sometimes
Sometimes we ignore all the signs. We ignore the warnings the red flags the actions that most sane people would look at and run away. This is my flaw. My flaw of wanting to be happy so bad that I ignore the real life issues that surround my made up fantasy. The fantasy that even after all these years of falling back into the same heartbreak I still seem to be attracted to.
"I won't hurt you, I'm not like the others" an all to relevant phrase that always results in the same sadness. How many times can one person hear the same lines and believe it's true? Well I seem to hit a reset button after each disappointment. Go through the motions of heartbreak and anger then like the lonely sad little girl that lives deep down inside me I begin to trust again. Trust the words of someone that claims to want to love me. Something that I run for even though my exterior personality would beg to differ.
Lies. How many lies does it take to break someone. It just takes one. But how many lies until they leave. If you're like me, even though you parade around taking no shit from no one you become trapped once you are in "love." Lies, they pile up, making you feel crazy making you feel insane. But you don't leave, you never leave. Not until you are pushed away, until your insanity from their deceit makes you "the crazy one" , " the paranoid partner." Until you are the one left broken and defeated.
It's crazy how we justify someone for so long in our mind, we focus on the good. We try to ignore the bad. Even though we know there are so many more lies then the ones we catch. We don't want to admit to ourselves that once again we were wrong. We were too trusting, we were too naive. Even after all the life lessons we have been taught, after all the bad relationships we have escaped.
We do it over and over. Not because we are stupid or crazy, but because all we really want is to be loved like we love. Which is the loneliest realization in the world.