is @ashes-of-a-moon-crater (check it out if you like chaos)

my drawing blog is @beeisgonnafailartclass

noticeboard

𑁍 TVS IS BACK FROM THE BREAK, chapter 7 on ao3!!!

𑁍 ataw is outttt chapter 10 on ao3

𑁍 asks open <3

𑁍 mildly new blog, sorry if there's not a lot to see

𑁍 drink water!

about me

you can refer to me by any pronouns and gendered terms <3

english is not my first language, but i will be using it for my writing, so if you ever see any mistake, you can let me know! as long as you're not disrespectful, i will be glad to take any criticism that can improve my writing

some fandoms i'm in: marauders (harry potter universe), greek mythology, the song of achilles, riordanverse, and many more

recurring themes in my works: mental health, family issues, homophobia & transphobia, etc. check out specific works to see their cws

my babies!

𑁍 wips:

(on ao3) TVS - The Virgin Suicides: marauders, muggle au, set in a mental hospital. wolfstar, jegulus, jily. [tag: #tvs fic!]

(on ao3) ATAW - And The Angels Whispered: Rock n' Roll!: marauders, muggle au, band au. wolfstar, prongsfoot, jily, gilderat. [tag: #ataw fic!]

(𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋 1 𝗈𝗎𝗍!) 𝖶𝖲𝖭 - 𝖶𝗁𝗂𝗌𝗉𝖾𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝖲𝗎𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗇𝗈𝗏𝖺𝗌: 𝗆𝖺𝗋𝖺𝗎𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌, 𝗆𝗎𝗀𝗀𝗅𝖾 & 𝗆𝗈𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗇 𝖺𝗎, 𝗌𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗎𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝗆𝗎𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝗈𝗇𝗒𝗆𝗈𝗎𝗌𝗅𝗒 𝗆𝖾𝖾𝗍 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗂𝗇𝖾. 𝗆𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗄𝗒 𝗐𝗈𝗅𝖿𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗋. 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖾𝖽𝗒. [tag: #wsn fic!]

(next upcoming fic!!!) WWWH - When We Were Home: marauders, canon compliant, very long, wolfstar, jegulus, moonwater; all of them slowburn

(coming soon) BBRT - Black Blood, Red Tears: marauders, muggle au, black brothers surviving to their family's cult. mainly jegulus & wolfstar, prongsfoot and moonwater too [more]

(more to come...)

𑁍 microfics & other short stuff:

new note - wolfstar angst

untitled - short wolfstar fluff scene

wolfstar amortentia microfics: part 1, part 2 and part 3!

ides of march inspired stuff???

disclaimer

if possible, check content warnings before reading any of my fics/works. i try to maintain a positive and inclusive posture, but some triggering topics might appear, so i suggest all possible readers to make sure you won't be negatively affected by any of them. take care <3

credits

header: La Charmeuse by Leon Herbo

dividers (in order): Semi-Submerged Dog by Francisco de Goya // The Death of Orpheus by Henri Leopold Lévi // Fishing Boats Entering Calais Harbor by William Turner // Ophelia by Friedrich Wilhelm Theodor Heyser

that's it for now, thanks for stopping by!

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starting to love myself again after my brain produced this line

anyway yeah check out my marauders 2000s au if you like silly lines or whatever idk man.......

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based on a true story. i cried over a tree yesterday

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this is your sign to go give your spare coins to someone who needs it. ppl are nice and the world kinda sucks

this isnt fanfic btw 😔 sorry to disappoint

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HEY GO CHECK THE NEW FIC OUT EACH CHAPTER TAKES ME A CENTURY TO WRITE BUT I LIKE IT SO MUCH SO YEAH I HOPE OTHER PPL LIKE IT TOO AND THEY DONT THINK IM INSANE :D

why am i writing all caps omg sorry but yeah you're free to have a look!!!

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@staphi this one's for u :) sorry i went REALLY overboard i was just having so much fun ksjfjsj ALSO I GOT LAZY BY THE END AND DIDN'T SPELL-CHECK SO UHH SORRY FOR THAT !!!

anyway if anyone wants a part 2 uhhh idk lmk???

—

"Aren't you hot?"

Remus flips the page. He's not really paying attention to either the book or Peter.

That's what happens when you try to do two things at once. You end up doing none.

Plus, he should probably be watching the pool, shouldn't he?

"I'm always hot," he says, giving up and closing the book. Not quite a summery read, anyway.

Peter rolls his eyes and curls up into a ball in his super comfortable plastic chair. It's not comfortable; it's torture. I'm just sarcastic.

"It's 40° and you're wearing two shirts, Remus," he says, amazed. As if he didn't experience this every day. "Two. One of them long-sleeved."

Remus shrugs, his lip twitching a bit.

"I don't see the problem, my uniform's still visible."

He fidgets with his book for a bit, then puts it in between his and the chair's backs. He then starts to fidget with his whistle.

"Nothing's happened yet, has it?" His friend asks, changing the subject. There's no arguing with Remus, and he knows it. Especially not about the sleeves. "Like, this week?"

Remus hums, shaking his head.

"Nuh." He stares at the pool. "Don't go jinxing it, though."

A kid trips and falls right next to the No Running sign, one of many. Ironic. He tries not to snort a laugh and watches as she gets up, looks around, and keeps running. He blows the red whistle.

"No runnin'! Learn from your mistakes!" He sees the child slow down, kind of sadly, and turns to Peter. "She's literally just faced the consequences herself. You seen her?"

Peter nods. He doesn't look like he cares much.

"She's, like, eight. You were probably the same, her age."

Remus wrinkles his frelcked—and sunburnt—nose in an offended gesture, and huffs.

"At her age, I was too cool for pools."

"Not anymore, I see," his friend grins.

"This is a one-time, I just need the money for—"

A boy head-dives, which is very much forbidden, and Remus purses his lips, ready to blow the whistle at him the second he comes up and out of the water.

Except...

"Ah, fuck's sake," he grumbles, getting our of the chair and leaving both Pete and his book behind. He rushes to look over the edge, where the head-diver's friend tugs at his sleeve. See, sleeves are good.

There's a red spot in the water, right next to the static blob of a person down there.

"I think he hit his head and..."

The poor guy was laughing at first, though he seems genuinely concerned now. That's a good friend right there. Kind of.

"Everyone out the water now!"

He jumps in—like a normal person, not a head dive—and gets the boy, brings him out. He's still not moving.

"Come the fuck on, man..." He whispers to the guy, who is 100% super listening. I'm being sarcastic again. He's got his hair all over his face like that one girl from The Ring. Man, that dude is not conscious at all. "Fuck..."

Remus, trying really, really hard not to lose his shitty summer job for one idiot guy, makes an effort to remember his training.

He puts the guy's hair out of the way and checks whether he's breathing. Yeah. Okay. Not stable at all, barely keeping it together, but okay. Alive.

"Do we... need an ambulance?" the friend asks. He's taken out a pair of glasses from his swimsuit's pocket and is even more shocked at the scene now that he can see it in full HD.

"No."

Remus keeps his focus on the guy. Head on forehead, fingers under the chin. Airway is open. He still can't breathe. He's actually stopped breathing at all.

"Okay, it's fine," he mumbles to himself. "Okay."

He thinks of the training again. No cardiac arrest; no CPR. Straight to breathing.

Okay, then. He pinches the boy's nose, and begins to perform the five initial breaths, mouth to mouth, only stopping for two seconds after each to see if the situation's changed.

One—one, two. Nothing.

Two—one, two. Nothing.

Three—

And, he's gasping for air now. Eyes open. Hi.

"Okay, good, he's not dead," the lifeguard sighs. The dude on the ground just looks around like a confused puppy soaked in chlorine. Remus looks at the friend, the one with the glasses. "What's his name?"

He's also in shock, apparently. Oh, but everything's fine now. No need to worry.

"Er... Sirius."

What a name. Though his parents chose Remus, so he doesn't have much of a say, does he?

"Sirius," he calls, and Sirius looks. "How many fingers do I've up?"

The boy, long, black hair sticking to his face, frowns.

"You flipping me off...?"

Remus nods calmly.

"Okay, no concussion."

The boy—Sirius—is still processing it, though.

"You literally flipped me off?" He says, and tries to mimic Remus when he gets up, but he ends up sitting back down on the ground and taking a hand to the back of his head "Awh, bloody head hurts."

"Yeah, no shit," the lifeguard shrugs, his mind back to the blood splotch on the water. And the chlorine must itch like crazy. "Can you get up? Gonna get you some ice."

Sirius's friend offers a hand and the injured one gets up on his feet, more carefully this time.

"James?" He whispers. Not really a whisper, though. "He flipped me off?"

"Yup, mate," James smiles, kind of sheepishly.

Remus crosses his arms over his—very fashionable—neon yellow shirt.

"So, are you okay?"

Sirius, the just-resucitated, scowls at him, probably still resenting the finger gesture.

"Fuck you?"

He shrugs.

"I just saved your life...? But, okay."

"But—" Sirius tries, and has to stop himself mid-sentence to roll his eyes up, as if he'll see his skull if he tries hard enough. "Ouch with the fucking head!"

"You probs need to sit," says the responsible one, reminding himself that he needs the job. He turns to James. "Bring him inside."

So James does. The bespectacled boy is then asked to make sure everyone leaves the pool—except Pete. Those two just sit and talk for a while, since that is apparently all that there's to do. Even if they've never spoken before, they certainly won't run out of conversation topics.

Inside, the opposite happens. Well, not exactly opposite. The two boys inside the lifeguard's hut also don't know each other, and talking is also one of the very little options—but conversation isn't flowing as smoothly as it should.

"You flipped me off!" Sirius is saying. Remus sighs and texts his boss, to tell him they had to close early. He really fucking needs to clean everything before tomorrow morning. "Like I woke up and you flipped me off!"

Sigh.

"Well, you cracked your skull in my pool. Now no one can go in the water 'cause of sanitary reasons and I'll probably lose this crap of a job that's keeping me afloat while I'm outta school, so I'd my reasons to, didn't I?"

Sirius doesn't move. Not a twitch.

"You talk fast," he says, sort of grinning. Only sort of.

"Yeah." Remus blinks. He's been told before, obviously, just never like that. It's usually reproaches and attempts to change him, and never just noticing it as a part of who he is. Which is weird. And not cool. And really weird. He walks to the mini fridge, fast. "I said I'd get you some ice, lemme grab that."

He hears Sirius hum, and keeps walking.

"How's your head?"

He opens the fridge, grabs a cold gel pack and wraps it in a cloth to avoid burns.

"I mean, I've never had any complaints."

He walks back to Sirius's side, and hands him the ice with a nonchalant expression.

"Ha, ha."

It was actually kinda funny. Plus, RuPaul reference.

"Thanks," the injured one mutters. "It's fine now. Hurts, but fine."

Remus just nods.

"You don't see double or anything, right?" He tries, smiling a bit to show it's not really a huge concern. Just a joke. Though it would be a problem if he did see double.

Sirius catches the tone and immediately turns his twitched lip into a grin.

"Hmm, I see an idiot wearing stupid neon and a guy that's pissed at me, but... Oh, wait, they're both you!"

Remus snorts a laugh.

"Yeah, you're fine to leave." He gets up from his plastic chair and Sirius does the same. "You're welcome for saving your life, you can go home and keep putting ice on that head."

"Wait. You didn't, like—" he winces at the cold gel hitting raw skin. Looks back up. "You didn't literally save my life, did you?"

"Probably not," he lifeguard shurgs. "I did blow air into your lungs, though."

Ah, he's playing cool. He does feel kind of proud to have remembered the procedure, even under a huge ball of stress and anger. 'Cause he's angry, too. There's at least like twenty signs scattered around the place with the very clear pictogram of No head diving. Come on, man; really?

"What? So you kissed me without my permission?"

Oh, for fuck's sake.

"Well, I wasn't gonna ask," he responds. He's standing by the open door now, arms crossed. Will Sirius catch the hint? Probably not. "You were kinda K.O."

"God, it was probably an awful kiss."

Seriously? I mean, Siriusly? Damn, I'm so funny.

"It wasn't a kiss," Remus insists. "I was pinching your nose and counting to five like a stupid kid. And you were passed out. Not a kiss."

Sirius grins.

"I mean, it's pretty much like those films where—"

Nope.

"It wasn't. It's not. You're imagining things 'cause of the head injury." He lets his arms fall onto his side, then crosses them again. Fuck, long sleeves are fucking him up good. "Go home."

"Alright, alright," Sirius concedes, raising his hand—the one that's not holding the ice pack—as if arrested by the police. He doesn't move at first, then drops the pose, looks at Remus. "I wouldn't have said no, by the way. If you'd asked and I wasn't unconscious."

Remus huffs.

"If you weren't unconscious I wouldn't have had to reanimate you."

Sirius rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, I know. But I wouldn't've." He stares for a beat longer, then shrugs and goes for the door. "'Kay, bye."

"Wait."

A hand on his shoulder. Sirius turns back. The sun is hitting his face now, halfway out the hut.

"What?" He grins, mockingly. "Want a second round?"

Remus fakes a gag.

"Eugh. No. Just..." Damn, he needs to process the sentence before dropping it. "Just ring me here tomorrow. To know if the thing's healing alright."

Is this standard procedure, you may ask? Nope. Special treatment. Isolated case.

"Will do," Sirius nods.

"Or you can come by and let me check," Remus keeps saying. "Whatever's cool."

Very nonchalant. Totally not sweating like he just run a marathon.

"Okay," Sirius says, half-grin starting to show in his face.

"Just—just don't head dive again. The signs are there for a reason."

The grin is huge now, and uncontrollable, but Sirius tries his best to seem serius—haha—and nods.

"Noted."

Yeah... Silence.

"See you, I guess."

Yeah.

"Yup. See you."

The boy leaves the place, taking his friend with him, and Remus takes a minute for himself to press his back against the wall and, eyes closed, breathe. Just breathe.

It does look like one of those movies, doesn't it? A meet-cute.

"Damn..."

[ashes-of-a-moon-crater]

uhhh chapter 2 of the new fic is out idk guys i think its crap but its fun to write so idgaf

this is the vibe btw

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shit shit shit forgot i have a writing blog again lol

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Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin Characters: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, And others obviously but its basically those 4 and their parents for now Additional Tags: Okay First Of All Fuck The Timeline, It's The 2000s Baby, Second Of All Fuck Relationship Categories Cause Sirius Is Genderfluid Af, Slow Burn, They Meet Online Via Blogger.com (Skull Emoji Skull Emoji), Its A Miraculous Kinda Situation With The Online Identities Ngl, Mutual Pining, Oh And Idk Whats Gonna Happen So No Warnings For now.... But Yeah Check Each Chapters CWs, Is This Gonna Be The Fic Where I Write My First Smut? Idk! Come Along And Find Out!, Genderfluid Sirius Black, Confused Af Remus Lupin, Family Issues, Yknow Cause Walburga Is A Bitch, And Uhh I Think Thats It Ill Be Updating This As I Go Ig?, This is NOT a muggle AU, They Are Still Wizards And Thats Part Of The Fun Summary:

It's 2002, and someone going by "SuperNovaMurmur" controls Remus Lupin's favourite review blog.

It's 2002, and "moonwaltzingalien" has commented on Sirius Black's secret muggle blog to correct his literary analysis.

Or:

2000s AU, online meet, wolfstar slowburn, comedy.

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chapter 10 of ataw is out my babes (two updates in two days?? whattttt????)

so uhhh yeah pls go read my gay shit ily <3

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chapter 9 out now btw :3 here's some higlights

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SOMEONE TEACH THESE GAYS HOW TO FLIRT LIKE NORMAL PPL PLEASE OMFG

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(hey! i wrote a short something!!! not strictly marauders, but you can get the wolfstar hints if you squint really hard sooo...)

New note

12 July 19:48 l 2025 characters

—

So, I’m here. At the station. Waiting.

For you.

I know I shouldn’t have come, and you’ll never show up—not for me, at least—but I think I needed to to come.

For me.

We did agree on this date, after all.

Fyi, I am also typing this into my notes app like a teenage drama queen, which is, to say something, pathetic. And, you know what? It feels alright. It feels great, man.

You never liked my drama, I know.

Did you ever even like me? I often wonder.

Pretty unfair. I know you did. You loved me and all. I guess I just sort of need to villanise you sometimes, to make myself feel better. To make it make sense, if that—well, if that makes sense.

Radiohead would fit this vibe, what I’m feeling now. That strange mess for a brain, like the feeling I used to get in my skin right where your hands had touched it. Like something’s missing, and you know exactly what—you can even name it, for fuck’s sake—but knowing, being aware will never be enough to change the fact that it’s gone for good. It won’t bring it back.

Radiohead would've been a nice pick. But your playlist's feeling like The Cure right now, and I feel like crying. Being sad to a happy beat is somehow even worse than crying to a tragedy. Makes you feel like you don’t deserve to be there. To breathe and take up space, oxygen.

There’s so many strangers here now, and yet I am convinced none of them is you. Zero chance. Your brown eyes are everywhere, and you will still never turn around when I yell your name.

A girl asked if I was okay just now. Didn’t do anything—I didn’t cry or kick a bin or anything—I was just standing here, writing to you. I remember this used to happen when we were together as well. I’d be texting you and getting looks of pity on the street. As if they could see it all in just one look.

I think I’ve already told you this before, but I tend to think everyone can read my mind. Wouldn’t that be terrifying? Everyone knows how I feel, what I aim to tell them but don’t have the balls to. What you deserved to hear.

I’m sorry, I really am. I try to tell myself I wouldn't have come here if I weren’t, but truth is I took the train cause I’m a selfish bitch. You know I am.

But I’m sorry. Even if I can’t prove it to you, at least not right now.

If you were here, I know I’d hold you in my arms and cry while I let you kiss me, kiss me everywhere you liked. I’d try to laugh the tears away and you'd try to breathe even as you ignored everything that’s wrong.

But you’d be holding the wrong in your arms, and that’s pretty difficult to ignore. I’m pretty difficult to ignore, aren’t I?

If it makes you feel better, you’re pretty hard to forget as well.

If you were here, we’d take a train together without checking the destination, get on, hold hands all the way there. You'd try to read and I’d try to sleep, and the love gesture would get in our way. But we’re stubborn, so we’d keep it.

And the ride would probably lead to my parent’s house, or your school, or the hospital. Things always lead to places we try to escape.

I think if I took a train myself, it’d lead me to you.

Gotta leave now. I don’t really have anything to do. But this place is making me sick.

Hope things are good. Hope you find someone else whose train rides take you towards your future, not the past.

Jsbfkdjfke what am I even writing anymore

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"you're not tough, remus. you're strong, really fucking strong, but not tough. you're soft." GOOD NOW KISS

(from my band au yadda yadda yadda self promo etc)

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oh shoot okay forgot to post earlier but new chapter is out and i have three tough exams tomorrow so im gonna go have some rest and uhhh yeah!!!

okay link to the fic here! it's a band au btw :)

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no energy to draw or write anything rn but picture a group of four people laughing having the time of their life just a big blob of silliness and jokes, and then you look down and... only one of them has a shadow. and that dude is remus. and everything is actually just a memory, because not only is everyone he loves dead, but he is too, and he is just trying to hold on to those details when in reality... well, none of them were real, were they? none of them had a shadow.

right so that's the vibe of my fic go check it out this is a threat

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more things

just posted another chapter of my band au (that's where these are from) so ummm yeah you can go check it out if you wanna :)

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one of my most normal screenshots mhm mhm

there is so much future symbolism in this omg omg omg i dont wanna spoil anything but like if i could post a voice note of me explaining all the little metaphors yall would probably cry kdbfksjf