I feel like the act of forgiving someone is one-time and permanent. It goes hand in hand with apologizing.
🌺 Let’s say “Jeff” harms “Janie”. Jeff realizes he did wrong and is dismayed that he could have harmed anyone in this fashion. Jeff accepted the repercussions of harming Janie, then takes a chance in offering an apology to her.
Janie is in no way required to accept this apology. In fact, she doesn’t have to accept or forgive Jeff ever. Forgiving or not forgiving Jeff doesn’t make her a better or worse person. This is her choice and isn’t anyone else’s business.
For the sake of the story, let’s say that Janie accepts Jeff’s apology and essentially has forgiven him of the harm he’s caused. Maybe they are married and he was physically abusive to her, but perhaps the abuse was due to sudden work stress that has been weighing heavily on him. He agreed to start therapy.
This story could go in a few different directions from here, but let’s keep it simple.
Jeff and Janie continue onward with their lives and Jeff never again raised a hand to his wife. His apology was genuine, they worked through it, and life went on. Her forgiving him was justified.
Or Jeff continues to physically abuse Janie, the abuse only grows worse as time passes. Since it worked before, Jeff apologizes again. There was a period of no abuse after the last apology, so Janie accepts it and forgives him. This pattern continues over and over until it’s become a horrible cycle. Each time Janie accepts his apology and says she forgives him, more strength behind this forgiveness is lost. Until it no longer means anything.
🌺 I personally feel like the words “I’m sorry” are very powerful.
That tiny phrase contains a message. “I hurt you. I was wrong. I accept responsibility. Can you ever trust me to never do this again?”
Accepting this apology and forgiving this person is even more powerful. “You did hurt me. You were wrong. I see that you are working toward repairing the damage you caused. I am willing to become vulnerable with the hope that you will not hurt me like this again.”
It’s like signing a contract. And if this contract is broken, how can that person ever be trusted again?
🌺 This is how I see the entire situation regarding apology and forgiveness.
It isn’t something that is casually handed out like sugar packets. It involves trust, change, responsibility, vulnerability, and making amends.
As an INFP, if someone I re-trusted and accepted back into my life broke that contract, they are permanently cut out of my life. 💗
Thanks for the question. 😌
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